Meaning.....

Okay so I am going to be totally 100% honest here on what lapband has meant to me:

1- A chance to like how my body looks.

2- A chance to shop in the "normal" section.

3- A chance to be healthy as I age.

4- A chance to take my life back.

5- A chance to learn.

I know many of these are vain, but it's the truth. I mean be honest here, who doesn't want to look in the mirror and go damn I look good- or at the least look in the mirror and go uh, I look pretty good. For the ladies out there, I am sure you will agree- it's nice to lose weight and see that little glimmer of somethin' somethin' in your significant other's eye. I want to be sexy for my hubs and have him be proud of what I look like on the outside as he is about what is on the inside. And, yes, dang it- it feel darn good to be able to buy clothing the size doesn't have a W attached.

I am 32 now and while I was healthy when I had surgery with no health issues and rarely ever needed a doctor- I knew that those days were numbered. I knew it time I would likely end up diabetic like my dad, or with heart issues like my brother and grandfather or any other major health problems. I wanted to insure that as I age I can do it in a healthy manner.

As far as taking my life back, I had come to the point where I realized food ruled my life. My co-workers and I would spend an hour in the mornings discussing and deciding on where we would go for lunch. I ate crap and would feel like crap. I would over eat and have horrible indigestion and stomach cramps that would make me feel aweful. I wanted to rule my food, not it ruling me.

Leaning- I think I will always be a learner/researcher. I love to read and study- I could be a professional student if I had enough money. I have read a lot of health, food, calories- basically how our bodies work. I like understanding things better. Now I know if I would have know some of this earlier, boy it would have made a difference. The way I look at food and what I put in my body is totally different. But, will I ever eat something totally decadent and sinfully calorie loaded again - yep. Being honest here- I fully intend on having some Red Velvet Cheesecake Factory Cheese cake for my anniversary. The difference in pre and post band - that cheese cake slice will not all be eaten by me and it will now follow a huge equally calorie loaded meal and it will not take place multiple time of year. This is not about restricted myself for everything I love, it's about a balance between over doing ( which was what I did before ) and driving myself crazy with restrictions.

This journey is going to be long, God willing, (the rest of my life). Everyday is a choice, every meal is a choice - I am the only one to blame or pat on the back for my choices because they are MINE. I want all the things that the band gave me a chance at, but the only way I am going to achieve it is if I do my part. The only person I can cheat is myself.