DeLarla

I only logged in for 2 minutes because I've neglected my job duties all week. I scanned these and plan to print them out and make my very own inspiration book with pictures to keep at work. Wow, I only power-read through them, but I can't believe what you guys give me. This place still amazes me.

How do you keep eating like a bandster should when life shifts direction? My life took a sudden turn to the wild side when we bought motorcycles last year. Suddenly I have an active/hectic social life. Now I started my own business that has me traveling, socializing, constantly surrounded by groups of women, parties, meetings, and I keep using every single situation as an excuse to eat bad for just one more day. I'm completely out of control and even drinking friggen Coca Cola, which I never touched pre-band. I have excuses booked for the entire month of September. This weekend is the Bash, next weekend I'm having two parties in addition to Vegas Bikefest, the following weekend is Reno Street Vibrations (another bike rally where my best friend from childhood lives) and parties scattered on weekdays. I got in the business of parties, so my entire life is a party. So now what? What the heck happened to my good eating habits? How can I get back on track while riding this crazy roller coaster? I love the rollercoaster, but my life is surrounded by chicken fingers and cocktails now. Help me. I've fallen and I can't get up. No lie, I'm in deep fried oil.

The Tooty-Tot, the Tooty-Tot the Tooty-Tot-Tot! Does anyone know the Tooty Tot? Chloe taught me, and I sing the song and dance the dance when I'm excited. Game on! Jenna's comin' to town! TOOTY-TOT! Chris says, "de Bandaleras are comin' to town this weekend." Jenna, he's great and will make it up to you because the thorn is out of his side. He's been off work two weeks. Make him your personal slave! Chris, fix me a drink. Chris, get me some chips! Chris, Chris, Chris! I can tell he's excited cause he's spiffing up the house every day. I'll be shipping to Texas and Baton Rouge after the Bash. Postage help is seriously appreciated (po$tage killed me and that was only 3 boxes with 10 left.) Don't worry about only new stuff because the addresses Michelle and i have are ladies that are handing the stuff out themselves, not huge organizations. Used toiletries on the other hand... Tooty Tot! Megan, I totally understand but it sucks that you can't come. We'll be online for you with pics - ugh. I look like a friggen Oompa Loompa (went overboard with new hairstyle.) Maybe I should die it orange to complete the look.

Do me a favor. When you figure out why friends get jealous of you, please send me a PM or e-mail. It's not just with weight loss surgery, it's with anything you do to bette yourself. Heck, I've had girlfriends tell me outfits look cute on me when I know they look like crap. I've had friends encourage me to cut my bangs short like a Vulcan on Star Trek (like my big fat round face would support baby doll bangs.) Now a few friends are trying to sabotage my new business, but it's just giving me more power. This might be hard to chew, but girl, WEED YOUR GARDEN. You'll know your true friends. If they aren't real friends, weed them out. If you make a mistake and weed out a good one, she'll grow back. Don't surround yourself with negativity. Move forward and upward. If you love this girl, talk to her and tell her how you feel. Either that or weed your garden!

Is DeLarla being profiled? I recall at least three threads that discussed swallowing men's semen after performing oral sex. There have been countless conversations about sexual positions, women that gag when performing fellatio, nutritional content of sperm, etc. Penni, you of all people? You started the "Do you Swallow" thread and participated in the sperm thread. What's with the hypocrisy? If anybody crossed a line, it was crossed long, long ago. Exactly when did the topic of sex become inappropriate? I get full-color, naked, pornographic pop-ups all the time. Any parent that thinks their kids are protected from X-rated material shouldn't allow their kids on the internet or in front of a television.

I'll be in Reno for Street Vibrations in a couple weeks. Any other biker bandsters?

On my knees, bowing to Megan. Wow, very well put.

Hmm, I've been avoiding the topics of Band, Diet, Nutrition and Exercise like the plague. I've spent too much time at LBT in the Lounge instead of the General Forum because I'm polluted with caffeine, sugar and crud. I keep going away for weekends, so I keep making excuses. This weekend is the Bash, another perfect excuse. I was in New Orleans the prior week, Brianhead before that, etc., etc. Next weekend is a local bikefest then off to Reno. I KNOW, excuses excuses will get me nowhere! But I had to confess. All party and no work is finally putting money in my pocket, but I'll be dead from clogged arteries and won't be able to enjoy it. Sounds like time for a vegetable challenge. Welll... maybe next month?

Help. Please call (702) 876-FM92 and put the male DJs in place. I'm truly disgusted. Today they were cracking jokes about the smells and odors coming from women's private parts. It's a big friggen joke to them that women can't bathe after losing their homes. They said they were sending tons of donations, so they sent a guy to the douche and tampon isle to pick things out over the air, while cracking vulgar jokes and making songs up about how rancid women are right now. Big friggen joke to them. They are acting generous, but if women got those boxes with a copy of today's show, they would refuse the donations. Vulgar and disgusting. So I called the station and opened my mouth like a foul-mouthed construction worker to prove a point. I told them not to put me on the air, and then I broke down crying. I told them how painful and awful they were being. The bastards put me on the air anyway, sobbing. They apologized and said they were stupid and immature, but then they aired the apology, but then opened the line up to more male callers while laughing for more wisecracks about vaginal odor. Please support me by calling or e-mailing KOMP FM. They are pigs sending a variety of products to Katrina but all while laughing. Tampons that they call harpoons, douche that they refer to as pickeled egg juice. Sure, it's funny to guys, but would YOU think it was funny if you lost everything? Would you want that kind of donation? Sure, they sent money too, but it's all a big joke to them. Send an e-mail to kompmorningshow.com in protest. Ask them to send the tape of the show with the donations so they don't humiliate the women that are hurting and in need. Thanks for your help.

For those of you that are unaware, there's a huge flux of little girls giving men oral sex in schools - under the bleachers, in cars, in bathrooms. They want to keep their boyfriends, but they want to remain virgins. These girls think giving oral sex allows them to stay virgins. The teens in my life happen to be the cute cheerleaders of my local highschool. They are very popular, and they tell me everything. I hate what they tell me, and I'm grateful I'm not a parent to a teenage girl - that's all I have to say!

Thanks, Penni. Now that this is in the lounge, I disagree with Jenna about the age of kids masturbating. I guess I was much more curious because I was playing "doctor" as early as 7. All the kids in my neighborhood were. Most of you know that I am very close to children and teens in my neighborhood. When I started this adult-themed business, I knew I had to talk to parents. When my four special teens asked if they could spend the day at my house swimming and eating junk food, I told them how sorry I am that they wouldn't be allowed in my house any more without parental consent and only AFTER their parents had been to one of my parties or at least investigated my new home store. The girls were shocked and asked, "Why." So I told them I'm selling adult lingerie now, and that requires parental consent. They were 14 and 15, and their FIRST response was, "LISA'S SELLING THE RABBIT PEARL VIBRATOR!" Uh, we were at the movies, and they yelled the names of toys so loud that I sunk in my chair. Jenna is spot-on. Teens know more than I do about my own product. They watch Sex in the City and see cunnalingus, felatio and masturbation. They know the NAMES of their parent's sex toys. I was more than stunned. I was a complete fraud before Slumber Parties because I'm really not as sexually oriented as I lead on to believe (unless I'm drinking, ergo DeLarla.) Last night a Slumber Sister announced that her 13 year old teenage son stole a "Super Stretch" boy-toy from her inventory. She was shocked, but I think she handled it remarkably well by giving him some lubricant. Just think, her son is taking care of his needs at home, so she doesn't have to worry about him contracting sexual disease or getting girls pregnant. It's human nature. Babies explore their fun parts and only get more curious as they age. I have first-hand knowledge that all (well, most) teens that aren't masturbating are sexually active by 14-17. I'd rather give my 13 year old daughter a Beginner's Bunny and explain how to use it than to see her giving a guy oral satisfaction because she thinks it will "keep her a virgin." If the world would open it's eyes, teenage vibrators would hit 7-11s by next week. No more pregnant teens. Is that a bad thing?

Alex, I agree 100%. Even when I posted pictures of my open wound, I started the subject with a WARNING. Can't a moderator change the title and the Forum? I really don't think Kare would mind... live and learn. Thanks!

Whoaa... I never realized this was in the "General" Forum. I apologize for not recognizing that it wasn't in the Lounge, but I was kinda shocked and giggling so I didn't pay enough attention. Can a moderator please move it to the Lounge? I'm sure Kare won't mind. This has gotten quite controversial, and you all know I live for controversy. Let's start by addressing the fact that in January, Penni, as moderator, started a "Do You Swallow" thread (applaud applaud, I still vote it the best thread LBT has ever had.") However, that thread went into the Lounge, where it belonged. Adult toys offensive but swallowing acceptable? However, as far as asking that this topic be eliminated from LBT, that has me agitated, and I've been on good behavior lately. I asked a moderator a few days ago to open up a special marketing forum based on countless complaints I receive. (When you have a big mouth like me, people file complaints because they know you'll pass them on.) There's marketing at many different levels at LBT, some as blatant as links or advertisements. I deleted a post yesterday about Katrina disaster comments because a moderator added a link to her boyfriend's website, which I thought was highly inappropriate. A doctor's link takes you straight to where you can purchase his liquid vitamins; products offered as gifts with a link to the company site, lists of services, herbs, body cleansing parlors, e-bay items. Marketing can be cleverly disguised, but it's still marketing. I specifically avoided bringing my new business to LBT till my friends insisted. I've been (happily) bombarded with demands that I post my website, which I originally refused to do. But after enough convincing, I simply added my e-mail address to my signature. If this topic got so hot, it's only because people want and need a service that I happen to provide. I didn't start it, and I'm baffled by the overwhelming responses. So before anyone passes judgment or decides to quit LBT, please hang around long enough for a moderator to move this post to the Lounge. However, anyone concerned with what their children read should avoid the lounge altogether, because sex is discussed from time to time. If the topic of vibrators is disturbing, then I'm sure you don't want your son reading about swallowing semen. Now please, let's get this thing moved to the Lounge! Thanks, and sorry again for not noticing sooner. Yikes!

I've heard about those "Blank-er-Ware" parties, too, and many people think that's what I do. My company is nothing like the smut parties people have been to in the past. Using the "F" word to describe any type of intimacy is vulgar, unladylike and unacceptable in my line of work. Those other parties can be fun with enough liquor, but I don't want anyone to confuse those companies with mine. We approach women's sexuality with respect and dignity by teaching women how to embrace their sexuality instead of making fun of it. I'm very proud of what I do, and I hope to help gals from 18 to 88 by teaching them that sex is not dirty or vulgar. The woman's body is an amazing machine, and with the right techniques can bring us enormous, healthy, energetic pleasures beyond belief (uh, see Kare and Jenna's reaction to what a woman's body is capable of.) For anyone offended by this thread, ask Kare if she wants to delete it (hahah, I doubt it!) I had no idea she was going to post something. I'm not really a mail-order business since I'll have a website where people can order direct from by October 1st, but I have received countless e-mails and PMs asking me to RUSH catalogs to people from Arizona to New York. I actually blushed and hid under my desk when I saw this thread, but then as I read it I felt more empowered and remarkable. Slumber Parties was founded by a woman specifically to empower women. The owner has been extremely generous and gracious for sharing her organization with women who will never have to rely on men, food stamps or welfare. A 23 year old in Vegas is making over $60,000 a year by working only 67 days, and she's only been with the company for a 1.5 years. I'm certainly not offended by those numbers! Those numbers scream that women are interested in the products and services I offer. I didn't invent them, I didn't intend to sell them, but the numbers are phenomenal. I'm a full time paralegal with a real estate license. I worked in a real estate office for free last summer, took on part time work in a retail store, make and sell purses and welding caps, and earn a generous salary at my law firm. But the money I've made in one single month has me making up to $250.00 per hour at times. I don't cater to prostitutes or criminals. My clients are ladies in the living room and lovers in the bedroom. Hot, sexy, sensual and in control.

My day started with the old, "I'll quit using Creme Brulee' Coffemate once the container is gone." It segued into an e-mail from the boss annoucing, "frosted Cookies and a rack of cheesecake in the fridge." I tossed it back with a real CocaCola. By lunch I was disgusted so I picked at some pineapple. Funny how I couldn't finish the tiny can. Then the Otis Spunkmeyer lady showed up with hot-out-of-the-oven cookies. I'm very unhappy right now. And I feel gross.

Are You Calling Me Strange?

As far as people being told to evacuate, it's too hard to put myself in their shoes. I have countless friends and family across the country (even some outside the country) that would take my family in and get us back on our feet. Chris and I both have the mental and physical abilities to find work elsewhere, even if that means clearing land, flipping burgers or stuffing envelopes for a meal. But, what if all I had was a small house in New Orleans where all my cousins, sisters, brothers and friends lived? What if I had lived there my entire life but could never afford to take a vacation so I never knew other places existed? Then the rich folks come on my TV and tell me to run and leave everything behind. So I scratches my head and thinks, "hell no, if I leave my house the hoodlums will come take all my things. I have to stay right here and protect it." A warning of that magnitude might not have registered. So I can easily see why people didn't leave. I might have stayed, too. It's hard to say.

I'm finally getting intelligent answers! Right on, Babs. I started this post as a place to vent because I am guilty of living in a media cocoon. I just finish posting in another thread that the media had me fooled. I asked for intelligent answers, and now I'm getting them. Babs, you answered everything. Everything you said about the media should have been posted at the top of this venting thread. All I've known all week is what's being portrayed on TV. The reporters, interviewers, victims - everyone only talked about Bush being absent and not caring. They made it seem like Bush was on vacation and even Condoliza Rice stayed on vaction during this. The media made me believe the government was allowing people to suffer while turning away Water, help and food from private organizations and even other countries. On the 3rd of 4th day I saw a couple helicopter rescues, but I didn't see any food, water or shelter for an entire week. And that's exactly why I started this thread - to vent and get answers. Everything is starting to make sense now. I never expected everybody to be rescued the first day, but from my end nobody was being helped anywhere. Nope, just rage, riots, rape and looting. And the rapper on that MTV show just fed us with more. Nobody ever came and rebutted what he said, which is that Bush doesn't care about black people. So I sat and flipped through channels and obsessed with the news waiting for Bush/Feds/State/Charity organizations to respond. They probably did respond, but if all the news channels clarified our answers, then we'd stop obsessing about watching TV, and that could hurt their ratings. Here's my sign.

Estella, I'm babysitting a new kitten today, and he's sitting on my shoulder pressed against my ear purring. He's so full of life and energy so we're sending healing vibes to your Mommy right now.

I keep watching the news waiting for an ounce of intelligence. All I want is one honest reason why helicopters and boats weren't on the scene the second the rain and wind stopped. I'm not asking about 100 helicopters. I'm asking about a couple. How about one? What about one barge, one military ship, a row boat or even a raft? A single plastic jug of Water dropped from the sky? One of anything - anyone?

Yep, some unhumans tossed him out of a moving car. You can see how tiny he is because that's my fingerless motorcycle glove he's playing with. He fits in my palm. The pic is him sitting in a chair at a desk "helping."

Ack! You just had to offer a prize, didn't you? I'll think about it. I need a challenge, I'm just afraid that I'm not ready to take one on. Yet!

I'm just sitting here in awe of this little guy. He shredded my desk, hung from my earrings, tore the place up, then fell asleep on my shoulder. I can't move. I can't work. All I can do is sit here and finally type!

We came home once and found our own cat had captured two lizzards and dragged them in the house. He was terrorizing one, then running to the other. We saved them both and really pissed off our cat. Another time our kitty brought a damn field mouse in the house and boy was he angry when I saved the mouse. I'm not sure why some of us have compassion for animals while others hate them. It makes no sense. I sleep with a 50 pound Pitbull on my head (well, she sleeps, I lay awake wondering why I can't ask her to move.) Animals make me whole. They are my heart.

BRAVO! (Jealous here) but still, BRAVO!!!!!!!!!