want_so_bad

so i had my fill the 27 (the second one). and everything was fine. i was just being a paranoid nut job there for awhile . i had lost since my first fill and the doc said things looked good. i hated to admit to him i felt like such a failure and why. he was great. he reassured me that this was prolly one of the hardest things ever to do (i SO agree) and that it was only natural to have slip ups. the more important thing was how i recovered from them. he made me feel so much better! since then i have MAJOR restriction. its interesting. one day i will be fine, have good restriction but can eat. then the next day i cant eat a thing and can barely get liquids down. but i am making healthier choices and feeling so much better now. i have decided that i wont wait so long to get a fill when i start to feeling like i need another one. dont want to go into panic mode again and question everything and myself so much. becky---i have noticed i am much colder all the time now. must be from the weight loss? i have been driving my hubby nuts, i am freezing and he is pouring sweat because i keep turning the heat up. hatmama---my surgery date was 10/4 too! as i understand it, its best to eat your Protein first to make sure you are getting enough in, plus it will help to keep you full longer. i am saving too, for a tummy tuck and new cute perky boobies! lol. i can not wait! but, all in good time. my plan is to get to goal and then maintain that weight for a year before any plastic surgery. and thank so everyone. it really helps to hear that i am not alone in my struggles and such. although, i must say, i wish none of us were! but that will come with experience and each passing day i think. i hope things are looking up for everyone else as well.

i have so majorly screwed up! i dont know if my ability to eat more comes from needing another fill or if i have stretched my pouch or what! i have eaten horribly the last couple weeks, each day getting worse i swear! what the hell is wrong with me? i had a hard time before, but thought i had gotten my mind wrapped around what i needed to be doing and then it is like i walked into a brick wall, BAM! i really hope that i pull myself together before i really hurt myself! i have my second fill scheduled for the 27 w/ a fluoro and i am so scared that i have stretched my pouch. i tell myself, maybe its just because you have lost enough and need that additional fill..that is why you can eat more now. my mom says i am not eating as much as i think i am, but i just feel bad, ya know? damn these holidays! i will be happy when they are over and life gets back to "normal". thanks for letting me vent.

i have lost an average 2 year old..... or i have lost my 10 mth old who weighs that much! holy cow! thinkin of it like that, thinkin that not long ago i was luggin her around on me, thats crazy!

I call BULLSHIT! Wyoming is a great place to live! :rose: and there are some thing things I dont understand, perhaps someone can help me to...and i acknowlege my incredible lack of any serious knowledge on this subject, so go easy on me....why is it our (collectively) fault that some of these people make choices in their lives that lead them down their shitty roads to their shitty lives? yeah, i opened and gave you that beer! i made you have that gambling problem. like i encourage you to not make something of yourself. what happened to your people was not right and it was horrible, but that was a long time ago. stop the self pity and make something of yourselves. make those ancestors you so readily spout off about proud! i just dont understand why or how dwelling on the injustices of years past are helping your people to become better NOW!?

i was banded on 10/4. last night i started noticing some soreness in my left side where the port is. if i turned or twisted it was kind of like a dull burning pain (does that make sense?) it also felt like that if i pushed on the area. i woke up and nothing. now this afternoon i am noticing the soreness returning. i also have a cold and have been coughin like crazy. maybe i just pulled somthing? i dont know. i am freakin out that maybe i did some damage or slipped. what does a slip feel like? horrid unbearable pain? i dont know! please help! i feel myself on the verge of a panic and that is just not like me!

i like to mix 1/2 lemonade and 1/2 a reg ice tea. tastes pretty good. i found this at the grocery store as a reg calorie product and got hooked, but dont wan those empty calories. the crystal light version is pretty good. i did not like the white tea crystal lights. yuck.

i am now 2 months, 2 weeks out and i still have hard times. especially with the holidays and all the treats around. i think it is normal. we have experienced major life changes. keep you head up!

i have questions relating to the amount of food one should eat per meal. i have read and reread everything from my surgery doctor (in mexico) and i cant find a place where there was a specified amount i should eat. it says the "typical" eat Protein first, avoid empty carbs, etc etc.... fast forward to my fill doctor who tells me that i should have no more then 1/2 cup per meal. 1/2 cup 4 times a day actually. then i was reading through posts here and it seems that everyone's amounts vary. which i know is normal. i am not really even sure what my question is, or better how to phrase it. if i eat until i am satisified and that amount is more then 1/2 a cup and yet i am losing weight, is this "bad"? is the 1/2 cup "rule" to keep from stretching the pouch? how likely is it to stretch the pouch? i mean, i know that by constantly overeating and stuffing the pouch, it is going to stretch, but how likely is that? does that take weeks? months? days? how hard is it to shrink the pouch after you have stretched it? my fill doctor said that you can shrink it after stretching it, i was just wondering a general how long that takes? good thing i have a fill on the 27. seems like i have a bunch of new questions for the doc. i just wanted to get input from fellow bansters. thanks!

ok, so this post is basically just a place for me to write down what i need to do (get back to doing). i welcome and hope for advice and words of encouragement. i know i have not been eating like i am supposed to. i take full responsibility for my stupidity and lack of, lack of, well...hell, a lack of i dont know exactly what, but a lack of it for sure! maybe just a lack of caring lately? something anyways. i have made poor eating choices. not really poor food choices, just poor choices in the amounts of food i have been eating. ok, and since i am just putting this out there to try and help myself, i have made poor food choices too. pretty much every night for a week. i have been accepting of these choices because i have not gained back any weight, and have in fact lost another pound. that is what makes this so hard for me. that said, i know i have to change the choices i have been making. this is my TO DO/NOT TO DO list: 1) i will eat my Protein first, followed by veggies/fruit 2) i will NOT drink until a 1/2 hour has passed from eating 3) i will NOT eat empty carbs 4) i will NOT eat more then 1/2 cup at a time ( i have some questions about this, but am going to post those in the general forum or the support one) 5) i will excercise 3 times a week (this is my restart goal, which i hope to up after i get back into the swing of things!), both cardio and toning/weights 6) i will come here for support when i am feeling the urge to snack/eat when i am not really hungry. even if its just to post to post to keep my fingers busy and away from food. (i apologize ahead of time for this!) ok, so that is about all i have for now. this all came about after i ate lunch today. it kinda just hit me, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??? how stupid i am being! i didnt have this surgery and get this wonderful tool to just be stupid and not work it! i am gonna work it! i am gonna do this and start back to losing at a more consistant rate. i think if i stick to these things i will be successful. that, and i get a fill on the 27!

AMEN! and Merry Christmas!

so today started as a really good day. i was so excited and happy about my progress as this morning i hit the 180's! yes, only 189, but still, yippee for me! then this afternoon i printed the pictures of our company christmas party from this past weekend. now i feel like crap again! omg, i look so huge. my face is all really fat and my eyes are all squinty. i thought i would be lookin better in photos, but NO!, i dont! urg, how something so simple can just totally ruin my mood and outlook. it just sucks! sorry, i just had to vent.

name...............start#............current#.........goal#........to go want_so_bad.....193.5............191............ .180.............11

i have used the imitrex nasal spray. it worked pretty good. didnt taste very good as it drained, but seemed to work pretty quickly. i also use the imitrex injector pen. they work quickly too.

for the first time since my surgery someone other then my mom and sisters noticed my loss! it feels great. how funny it is that one little comment can completely make your day! it makes me even more motivated!

i lied. over the past couple years i have had several problems in the "female" department. so i just told my boss i had to have something of that nature taken care of again. he asked no more questions! i missed thursday and friday and was back to work monday. i did miss tuesday, due to overdoing things monday, but then i was back. i took it easy and noone questioned me. that is the same thing that i told family. the few times people said anything about what i was eating, or more so, lack of eating, i just said i was on yet ANOTHER diet. i have tried so many so often, everyone just kinda rolled their eyes and went with it. no more questions. over thanksgiving a cousin i hadnt seen in a long time mentioned that i looked good and what was i doing. i told her i was really watching what i ate. and i am, so i didnt lie. people are so judgemental. why add that stressor to my already stressed out life? NO THANKS! but i think its great when people can share and get support. i think everyone is just different and there is no right or wrong.

my husband, my mom, dad, sisters, and brother, 2 online friends (each has had wls, one has the band and one had bypass), and one old friend. and i wish i hadnt told her. she was just shocked that i would go to Mexico to do it. "havent i seen those dateline shows about mexican doctors?" shock and gasp. yep, and i have seen those shows about american doctors as well! i havent told any other family for fear their responses will be like hers. or even more negative, or "why? just be happy how you are" yes, well, i am not, so i am doing something to change it. i think just be comfortable with who you tell. if you have any reservations about telling someone, wait. i sure wish i would have! but oh well, life goes on.

ugh, this is horrible. better be cuz of that time of the month! Name......Chall. Start Wt.....Current......Chall.Goal......To Go want_so_bad.....193.5............195............ .180.............15 i so did not want to post this, but i have to stay accountable!

i just wanted to tell everyone thank you for your kind responses. i am surprised at how up and down i have been, even over the weekend. i am trying to get into a better mindset to start this week fresh today! i am still amazed at how much of a head game this all has been. i thought i was prepared and ready for such a huge life change. i mean, i am ready/was ready, and am so incredibly glad i had this done. there are definately things that are much harder then i thought they would be. but i am just gonna take each day and it will get better! thanks again!

so thanksgiving went great. i stuck to my plan, didnt overeat, noone seemed to notice that i wasnt eating (noone knows i had this). at times i had to walk away/out of kitchen/dining area because it was hard. i am proud of myself. so then why do i feel so crappy and blue today? today all i seem to be thinkin about was this or that food that i didnt eat yesterday. today i feel huge and fat and bloaty and just want to cry. i should be rejoicing that i made it through my first holiday meal(s) and did great. its all i can do to not bawl my eyes out typing this! i dont even know what i am looking for in coming here. maybe i just need to vent? but i want feedback??? sorry to just ramble on like this. lets hope tomorrow is a better day. :faint:

Name......Chall. Start Wt.....Current......Chall.Goal......To Go want_so_bad.....193.5............193.5.............180.............13.5 so how does this thing work? we check in each week and post our new weight right? good luck everybody!

i go for my first fill tomorrow and am scared to death! dont know why either! usually i have no problems w/ medical stuff or needles. and i am sick to my stomach just thinking about it! i wonder where this is coming from? i am excited too, i started to gain back some of what i have lost and its really buggin me. thanks, i just needed to share.

i am assuming that it would take overeating on a regular basis to stretch the pouch..is that right? a little background... i am 1 month 1 week out from surgery. we are currently in the process of selling our house and buying another. i am a comfort eater. so i have been incredibly stressed and recognized last night i was eating more then i should. i think i probably have been a few other times. now i am freakin out that i may have stretched my pouch or ruined something. please help! suggestions? advice? oh, i have in this bad time also taken a few sips of something while eating. i know, i know, i know.... and one more thing...i find myself drinkin more then just sips. i will drink several swallows at once. i try not to, but sometimes i just dont think about it until i am done and then its "oh crap". it never hurts or anything, so i am tellin myself i am ok. yes??? no???? thanks everyone!

sorry to hear you are going through such difficult times. i hope your son continues to do well. take care of him and yourself and when the time is right you will get this. best of luck!

i read an article about these people. hats off to them for standing up and doing something good and decent! after reading the article i wished i lived somewhere i could join them. i would stand up in a hearbeat to protect the families!

oh yeah, my ticker is set for goal of 150. but anywhere between that and 155 will make me an incredibly happy lady.