My Life as Liz

I personally don't think a liquid diet adequately prepares you for this lifestyle change. But every program is different. This is the binder for the program I am going through. The sleeve portion is not it it, but the band portion is nearly identical. www.permanente.net/kaiser/pdf/39806.pdf It's a great resource if nothing else. Good luck on your journey!

I'm glad you figured out what it is. I knew it wasn't from loose skin. As far as removal of excess skin goes, I've been told 18 months to 2 years post op.

I hope your fever gets resolved soon. I wanted to share that I've lost about 30lbs and my clothes really aren't all that different yet. I think it all depends on how big you are to begin with. Like how a normal weight person can lose 5lbs and maybe drop a size, losing 5lbs is nothing (size wise) to me. And I know I will be mourning my loss of being able to eat whatever I want. I hope I can do what you did and still bake things and not eat them. I love baking cakes from scratch. And I'm refraining from doing so at the moment b/c I also love (or hopefully used to love) eating the batter in the process.

http://www.permanente.net/homepage/kaiser/pdf/39806.pdf This is the best resource I have found out there. (I am a little biased since it's the program I'm following, but it really is great.) The sleeve portion is not in this pdf, but it is near IDENTICAL to the LabBand portion. The only thing is that you will probably not be eating as much as they say you will as you progress through the stages. This pdf is also great because it goes over psychological issues you could come across as well. Of the other programs I have seen, I like this one the best. Either way, I think there is a ton of good information in it and it's worth checking out. Good Luck!

My dr says to have Milk of Magnesia. I'm guessing it will have a similar effect.

I feel you. This surgery scares the **** out of me! My biggest fear is that I don't want to die. I haven't yet pin pointed my others other than general worry. I know I want to go through with this because of my health issues and because I know I can lose weight on my own, but I also know that I won't be able to lose as much as I want to to be healthy. I know this won't be easy. I know it won't fix all my problems. Some times I just want to say no, I don't want to do it. But I think, I hope... this will be a good thing. I don't particularly like change, so that part scares me too. But with the 30ish lbs I've lost so far, I feel much better, I know this is something I want to stick with even though I know how hard it will be. Idk if that makes any sense. I just feel that this is the tool I need to get me where I want to be. The good outweighs the bad. Especially when the bad is that I won't be able to eat badly anymore. I think we all go through feeling like this. I know I am.

I finally got to use my Wii Fit today! And I love it!! I love it so much I cried while playing it. I don't know if Kaiser's scales are the same as the Wii Fit's, but according to the WF I'm down 2.4lbs! I'm so glad b/c I was scared I would gain b/c I feel like I've been eating kinda badly. But that just proves how much I've changed. My eating badly now is nothing like my eating badly before I really took this seriously. It's crazy. I was wearing less clothing than at my official weigh-in, so that is probably like a 10oz difference. I should just STFU! Any loss is good. We just don't want the scale going up.

We walked (2.6 miles) to the parents house and I used their scale. It said that I'm 1.6lbs from goal. So I'm excited to see what my actual weight is at the support group tonight. Hopefully they will have the scale there. I do have to go there early to pick up another binder, so I may just see if I can be weighed then. Since watching I Used To Be Fat, I've been motivated to eat right (better) and exercise more. But the exercising part backfired. I over did it or tweaked something b/c my back hurts like hell. I'm going to call physical therapy today to see if they can fit me in. For about a minute there I was feeling like I could do this on my own with exercise and eating right. But I don't think I can. I think I really do need the help of the sleeve. With how bad my back hurts right now, I know I can't exercise how I want to for the weight to come off until the weight comes off first. If I will even be able to exercise how I want to when I'm smaller. I know I'm stuck with my back problems for life, but I was really hoping that they'd get better to the point where I wouldn't have to worry about doing something and being laid up for up to a week at a time. Luckily I can still walk, but the way it feels, it could turn worse at any time. I just feel like without surgery I won't be able to lose the weight on my own since I can't exercise as much as I want to so even though I know I could lose weight on my own, I don't feel like I would lose as much as I want to because I'll need to exercise and right now that seems impossible even though I actually want to now. >.< Just wanted to share that before I start my day. I have to get ready, drive an hour, go to the dentist, go to my parents house, do laundry, do errands I can only do down there, go to support group, then have dinner with one of my besties. I'm kinda wishing I had bought the cupcake makeup bag from Tilly's. It would make getting ready to leave a little easier. Haha, I must share this too. So I got a pair of cupcake earrings on Sunday from Tilly's. Now I'm telling people that they're my favorite kind of cupcakes because they don't hurt me here *rubs tummy* or here *pinches tummy*.

If the scale at the gym is to be believed, I am at goal. I am skeptical of this because I feel that I have been eating badly lately. BUT if this is true, it is completely awesome! And either way, I'm finally feeling like I want it again. I want to eat plan. I want to work out. I want to stop eating crap and I want to lose the weight. I was so scared there for a little while that I had gained and had 5+lbs to go instead of just 2. I can only assume my next weigh in will be next Wednesday, the 15th. I will definitely make it to the meeting. I made sure of it. (The meetings I go to are the first and third Wednesdays of every month. So 6ish months ago at my last dentist appointment, I made my next appointment purposely a group day.) I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. Like, I'm not jumping for joy like I thought I would. I didn't cry. But we'll see. I have to wonder if watching MTV's "I Used To Be Fat" helped a little bit. I took a Turbo Kick Boxing class today at the gym after work. It kind of amazes me that I even did it because work was so busy (I did 21 cuts) and I was tired, but I still did it. And I did the whole thing. And I want to do it again. But I am anticipating being sore tomorrow. Which seems a little crazy of me only because we're having a sale this weekend and that usually means being HELLA busy. One thing I do need to work on: showering immediately after working out. I was going to, but I attempted to do laundry first but all the washers were taken (apartment complex), made dinner and ate it since it was already 8p. And sat on the couch watching Super Skinny Me (It's a neat British documentary, not sure if it's BBC or not) while I ate. Then we did laundry and I watched I Used To Be Fat while waiting for it to finish. And I still need to shower but I'm posting here first.

Losing weight won't magically make you feel better about yourself (this was hard for me to come to terms with). I noticed you said pretty twice when you were talking about other girls. You can be pretty and fat (and you are! You're very pretty in your profile pic!). I am (a pretty fat chick). And there are a TON of ugly skinny girls! TONS! Therapy might help. I know I need it. Badly. Just can't afford it right now. The support group I attend says, "we fix the plumbing, you have to take care of the electrical."

What a cu#t! It's people like her who are a waste. You should def file a complaint! I would. I'd do everything in my power to show what a horrible person she is. But I'm vengeful like that. You're a beautiful girl. F her and people like her.

My surgeon will give me up to 4 weeks off and I'm going to take them. I am a hair stylist and my job can be very physically demanding. A former coworker of mine had R&Y done a few years ago and she had a really hard time coming back to work after surgery. Work was so exhausting for her at first, and she took 4 weeks off. I think it really depends on what you do. One person I know said her energy didn't come back till she was 6 weeks out. I've had people in my support group say they only needed 2 weeks. They must have desk jobs. Plus I want to use my time off to really cement all the habits I will need to be successful after surgery. My work schedule is so inconsistent that I can't do that while working.

I feel like I should write something here. Plus I have to wait for all my B2B pics to upload to FB. There's a facebook group for the support group I go to irl. The topic came up of excess fat. So I wanted to talk a little about it. In an established thread I asked 'how does one determine how much excess fat they have?' The answer I got was 'BMI.' My response was as follows: 'I'm not a BMI fan, but it's probably a good starting point. I was once told by a trainer at the gym who did a body fat pinch test on me that I have 140lbs of everything that isn't fat. So minus the muscle I'll lose as I lose weight that sounds about right based on what I think my sister weighs and my build. But 200 is skinny for me, so anything past that is amazing.' The response was, 'I'll take the drs advice over a gym trainer any day.' I feel like my response wasn't interpreted correctly. Which is ok. I don't feel like getting more into it on there. What my response was getting at: This was like 9 years ago when I had this specific body fat pinch test done at the 24hr Fitness location I used to go to when I still lived at home. According to the guy who did it, I have 140lbs of muscle, bones, organs, etc. Everything else was fat. Not necessarily all excess fat because the body needs fat. Just not as much as I've got. So for the longest time I was under the impression that I will never weigh less than 140lbs. I explained this to my boyfriend probably about a month ago and he said this logic was flawed. Now I don't know his reasoning, but I now understand why it is flawed. But none the less, I must say, it is a good reference point. So it's flawed because as I lose weight, I will lose muscle as well because my body won't need as much muscle to support 280lbs as it will say 150lbs. Therefore, it is possible for me to weigh under 140lbs. My sister and I have the same figure shape. Shes an inch or two shorter than me and we have about the same build, she is maybe a little smaller. I'm probably about a medium build. The smallest she's ever been was a size 6 in college. She is usually about an 8 or 10 depending on the clothing item, but is bigger now because she's pregnant, which is expected. So based on what I think she weighs normally, 140lbs isn't a bad guess for me. Because BMI was brought up, I googled it and looked at 3 sites to get an average number. I'm 5 '5.5". Here are what the sites said: 5' 5" 113lbs - 138lbs 5' 6" 117lbs - 143lbs 5' 5.5" 114lbs - 145lbs (small build, medium build, large build) 5' 5" 117-130 127-141 137-155 5' 6" 120-133 130-144 140-159 Given these numbers I would think that I would be somewhere between 120lbs and 145lbs. I would absolutely love to weigh under 150lbs. And I'm 99.9% sure that I will never weigh under 120lbs. Or if I did, I'd look way too skinny. In conclusion, what the guy at the gym told me is fairly accurate. I just don't think my point came across in my original comment. 209lbs is the lowest I have ever been in my adult life. Size 20 is the smallest I've been (on bottom, I'm pear shaped.) 200lbs and a size 20 is skinny for me. When I get down to a size 18 I can say, "I haven't been this small since 5th grade." If I get down to 150lbs I can say, "I haven't weighed this much since I was 10."

My birthday is in a week and my mom wants to know if I want her to bake a cake, buy a cake, or get something at the restaurant we're going to. I don't know what to tell her. I'm already planning to eat a little badly (but nowhere near as bad as I would have if I wasn't following a pre-op meal plan) b/c it's my birthday and I was planning on maybe having a drink (I'm not a drinker, but I'd like to have the option, plus I won't be drinking after surgery), so idk about cake. Honestly I could take it or leave it. If I had to choose though, I'd choose a homemade cake (sounds like I answered my own question). I feel like everyone else would be expecting something. On top of this no one in my family knows about my wanting to get the sleeve. My bf says that if I'm going to have a drink I shouldn't have cake. I don't necessarily agree with him (I like to keep my options open b/c change my mind so often), but I know he's probably right. I don't want to hurt my mom cause she wanted to get me a cake. Idk if it would even upset her. It's just she said she was thinking about buying a cake and I said idk if I wanted cake and she seemed dissappointed. If there's cake I'll probably want to eat it. But unlike before where I'd want the whole cake, now I'd just want a piece. Thoughts?

I'm trying to figure out just how much this surgery is really going to cost me. I don't have a surgery date, but I like to plan in advance. I want to take a month off, so I'm trying to figure out what I need to save for and how much I need to save up for it. Here's what I've got so far. We pretty much live paycheck to paycheck, so this is pretty important for me. I pretty much know how much each of these things is going to be. Rent Surgery Health Insurance - I'll have to pay this instead of having it taken out of my paychecks automatically Groceries - whatever I'll need for after surgery including Vitamins and my bf needs to eat, the cat needs to eat PG&E Comcast Credit Card(s) bill Entertainment - gas money, bridge toll, etc. I don't want to be bored out of my mind. Laundry quarters Lost wages My cell phone bill Gym membership Follow up doctor visits Is there anything I'm forgetting? How much do vitamins cost anyway? How many follow up doctor visits did you have in the first month out? Did you get bored? What did you about it? I figure if I over save, then that's awesome. I just don't want to not have saved enough. ~Liz

http://www.permanente.net/homepage/kaiser/pdf/39806.pdf The pre-op meal plan about a third of the way down is fantastic. I'm following it now and it works. Plus all the other stuff in the binder helps too. Good luck.

I'm going though Kaiser Richmond. I have Dr.Im. Originally I wanted the lapband, but decided against it mostly because I am scared that I'll be starving and only able to eat a tiny bit, and that seems stupid to have a major surgery and have it not help, like I'm afraid if I did get the band that I wouldn't be successful. That was my biggest fear. Plus Kaiser doesn't do revisions. I haven't had surgery yet. I'm about 7/8 lbs from my pre-op goal weight. None of the other complications really bother me, weird huh. The reason I don't want R&Y is b/c when I get married some day I am going to have cake and I am not going to suffer (dumping syndrome) for it! And my bf doesn't want me to get it cause of the malabsorbtion (sp?) part. Plus the sleeve just seems like a better choice for me. I am still nervous as hell though. I'm planning on taking a whole month off work since I'm a hair stylist and can't imagine doing my job with no energy. Plus I want the time to really get my new eating habits down, especially with how crazy my work schedule can get. And one of my former coworkers had the R&Y (that's how I found out kaiser did wls) and she had a hard time coming back to work at first.

I <3 my new doctor. She's so nice! And pretty. She was able to answer all my questions and check me out. She gave me antibiotics for my throat b/c she saw some spots that shouldn't be there and took a culture for strep. Then I had a blood test for allergies and got med refills. The lab tech was able to get blood on the first try instead of poking me 4 times. That's pretty awesome. I asked her if my veins would be any easier to find when I lost weight, and she said no. That it's just how some people are. That there are skinny people with super hard to find veins too. My dr also said that wls is fine and should be good for my liver. And I can drink on my birthday if I want. Just don't go crazy. She also answered my questions about NASH. I'm in the early stages, so that's good. It's still reversible. I'm happy I can still take my allergy meds and my narcotics. There was one thing I didn't tell her b/c I felt kinda embarrassed about it. We had unprotected sex over the weekend, so I just took Plan B, and I'm going to wait till tomorrow to start my antibiotics so the Plan B can be effective. We don't want any surprises. Not yet at least. Ideally I'd have surgery, get skinny, then have baby. Plus we can't afford one right now anyway. And I would rather be able to get down on the floor to play and be strong enough to carry it around first. Now I'm not able to do those things. Hopefully the Plan B won't make me feel too shitty. The few times I've taken it in the past, I always took it at bed time and slept through any side effects. I need to go to the gym today, so I don't want to get sick or anything. The gym is 10 miles / 15 mins away. I just want to do a small workout. Mainly I need to go to take over payment of my membership.

Because of the program I'm going through, it scares me that people don't have a pre-op diet to follow. I can't imagine not practicing the changes you need to make for after surgery. I think it just makes it so much easier if you're already practicing what you'll be doing after surgery, so you're more prepared. But as I'm seeing, there are so many different programs. And as others have said, following a pre-op diet decreases any fat in the liver. And you don't want a fatty liver for surgery because it could crack and bleed and that would be all bad. I don't want to scare anyone, I just think the program I'm going through really emphasizes things to make us take it extra seriously. If that makes sense.

The program I'm going through (Kaiser) says to never have regular coffee (b/c of the caffeine, decaf is fine) or alcohol ever again after surgery. They say that it can cause ulcers. That in some cases people have ended up in the ER b/c they vomited blood after trying alcohol for the first time after surgery. So for me since I'm not a coffee or adult beverage person anyway, I don't plan on drinking these things. These are on the never eat again list for me. Plus, why risk getting an ulcer. And I would think you wouldn't want the empty calories from the alcohol. Because every program is different, it surprises me that you're allowed caffeine and/or alcohol after a certain amount of time when my program says never again. @ LA2ATL - you're never supposed to mix drugs and alcohol. Whether you've had surgery or not. Big no no!

I didn't see anyone mention it, when I looked into the Disney half I found that there is a time limit. You must be able to maintain a 16 minute mile pace or faster. So hopefully someday I will do one. But not anytime soon.

Brief back story: about 2 years ago I had what I thought was a gallbladder attack. I went to the ER because I couldn't stop throwing up and my stomach hurt really bad. They did tests, and said it's most likely my gallbladder. They recommended an ultra sound that my PCP at the time wouldn't give me. Fast forward to last month. I had 2 more short what I thought were gallbladder attacks again in the same day. So I went to the ER, they took some blood, gave me some fluids, and scheduled me an ultra sound for the next day when I told them my old PCP wouldn't schedule me one. I got the ultra sound done. My gallbladder is fine. My liver is enlarged twice the size it's supposed to be. More blood tests later and my new PCP (who I like, she seems really nice) emails me this: "I think the liver changes are due to nonalcoholic hepatosteatosis (also known as "fatty liver.") The best thing you can do is diet and exercise for weight loss." This is Kaiser's explanation of NASH: Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH): Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis (NASH) is liver inflammation caused by a buildup of fat in the liver. The fat buildup is not caused by drinking alcohol. Because of the inflammation, the liver does not work as well as it should. NASH is part of a group of liver diseases, called nonalcoholic fatty liver disease, in which fat builds up in the liver and sometimes causes liver damage that gets worse over time. Healthy lifestyle changes, such as eating healthy, staying active, and slowly getting to a healthy weight, may help protect your liver from damage. Follow-up care is a key part of your treatment and safety. Be sure to make and go to all appointments, and call your doctor if you are having problems. It's also a good idea to know your test results and keep a list of the medicines you take. How can you care for yourself at home? Stay at a healthy weight. Control your cholesterol. Talk to your doctor about ways to lower your cholesterol if needed, like getting active, taking medicines, and making healthy changes to your diet. Eat healthy foods. This includes fruits, vegetables, lean meats and dairy, and whole grains. If you have diabetes, keep your blood sugar at your target level. Get at least 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week. Walking is a good choice. You also may want to do other activities, such as running, swimming, cycling, or playing tennis or team sports. Limit alcohol, or do not drink. Alcohol can damage the liver and cause health problems. When should you call for help? Call your doctor now or seek immediate medical care if: You have yellowing of the skin or the whites of the eyes (jaundice). You have pain in the upper right part of your belly (abdomen). Watch closely for changes in your health, and be sure to contact your doctor if: You have swelling in your legs or belly. Your skin itches. This is what I expected it was. I started googling as soon as I heard my liver was enlarged. I google a lot. And I found a couple interesting articles/pages. There seem to be mixed reviews for whether surgery is helpful or harmful. The websites I've read said that there are two types of fatty liver disease. Non-alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease (NAFLD) and Non-alcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH), and that the only way to tell which one you have is by a liver biopsy. I haven't had one of those done, so I'm wondering if my doctor is correct. I don't want to say she's not since she's the doctor, not me. But who needs a medical degree when you have the internet? When I think about it, NASH fits because my liver is enlarged, and in NASH there is inflammation. Having read that wls may not be good, it made me worry a little. So I played phone tag on Thursday with the bariatric department and they said I could still have the surgery. But I'm still skeptical and nervous. I'm nervous b/c of the reduction of food and wondering if I can really do this, plus I don't want to get all the way to surgery for them to poke me to find out my liver isn't ok to get the surgery done. I want to know for sure that my liver is ok before I get to that point so there isn't any, go home and try again later. And then there's my family. The only people who know I have liver disease are my doctor and my boyfriend. My family keeps asking if I got any results about my gallbladder and I keep telling them I'm still waiting. I know I should tell them, but I feel embarrassed, ashamed. I don't want a bunch of questions about it. I don't want to have to explain that my having liver disease is the result of being fat and eating badly. I can't imagine it ending well. I don't know what to do. Any advice? Here are links to the websites I've read and a few quotes: http://www.digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/nash/ -The only means of proving a diagnosis of NASH and separating it from simple fatty liver is a liver biopsy. -Weight loss can improve liver tests in patients with NASH and may reverse the disease to some extent. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-alcoholic_fatty_liver_disease -A biopsy (tissue examination) of the liver is the only test that is widely accepted as definitively distinguishing NASH from other forms of liver disease, -gradual weight loss may improve the process in obese patients; rapid loss may worsen NAFLD. The negative effects of rapid weight loss are controversial: the results of a meta-analysis showed that the risk of progression is very low. -A recent meta-analysis presented at the Annual Meeting of American Association for Study of Liver Diseases(AASLD) reported that weight-loss surgery leads to improvement and or resolution of NASH in around 80 % of patients http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/nonalcoholic-fatty-liver-disease/DS0057 http://www.emedicinehealth.com/fatty_liver_disease/article_em.htm -The definitive diagnosis of fatty liver disease can only be confirmed by liver biopsy -In patients who are morbidly obese, bariatric surgery to promote weight loss is very effective in decreasing liver inflammation and NASH. http://www.uptodate.com/contents/patient-information-nonalcoholic-steatohepatitis-nash -Although other tests may suggest a diagnosis of NASH, liver biopsy is required to confirm it. -Weight reduction can help to reduce levels of liver enzymes, insulin, and can improve quality of life. Weight loss should be gradual (no more than 3.5 lbs or 1.6 kg per week) since rapid weight loss has been associated with worsening of liver disease. http://www.liverdisease.com/nonalcoholicfattyliver_hepatitis.html -Excessively rapid weight reduction or starvation techniques can actually worsen or even precipitate progression to cirrhosis and liver failure. Has anyone here had / have NASH and had the surgery? Have anything to say about it?

I lost 11lbs in a month! (March 3 - April 6) Yay! But I have to wonder how much of that was from being sick and not eating as much vs following the meal plan. You know how when you're sick and you lose weight and then gain it back when you're well? I'm hoping it's not that. All of it can't be. And you know what that means? That I'm 7 or 8 lbs from goal! I weighed in at 262 point something (which blew my mind), and my goal is 255. One of my coworkers said I look like I've lost some weight and I noticed that my orange old navy tee seemed to fit looser and my Threadless Pillow Fight tee felt a slightly looser. My Avenue jeans also felt looser. And I think my Lame Giant jeans fit better too. I better stop before I list every article of clothing I own. Not everything fits differently. My jean petal pushers from Ross didn't seem any different. And I don't notice any difference in my bras. That's the weird thing. When I lose or gain weight I don't feel any different. I just feel like me. It's like my clothes magically shrink or get bigger while I stay the same. Which reminds me, I bought some clothes at Old Navy. Just tops. I'm really loving their Lace-Trim V-Neck Camis right now, so I got 3 of them (I already have 5 of them). They make my boobs look great! I got 2 in black and one in this funky green color to go under another top I have. If it doesn't match I'll take it back and just wear a black one with the top. I also got 2 other tank tops, a long sleeved thermal, which I wasn't sure about since I'm planning on shrinking. I got a super cute graphic tee, and I think that's it. I got 7 things for like 40 bucks. Not bad. I have done better in the past though. I've gotten about the same number of items for like 26 bucks before. My coworkers think I'm so cheap. And I guess I am. But here's the thing. I'll totally throw down a couple hundred on a purse like it ain't no thang. lol. Or on cosmetics/beauty crap (hair, nails, makeup). But that also does have to do with my job and jobs I may have in the future. I'm really liking Old Navy right now. Besides that a lot of their tops are too thin (supposedly you're supposed to layer everything now), I like that they're affordable (I'm a sale rack shopper), and I like that their regular woman's sizes go up to 20 on bottoms on 2x on tops. That's how it should be. Up to size 20 you're normal sized. Above 20 you're fat. I'm fat. But when I was a size 20 I was thin. 20 is thin for me. More stores should be like this. Sizes shouldn't top off at 12 or 14 when the average woman is a 14/16. The one thing that pisses me off about ON is that they don't carry plus sizes in the stores anymore. But hopefully that won't be an issue much longer. I found out what's wrong with my liver. I have NASH. That'll have an entry all it's own in case you're wondering what it is. Getting back to the start; I wonder if I could reach goal next month? That just feels so fast. I've got so much coming up, idk when I'd have surgery. My birthday's this month. Next month is Bay to Breakers (which we are so not prepared for =/ ). My sister is supposed to have her baby at the end of June, and I've got a dentist appointment mid June. And a coworker is having her baby, so she'll be out for 6 weeks. I almost forgot about that. We're going to Vegas mid July. After that nothings planned. Work wise, and I don't care if it inconveniences them b/c I need to put me first, August is back to school, September (bfs birthday) / October (our anniversary) are usually slower months (but one of my coworkers is getting married in October), November / December are holidays. May would be perfect. But this may wouldn't work for various reasons, and I wouldn't want to wait a whole nother year. Jess suggested June, but that seems fast and idk about having it done before Vegas. But I'm not against it. Part of me wants December just to be like, f**k the man (I'm way more bark than bite). However it happens I'm sure it will work out. I was just preferring Spring or Summer because I'd be more likely to get out and walk when it's nice out. I know myself. I don't like to get out and walk when it's cold and/or rainy. That's another thing that's really irritating me about work. I found out today that one of my coworkers scheduled her vacation for the same time as mine. (In all fairness, her boyfriend picked the dates, but still.) And I've been planning mine since the beginning of the year. And we never go on vacation. Literally, we have not gone on a vacation since 2006. Taking a weekend to go visit my mom who lives an hour away is not a vacation. I've had the hotel booked since mid February and the tickets for the conference we're going to are non-refundable. And I am not about to be out of $900! Since the beginning of the year I've been saying that we're going in July to Vegas since my work has this stupid policy where they don't want you to put in requests for time off more than a couple months in advance so that everyone has a chance at time off. Which is so stupid because most people plan months or longer in advance and there's no guarantee we can have the time off even if we put in a request and our entire trip (or event like say a wedding) is paid for and non-refundable. Luckily this hasn't been an issue other than with previous management having a bitch fit over it (I requested Saturdays off because I was training for a half marathon for a charity over like a 4 month period. And in the beginning I was still working a half day after training). And because of this policy and the fact that the schedules are made so far in advance, lately I've been forgetting to put in requests for the days I need. I almost forgot to request off Bay to Breakers. They claim they want us to have lives and to use our vacation time, but then get mad when we try to. I have a love hate relationship with my work. I feel like it would be impossible to go back to school for something, even one class a week. BUT... I got promoted!! (after this big ol rant about my job, haha). I'm assistant manager now! I know I wasn't my boss's first choice. I got it because my manager wanted me to be it, not the girl the boss wanted. He announced my promotion at our work meeting we had. Idk if it was just me, but it sounded like the position could be taken away from me, the way he was talking about it. I mean, obviously if I'm not doing the job it can be taken away. He said, just cause I was assistant manager now, doesn't mean there aren't opportunities for others to have the position. Then he segued into shift leaders. Like, nice save there, but I got what you meant. Or I could be reading into it cause I don't think he likes me. And I can totally see why he'd want her in the position by the way she is around him. But he doesn't see how she is when he's not there. But enough about that. So that's exciting. I hope I get a raise soon. I need to save for so much. The surgery. Vegas. Bills. The future. If someday I do get a different job or start working for myself, idk what my options for health care will be at that time. I just can't see having a major surgery and then not having health care. Plus now that I have the liver issue and I get sick way more often than I'd like. And I actually like my PCP for once. And my va-jay dr. Plus idk how much I should save for the month I'm off after surgery. You bet I'm taking a full month. Idk if I've got everything listed that I'll need money for. Rent Surgery - I'm pretty sure I now how much this will be Health Care - I'll have to pay this instead of having it take out of my checks automatically Groceries - whatever I'll need for after surgery and my bf still needs to eat, the cat needs to eat PG&E - I can guesstimate this Comcast - this is always the same amount Credit Card(s) bill - I can only assume we'll still have this Entertainment - gas money, bridge toll, Laundry quarters Lost wages - I can approximate how much this'll be my cell phone bill If anyone actually reads this and has any suggestions, please comment. That's all I can think of right now that I'd need to save for.

I was listening to LoveLine on the way home last night and Dr Drew started the show with talking about addiction and how fat people aren't given the acknowledgment that food addiction is the same as drug addiction. As in, they're treated like, 'just stop eating so much.' If I could listen to the show for free, I would type out exactly what he said. He said that often there is trauma behind the addiction just as with drug addicts. He also shared a story about a woman who was sexually abused by her father then given milk and cookies after for being such a good girl, and now she has all these feelings and can't distinguish between them therefore she now eats to dull the pain. Of course not all overweight people have had bad things happen to them, but I like that this is slowly getting more attention because I feel very strongly that I would not have the issues I have today had my dad been a dad and not an asshole. Which is why I've said in the past that I blame him for me being fat. And I don't mean in a he-forced-me-to-eat-so-I'm-fat way, I mean it in a if-he-hadn't-been-mean-to-me-I-may-not-have-felt-the-need-to-eat-and-I-might-not-be-in-this-situation-way. Earlier today I found this blog written by this effing c*nt (I don't want to get banned for language, otherwise I wouldn't censor) about weight loss. She has no clue what she's talking about. I will not link it because I will not help spread misinformation. In one post she went on to say that everyone who has ever had wls (all kinds) regretted having it at 10 years out. She completely failed to cite any of her claims with proof. Reading this sorta got me doubting the surgery. So I browsed through other entries. She had one about an article on a guy who was on the biggest loser. She missed the point of the article and took the majority of it out of context and made the assumption that fat people are stupid. This kind of shit pisses me off. One of the things she was complaining about was that the guy in the article said he ate less and exercised more. She then said that that meant that a fat person at home would assume that all they'd have to do is exercise for an hour a day and eat a little less and the weight would fall off like on the biggest loser. Anyone who has seen that show, even one episode, can tell that they exercise like it's their job. They're literally exercising as many hours per week as I work at my job. I hate how people assume fat and stupid go together. Just like how Cartman thinks Nascar and stupid go together. (I watched a lot of South Park last week while home sick.) I got more information about my liver. But I'll post that separate.

Today while shopping at Lucky's I was offered a sample of a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie and I did not take it. For that I think I deserve a cookie. Not a literal cookie, mind you. I did buy a pair of sun glasses, earrings, hand lotion, and nose studs for $2.17 b/c my local Icing is going out of business. So I don't feel guilty for spending money on things I didn't need because I evaded the cookie sample. =D