DeLarla

Why did you have to say Taco Bell? That's my most favoritests disgusting fast food around. I never "got" McDonald's. I'm not a burger person, but I could live off Taco Bell. I could drink their packets of hot sauce and eat tacos all day long. Damn, damn, damn.

P.S. (shhh, we don't want them knowing we're hip, but you need to poke holes in the foil.)

You know all those silly prizes inside kids' Cereal? You guessed it, ILLUMINATE! That's where you'll find the decoder. All circuits are clear in Lidsville. Can you hear me, Major Tom? 99, out.

You know how a little kid skips around when they get a lolly pop? They swing their pony tails from left to right and skip down the hall? Erin is around 40, and that's how she walks around here when she eats. It's very strange, indeed. And Apple Lysol and Watkins doesn't even kill eggroll. Maybe I'll just go fart in the kitchen.

I am wearing my sexy lace thong. Two weeks ago it didn't creep. NJChick, here's my credit card number, please buy me all new underwear: 4224 haha haha 2222, and my password is haha.

Oh, and let's just (for good measure) add in that I'll be dead of Lysol asphyxiation soon. Let's all thank Erin for the plate of eggrolls she just made for a little "between Breakfast and lunch" snack. I have my Apple Lysol (industrial size) and my Watkins Lemon spray, and it's killing my lungs. Next time nobody is looking, I'm emptying the can of Lysol in the toaster oven. If I have to smell her f*c*i*g eggrolls, then she can taste my damn Lysol! In all my ramblings about Erin, have I told you guy she actually hums and dances when she eats. She shoves some food in her mouth then bounces her head from side to side and kind of bops around the office. It's so WEIRD to see a fat woman attracting attention to herself while she eats. Can't she hide her food in her drawer and sneak it like a normal morbidly obese woman? Those boy shorts don't work for me. Maybe because I'm too tall, so they never fit right. Damn it, too, because they're cute! And YES I DO want to be anorexic again. I do, I do, I do!

When it starts creeping up my butt, I know that's a sign of weight gain. Oh how I long for my young anorexic days when I had the willpower to say "NO" to food. I want that gaunt, gray, pale look again. You know, the one where skin sags and you have no color? I don't like being pink and fat. I want to be gray. I haven't been able to get back on track. Sexy underwear creeping up the butt isn't very sexy, and I don't want to go back to Granny Panties. Sipping my diet tea. Is anyone here marketing crack cocaine? Do you take credit cards?

I finally got my gastro appointment. Laugh with me. Their first appointment was December 16. When I told them I could be dying (used drama for sympathy) she put me on hold and came back with a much sooner date of December 7. She reminded me we won't do procedures that day since it's just an eval. That means I'll probably get my endo sometime in Feb or March. Sucks since I wanted to use this year's deductible.

There's really no way to plan. You'll have this whole plan, then you see the Strip and the Vegas Gods hypnotize you. Then you just go, go, go. If you've never been here, it really is quite spectacular... and then some! Jenna's list is good. Shoot for just a couple things, because you'll get distracted and will try to do too much.

My eyes are going bad, and every time I see the title to this post I think it says, "Hurricane Pies." I'm sick. Sick, sick, sick.

The problem with you is that you sound NORMAL! Well, as normal as a Banded overweight person can be. Then again, you sound like me, which means you are certifiably crazy! I did the same thing and probably slipped my band, then stayed on liquids 2 days, then forced a loaf of bread down my throat to prove I had restriction. I have an appointment for a straight-jacket fitting. I lied, I don't have the appointment because they jackets don't come in 3X.

I can't allow occasoinal splurges since I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to a certain degree. Just because I ate a few cookies, I then ate a whole carton of Pringles, a quart of ice cream, 2 packs of cheetos, the rest of the box of oreos, half a burger and large fries. Yes, my band hurts. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have gotten the band - I'd have invested the ten grand in psyche care. No lie. The best shrinks - that's really what I need.

Doo-bah-dee-dooh.

I just needed a good laugh. It took you guys a long time to respond, but here I am at 7:00 p.m. cracking up, laughing my butt off. Da Vinci Code... GOOD ONE! Love, Crackwhore

Deb, keep coming back and fighting the battle. I'm sorry you lost your band. Why were you in the hospital so long? I wish you all the luck in the world.

living in the fast lane don't take time to think of any other place or time or why we think of words that rhyme it's getting to the end of time and no one's quick enough to stop it keeps on going round and round or back and forth or up and down it never stops for anyone unless the dead are having fun below above or back in line to do their thing just one more time and lead another life of crime or peace in bed or not we need release to solve the problems that we face in living in this so strange place we call it earth it is a world of misunderstanding boys and girls that play but fight it's all the same we'll always hear the song again it's sad or happy laugh or cry not who or what or even why then you finally think you've got life down when foolish dreams will come around and break your train of thought and once again you're living life in one fast lane

If I let today be a new day, then it will be covered in hot chocolate sauce. Go figure. Mmm, how about Sundaes for dinner?

We've all been victims of the Illuminate, the New World Order. It's a big hoax. They designed the Band to pull in billions from weak, morbidly obese desperados. The scientists trained by the Illuminate implant internal computer chips to digitally connect to Wall Street's DAI (Daily Average Index.) When the index is high, the chips flip a micro generator that starts the erosion process, causing us to run back to the Illuminate-driven band surgeons for an Illuminate-priced endoscopy followed by another expensive Illuminate-inspired removal surgery; since the DAI is up, they collect enormous sums in interest bearing band accounts. They're all in on it - fill centers launder the money back to the underground caverns, where the meetings are held by Oompa Loompas. We're feeding billions into their system, which temporarily shifts the World off it's axis from the sudden shift since everyone losing weight is displacing mass mass. The shift in the Earth's placement makes Venus an easier target, so during every third Tide we're closer to the cocaine. Inamed is the Illuminate. Think about it, you never see any of them all in a room at the same time. All us bandsters that lost weight actually shifted the Earth off its axis so we are the ones that caused all the recent hurricanes. It's a plot. We've been duped.

PMS Cravings (and Erin didn't help) took away my chips. Yesterday the table by my office (that I have to pass 95 times a day) was loaded with Halloween goodies. I caved. Feeling crappy, my car practically drove itself to Roberto's (authentic, huge Mexican.) Feeling full and disgusted, I ate Cookies with juice before bed. This morning had cookies and chips instead of a Protein shake. PMS to me is like a giant magnet sucking me down into the gutter. They don't serve lean Proteins and veggies in the gutter, either.

And through all that you manage to look fabulous, and thin? That family pic speaks millions. You've got what's important.

I say F-it-All and approach the fashion industry. Tell them morbid obesity is rampant and let us take over the pages of Vogue and Cosmo. Fat is where it's at, yada yada. We can have a recipe section where we cook and eat skinny people as appetizers.

If God didn't want us to have chocolate, then why are there chocolate elves making chocolate cookies in chocolate trees?

Being honest sucks. I lost my "goodie" chip. I also lost my "eating in bed" chip. But I still have my "no soda" chip coming. One chip at a time (as I shove a Pringle in my mouth.)

I for one appreciate your post (maybe moreso than others.) Bands, especially ones installed in TJ, seem to have been working for lots of people around here. But we're all mostly so new, that problems could creep up every day. I wish you wellness, peace of mind, and a happy esophagus.

Wow, you've joined the Gap Club? I would love my thighs to be independent of each other!