Had my surgery on Jan 30 and it's been a success so far in that I never had vomiting or nausea, have been able to get in all fluids, Vitamins and Protein every day. I'm not losing as quickly as I'd hoped, but I'm putting some of that on being pre-menstrual (I hope).

My worry right now is my brain. Ever since my surgery, I have nothing but horrific, mind-bending nightmares and even a few terrors where I wake up in a panic. A few mornings, I've woken up not sure where I was or what day it is. They are like nothing I've ever had before!! And believe me, I've had some nutty dreams in the past. They are the kind that stay with you all day and mess with my mind, I know I'm depressed. Usually going for walks and taking showers helps for a little bit, but I do not feel like my normal self at all.

On top of that, I'm worried about my marriage. I'm wondering if anyone else had this problem?

My husband is a fit, athletic, great guy with a kick-butt metabolism. He's never been over 165 his whole life. He can eat whatever he wants. A big part of my weight gain happened the year we moved in together. He's been nothing but sensitive, giving, loving and extrememly supportive about my surgery. Dotes on my every need and is my biggest cheerleader when I come home from walking or finish a shake. I love him like crazy. But since the surgery, we're not really talking much. Seems we used to do a lot of that over cooking great dinners, or going out to restaurants and talking about the amazing food. Now, we're in a slump of him making all his own dinners and I sit there next to him with my broth/protein. Plus, we can't be physically close because of how sore I am in so many places.

It really feels like we're drifting apart. I miss him, I miss what we used to have and I'm worried we'll never get it back.

This WILL pass. Set aside another time to talk - instead of over dinner - maybe go for a walk and hold hands - that way you get some intimacy, albeit mild, but it helps!

Also - are you on any pain meds or antibiotics still? Sometimes wild dreams can be a side effect of meds.

You are 10? days out from surgery? I think you may be still reacting to the anesthesia, although you sound perfectly lucid. Are you still taking your pain meds? They can cause nightmares and feelings of dissassociation. Have you talked to hubby about your feelings? It is somewhat normal to feel like you are doing something "wrong" because you're used to being the caregiver...and we women are notorious for not being able to handle being the needy person. He's probably feeling virtuous because he's "chipping in" by making his own dinner.

Also, as our fat cells shrink, they dump stored hormones back into our blood streams, making some of us INSANE for a little while. Talk it over with hubby, or a therapist if you prefer that, but it sounds like you're either reacting to the anesthesia or meds you're on now, OR you're reacting to the hormone dumping going on.

Of course, I'm not a doctor. You might want to call your doc and see if these reactions are normal with your medications.

Good luck!!

Not even two weeks out, I wouldn't worry at this point. You should be into mushy phase soon so enjoy having your meal with him. Physical activity will take a bit, it took me 4 weeks before I felt like doing anything physical.

Give it a good month and your life will be going back to normal

you have just had a major surgery and your body is in shock. When you have a dramatic decrease in carbs, it can put our minds in a foggy state. This is normal. Don't stress of your marriage. If your marriage was in trouble, it would of happened way before your surgery. You have a good man there that loves you to death. He mostly likely isn't concerned about the things your worried about. If in doubt, ask him.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You have been very courageous and have mad e a decision to better you life. Take care of yourself.......

Thanks everyone. Was curious if anyone else went through this with his/her spouse or partner. To answer questions: I haven't had any pain meds since Day 3 (one week ago). Can't stand the stuff, was so glad to stop it! I wondered about the anestheia, this was my first time ever having it so I'm not sure how long it takes to get out of my system. I've definitely been spacier than usual, assumed that was the decrease in carbs. My hormones have been out of whack for years with PCOS, so added estrogen will make this so much more fun :tongue2:

I think I'm just really in shock over how much time I spent on food -- thinking about it, shopping for it, preparing it, eating it. You don't notice how much you do something until it's gone. I do feel like an absolute a** that I don't shop anymore, not even for my husband. It's not that I can't, I just don't think about the grocery store anymore. He says I'm over reacting as well, need to give it time. I've never been very good at being patient!

Talk to your Hubby! Listen to what he says. I have a foodie at home too and he is just wonderful and yes, he misses our food talk - so we still talk.

A good cook can find a real challenge in keeping you fed! Help him prep his dinners, discuss how they can be prepped later when you can eat so that you can still share - and have him work on smooties and awesome teas and such for you now.

Ask for hand massages and back rubs and foot massages - mine brushes my hair, even though I got it cut short. Not to do the TMI thing, I promise you can still be intimate - promise. You could use a hand in the shower, I am sure

Let a few weeks pass, and keep a dream journal. Look in on yourself and make sure your concerns are from what you think they are - I have heard of nightmares and I think it may come from the realization that you have done a very permanent thing, and have more concerns of now having a "comfort layer" gone than you are aware of.

Good luck and keep us posted!

I've had some very vivid and realistic dreams, not necessarily nightmares though. I think there are a lot of changes going on after this surgery, some are rarer than others. So nightmares could be one after-effect that is hopefully fleeting.

I have had a hard time adjusting to eating with my husband too. I try to cook for him, but I am not eating the same things. I'm not even interested in eating most of the time. I think with time, a balance will be found.

Since we don't have food or meals in common anymore, I try to save topics to talk about while we sit together at dinner. We don't talk much while he is at work, so this is relatively easy for us. But I try to have a few topics on hand at dinner: vacation plans, something interesting I've seen on TV, stuff I would like to plan, asking for advice, etc. All pleasant stuff. I specifically save these topics for dinner so that we don't just sit looking at each other.

Also, we take walks together whenever he is open to it. During that time we might or might not talk, no big deal.

While I was on the pain medication, not only did I have wild, crazy dreams, but also nausea. Needless to say, the pain meds went out the window!!

Oh honey, it will all be ok. Your going thru the blues and it will pass. Your hubby sounds like a wonderful man, that just wants you healthy. Just remember, the way it was before, was not good, so the future is what to look forward to. You will find so many new things to do. My husband and I loved to go out to restaurants, after a couple months we enjoy it again, but its so much cheaper because I just eat from his plate and no drink, we save enough to go to the movies for free. Be patient.

You just had surgery and are drastically changing your life. I wouldn't doubt that your subconscious is freaking out from surgery stress, life stress, and the "Oh god I hope this works" stress. Not to mention your blood chemistry is probably all over the place from food restriction, weight loss, and the fact that you just had surgery. So your mind is giving you all these crazy dreams because thats how brains work when we get stressed out. It's kinda like a release valve for emotions. Writing them down can help put them in perspective. Also, have you tried reading a book or watching a comedy (doing anything light or entertaining) that can put your mind in a better place and relax you before you hit the zzzzs? I read that cleaning right before bed can really help people relax as well. Its supposedly a sort of "my habitat is clean and organized, so too is my brain". I have crazy dreams and picking up the house has really helped me become very relaxed before sleep. Good luck and keep us posted!

I know, I know. I'm the leat patient person and drastic changes freak me out easily. My daily routine and normal activities have taken a huge hit. I am also unemployed right now (involuntarily) and I have that looming over me. For the last seven years I've worked hard, jobs that require 50-60 hours a week for months at a time. Sometimes deadlines that require working at the office from 8am to 10pm, then booting up on the weekends as well. It's a line of work that has nearly killed me, and my body took a large brunt of that abuse. Now I'm in a place where I've spent a lot of our savings on this surgery and I have a smaller stomach counting on me to make smart choices moving forward. It's been a difficult time for me to make SO MANY changes all at once. I wish I could just be going back to my old job in a week or two, had something normal still.

I do have a therapist and she's working with me on all these things, but there's only so much you can heal in an hour a week. My husband and I do talk, though I find myself very distant these days. Hard to pay attention. Since surgery, my attention span sucks! I can lose track of what's happening during a 30min. TV comedy... read somewhere that it can take a month per hour of surgery to get the anesthia out of your system completely.

Thank you everyone for chiming in. I'm glad to hear no one respond with tales of horror and divorce!

I remember when I first had my surgery, I would have wild dreams of killing people cause they were taking my plate of curry. . . ! I would run, hit them with steel pipes, grab my plate back and disappear down a slide. . . now if that's not crazy i don't know what is . . . life changes are weird overall. . .just hug, kiss, reassure and love each and those other feeling will pass. . . love is much stronger then anything else. . . good luck!

...

Thank you everyone for chiming in. I'm glad to hear no one respond with tales of horror and divorce!

Some people do end up with a failed marriage though, so it is good that you are thinking about it and addressing the concerns.

My husband is pretty "normal" as well, although at times he has horrid habits. I feel like I am joining him in the world of normal. I think more relationships fall apart when one spouse gets healthy and leaves the other in the world of obesity.

Like the others have said, you'll work it out and find the new common ground. And, you will eventually be able to enjoy many of the same foods with him again further along in your journey.

You mention that he is athletic. Is there a sport that he enjoys that also interests you? Maybe as you get stronger and more fit, that could be a common interest for you to share?

For Amanda 3.0: Yes, when my husband and I met we were both working in the cycling industry. We do love to ride together, though he is more skilled in mountain biking than I ever care to be. And I loved the 2-3 hour road rides, which he finds very boring. Either way, we always enjoyed when we found time to ride together either at home or on vacation outings. We also loved kayaking and hikes. I'm still struggling with getting back to the level I was once interested in bikes. I was struck by a car many years ago, and it's many of the injuries from that accident that still plague me today. The rest is psychological, not wanting to ride around cars anymore when I used to ride some of the busiest stretches of roads and never cared!

We hope to get back there some day, but I'm worried that even with weight loss I'll still be limited with my bad ankle, knees, back and shoulder. Plus, it will months before we can start doing those things again. You see, at my size I'm a 40H bra. It's just nearly impossible to find a sports bra THAT ACTUALLY WORKS (i.e. doesn't cause horrendous neck pain). So I'm hoping losing 30-50 pounds, I might have better luck in that department. Even my bathingsuits are $200 custom made because I don't have the luxury of ordering from Land's End or just "popping down to the Target" for what I need.

It's a matter of bridging the gap. Not having our normal food-centric activities now, but could be a long time before we can truly replace them with other things we both enjoy. I'm 11 days out and have only lost 5lbs. I know I should be more excited, but have a feeling I'm going to be a SLOW LOSER. Very jealous of those who says they're 18lbs lost in less than 2 weeks....

I can really relate to your situation, emlefe. My husband is also a mountain biker, and we have great trails nearby. But, at my size, I have learned to be afraid of hurting myself. And, I have no faith in drivers around here paying attention to anything but their cell phones. There is a disdain for road bikers around here, God forbid a biker slow someone down! Share the road - HA.

I was also very busty. Almost two years ago I had a breast reduction. It was covered by insurance because of the problems my size caused. Even when I was much smaller overall, my back hurt, and good luck finding any bra truly supportive. Now that was one of the best things I ever did. I am still a D, but a smallish D, and boy do I feel petite! Also, the breast surgeon put them back up in the vicinity of where they started, so clothes fit so much better. I wish I had done that years ago.

I am also a slow loser, but I will get there and I am sure you will too.