☠carolinagirl☠

It's been a long while since I have posted, and I'm just sitting here planning my new life and figured I would check in with the few people who read my blog. I hope everyone is doing well and losing what they are working so hard for. I don't actually know what I have lost or gained lately because I decided to stop weighing myself. I was becoming obsessed and making myself sick when I would "plateau" for a day or two. Which I know is normal, especially since I'm not even a month out from surgery. So I haven't gotten on my scale in over a week I think. Which is kinda nice actually, the first 2 days were pretty hard, but now it's nice not worrying about it and knowing that on the 25th I'll know.
 
The 25th is my fill date. I know that I'm going to need the fill, because as of right now when I eat my cup of food it only keeps me full for 2 hours, 3 if I push through the hunger pains. So I am eagerly waiting for my appointment to get a fill, if I wasn't such a wuss I would go sooner, but I need Ty to go with me because I'm scared for some reason, and the 25th is when he has his last two appointments.
 
So I joined the YMCA last night, because our stupid government is broke and the base pool is going to be closed until sometime next year. And I just want to swim! And at the Y I can take Zumba classes. which I love. But if the government wasn't broke-dizzle then I wouldn't have to be spending 40 a month to swim. Which in retrospect isn't that bad since when I swam on a club team it was over a hundred dollars a month for me to swim.
 
So on the topic of swimming, I have created a challenge for myself. I have found a website www.100swimmingworkouts.com that has..yup! you guessed it, 100 swim workouts to do. They start out for beginners with nothing over 1000 yards and builds up to swimming 2 miles by the end of the 100 work outs. I am waiting on a phone call from either my surgeon or nurse to tell me when I am cleared to swim. And when they give me the ok, I am giving myself 6 months to complete the 100 workouts. I am hoping to build up to swimming 5 times a week, which would mean that I would only really need 5 months, but hey, I'm human. I'm giving myself a month buffer incase I skip or miss a workout.
 
If anyone is interested in doing this with me, let me know. I would love to have a motivating companion that I can help motivate right back. I have always loved swimming, and it is one of the healthiest things that I have ever done that I loved as much as food. So I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I'm hoping I won't be a complete mess when I first jump into the pool.
 
Well that's pretty much it for now. Love to hear from anyone with help or a simple hello!
Happy losing everyone!
Shelley

So my big butt was so big it could hold a serving tray. Well it is gone! I need a butt lift and I still have a lot to lose. My husband said I need to have the fat sucked from the belly and put into the butt. I told him they do that in Brazil. Brazil, here we come? It is a nice feeling to know that huge monster is gone and there is still room for improvement. I have a lot of belly fat. I go to the gym but I am sure I need to something else to work it off. The fat took many years to get there and it will take some time to get off the body. my fatonmythighs have lost at least 6" since September (that was when I started taking measurements).
I hope every one realizes that inches count as much as numbers on the metal monster when losing.
Every one enjoy your thinner day, off to the gym now.
:wub:Arlene

the sweet spot that is known as the green zone. Some are lucky and never have to worry about it and some of us have to figure out if we are really in it or not or if it even exists. Since my last fill on Jan 29th I can certainly say it exists. I can easily go 5 hours with need to eat and I never have the cravings or desires to snack. Jan 29th I weighed 346 and this morning I was 313. Today I also had my one year follow up visit and the Center was happy with everything they seen and heard and they feel I am in a very good place right now. They decided that they only need to see me every 6 months but if I have any problems at all with anything or think I need adjustment then call sooner and get in.
 
I still have a long way to go in my journey but sometimes it is good to take a step back and look at the big picture. My Doc took all my measurements this morning and then gave me this print out for a little perspective.
 
 
 

 
I am 93lbs from my personal goal but I am more motivated then ever.
 
My advice to all the new folks considering this option. Patience...this trip requires a lot patience but if you're true to yourself and follow your Docs advice and guidelines you can be successful. With anything there are ups and downs but you have to grind through the low points. Lapband surgery one day and weight loss the next does not happen. It can take some time for the ball to really start rolling.

This rose bush is in front of my house.
 
It stands about 10 feet tall.
 
Love Texas in the spring!!

One of the best parts of getting back on track and living like a compliant bandster is the amazing food I get to eat. Nope, not kidding. I happen to be a pretty darned good cook. The problem is that when I'm not living right with my band, I get lazy. Cooking for one person half the time just doesn't seem "worth it," as if I'm not worth taking care of as much as the other people I cook for. That leads to take out, dining out, fast food, convenience foods, and processed foods. And that leads to weight gain. But when I'm concentrating on improving my life by working with the band, I eat not only healthier foods, but often tastier ones as well.
 
Just in the past week, I made band friendly versions of beef Bourguignon, macaroni and cheese, braised chicken thighs with mushroom sauce, and for dinner tonight, Asian lettuce wraps with chicken and vegetables. It's all fresh, high protein, low fat, unprocessed, organic, and so much better than anything I could get at a supermarket or a cheap restaurant that it makes me shake my head that I ever made those choices. Even with the band, I love to cook, I love to eat, and I love flavorful foods. Now, I'm just finding ways to eat them the right way in the right amounts with the right ingredients.
 
And it just rocks!

Ok I have a question my husband wants to have date night. Something we haven't did in over 7 months. I had my surgery on Jan 21, 2013. How long after surgery did anyone have a drink. I know we are doing dinner and a movie or should I avoid the whole thing.

As kids our parents try to teach us need vs want, especially when it comes to things we want them to buy us. But, I think that this applies to every aspect of our life.
 
When it comes to food, preband I was always about what I wanted to eat, not what I needed. Think about it- how often do you say "hey, what do you need to eat" when are are getting ready to cook dinner- you don't, instead you ask "what do you want to eat".
 
I have come to the point where I must ask myself what do I need, not what do I want. Yesterday I wanted a donut, but it wasn't what I needed. I am 32 years old, it's time I grow up and become more about what I need instead of what I want.
 
So what do I need when it comes to intake:
 
Water (my body needs hydration to stay healthy and in balance)
Protein (this is food for my muscles, my heart is a muscle and it needs this)
Veggies and Fruit (balance baby- our digestive system will be the better for these)
Good Carbs (again, balance carbs are energy food, but we need the good ones, not bad)
Good Fats (yes, we do need fat, but the good ones not the artery clogging ones)
 
Like we were taught in school we need a balance. A balanced intake is a healthy one. I am finding that the longer I am on the journey my needs and wants are coming together. I crave the healthy protein, I want the fruit, I would fight you for my water. I have become a spinich aholic- it gets added to much of what I eat- so healthy yet sooo good. The other day I ate some fast food chicken strips- one- it KILLLED my tummy. My body is adjusting to the healthy life and doesn't like the bad stuff anymore- how great is that.
 
I am just 9 months into this journey, I am only 54 lbs down and wish I was more; but boy do I look forward to continuing this journey. It's not the diets of the past, this one is evolving and making me better as I go. It's not one I want to jump off of and go back to old ways.
 
So, I am now looking at what my body needs and I will endulge my wants in my sexy new clothes my healthy body needs!!

Let me just say that I don't like Head Hunger. There is such a difference in real hunger vs. head hunger. Sadly, it has taken me more than a year after being banded and a lifetime to learn the difference.
 
Since I was very young, I've fought the fat fight. I became a dieting expert....I was the professional at it. I'd loose 10 lb. then gain 20 lb., loose 20 lb. then gain 30 lb., loose 30 lb. then gain 50 lb. Well, you get the idea. I did this until I became a whopping 80-85 lb. overweight expert. It has taken me my lifetime to realize that my stomach isn't hungry....it's my head....it's my psyche.
 
Now that I've learned that, I'm learning how to be an overcomer and a success. During the discovery of this revelation, I've lost 45 lb. I still have 40+ to loose. But, that's not even the best of it....it's getting my psyche under control. I'm on my way at 45 lbs. lighter. Not bragging, just grateful.

I post this here so I can refer back to it often.
 
1) Where you are in life isn’t a measure of your full potential. It’s a measure of how you’ve played life’s cards SO FAR.
 
2) It’s never too late to play your hand a different way.
 
3) If you challenge YOURSELF every day, you’ll have more experience when LIFE challenges YOU.
 
4) Just like muscles need to be broken down to get stronger, sometimes we need to be broken down mentally and
emotionally to get stronger in their respective senses as well.
 
5) Sometimes the people that you thought were good in your life were actually the people stepping on your head.
 
6) Surrounding yourself with positive and uplifting people, thoughts, pictures, quotes, experiences, etc. is the way to
FEEL like you are living a positive and uplifting life. The same is true for the opposite.
 
7) HUGE personal successes start with a LOT of smaller efforts that build a solid foundation for that success.
 
8) When you don’t believe in yourself, other people don’t believe in you either. When you DO believe in yourself, people
get blown away by everything you accomplish.
 
9) Some of the same people that see you turn your life around for the better will try to bring you back down to their level
in order to feel good at the level they are STILL at.
 
10) When those people start to succeed in bringing you down, FIGHT HARDER! KEEP your goals, and know that you
STILL have MORE potential to unleash!
 
11) NEVER GIVE UP! When you give up, you are saying, “I’m not worth it.”
 
12) KNOW that you ARE worth it!
 
13) Life isn’t easy or fair. The people that fare the best are the ones that adapt in difficult situations. Teach yourself to
adapt! Get creative!
 
14) The same routine yields the same results. If you’re unhappy, CHANGE something.
15) Patience!
16) “When you were in high school, college, etc…” < Stop living in the past! Live in the present!
 
17) Stop making excuses! Admit you’re flawed like the rest of the world, and figure out a way to be the BEST version of
yourself.
 
18) The best version of YOURSELF? What is that? Figure it out. Experiment. Stop looking to others for easy answers to
YOUR complicated personal battles.
 
19) Be proud of yourself!
 
20) Taking pride, and being a self-absorbed tool bag are NOT the same. So relax, and talk about your accomplishments
a little. It’s OK! You might even inspire someone else!
 
21) Stop worrying about failure, and “what ifs.” Focus on what you WILL do instead. When you decide to do something,
you find a way to do it. When you worry about failing, you find a way to do IT too.
 
22) Taking care of YOU should be a PRIORITY. It doesn’t make you selfish. It means you have self-respect. Besides,
everyone knows you can’t be fully present for others when you’re not for yourself. Win-win.
 
23) Take out the trash. You’re not a dumpster, so get rid of the garbage in your life. (Whatever that garbage is- people,
food, habits…etc.)
 
24) Allow yourself to be human and have “bad days.” You’re not a superhero. Get over it.
 
25) When you DO have bad days, find a way to re-inspire yourself. Even if it’s just by making a list of things you’ve
learned in life and sharing it in on the internet
 
26)Patience!
 
27)Remove the Drama from your life!

Today was my monthly appointment at True Results. They always have the patients fill out a questionnaire prior to seeing the NP. It asks what your typical meals are, the size (1/2 cup, 1 cup, 1 ½ cups, etc), what exercise you are doing, and so forth. I answered the questions honestly. I am eating 1 to 1 ½ cups per meal and getting hungry between meals.
 
I am happy to say that I am maintaining my weight of 169 pounds. So I don’t know if it is the head or not.
 
When I met with the NP we discussed this and she told me a story about how the head messes with us.
She had a transfer patient come in (they always pull all the fluid out of the band to verify the amount on transfer patients). She pulls out the fluid and puts it right back in (doesn’t add or remove any of the fluid). Two days later the patient calls her saying “I don’t know what you did but I have not restriction.” She has the patient come back in (concerned of a leak), pulls out all the fluid out again (the amount was exactly as it was 2 days earlier) and puts it back (again not adding or removing any fluid). Two days later the patient calls her saying “I am so tight I can’t eat anything” Nothing changed as far as the amount of fluid in her band; it was all in the head. lol
 
I did get a small fill and instructions to get my timer back out and time my bits, put a dime next to my plate for a visual on the size of my bits, and most important, come to the support group on Thursday to help get a hold of this head game I got going on.
 
Maintains is not a walk in the park!

In the WLS journey we will meet all sorts of people: negitive nellies, debbie downers, encouragers, motivators, ect. We will find people at all stages who tell us we are making a mistake, or we will not succeed or we will gain it all back. Then we will find people who will encourage and motivate us to continue on the journey and keep working hard.
 
However, I think the worst enemy we run accross is ourselves. I have long know that I was my worst enemy. I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. For many years though I took a break from honestly looking at my weight. Once I did confront it and realize where I was and I had to do something about it, I have been really hard on myself. Maybe I don't forgive myself for allowing me to get to the 240's.
 
Now I am always second guessing myself- as I losing enough, what am I doing wrong, did I eat to much, did I eat enough. Honestly, the first months weren't to bad, the weight easily melted off and it was a true honeymoon period. Now, I am in the trenches fighting for ever ounce. I am always asking myself, am I drinking enough, am I eating to much - to little, am I moving enough. Can I, Will I?
 
The bottom line is I, me, myself is the ONLY one who can make this journey a success or failure. My doctor and NUT want me to succeed, hey it only makes them look good. The negitive people want me to fail. However, I am the only one with the power to do it or not. I must make the decisions to eat as I am told, to eat better higher quality foods, to move more and sit less.
 
There are people on this site that have done nothing short of AMAZING!! Amazing isn't a strong enough word here. I mean Missy- come on- 200 lbs in a little over a year- WOW that is fantastic. Carolina girl- 100lbs in 9 months- fabulous. Then there are the people on here that complain about the band not working or questioning is it okay to eat a whole pizza or did they just hurt their band by doing it. Then there are people, that I count myself in, that are trucking along- that aren't having grand losses, but aren't gaining either.
 
I have to say I am the one to blame for not doing as well as some. While I do move more than I did, I don't move as much as I could. When I got home yesterday, I should have taken my fat hind parts and hit the elliptical- instead I took it to the chair and relaxed due to a exhausting day at work. Those are the days when I need someone to slap my hind parts and tell me to get the h$%% up and MOVE.
 
I also am not as strick in my food as others. I was afraid that if I cut certain things out of my diet (carbs) that I would certainly relapse to being over weight. I wanted to hit a balance of eating anything I want just not as much. Well, that has worked pretty good (lost 50+ lbs), but I am starting to think after a 3 month SLLLLLOOOOOWWWW down in loss that I may have to reevaluate the situation. What can I cut or what can I cut more than I have. Like I said I am the only one with the power and I must enforce it.
 
I know that I will be to the point I am no longer obese and I believe I will get out of or at least to the low over weight BMI range, but I will do it in time. I will not do it in year, but by the 3 year post op mark I want to be in the wonderful 140's or at the least 150-155.
 
I have the power to do this- I just have to use the force!! May the force be with you to!!

I really need to learn to do these often. I am the Queen of Unrealistic Expectations. I'm a smart girl, so I know and understand that 1-2 lbs per weeks is the average and is considered by my doctor and the entire bariatric surgery community to be good weight loss, but that somehow does not stop me from being disappointed when I don't lose more. So what do I do? I need to give myself a reality check.
 
While I was moping about "only" losing 1.6 lbs this week after entering my progress into MFP, my eye caught on the list at the bottom of the screen of previous losses. That told the tale of how I lost weight during the first few months after surgery, before I got frustrated at not finding the green zone and gave up on my band. Before I regained about half of what I lost. And what did I see there? I had lost 25 lbs in less than 3 months. That was FANTASTIC! Maybe if I had focused on that accomplishment instead of becoming impatient and whiney over what I wanted to lose, I wouldn't have cheated myself out of all those months of real progress.
 
Lesson learned. From now on, when I start to get impatient and frustrated and to compare myself to others who seem to be losing soooooo much faster, I'm going to remember to give myself a reality check. I'm not running a race, I'm changing my life. It WILL happen, as long as I keep working. So that is exactly what I will do.

I wish I could take credit for these words but I can't... I found them deep and thought provoking as I deal with life and try to remain positive. I hope you enjoy!
 
 
The Obstacles of Life by Bill Nelson
 
Life presents us with a wide array of opportunities. Life provides a great deal of enjoyment and happiness. Life teaches a variety of lessons And life brings its own set of challenges. There is probably nothing here you don't already know. But what about those days when everything that can possibly go wrong does. Those days when things just go that little bit left of center to the point of annoying the daylights out of you.
Hopefully these types of days are very few and far between, but the reality is we have to deal with a day like this every now and then. What are some of the key obstacles of life and how do they have an ability to influence each other?
Rather than try and cover every possible scenario and situation that could cause these days of frustration to come about, and then to grow and get worse, we are just going to focus on four areas:
Four areas that as single entities can slow you down; and four areas that also have the ability to flow from one to another to create a decrease in momentum of quite significant proportions.
These four obstacles of life are:
o Fear
o Worry
o Anger
o Doubt
Let's first take a look at each one individually and then also see how they can lead from one to the other.
1. Fear
Most of the time fear comes about because we believe that we are about to suffer, in some way or another, from what the future will bring
The fear can sometimes be generated by fact, and at other times, by perception. But the bottom line is, we know how we feel when we are fearful.
But how do we overcome this fear?
Face your fears and overcome those fears. Sounds great in theory but is a lot harder in practical reality. Nevertheless, the concept is probably not far from the truth.
A word of caution: if you are going to face your fears, just take your time and do it slowly and methodically.
2. Worry
Life can somehow get us to worry about many different things. Some of us worry a lot and some of us have the ability not to get to worried about anything.
But what is it that causes us to worry the most? Well we all know that there are a million answers to this question, but let me share this with you: our fear, or what has generated that fear, also can get us to worry.
So the cycle gains momentum from one obstacle to the next. Fear can make us start to worry.
3. Anger
Not sure about you, but I can get angry about some things that would not affect anyone else; while on the other hand, I don't get angered by things that I know drive others into uncontrollable tirades.
A great many things can generate anger, such as situations, thoughts, people, failure and frustration.
But sometimes anger is generated as a defense mechanism: a mechanism that is supposedly trying to help when we sometimes get spooked by other emotions, such as fear and worry.
So now our cycle has three stages to it:
Fear triggers worry Fear and worry can generate anger
4. Doubt
Life continues to roll on, and as it does there can be many reasons why the element of doubt could be generated.
o Doubt about our ability to be successful
o Doubt about our ability to get the job done
o Doubt about our ability to reach the levels to which we aspire
o Doubt about what the future holds
o Doubt about whether you can be a great Partner/Parent/Friend
Once again, my doubts are (no doubt) different to your doubts. And our friend's doubts would be different again. So doubts can be generated by many different reasons, which are not necessarily right or wrong. But what about when our doubt is generated by our fear, worry, and anger?
What happens then? Well what happens is we continue to add another negative element into our cycle of obstacles of life. Individually theses emotions can slow our progress through life. But start to see them together and they have the ability to apply the brakes to life and apply them hard.
My message through all of this is to make sure that you are not your own worst enemy in this. Take care that you are not generating and perpetuating a cycle of emotions that will see your obstacles of life become stronger and longer.
The Journey Continues
 
 
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/584787

Today, my housemate very sheepishly asked me for a favor. She asked if it would freak me out or upset me if I made a batch of Mac n' cheese. I am famous across several states for my baked Mac n' cheese. No soupy sauces, just a cheese-laden bowl of goodness so dense that you could cut it into squares to serve it and each square would hold its shape until attacked with a fork. Oh, how I love the stuff.
 
My first reaction was to think that I couldn't do it, because I couldn't face the temptation of having such a yummy, calorie laden treat around the house and me not be able to eat it. Then I stopped and thought. Yes, I have a band now, which means I have to make better choices with food, but I will be making those choices for the rest of my life if I want to be successful. Can I really contemplate an eternity without ever eating Mac n'cheese? Would I even want to? So I came up with a plan, and I have to say, I'm pretty brilliant.
 
I made my housemate my old fashioned Mac n'cheese the way I always do. No weighing, no measuring, just put the stuff in til it looks right, then stick it in the over and let the magic happen. But at the same time, I made a second, much smaller batch just for me. For MY batch, I used whole wheat pasta to eliminate the white flour and raise the fiber content. Then I weighed and measured the exact amount of cheese that would go into the bowl. I measured each additional ingredient carefully and programmed the whole thing into My Fitness Pal so that it would calculate exactly how many calories are in each serving. And you know what? It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Not only did it taste just as good as the orginial version, but my 1/4 cup serving had a good amount of protein between the pasta, cheese, egg and milk in the recipe. It also had an amount of calories that easily fit into my daily meal plan alongside a serving of lean meat. I found that 1/4 c just as satisfying as the bowl I would have eaten previously and it felt like a huge NSV to reshape the recipe and eat a healthy amount of a "normal" food.
 
Go me!
 
Now, that isn't to say that the lingering traces of the old me didn't think briefly about eating the entire batch in one sitting, but with my latest fill, I know that I honestly couldn't do it without getting sick. My band would stop me. Finally. But even more than that, I know I'll enjoy each small serving more knowing that I'm still living as a compliant bandster and that I'm still on track to meet my goals.
 
So, I'll say it again: Go me!!!
 

Well Good Morning to all of you LapBanders! Are you having a wonderful day, are you having a successful lap band journey? Well I am choosing to have a wonderful day and I have had a wonderful lap band journey. If you can't answer yes to both of those question, you need to ask yourself WHY the H E L L NOT!
 
Hi, my name is Diane, Love to all my BFF's on lap band talk. I have been banded since October 2010, and yes I am a successful lapband participant. I set her dormant most of the time, surfing the site, occasional liking a post or making a comment. I don't really get caught up in all the Bull S H I T that goes on in the blogs or on the forums, because honestly people are going to do what they want and you can't fix stupid.
 
My philosophy on life is to live to the fullest and you get out of life what your willing to put into it. There are times in life when we all ask the question,"Why is this happening to me?" God, why do you put so much burden on me? Seriously, how much more can I take or can I do?
 
Seriously folks don't ask those questions because, life is just that LIFE and it will always throw you curve balls and it will always put obstacles in your path, it is how YOU chose to deal with the curve balls and the obstacles that defines your path. If you want to be successful or optimistic about anything it is your attitude that is your defining grace.
 
Let me explain:
What is a pessimist?
a person who habitually sees or anticipates the worst or is disposed to gloomy.

What is an optimist?
the tendency to EXPECT the best and see the best in things, hopeful, confident.

Now I want you to read both of those definitions and take a good internal look at your self, stand in front of the mirror and ask your self, Am I a pessimist or an optimist?
 
If that person staring back at you from the mirror is a pessimist, I am here to tell you, YOU WILL FAIL at this WL Journey. You will never lose all your weight, you will struggle at every obstacle the band throws your way. You will whine about being hungry, you will whine about being stuck, you will whine about not losing weight, you will blame the band, the surgeon and everyone on this sit who has been successful or is really trying. Face it everyone, trying to lose weight sucks, and it is hard whether you have Lap Band or some other tool helping you. It is going to be hard work but if you believe in yourself, NOT the BAND, you can and WILL be successful I know because I was and am!
 
So the next time life throws you Lemons, instead of crying over split milk, Make a nice cool, refreshing glass of Lemon Ade sugar free of course.
 
Today, I dedicate my blog to my mother. My mother is 84 years old and is dealing with Dementia. Well maybe I should say we are dealing with mama having Dementia. Honestly I never thought we would be here, my mama was always such a vibrant lady, always a on the go, the life of the party. But now she is scared and lost and what is the saddest is she knows she is lost. She woke up yesterday morning at my house and walked out of her room like a frightened 2 year old waking from a bad dream. She was disheveled and crying. "Di, how did I get here? I went to bed in one place and woke up here? How did I get here?" She was sobbing, it broke my heart to watch. It took us the better part of the morning to reconstruct the night but with time and patience she was able to put her night back together and realize why she was with me instead of at her place. You see we are relocating my mama to be closer to me and my brothers, she had spent 4 days of hell, saying goodbye to all her old friends, her great grand children and grand daughter. She had packed her 84 years up in boxes and loaded them on a big truck. She spent the night in a hotel, had lost her suit case and drove for 8 hours, unpacked a truck into her new home, went to dinner in a strange town, went to bed in a strange bed and woke up scared. Now I ask you, What would you do or feel? Lost, scared, unsure of what is happen, Yes you would and so would I. I told my mama it was going to be OK! She said to me" Di, it may be OK but it will never be the same!." WOW what a powerful statement, and you know what she is right, it will never be the same. But it will be OK, and why will it be OK, because we are choosing to be optimistic.
 
We all know the end result of Dementia, you slowing lose your present, live in your past and forget that there is a tomorrow! So why not make the most of what time you have left of today and continue to enjoy life. We could all give up on mama and just pretend this isn't happening or let others deal with it but is that really fair?
 
So you see, life has now thrown me another curve ball or more lemons, I have whined, I have cried, I have asked those questions, Oh why me and my mama but today, today I am choosing to be hopeful and confident that my mama will slowly descend into the shadows of darkness known as Dementia, I am choosing to be hopeful that she can remain independent with minimal assistance from her family. I am choosing to make Lemon Ade. I know the odds, I know what the final outcome will be but it truly is about the journey and I am choosing to make this a wonderful, hopeful journey for me, mama and my family.
 
So friends I ask you again are you a Pessimist or an Optimist and if you are a pessimist may I suggest you look really long and hard at that person staring back at you from the mirror and ask WHY?
 

Not the self control needed to keep from eating. Thanks to yesterday's fill, I'm currently honeymooning in the luxury resort of little food = long satiety. Yay me.
 
No, I'm talking about the self control it takes me to remove myself from a conversation with no constructive outcome. The self control it takes not to yell and scream and tear out my hair when someone exhibits just how widespread the stigmatization of the obese in our culture has gone. It's so accepted in our culture to hate obesity and the people who suffer from it,that we have successfully convinced the obese to hate themselves.
 
Personally, I hate being fat. I hate it so much that I underwent weight loss surgery in the hopes of becoming thin. But I spent enough years in therapy in the meantime to understand that the reason we hate obesity is the same reason why racists hate minorities and homophobes hate gays--because we are afraid of them, and afraid of what they tell us about ourselves. We have managed to convince ourselves that people with the disease of obesity (and yes, the National Association of Chronic Disease Doctors classifies it as a disease, as well as many experts in endocrinology and associated sciences) are entirely at fault for their own condition and should view them selves with the same condemnation and disgust and shame that our culture view them.
 
Do people who are overweight generally eat too much? Yes, but science is only beginning to understand that there are biological reasons WHY we eat too much, that there are disorders systems in our bodies (endocrine, neurological, etc) that do not react the same way that those in individuals without the disease react. There is something more wrong with an obese person than that they eat too much and move too little. If eating less and moving more were a real solution, no one would be fat, and WLS would not exist.
 
It makes me so angry and so emotionally hurt when people who struggle with obesity deny the idea that it is a disease, that it is not just a matter of being greedy and lazy and no damn good that makes us weigh too much, because if we agree with the rest of the world that we should hate ourselves, what hope for real happiness will we ever have, no matter how much weight we gain or lose?

Okay so I am going to be totally 100% honest here on what lapband has meant to me:
 
1- A chance to like how my body looks.
2- A chance to shop in the "normal" section.
3- A chance to be healthy as I age.
4- A chance to take my life back.
5- A chance to learn.
 
 
I know many of these are vain, but it's the truth. I mean be honest here, who doesn't want to look in the mirror and go damn I look good- or at the least look in the mirror and go uh, I look pretty good. For the ladies out there, I am sure you will agree- it's nice to lose weight and see that little glimmer of somethin' somethin' in your significant other's eye. I want to be sexy for my hubs and have him be proud of what I look like on the outside as he is about what is on the inside. And, yes, dang it- it feel darn good to be able to buy clothing the size doesn't have a W attached.
 
I am 32 now and while I was healthy when I had surgery with no health issues and rarely ever needed a doctor- I knew that those days were numbered. I knew it time I would likely end up diabetic like my dad, or with heart issues like my brother and grandfather or any other major health problems. I wanted to insure that as I age I can do it in a healthy manner.
 
As far as taking my life back, I had come to the point where I realized food ruled my life. My co-workers and I would spend an hour in the mornings discussing and deciding on where we would go for lunch. I ate crap and would feel like crap. I would over eat and have horrible indigestion and stomach cramps that would make me feel aweful. I wanted to rule my food, not it ruling me.
 
Leaning- I think I will always be a learner/researcher. I love to read and study- I could be a professional student if I had enough money. I have read a lot of health, food, calories- basically how our bodies work. I like understanding things better. Now I know if I would have know some of this earlier, boy it would have made a difference. The way I look at food and what I put in my body is totally different. But, will I ever eat something totally decadent and sinfully calorie loaded again - yep. Being honest here- I fully intend on having some Red Velvet Cheesecake Factory Cheese cake for my anniversary. The difference in pre and post band - that cheese cake slice will not all be eaten by me and it will now follow a huge equally calorie loaded meal and it will not take place multiple time of year. This is not about restricted myself for everything I love, it's about a balance between over doing ( which was what I did before ) and driving myself crazy with restrictions.
 
This journey is going to be long, God willing, (the rest of my life). Everyday is a choice, every meal is a choice - I am the only one to blame or pat on the back for my choices because they are MINE. I want all the things that the band gave me a chance at, but the only way I am going to achieve it is if I do my part. The only person I can cheat is myself.

Have you ever taken a bit of something and as you are chewing it you think “this is way too big of a bit” so you stuff half the bit in your cheek and swallow the other half? And a few seconds later you swallow the half in your cheek… How did that work out for you?
 
It has never worked out successfully for me. Usually within minutes I am at the sink or toilet watching the bits go down the drain… sorry if this is TMI.
 
I hate it when this happens and often it happens when I an overly hungry or the meal is really tasty. That makes it even worse because it ends the meal completely for me.
 
So, I have to remember to take small bits, even when it is really really good and chew them completely, otherwise my yellow rose will reject them and I will not enjoy my meal.
 
Lesson learned; I am not a squirrel!

Its my first post! Good lord, it takes some legit effort to navigate this site haha!
 
I am officially a week out from my surgery, and real talk, I have been down for the count. I had the laproscopic procedure, outpatient surgery, allergan band. For all the hoopla about this being minimally invasive, I've been hurtin'! I don't know if I've been hurting this badly because I didn't move around as much as I should have or if I really have the world weakest pain tolerance. Either way, its been rough. I struggled a lot with pain from gas in my stomach through day four. I'm good with my liquids consumption now but I've definitely had to work up to it. I really just hope the next week flies by because I am SO OVER liquids right now haha! I've been having to cheat and add a cup of chocolate soy milk to my protein shakes because they're starting to taste so gross. My starting weight was 315 at my very first appt, I was at 300.8 the day of surgery, and floating between 290-289 today(7 days post op). I'm resisting temptation and only weighing myself every Tuesday. On top of that, I'm doing a body shot every 4 weeks. Good gawwwd, the pre-op ones I took (In what I'm now loving referring to as my 'goal-kini') was a blow to the self confidence lol. I swear by spanx and can dress my shape really well... seeing it all hang out like that was not an image I wanted to see. But hey, gotta see where you came from to know where you're going.
 
If you read this, drop me a line or comment! I'm trying to meet some people on here since I don't have a support group nearby.

So yesterday I was telling yall how I had fallen off the wagon and how depressed I had been for the pass couple of days, due to death in the family. I also was telling yall that I was getting back on the wagon starting today. Well I am happy to say I hit the gym and my personal trainer running this morning. And it felt great. I am learning so much about myself it's unreal. Since starting this I'm more active than I have been in a long time. And for once I'm putting me first. Things happen in life that will knock you down. The object is deciding what you going to do when you get up. Enjoy the rest of your day.

http://dailyhealthpost.com/are-bananas-as-bad-for-you-as-cookies/?utm_source=taboola#axzz2NXmpdREq

Get your ass moving AJ! You have been slacking on this. The Fitbit doesn't lie. It shows that your daily steps are way down, no where near the 10,000 step per day goal. And what happened to taking the stairs at work???? Slacking there too!
 
Vacation is over! First tine tomorrow you will get moving. Tomorrow, hell, what is wrong with right now?
 
Stop typing and get moving! NOW!!!!
 
Will do, just as soon as this video is over. OK, as long as you dance during the video!!!
 

There are no words to describe how much my life has changed in 6 months. All I know that even with the pain and complications I would do this again in a hearbeat. My mind is finally catching up to my physical reality and I'm loving this.
 
I've dropped 72 lbs since starting this journey, I went from wearing size 18/20 jeans to now fitting in 12/14s. (which I haven't seen since high school...if then).
 
I constantly thought that I would be so happy if reached this point, and don't get me wrong I'm ecstatic. But I won't give up until I finally reach my goal, which is 50 lbs away....
 
In less than a month I turn 30. I realized that it is about celebrating a new milestone in my life and enjoying this new chapter in this new rocking body. I've let go about trying to reach a number on that scale by a specific time. This is for the rest of my life, so what's the hurry :-)
 
So let's see where 30 takes me :-)

I don't know if I give this the right title. But today for lunch I made some spinach and salmon. I cut the salmon in half, and put everything in my bowel. And about half way through a light blub went off that said ok that's enough eating now stop. And without thinking I put my fork down, closed the lid on my food and put it up. Is that normal.

I'm actually fairly certain that I'm not a nation in central Eastern Europe, but beyond that, things start to get fuzzy. While I was off the bandwagon, I forgot all the rules about listening to my body and my band to determine what was hunger and what was head hunger. Actually, it would be more correct to say that I ignored all those rules, and now that I'm trying to pay attention again, I think my skills have rusted.
 
I'm not sure I was ever very good at really distinguishing between head hunger and real hunger, but at the moment, making that distinction seems harder than ever. Maybe it's because I was a slacker for so long, or maybe it's because during the coming ten days, making the distinction is going to be the difference between getting an additional fill at my next appointment and not getting one. I think the pressure is getting to me. I'm back on solids today and trying to tell how long one of my small meals is really lasting me, and I'm having trouble deciding. I know the only thing to do is to track my calories, get all my protein and keep at it, but that isn't actually helping my confusion.
 
For now, I think I'll just eat my meals and wait for my stomach to growl and know that does mean I'm hungry.
 
And maybe I'll learn what a soft stop is before I hit my 10 year bandiversary. :-)