Lyra

I went to Curves about five years ago and, honestly, I prefer a standard gym. I enjoy spending as much time on a machine as I think I need, and to go to any machine without being on a specific circuit. Granted my experience was 5 years ago, but my current gym (YMCA) has way more machines than Curves did. Also, (and this has to do with the particular Curves I was at) the women were not particularily pleasant at the one I went to. I think some women like going to Curves because it's an all women gym, but working out around guys never bothered me.

I've told almost everyone I know. It's kinda funny, because the people who I thought might have problems with it were 100% behind me yet those who I thought would be fine were the ones with reservations. I told people one at a time and was very open about my reasons why. I've always been somewhat emotionally distant about how I really feel about things and have often used humor to deflect uncomfortable situations. It was exhausting to meet my friends/family without any jokes but in the end it has created a closer relationship. That being said, I have no problem telling people but I also haven't taken out a billboard ad. I figure people will draw their own conclusions when the weight starts to fall off.

Wow, that paragraph was like you were spying on my life! .....you're not, right? Just kidding! I hadn't thought about it that they might be scared for me and were needing reassurance. Apparently many of them hadn't realized how desperately unhappy I have been, and how whistfully I had sometimes sat out certain events even when I really, really wanted to do them. Ex: rock climbing, kyaking, etc. I'm not the person whose shoulder is good for crying on, but I've always been the one who makes sure that your fridge is stocked, your house cleaned and your dog taken care of when life hits the proverbial fan. I think people had gotten so used to me being the strong one that it freaked my best friends out when I got teary when explaining just why I was going to allow my stomach to be sliced and diced. They had gotten so used to me using humor and a quick smile to put off any of their concerns that they didn't really see what I really felt. I'm glad that I'm having this surgery and it has brought my friends and I closer together...even though sometimes I still want to plug my fingers in my ears and go "na na na naaa, I can't hear you!" *grin*

So this was a hard one for me, as I'm addicted to both my ipod AND my kindle fire. The ipod has all my music, but the kindle has books AND games. Then I realized I could put my music ON my kindle fire and have the best of both worlds! So my answer is I will definitely be bringing my kindle. What about ya'll? (as a side note, I also want to bring my fuzzy frog socks. They always make me laugh and feel better!)

Okay, venting shall now occur and I consider this fair warning! So I realize that I should be grateful that (for the most part) my friends, coworkers, and family are behind my 100% on this surgery. It definitely takes down the stress level and for those who look down on me for it I have no problem walking away. I've been going through the hoops and am almost done with all my classes/tests. In fact, all I have is the EKG (Monday!) and the support group meeting (3/8!) and I'm done pending final clearance by the insurance company. So why am I all "bitchy Lyra" right now? For the last few weeks all any of my friends want to talk about is the surgery. Again, I tell myself that I am happy that they're so curious and supportive...but it feels that anytime we get together somebody brings it up and they continually ask me if I'm scared/nervous/excited. They can't seem to believe me that no, I'm not scared. They ask me if I'm going to miss eating, etc. I dont really want to talk about how I'm worried that I might have emotional upheavel for awhile afterwards as I go from food being my emotional blankie to just something that I eat to survive. I feel so mean spirited and hypocritical, but I'm getting really frustrated with them. I am more than just a weight loss surgery. Talk to me about horrible monster/zombie movies, my art classes, work, my hobbies, my bucket list, my desire to play the violin...anything other than my surgery. I have this nagging fear that after it they're going to want daily updates on my weight loss. I know that it's up to me to have boundaries but this is just maddening. I love these people dearly and don't want to snap at them but I'm so irritated right now. Perhaps there is such a thing as being too supportive? God, what an oxymoron. Anybody else have this happen to them? Okay, rant over. On the flip side I had my chest xray done yesterday and had a funny conversation with the technician. Tech: So this is pre-op for gastric bypass? Me: No, it's for the vertical sleeve gastrectomy of the stomach. Tech: So its for the bypass. Me: No, there is no bypassing. It's a VSG. Tech: So its a lapband. Me: ....no. Personally I think it's more disturbing for them to totally bypass your stomach or to have a plastic thingy in your side where a surgeon can influence a choke-collar on your stomach. This woman was horrified at the idea of someone cutting part of your stomach out, which to me was the saner choice. Po-tay-toe, po-tah-to.

Welcome! I just started on this site in the beginning of January when I started my own journey. It's definitely a great resource and there is a lot of support here as well. It is hard for people who have never been overweight or have never gone through this surgery to really relate. When I told my friends/family there were deifnitely some who were not on the bandwagon, but over the last few weeks I've had some great conversations. Sometimes it just takes awhile for people to come around. Those whose opinions I really care about are the ones where I've been bluntly honest on what my life has/is like. After hearing the "good, bad, and ugly" I'm glad to say that they're supportive now. Basically, what I'm saying is that your family may yet come around. Just give them time. As for how long it takes to get cleared through everything, it seems to change from person to person. My first consultation was in the third week of January, and I only have an EKG (monday!) and a support group meeting (3/8!) left to go to before I'm all cleared. Time has flown by, though, and you'll be surprised on how quickly it does pass. Good luck and keep us all posted on your journey! ~Lyra

When I went to the doctor for my consultation I honestly thought that I did have a big frame. I was shocked when he said that I will probably be more on the small/petite size once I've lost all the weight. My BMI chart said that at 5'5" I should be about 120, but Dr W. says that I'll look great at 135/140. Those charts are so confusing, and he said that doctors shouldn't use them anymore.

I love your post, it was so uplifting! Personally, I'm not afraid of surgery or even the changes that will come after it. I am, however, terrified that I will fail and that I will have put myself into an economic hole for several years for nothing. I make decent money and I have a good, if not extravagent, life. Luckily insurance does cover part of my surgery, but what I will owe will take several years for me to pay off. This surgery is getting my savings that would have gone to buying a house. Yet...it's worth it. I'm worth it. Since I'm so scared of 'wasteing' all this money, I'm using those feelings instead of allowing them to use me. I'm trying to be proactive now in pre-op, to better prepare myself for life after surgery. The number of books, blogs, and websites I've read are a bit shocking. I'm really glad that I came across this blog, as it reiterates that we can rock our sleeves and keep the weight off! Thank you!

Wow. Just...wow. The idiocy of that woman astounds me. I just adore *sarcasm* the "get off your ass and close your mouth and the weight will drop off, as you frolic through a meadow filled with scampering puppies and tweeting birdies" approach that she was rocking during her meeting with you. Where was the professionalism? Yes, she had some points about how the surgery can't fix any head/food issues, and that this surgery is permanent. Yet there are ways that those concerns and questions could be asked without making you feel so ackward and/or uncertain/depressed/scared about your surgery. Also, what doctor starts off a meeting with a statement that is guaranteed to stress someone out? Furthermore, it pretty much scews any answer to her questions as you're more apt to give her the answers you think she wants to hear, versus what you are actually thinking/feeling. What an idiot. Two thumbs up for keeping your cool during the appointment! At least now it's over and you can move on to the next step in your journey!

Ugh, bosses. Some are great, and some drive you up the proverbial wall. I transferred within my company to another store and went from an atmosphere where I had full carte blanche in my daily duties to one where my manager micro manages us to death. Her redeaming factor is that she does care about us and is reasonable about schedule changes and whatnot. I, too, will be dusting off the ol' resume in another year . Good luck on your job hunt! I'm sure you'll find something so amazing that you'll want to stick your tongue out at your current boss and go, "na na na na naaaa. I've got a better job! ha ha ha". Juvenile, but oh-so-satisfying to imagine. Best of luck! ~Lyra

I'm sorry about your mom. I have a hard time battling head hunger too, and it can help to get up and go take a walk, or a nice drive, or do anything that is away from hearth and home where the pantry is. It helps distract my brain from what it thinks it wants. Maybe you can call some friends to schedule a game/movie/spa night? Go on a mad cleaning frenzy? Put on some music and dance? Knit? Just remember that you are not alone in this!

I have a good story. I had just moved to a new city and didn't have a PCP yet, so I went to a Patient First. I get bronchitis every winter like clockwork and I know the signs. So off I toddle to the doctor and the jerkoff told me that they wanted to run a bunch of tests on me because (and get this) my coughing and pain when I breathed could be a sign of a heart attack because I'm overweight. So I refused an EKG because, well, I had bronchitis. So the jerkoff was standing right outside of my curtain talking to the other doctors about me and how I was refusing care and gererally mocking me. So I whipped the curtain open, told him the next time he wanted to mock a patient that maybe he shouldn't be on the other side of a curtain, and asked him if he cheated his way through med school as I had serious doubts about his competency and IQ. As I walked away I pulled out my phone and dialed the Patient First hub number and spoke to a customer service supervisor and filed a formal complaint. I don't know if it did any good, but the look on his face when I glanced back was priceless. Trust me, if I have to I can do the stereotypical "big girl with attitude". Oh, and I went to a different doctor that same day and it turned out I had (surprise!) bronchitis. I think a lot of doctors look at overweight people as lazy and that all our ailments are because of our weight. Granted, many of them are, but somtimes it pays to dig a little deeper into a problem.

*two thumbs up* Good job and congratulations!

I went to my Wellness and NUT class yesterday and I have to say that I was shocked. Once again I go to these mandatory classes and I sit there and think, "Does anybody actually know how to google?" Hell, the moment that the idea of VSG tickled my brain I immediately powered up my trusty laptop for some quality web time. Thats how I found all you lovely men and women on this site! Yet here I was, months later sitting in my W&NUT class and listening to this one gentleman say, "You mean I have to give up my McDonald's Deluxe Breakfasts?". And he wasn't being sarcastic, he was actually dismayed. *sigh* On another note, I also passed my Psych(o) exam yesterday! $345 for 50 minutes that involved a conversation and a test to determine my mental wellbeing. Obviously I went into the wrong line of business as this sure beats my hourly wage! I'm having friends over for dinner on Saturday and my bff told me that her husband isn't really getting why I'm having this surgery. Basically he's worried about me having surgery, as all surgery is dangerous. Also, he thinks that you can lose weight just by trying harder and using will power. Luckily my bff said that she thinks thats bs. I dont think that if you've been thin your entire life that you can understand how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off. So dinner should be interesting. Basically my mantra is, "You can be supportive without actually agreeing" and "Bring on the questions as long as the conversations are respectful". I'm not worried about it as its my choice, my family is behind me, and the effects speak for themselves. Also I know his questions come out of concern for me, and that it's not coming from a mean or judgemental place. Sometimes I forget that those who have never had surgery or health problems view surgery so suspiciously. I'm only 29 but I've had my appendix and tonsils removed, pins put into my foot, two surgeries on my legs to fix a brown recluse bite gone bad, wisdom teeth removed, and breast reduction surgery. Surgery itself does not scare me...and I think you get to a point in your life that you are willing to risk everything in order to gain a healthier and better life. One more class to go on March 7 and then everything can be submitted to the insurance. Woohoo! "If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance." ~ Unknown

I haven't had surgery yet but my first appointment was 1/20. I have already done my blood work (luckily I'm pretty healthy so I dont have to do sleep tests, ekg, etc), gone to my first informational class 2/8, my NUT/Psych eval is tomorrow 2/15 and my support group is 3/8. My surgery will be probably be scheduled in April/May as the my doctor likes there to be at least a few months where you can think things over. The week before surgery I have to do a pre-op and one last class and then I'm fully cleared. So all total it'll probably be around 3 months.

So when ya'll say your hair fell out...are we talking massive chunks of hair appearing on my pillow or just a general thinning? This part makes me nervous as I was extremely ill about ten years ago and lost a lot of hair (which never came back). I would really prefer not being bald...

I'm sorry that you lost a "friend" but you're right in saying that you dont need that right now. Keep rocking your sleeve and know that you did what was right for you and to h*ll to all the naysayers that try to keep you down. It takes incredible courage to contemplate this, and incredible fortitude to actually do and succeed at this.

Hello, my name is Lyra, and I'm an emotional eater. Strange, isn't it, that as soon as stress and emotions run high food becomes my bff. Salty, sweet, and spicy...all if it is amazing. I love food, and I love creating food as well. Hell, I even went to culinary school. There is something amazingly satisfying about combining ingredients and watching as a meal takes shape. To truly create something that appeals to all the senses, seduces the palate, and exposes the soul to foods from around the world. To be fair, a good portion of my delight in cooking is feeding others, but I would by lying if I said that the siren song of food does not call to me. As soon as stress mounts I find myself whipping up Indian, Morrocan, Asian or Italian food. The problem isn't my delight in cooking, my problem is using food as a crutch when I get stressed. My problem is the fact that I have major issues with portion control. It's frustrating that I'm strong willed in other aspects of my life but not in this. It's frustrating that so much of our culture seems to revolve around talking about, cooking, and eating food. I'm ready for this surgery, and resolved to give up this unhealthy relationship with food. I'm scared/nervous too but I have to do this. I want a healthier life, and a life where I can try new things and travel and actually LIVE. I have to reprogram my brain, and have surgery in order to have such a life. What shocks and amuses me is that some people think that THIS is the easy way out. Easy...right. *rolls eyes* This is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I haven't even had surgery yet! So my question is, how did (or do) all of ya'll deal with emotional/stress eating and snacking?

Well, I have to say that I laughed really hard when I read your post! I think my favorite was about the stomach exploding. As for me, I'm still pre-sleeve and am steadily working towards a surgery date (hopefully in the next two months). As for my stats I'm 29, 5'5", 274 and I also have a problem with portion control and stress eating. I also adore Peanut Butter and chocolate. As for health, underneath the chub I'm actually in good shape although my doc says that I'll be a great candidate for diabetes in a few years if I don't drop the weight. I run 2 miles several times a week, lift weights, do yoga, and go hiking on a regular basis. For me, getting the sleeve will impose restrictions that will force me to have a better lifestyle. Bye bye, emotional and absent minded eating, hello weight loss! I'm serious enough about it that I'm willing to say sayonara to peanut butter/chocolate and am delving into exactly why I stress eat. A most uncomfortable self reflection, I can assure you! As for what brought me to this decision (besides my sincere desire NOT to become diabetic) was that even though I'm active, there are still so many things that I can't do because I'm fat. Also, there is nothing as humiliating as having to get off a ride because they can't close the safety bar. I decided that I was not going to live a life where my weight kept me from having the fun and adventure that I deserve. That I do not want to be on my death bed and thinking, "If only..." instead of "Damn, sexy lady, you rocked it hard and lived a crazy life! Those memoirs are gonna sell bigtime!"

What a great topic! I'm envious and can't wait to be in your shoes! I have my fingers crossed for a late March or early April sleeve date. If I could hop up on the OR table now, I would totally be there!

You just had surgery and are drastically changing your life. I wouldn't doubt that your subconscious is freaking out from surgery stress, life stress, and the "Oh god I hope this works" stress. Not to mention your blood chemistry is probably all over the place from food restriction, weight loss, and the fact that you just had surgery. So your mind is giving you all these crazy dreams because thats how brains work when we get stressed out. It's kinda like a release valve for emotions. Writing them down can help put them in perspective. Also, have you tried reading a book or watching a comedy (doing anything light or entertaining) that can put your mind in a better place and relax you before you hit the zzzzs? I read that cleaning right before bed can really help people relax as well. Its supposedly a sort of "my habitat is clean and organized, so too is my brain". I have crazy dreams and picking up the house has really helped me become very relaxed before sleep. Good luck and keep us posted!

I haven't gotten mine yet, but I've decided to name it The Sheriff. Basically so I can say, "There's a new sheriff in town!" *amused*

When I told my friends/family I prefaced it by saying, "You dont have to agree with someone in order to be supportive of them". Some great conversations happened after this that really opened all of our eyes. It's hard for people who are not heavy to understand what life is like....and sometimes we who are going bravely forth don't understand the fear that our loved ones feel for us going 'under the knife'. Sometimes through conversation you can understand each other's points of view, and sometimes you will have to agree to disagree. I think telling my friends/family was harder than actually deciding to have the surgery itself! Good luck and continue to rock your sleeve! All the people who are giving you flack about your choice now, will be sayign "I told you so" when you reach your goal!

So I had my first class today and it was full of a lot of important information, but I was shocked on how many people had obviously never read the book the doctors gave out or even did a standard google search. Granted, I'm kind of obsessive when I'm researching something...but this is a surgery that will change your life on so many fundamental levels. This isn't some magical wand that will go POOF and the weight will just fall off onto the floor, while you walk off into the sunset whistlin' dixie in your new size 6 pants. Example of questions: 1. "You mean we can't eat sugar, like cookies?" 2. "What do you mean there are small portion sizes?" 3. "But I love eating the The Texas Roadhouse 23oz Prime Rib!" .....right, and those little telling questions are WHY we are all sitting in a weight loss surgery informational class. I was just so surprised that seemingly intelligent adults wouldn't fully research something before allowing a doctor to cut out parts of their body. No wonder the Powers That Be make you go through all these classes before getting it done! Also, a funny story. So my doctor also did the surgery on my dad. Last night dad told me that when he was in the operating room, but before they put him under, Dr. W came in and asked the nurses if it was okay to put a small computer on the edge of the bed. He looked at my dad and said, "It's so I can watch how to do the surgery on Youtube!" *grin* One class down, four more to go, and onward I march!

I'm sorry that your mom is being disrespectful of your choice. Perhaps each time she brings the subject up you can smile pleasantly and say, "We've already spoken about this and obviously we do not agree. I love you and while I value your opinion, it was my choice and thats all I'm going to say on the subject. So, how's Aunty May doing today?". If she wont stop then just get up, say goodbye, and leave the room. The key is to be 'pleasantly blank' as it gives the other person nothing to argue, or even interact, with. If you keep refusing to discuss, justify or placate her then I would imagine that eventually she would tire of the subject and move on to some other topic. Sometimes you can't change a person's mind...you just have to train them to stop bringing the subject up! You never know, perhaps as she sees how much happier and healthier you are, she will change her mind. Good luck!