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AvaFern

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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  1. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from beingdina in 10 days out... Please help me!   
    You're fine. It sounds likely that the drug helped relax you and you temporarily forgot that you were supposed to be stressed out about the sleeve. I felt tight the first few weeks and Water felt like swallowing bricks. The first time I actually drank an entire cup of juice it was because I had forgotten to remove the straw, which really helped my Fluid intake, and because I was preoccupied with something else at the time. I forgot that I was supposed to be feeling restriction and suddenly I felt way better.
    The drug goes into your lungs and then into your blood stream, which bypasses your stomach. You'd have to use a much stronger drug with a different absorption route to really cause any damage and that would take a lot of effort in itself.
  2. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Michelleintheoc1 in Help needed please, and prayers   
    Have you tried using a straw and drinking something you actually like? Surgeons tell you not to use a straw because it can cause gas, but if you don't find that it gives you a stomach ache, it's fine. I hated Water...I couldn't drink even close to what I was supposed to be getting. I tried flavored water and gatorage and without a straw it felt like I was swallowing rocks. About two weeks after surgery I got a pressed juice from Whole Foods, which comes with a straw and I totally forgot the no straw rule and had drank the entire thing, issue free, in about a half hour. From that point on I used straws to drink things I actually like to drink such as tea, gatorade, Water with lemon, and now that I'm further out diet sodas. When you're as bad off a you sound, liquid is liquid....forget the water, drink something you actually like, and try using a straw. I am 15 months out and I still can't drink without a straw because it still feels like the Fluid is a swallow of rocks going down my throat.
  3. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from cbf in Thigh Lift - What Kind?   
    I had the groin incision lift and I honestly don't know if I made the right choice or not and it's been almost a year and a half. I did not want the scar to my knee, and I know that for whatever reason that incision often has issues with healing. I had a whopping infection in the posterior body lift incision and while the scar is on my butt, so I don't care, if I had that kind of scar on my leg, I would be upset. I actually had the thigh lift done twice, because I didn't like the results of the first version. My doctor is awesome, so he did a second thigh lift at the time we did the posterior body lift. I still hate my legs.
    If you look at me in a bathing suit, the top half of my is fabulous. I had a brachioplasty, breast lift and augment, Tummy Tuck, and posterior body lift. There is not a piece of loose skin anywhere- I am tight and I love it. Then though we look at the bottom of me. In clothing I look fine, but without clothing my butt and thighs are covered in cellulite and not attractive. To be fair, I look like a fairly average, out of shape person, however I think if I had the full thigh lift, my thighs would be far tighter and better looking. That being said though, if I'm going to wear a shorter skirt, I wear tights or stockings and my legs look great, which also, had I had the full incision, the same would be true since no one could see the scar anyway.
    With the benefit of hindsight, I probably would have gotten the full to the knee version, if purely because I can't wear anything now that I wouldn't be able to wear if I had the extra scars. My other scars heeled very well, so in a few years they would be close to invisible, and until then I would not have fat legs in all of the pants and longer dresses I wear.
    In the end, it's up to your preferences. A groin incision lift fixes the major problems, but it is not going to give you the tight, thighs that you would get with the other version.
  4. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from wjgo in OK... so be honest with me...   
    @@BSanchez2016
    Dude, you need to chill. I don't know who the woman is who initially replied to you, however even though you are posted in a male room, your post still appears on the side thread and in some browsers the person can't actually see that this is a male only post. I read her reply and it was totally not intended to be taken as being offensive and you flipped out, because apparently and understandably this is a sensitive issue for you. As you can see there are other women who also posted, not because we want to give you advice on your male-anatomy, but because this isn't a forum that is blocked from women and the only reason half the time we see it as being "male only" is because we're using a particular browser that has "male only" indicator on the tab or we see the content of your post and think, oh whoops, not for me.
    You currently have 4 posts on this site, 2 of which were just unacceptably a**h*le responses to someone who was not intending to upset you and likely did not intentionally post in the wrong forum. If your real life personality is at all comparable to the online personality you have demonstrated, your penis size is something that only you will ever have to be concerned about. If you are just starting out this site is hugely helpful and you can find a lot of support here, however the people who provide the most support have little tolerance for drama queens who slew insults at others for posting innocuous well-meaning comments in a forum they may not have realized was only for men, and which there was never any intention to send you so completely flying through the ceiling. No one here is intentionally mean, so get over yourself and try a more appropriate approach if you would like to continue to be considered relevant on this site.
  5. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from logicwand in Surgery Monday. I'm about to back out!   
    I couldn't sleep at all the night before surgery and I was super nervous. I had never had surgery at all and the idea that I was paying someone to cut out 80% of my stomach forever was terrifying. In the end it's a little like going off the high dive...you just have to keep walking and jump.
    I spent the first 1-2 weeks convinced I had ruined my life and feeling miserable. I spent the next 2 months reasonably sure it might be working. It took me 18 months to hit goal and I have been at goal now for 9 months. I love my 20% of a stomach and having the surgery was something that I am very glad I did.
    Good luck to you...just jump, it will be worth it in the end.
  6. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from shay_148 in Dating   
    I don't drink on dates, largely because I like to make sure I actually like someone and booze tends to cloud the judgement. I also really don't like drinking that much AND I am super careful about not drinking and driving. There have been times where I have ordered a drink, taken a few sips every once in a while, and that was it, however now, I just order a diet coke and an appetizer that I don't eat (if you're only doing drinks and not dinner) and if he doesn't like it, too damn bad. If someone doesn't like that I don't drink, it never would have worked anyway. Also, it has nothing to do with my stomach, so that is something I would never even consider bringing up.
    As a note, I was on the opposite side of this once. Way back when I was like 22-ish there was a hot guy in my class and I said, hey you want to grab a drink after class? His response..."I don't drink." My response...um ok. Lol, we actually ended up dating, but asking someone out for a drink is just a casual way of asking them to do something and them not actually wanting to drink anything alcoholic doesn't matter much. I would have been fine getting coffee, I just figured I had a hard enough time asking him to go out...want to grab a drink was fewer words than want to get some coffee, lol.
  7. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from fly-high in Calling All Year 3+ Veterans -- What Happens Next?   
    I will be three years post-op in September. Fortunately for me, I have maintained without a ton of effort in year three. I fluctuate within 3 pounds of my goal weight. My scale ritual every morning is what keeps me at that weight. I am accountable every single day, and the few times I have seen my weight start to creep up, I make an immediate change, that day, and within a few days I'm right back down to where I was. I would say the scale is pretty much my only real reason for success, lol. I would also give some credit to my b*tchy little sleeve that made me puke everything for most of year 2, so now I have very little desire to eat anything bad for me because while it doesn't make it as sick as it used to make me, I am SO sick of barfing that I'm just not interested in junk food.
    I don't feel like I had any major changes in year three other than that I got some real ambition back in life. To be fair, I own several businesses and I am ambitious I suppose, but I started working on long term educational goals again, which I hadn't really thought much about. I don't feel like my life is on hold until I lose weight anymore, so all of the time I save coming up with new diets and excessively exercising I now spend on finding new ways to make myself better.
    I don't really have anything I'd do differently in year three. This was a pretty good year. It's the first year I've maintained at this low of weight in my entire life without feeling like I was miserable and starving and I've finally really started to feel like a legitimately normal person. I think part of this was being done with plastics. I still tend to buy too much clothing because I am elated it all fits me, but eh, there are worse problems to have, lol.
    Oops, I just read your last question...wait, are we supposed to start gaining after year three or during year three? I was all excited that I hadn't gained weight, but I'm going to be bummed if the upcoming year is the one to worry about! My advice though would be to weigh yourself everyday. As soon as you slack off, get complacent and start having too much fun with booze and pizza, you gain weight. Every single day I remember that I can be fat again with very little effort, and I think about that when making decisions. To be fair though, I'm largely not interested in food so that makes it easier, lol.
  8. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Hoping052017 in Dating And The Perfect Body   
    A relationship that lasts is not one that cares about having a partner with a perfect body. I would argue that it is one that requires a mutual level of attraction, however if someone is willing to get to know you as a person before they "know" you in a biblical sense, they don't tend to care as much about a few stretch marks because most women have them and their value is in WHO they are, not in what their butt looks like.
    My last relationship was with someone I had talked to for six months before we really started dating and almost 8 months before I had to explain why I have plastic surgery scars. At the time I had a giant hole in my back that had to be covered by a huge bandage because my last surgery had an infection. Never once did he seem to care, and now a year and a half later, while we didn't work out as a couple. we're still friends, neither of us has dated anyone else, and I don't have any belief that if I had a perfect body he would have liked me better. As a note, he's 28, rich, and is super hot, so if he isn't shallow enough to care that my thighs are kinda flabby and my butt is not super hot, then I can believe that there are plenty of men in the world that are like him.
    So, yes, some men are exactly that shallow, but so too are women- the trick is finding someone that is just as shallow as you are- no more, no less, and then you can worry about the things in a relationship that matter.
  9. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Hoping052017 in Dating And The Perfect Body   
    A relationship that lasts is not one that cares about having a partner with a perfect body. I would argue that it is one that requires a mutual level of attraction, however if someone is willing to get to know you as a person before they "know" you in a biblical sense, they don't tend to care as much about a few stretch marks because most women have them and their value is in WHO they are, not in what their butt looks like.
    My last relationship was with someone I had talked to for six months before we really started dating and almost 8 months before I had to explain why I have plastic surgery scars. At the time I had a giant hole in my back that had to be covered by a huge bandage because my last surgery had an infection. Never once did he seem to care, and now a year and a half later, while we didn't work out as a couple. we're still friends, neither of us has dated anyone else, and I don't have any belief that if I had a perfect body he would have liked me better. As a note, he's 28, rich, and is super hot, so if he isn't shallow enough to care that my thighs are kinda flabby and my butt is not super hot, then I can believe that there are plenty of men in the world that are like him.
    So, yes, some men are exactly that shallow, but so too are women- the trick is finding someone that is just as shallow as you are- no more, no less, and then you can worry about the things in a relationship that matter.
  10. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from GBLady41 in How to forgive someone?   
    I don't forgive or forget, lol. I am tolerant of those who happen to still be around and who have wronged me, but for the most part I eliminate them from my life. The only person I am worried about forgiving is myself and frankly, to hell with anyone else.
  11. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from GBLady41 in How to forgive someone?   
    I don't forgive or forget, lol. I am tolerant of those who happen to still be around and who have wronged me, but for the most part I eliminate them from my life. The only person I am worried about forgiving is myself and frankly, to hell with anyone else.
  12. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from GBLady41 in How to forgive someone?   
    I don't forgive or forget, lol. I am tolerant of those who happen to still be around and who have wronged me, but for the most part I eliminate them from my life. The only person I am worried about forgiving is myself and frankly, to hell with anyone else.
  13. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Lin Smallwood in Pregnant-does OB have to know about WLS?   
    If your insurance paid for your surgery, then there's no reason not to tell your OB. She (or he) is bound by HIPAA, so anything you tell your OB must stay with her. She cannot even mention it in front of your husband, boyfriend, or whoever happens to be having the baby with you. If she's a good doctor she will notice the scars on your stomach and want to know what you had done anyway. Best to be upfront about it and protect yourself and your baby.
    I paid for my own surgery, so when I do tell doctors I make sure they know that it can't go into my chart. I don't feel like my insurance company finding out I had major surgery- they never even knew I was fat, lol. I think with the new law they can't raise my rates, but in the past they could not only increase the price of my coverage but they could have completely dropped me. On the chance that any part of Obamacare is repealed, I don't want to be in a position where I'm fighting to have insurance coverage. That is my rationale for only telling doctors who really need to know and I would consider the OB in that category.
  14. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from ma08 in Is Your Love Life on Hold While You Lose Weight?   
    My surgery was 28 months ago and I did not date until I had both reached goal and completed all three of my plastics procedures. My logic is that if you put your house on the market, you make sure your kitchen looks nice and your floors are clean so you attract the best buyer possible. The same is true for weight loss. If you want to have the most amount of options, be at your best when you start to date. Also, I viewed dating as a distraction. I used the time I had to workout and eat well, and I find that when I am dating someone there is way too much emphasis on being happy and comfortable which then derails weight loss. You have a limited amount of time while you are in the honeymoon phase after surgery. Use that time to your best advantage by focusing on yourself. You can date later, but if you lose the year after surgery messing around with dating when you should be focused on weight loss you are going to have a much harder time hitting goal.
    At over two years out I can eat way more than I should and there is no way I could lose weight now. I can however maintain fairly easily, so I'm glad I took the first year and a half to get to goal, because that is the time where you are most restricted and you can lose the most weight the fastest. Use that time for yourself and be selfish with that small amount of time where you can make the most of a very expensive, lifelong procedure. Men will come and go, but once the first year or two after surgery is gone, you lost the one time you have to really get to goal and if you spent that time with some dude who probably won't be around in a year anyway, you will likely regret it.
    Good luck with your process!
  15. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from care bear in Question for the 100+lb losers   
    I lost 100+ pounds, and I fluctuate within 3 pounds of my goal weight. Much as I thought I would say that I still workout and eat like I used to, oh no, I am lazy. Most of my adult life I have worked out, usually running, 4-5 days a week, even when I was overweight. When I was losing weight after the sleeve, most days I went for a run and did 2-4 hours at a boxing gym, 4-5 times a week. Once I hit goal, I had 3 plastics procedures, which hugely limited how much I could work out. I was so hyper terrified of gaining weight because I couldn't exercise, that I ended up doing a lot of walking during that time and just being more aware of my diet. It's been almost 2 years now since my last procedure and I am such a bum. Much as I like exercise, I'm so busy that I tend to de-perioritize exercise. Consequently, while I am still at my goal weight, I am very careful with my calories. I weigh myself everyday and while there are plenty of days I eat junk, as soon as I get to the top of my fluctuation range, I go right back to being strict for a few days and I drop back down to goal.
    I think we should work out regularly, I like working out, but I have found that I can maintain my loss without exercise if I am very careful with how I eat and I am consistently vigilant with the scale. I wouldn't advocate for being the lazy bum that I am, but you aren't locked into a life of daily gym visits once you hit goal as long as you are able to be very cognizant of the scale. Over Christmas I made more junk than usual and it is taking FOREVER to drop back down those few pounds I gained, so if I didn't weigh myself every morning I could have easily gained 10 pounds. Thankfully, I now only have 2 to lose to get back to where I need to be, but regaining is easy and relosing is a total beast compared to when I was newly sleeved. Therefore, you can eat and workout as it works for you, but for me the only way I stay thin is to weigh myself everyday and to make immediate changes if I see my weight moving upward.
  16. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Midnight_Train_To_Onederland in I don't get it.   
    I'm not offended by your post- you certainly have a right to your frustration. As a heads-up though, I am one of those people that didn't follow all of the rules post-op (after the 6-week point- during the first 6 weeks I was an angel), because I have a medical background and I am fully aware of what will hurt me as opposed to what will just make it hard to lose weight. Every surgeon has different guidelines, so there is nothing wrong with getting opinion from others when there is a documented difference in what surgeon's suggest. Some surgeons still tell you not to use a straw, and yet my surgeon took the time to explain to me why (because some people end up with gas that makes them uncomfortable) and knowing this, using a straw was the only way I got in enough fluids the first few weeks. Many surgeons, in fact almost all, still say you can't drink with your meals. This is not a medically required rule, but rather a guideline that was set because they don't want you to wash the food out of your stomach faster, feel full for a shorter amount of time, and then eat more. A lot of surgeons say no carbonation ever, and yet the origin of this rule is because after the first few weeks (before that the carbonation can irritate your stomach), if people had been weaned off of carbonation, there was a good chance they had eliminated empty calories from non-diet soda. Carbonation won't hurt you after you're healed, but it certainly won't help your diet and teaching it as a "rule" is designed for the benefit of weight loss, not actual immediate health effects (yes it's bad for you, but no it won't kill you right this minute).
    Despite their belief to the contrary, surgeons are not actually God, and not all of their directions should be taken as the bible- many yes, but certainly not all. When you are being reasonable in your question (it's 2 months out, can I have a few bites of a burger?- YES, you can), that's sort of the point that forums exist. The idea is to be supportive, not to be holier than thou because you were perfect on the diet and someone else wasn't. I have been within 3 pounds of my goal weight for two years, and at or below goal for about 20 months, and guess what...sometimes I eat crap and I have done so the entire time I have been sleeved. Some people do well with strict rules, and others do not, but when your stomach has healed, you are not physically hurting it by eating crap, you're just hurting your chance of ever being healthy.
    I had a granola bar for Breakfast today, goldfish for lunch, and 1/4 of a lean cuisine for dinner. I also had 4 SF Red Bulls, and about 6 cans of diet pepsi. Yesterday I hadn't slept for 40 hours and I had a cookie for dinner. It was good. I did not die or wake up fat, although I am 100% sure my surgeon would not be remotely pleased.
    Life is for the living and for the imperfect, and online forums can be a place to knock others down or pick them back up. Every time you make a post you get to decide what kind of person you want to be, to a type of person who may be just like you...scared, alone, sad, and very much in need of a bit of grace. I read plenty of posts where I role my eyes and think the person is an idiot...I then hit the little "x" and move on.
    I think it is awesome that you have been so successful and I completely appreciate your right to your frustration, but ultimately, it's not your problem that other people break the rules, so why waste your energy caring? Either click the little "x", grumble about how stupid people are, and move on, or take a little bit of time to provide constructive (key word there) guidance in a way that will not further the hurt and isolation that they already feel. One day you won't be perfect and someone will be kind to you... and it will make all the difference.
  17. Like
    AvaFern reacted to ShelterDog64 in BariatricPal Policy Reminders – Everyone Please Read!   
    Thanks for helping me to 'think about things logically', Alex. Honestly, is that helpful? I've not talked down to you at all. I will give you a chuckle for the shipping thing...I was trying to be funny and probably haven't paid a dime for shipping
    I'm truly thrilled that this is a success for you. Ever since I signed on to BP, I've admired you for 2 things...one is that you're a band patient and a successful one. I don't know, IRL, a single person who was banded who has had any lasting success, let alone maintained as long as you have. And two, that you took your life experience and turned it into a successful business. It's one of my great regrets in life that I've never realized my desire to be an entrepreneur, and you've clearly done it quite well.
    That said, I wonder if this event is in keeping with a desire to keep this a 'safe place' or if it was a knee-jerk reaction to fear that your reputation was being sullied. In my house, we talk about doing the 'hard, right thing' vs caving in to peer pressure and fear. And I also wonder WHO you're keeping this a 'safe place' for? A place where PMs are read by moderators, people are banned with no warning or the courtesy of an explanation, a place where the vast bulk of the participants are as clueless as I was when I arrived here 8-ish months ago? Who is that 'safe' for? That's a big old echo chamber, which isn't a great place for support or information. So, maybe I'm not all that logical, or all that smart, or even marginally valued here...but I'm not sure I'm 'safe', either.
    I expect I'll soon see some snarky blacked-out name replacing Shelterdog64 in my profile...good luck to you.
  18. Like
    AvaFern reacted to ShelterDog64 in BariatricPal Policy Reminders – Everyone Please Read!   
    From LipstickLady:
    **I am PISSED that he implied that I was part of any backyard bullying club. Not only would I **never** do that, but I've known for a good year that he was reading PMs so if I was going to do that, it certainly wouldn't be there. I would be THRILLED if one of you posted THIS EXACT MESSAGE in that thread and say that it was from me.**
    Alex, wtf? How can anyone find this place to be a 'safe space' if we're subject to outright lies being told about us? I'm completely bewildered by your unprecedented breach of normal website behavior...since when do site owners a) read private messages and then comment on the content of said PMs publicly?

    I think you've painted yourself into a corner here. What I don't understand is WHY you've done it.

  19. Like
    AvaFern reacted to VSGAnn2014 in BariatricPal Policy Reminders – Everyone Please Read!   
    I haven't been on this site in about six months. But after this latest idiocy, I'm finally ready to delete my account.
    Yes, Alec, as the owner and operator of this message board you can do anything you want to do with this board.
    However, your posts in this thread mischaracterize the ways in which this board's culture and the value it offers WLS patients have declined for some time.
    But the blockbuster is your admission (long suspected by me) that you read BP members' private messages. IMO reading members' private messages is a significant ethical violation by any message board operator. Those who choose to remain here need to understand that clearly.
    These days there are so many other social media options for support of WLS patients. I urge those leaving BP to explore them all.
    I expect that my and some others' opinions will soon vanish when Alex heavily edits or deletes this thread, just as he has deleted other comments and BP threads where members have expressed their opinions about BP's culture and operational policies. But I've bothered to type them anyway.
    In closing, I would like to thank the many WLS patients here who contributed to my WLS success (I've lost 100 pounds and have maintained my weight loss for longer than a year). I also thank those who invited my input and who appreciated the help I offered. Help is a two-way street.
  20. Like
    AvaFern reacted to OKCPirate in BariatricPal Policy Reminders – Everyone Please Read!   
    Alex,
    I am a big believer in private property, and you invested time/money/talent creating a working site such as this, I do considerate "private property" not public domain. So, I do respect your right to make editorial decisions.
    That said phrases like "safe spaces" in the current political/cultural environment are now "trigger" words to me. (Ironic I'm using that verbiage). It does leave a very bad taste in my mouth.
    One of the most endearing parts of this online community was the frank adult discussion on a wide variety of topics. That's probably what has brought me back here more often than I really should. As a whole, I have found the conversations to be of higher than average quality. It is always interesting getting the perspective of people worldwide, as well as those from NYC and major metropolitan areas and the handful of us in flyover country.
    I have always had two reasons for actively taking part in this community...first was to try and give back and help others because I sure needed it early on. Second was the wealth of knowledge I would not have ever found on my own because I would not have known what to Google.
    I'll keep an eye open, to see if this place is still worth my time. Frankly, I have enjoyed the tough love comments and while I am not looking for drama, I've never seen anything excessive. There are plenty of other boards which I have been part of that have more than their share of trolls, but this one has not been one to my way of thinking.
    Since I am not privy to the PM's I have no idea of what is so bothersome, but I really have enjoyed the contributions of those who have been banned and that is why I am publically offering a sincere wish you would reconsider. But as I said this is your project and investment.
  21. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from goldenbarbie in PB&J   
    I'm glad you called and checked with your doctor- that is generally the best bet. Beyond that, as someone else suggested, maybe try PB2. One serving has 45 calories, but 5g of Protein. Regular Peanut Butter has too much sugar and even 40 months post-op it still makes me sick. I get hot, sweaty, and breathe fast, which was way worse right after surgery, so PB& J wasn't something I had near the start. I do sometimes have half of one now, or even a Smuckers Uncrustable, which is just enough to hit my sweet tooth, but not enough that it makes me feel sick or that it totally kills my day in calories. If you find that the regular Peanut Butter doesn't work for you, PB2 tastes really good, is not terrible for you, and it also goes really great in a Protein shake.
  22. Like
    AvaFern reacted to ShelterDog64 in How do you view overweight people now that your thin?   
    @@doxaholic Very interesting discussion so far, and I think it's a good one for us to have.
    I'm with @@AvaFern about having a 'type' that you're attracted to. I've always gone for slimmer, athletic guys. I used to be slim and athletic, I dated the same type and married that type as well. When I became fat, I still liked it and my guy is still slim and athletic. Friend-wise, I could not care less what their body type is, I make friends based on what's in a person's head and heart, not what the wrapper looks like.

    I do find myself post-op thinking that I can 'save' all the obese people I see, mostly because I know how shitty it felt to be obese and how much better life is at 180 lbs than it was at 260 lbs. Thankfully, I'm not stupid enough to think I SHOULD evangelize about my experiences, but that's my reaction now when I see random obese people as I'm out and about...nothing negative at all, and not pity either, just empathy and a little bit of sadness. And even the sadness is presumptuous, as I don't know if they're unhappy or in pain, I'm projecting my own feelings onto anonymous strangers.
    I have a dear friend who is about to undergo WLS and I had an amazing conversation with her a few weeks ago. It really opened my eyes and made me more cognizant of how I speak of my own weight loss. She apologized for always telling me that I look great and always wanting to talk about weight loss and surgery and so forth. She felt she was putting me down by commenting on the change, vs commenting on who I am in general. It doesn't bother me at all, the praise and 'good for you' comments, but I realized that I may be speaking of my own weight loss in terms that make her feel as though I don't value her as she is at present. That realization really made me think about being very careful when having conversations with ANYONE about my weight loss. I never want to come off as denigrating about the old, fat me...I was who I was, and I was truly doing the best I could with the circumstance I was in. I need to make sure I'm giving that same grace to others, as I don't truly know their situations and why they are the way they are.
  23. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from theantichick in How do you view overweight people now that your thin?   
    This is a good question. In the interest of answering honestly, be advised, I'm an a**hole, so don't be offended please.
    As a woman who has nearly killed myself (literally) to reach a point where I am now, I would not date a fat man. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about a guy who is thick, but someone who is actually obese. It has nothing to do with thinking they are not a good person and everything to do with the fact that I did what I needed to do to look the way I do and to be healthy. I work really hard to stay this size and if I am constantly around someone who eats like crap and doesn't have the same activities that I do, first I don't think it would work and second, I feel like I wouldn't be doing myself any favors. Also, here's where the jerk part comes in, frankly I'm not attracted to it. Again, nothing to do with what kind of person they are and everything to do with what interests me. I'm not attracted to really thin guys, super short guys, overly muscular guys (like body builders) and blonde guys (and come on there are some hot blonde guys). A certain body type within a certain range of features is what I am attracted to, and just like anyone else, if the personality that comes attached to that body type is crappy, well that kills it for me too. We can't control what attracts us to other people or what doesn't, and while some people have told me I'm shallow (which may very well be true), I'm honest enough with myself to know that certain things are never going to do it for me.
    Therefore, as it relates to dating, I'm just not into big dudes. As it relates to overweight people in general, I don't really have an opinion. My sister is very large and she is the kindest, most thoughtful, big hearted person I know, and God help anyone if they were mean to her because she is larger. I don't really notice fat and thin people in ordinary life- they're just people, living a life, just like me, and deserve exactly the same amount of kindness, respect, and when necessary, a solid smack down, as exactly everyone else of every size.
  24. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from sweesee in My horrible experience at a restaurant.   
    I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be.
    That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class.
    So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.
  25. Like
    AvaFern reacted to Dashofpixiedust8 in Body image and sex   
    @@larry971 Thank you, that is very sweet of you. I am also sorry you have had to go through so much, I hope things are getting better!
    @@FunkyMunkyBrat it's true, gaining self confidence is hard.
    @@AvaFern I really appreciate your input. I guess very few women (if any) are comfortable being naked in front of others. I have been overweight since I was 3 years old, I know my extra skin situation is just going to get worse. I guess it's just a battle I'm going to have with my self confidence. It's true that the more confidence you show, the less others will care about the "imperfections" you see in yourself.
    Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App
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