My Life as Liz

What he said. The longer you go without, the less you'll crave it. It gets easier.

Next month will be my one year surgiversary. So I'm wondering what you guys have done or plan to do for yours. My current plan is to go to the boardwalk, ride all the rides I couldn't fit on before all while wearing my new bikini. Unless it's too cold or I can't afford to.

Thank you, Lissa. This is exactly what I needed to hear.

Google is no help, so maybe someone here will know something about this. I tried rowing for the first time today with 7 other first timers (from the support group I go to). The guy in front of me kept telling me what to do in a mean tone and at least 4 times reached back and grabbed my paddle and repositioned it of his own volition. This made me feel like complete garbage. So if anyone out there has experience with rowing, was that ok behavior on his part? I have had an absolutely horrible week, so please, if I'm overreacting, I want to know. Or if I have every right to be upset, I really want to know. The head coxswain guy said I was doing a good job, but I don't feel like I did. Which makes me wonder if he noticed what the guy in front of me was doing and was trying to make up for it b/c I'm sure my facial expressions gave me away at least a little while it was happening. Of course I put on my happy face and said I was doing fine or that my arms were tired when they weren't that bad so I could stop rowing and take a second to not feel like such a failure. It's not just what happened today, but everything building up to it, I just want to cry. And I feel like I can't. I'm to the point where I just can't put on my happy face anymore.

I had such an awesome birthday this year! Friday: It started with a 1.89 hill training walk (after doing 5.21 miles the day before). Then I got a pedicure. I hadn't had one since my sister got married in 2008. Then the rest of the day was a blur from the lovely April 20th holiday. Saturday: I finally got to a support group. It was good. I hadn't been to one all month b/c of work, and I felt really re-motivated to get back on track. We did this exercise where you write on a index card "Today I will" and whatever you want to do. Whether it's exercise, or take your vitamins, or stick to your meal plan, or not eat cake. After this specific group we have a clothing swap. I found this super cute dress that was too big, and I'm saving it for the sewing class I'm going to take next semester. The fabric was too cute to pass up. After that I went to the mall for 3 hours. That is nothing in Liz time. That's like 1 store. And I was able to hit 4 or 5. MAC, Sephora, TBS, Victoria's Secret, and Nordstrom. I renewed my card at MAC. At Sephora one of the girls there applied some blush and lip products on me. Another employee even took a picture of us and texted it to me. That was way awesome. I bought some stuff from the Sephora Pantone collection. At first I was unsure of my purchase, but now I don't regret it one bit, I love it! Then I went to The Body Shop b/c I had $25 in store credit to use ($10 for my birthday and $15 for reaching 4 points aka spending way too much money there. Seriously, I have enough body stuff to last me AT LEAST a year if not longer!). I got this set that has chocolate scented stuff and a loofa, which brought me up to my 8th point giving me a $25 credit I think, and renewing my membership for another year. After the mall I came home, got dinner for Jess and then dinner for me and packed for the hair show and stay at my brothers house. Sunday: I got up super early, went to the hair show and spent way too much money. Monday: I did the same thing minus the spending. I only bought a couple of things. I pretty much didn't eat anything until dinner. I had brought a protein bar with me but it was DISGUSTING!!! So I just went without eating anything b/c everything they had at the show was either super expensive or things that I can't eat. On the way back I stopped at Starbucks and got a grande decaf soy iced white mocha. It was yummy. And I got an extra one which I gave to my sister in law b/c they didn't make it decaf the first time. When I got back my brother, sister in law and nephew took me out to dinner for my birthday. Today (my actual birthday): I got up early, went to Denny's and got my free grand slam. Went to work, got my hair cut/fixed by my manager/friend (another coworker who doesn't like me didn't do such a great job on it). Then I went to Ulta for my free birthday brow wax and the girl did my makeup too. I felt bad for not tipping her more, but I'm so totally broke right now. I really hope she doesn't think I'm a total cheapo. Then I got my free birthday car wash. Then I came home, changed clothes and we went out to a hibachi grill for dinner. After dinner I dropped the bf off at home and went to Ross. There I found this pair of capri/petal pusher pants that I had been lusting over but every time I saw them they only had super tiny sizes like 3 and 5 or the shorts version (I can't wear shorts b/c of my legs). I did a happy dance in the dressing room. It's conceivable that I could fit the next size down (which they didn't have), but entirely possible that I couldn't b/c of my legs, either way, I'm used to wearing belts, so I'm ecstatic that I found them! I also found a super cute dress (I just need to find tights or something to wear under it). Finding the capri pants was the cherry on top of my fantastic birthday. I am so content! And and and I almost forgot. I tried on a pair of size 6 pants (just for the heck of it) and they fit! But they weren't cute enough to justify the price. I think birthday sex may be next and I am so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow (if I can get to bed at a decent hour).

I'm interested in 8s and 10s.

Are there going to be any future meet ups?

I'm surprised you're allowed beans at 2 weeks out. My program didn't allow it till 3 months. Oikos greek yogurt is amazing! Blueberry is my favorite. Chobani tastes like vomit. I'm not even exaggerating. It tastes like that acidy flavor you get in your mouth after you vomit. I have only tried the honey flavor. But I know a lot of people like it. The only problem with the Oikos is that it has too much sugar for my plan. But it doesn't affect me negatively and I only eat it a couple times a month anyway. There's another brand that has plain greek yogurt that tastes good but idk what it is.

It makes me sad that people have to do liquid diets. I don't see how it prepares you for life after surgery.

What a good idea. Pureed chicken with gravy was one of my favorites during that stage.

Thanks for all the responses. I'm cheap and broke, so that's why I want to get the kids rate if I can. My mom and I usually apply for a scholarships so we can go because we can't afford full price.

I hope this is the right place for this question. Does the hipaa law apply to members of the church? I'm in CA if that makes any difference. I'm wondering because there is this retreat my mom's church does every year that I enjoy going to. BUT I want to pay the kids price since I eat so little now. What you get for the cost of the retreat is the same no matter what age you are, I've gone a bunch of times pre-op. I'm wondering this because I don't trust the clergy members to not let slip that I've had surgery. Especially with how gossipy this specific church is. I'm pretty private about the fact that I've had surgery, and I have family issues, so it would be very bad if certain members of my family found out that I had surgery. That is my main concern. On top of that I don't want to be the subject of gossip. Thanks, ~Liz

My plan says no alcohol ever. You wouldn't want to end up in the ER because because you vomit blood from taking one sip. True story according to the nurse who runs the support group I go to. Either way, I'd wait till at least a year out before even trying any kind of alcohol. You're still healing. Even at 3 months we're still healing. I wouldn't risk anything that could potentially upset your stomach. Especially not in public. Plus you need to be careful about transfer addictions. A lot of bariactric patients become alcoholics. I can attest to the transfer addiction. For me it's shopping.

Do your have a program to follow as far as your diet goes?

The beginning stages are hard. Hang in there. Things do get better. They WILL get better. You NEED to put yourself first. You just had a major operation. The last thing anyone wants is for you to not take care of yourself and for you to have complications. Plus you need to put yourself first so that you can be successful with your weight loss. I am not a doctor. But it may be easier for you to focus on portion sizes and not on grams of protein. For my plan I only eat 2 oz of protein 3x a day. No snacking, no shakes, no calorie counting, no protein gram counting. Like I said, I'm not a doctor, but trying a different way of eating may make your life easier. Every plan is different. I do believe you have to find what works for you and is within healthy guidelines for this surgery. The beginning stages of eating really just plain suck. Once you're on soft solids and then regular solids things get so much easier. You have to go through all the crappy stages to allow your sleeve to heal and get used to eating again. It's almost like relearning to eat. The doctors don't make us do this to torture us.

Do you have a program you're supposed to follow? Unfortunately my only advice is to do what you're supposed to no matter how much it sucks. Follow your meal plan, drink your fluids, exercise.

Have you tried on the jacket to see if it fits? The number on the scale won't necessarily determine whether or not it will fit.

As of today I am 101LBS down and according to Wii Fit I am no longer obese. I am now over weight. Yatta! I've gone from a 24/26 (more like 26 but I was kinda in denial and would squeeze in to 24s or not buy anything at all) on bottom, and 18/2x on top down to 16 on bottom (depending on brand and cut) and M - XL on top (I'm M or L at Old Navy, but their cloths seem to run big, XL in juniors, Threadless and Woot shirts.) My boobs have deflated. I just bought a 36D and a 36C at Fredricks. Down from popping out of my Lane Bryant 38/40 D/DD bras. I can still fit into my LB bras but there's a ton of room in the cups. I can fit my whole hand in there. I still have underwear that fits and I just bought some from Avenue on sale that are a little snug, but I'll get into them soon enough. But once those get too big I'll have no idea what to do. I haven't worn non plus sized underwear since I was under 18. My feet have not changed one bit. I was hoping they'd shrink a little. But there's still time. I'm only 3.5 months out. I would like to thank Kaiser (without them I wouldn't have this amazing tool to help me get where I am and where I am going to be), myself (it's pretty awesome that I've come this far and done all of this on my own (with Kaisers help). I stuck with the meal plan, I changed my habits, I'm doing this. A few years ago I wouldn't have imagined I'd have changed this much), Erica (if she hadn't gotten the R&Y, I wouldn't have known that Kaiser did WLS), Angela (for encouraging me to get back into the program and have the surgery), Jess (my wonderfully supportive boyfriend who loves and encourages me every step of the way, and helps keep me in check when I'm feeling tempted), and all those who have supported me. At my 3 month post op class the nutritionist gave us an assignment. She said to write down this that have happened that we didn't expect. So I'm going to do that along with a few other things as well. My facial skin has completely changed. Before it was like an oil tanker capsized on my face. Now I'm hardly oily at all. It's quite nice, but it threw a wrench into my makeup routine until I figured out the best way to adjusted it. At support group they said once the weight loss stops and I am maintaining instead of losing my skin should revert back. Same as how your hair is supposed to grow back. I hardly sweat anymore. That is very nice. I wasn't expecting that at all. I was expecting to be cold but not this cold. I can wear leggings, pants, 2 pairs of socks, boots, a tank top, regular top, a fleece pullover (the old navy kind) and a hoodie and still be cold. Now that's crazy. Inside I'm usually ok except for at work where I'm layered on bottom as listed above, but only have a tank and a top on on top. Before surgery I thought I'd be more thrilled to get to different mile stones. Now I'm just like, 'woohoo... now moving right along.' I thought I'd be more bitter. I'm glad I'm not. Exercising doesn't suck as much as it used to. I can do it easier now and enjoy it and feel less self concious doing it. Now getting motivated enough to actually do it is still a challenge. But I did go to the gym the past 2 days and today I did Wii Fit. Speaking of exercising, I don't need to use my inhaler much anymore while exercising. Which is nice since I always forget to bring it with me. Jess can pick me up without killing himself!! I can sit on his lap without killing him. When he hugs me he can touch his elbows. SO AWESOME! Sex is weird. I think I'm having hormonal issues, I need to contact my ob. But it's easier to do now. In general I hurt less. I can wear my boots all day at work and my feet are fine. I couldn't do that before. My back hardly hurts anymore. It's been sore lately because I've started working out, but nothing like it would have been before. I'm less sore at work too. Right before surgery I was able to move my seat in my car higher up. And a couple months ago I was able to move my steering wheel down a notch, and I moved my seat forward. I feel like there are more things I'm forgetting, but this will do for now. ~Liz

I have no idea, but I would personally go with the sleeve. Do you have a number you can call to find out?

As long as you're continuing a downward trend, you're doing good. Everyone loses at different rates. But if you are worried you could try writing down everything you eat and drink for a few weeks and then go over it to make sure you're sticking to your plan. Don't replace meals with shakes. When in doubt contact your surgeon if possible. S/he is the only person who can really tell you if what you're experiencing is normal or not. I'm not a doctor and I doubt anyone else here is either. Your surgeon, doctor, or nutritionist are your best bet for answering questions like these. And you've lost 80lbs. That's no easy feat. Keep up the hard work and it will come off if you're doing what you're supposed to.

Thank you. The reason I can't tell my dad is because he's bi-polar and unmedicated. So if he knows something then entire universe knows it. No matter how personal it is. And I mean TMI personal. It's taken me YEARS to realize that he doesn't hate me and that if he wasn't bi-polar he might be an ok guy. Might. I just don't feel comfortable telling my sister. I really wish I could, but she always makes snide remarks about fat people giving the impression that to her being fat is the worst thing a person can be. I'm waiting till I see my other BFF in person to tell her. I just don't want to do it over the phone or email or text. She lives 2 states away. Everyone else, it's none of their business. I'll tell people if I feel comfortable. People who I get the vibe that they'd be against this type of surgery I don't tell. Everyone else, eat less move more.

I went back and forth so many times thinking about whether or not to go through with it. As nervous as I was leading up to surgery, I am very happy with my decision. I'm about 2.5 months out and the only time I wish I still had a normal sized stomach is when something looks really good and I know I either can't have it or can't have very much of it. But I get over those feelings as fast as they come on. Whatever you decide, do what's right for you.

Pre op liquid diets make no sense to me. Can you have more substantial liquids like protein drinks or cream soups?

If you follow my blog, you'll know my 5k is Saturday. Yay! Except for a wrench has been thrown into my plans. Earlier tonight my mom called me to tell me that my nephews birthday dinner will be tomorrow night. The plan is for me and mom to share a plate and hope that no one watches me eat. 3 (4 if you count the 3.5 month old) people there don't know I've had surgery and I'd like to keep it that way. If anyone says anything I'll just say I have an upset stomach and that a few people at work have the flu. Which is only a half lie, since I am fine... for now. I will be pissed if I do get the flu in the near future from any one of my sick coworkers. The downside to this excuse is I probably won't get to hold my little nephew (the 3.5 month old). Now here's where the dilemma comes in. I have been planning for months to stay at my parents house over night for the 5k. 20 minute drive from their house to the 5k vs 1.5 hour drive from mine. When I say months, I mean months! I registered for the race mid May. Now that my nephews birthday dinner is tomorrow my sister decided that she's going to spend the night at my parents house too (they live about 1.5 to 1.75 hrs away from my parents house). Her, her husband, and baby. It is a no win situation. The room I normally stay in when I'm down is my old old room at my parents house that she and I used to share. Now it's more like my mom's office / guest room. My old room is now the cats room. I never stay in it because my allergies can't handle 3 cats and the bed is broken. So I always stay in the other room. The other options are sleeping on the couch downstairs. Or my mom has offered to let me sleep in her bed and she'll sleep somewhere else (my dad will most likely be downstairs watching tv till the wee hours or on his computer looking at porn.) My mom is the best person in the whole entire universe. I can't kick her out of her own bed. Even if she offered it to me. I just can't do that. Anyway, the point I'm getting at is I made my plans MONTHS in advance to sleep over at their house for my 5k and now my sister decides to spend the night. So on the one hand I should get the room because I made my plans well in advance. On the other they're 2 adults and a baby, so they should get the room. See what I mean. It's a no win situation. When I found this out I was at work and I wanted to cry. I still do when I think about it. I don't know what to do. BF suggested contacting BFF and seeing if I could sleep over her house since we're doing the 5k together. I texted her but haven't heard back yet. At least I'll get to see my sister in law tomorrow. I texted her asking which restaurant we're going to and she texted me back the name and asked if I'll be able to eat anything there. I looked at their menu online and they do have a few things I can eat. So at least I'll have a couple allies there tomorrow night. Just the thought of eating in front of my sister and her husband makes me so nervous. [EDIT]: I guess I misunderstood my mom. I will be sleeping in her bed with her, so at least that is taken care of.

l started this post a couple weeks ago. Apparently I'm bad at this. I responded to my Stupidity spreads like herpes entry in case anyone is interested. I don't know if it sends out notifications to posts you've responded to when a new reply is made. Turns out I can't be the food police and the people who do these things and look for ways to cheat aren't going to be successful and that's just how it is. So what's new with me? I made it to wonderland. I am 198 (clothed) as of yesterday; official hospital weigh in. that's 83lbs down from my highest weight. I really thought I'd be more excited. I think it's partially because I got a cold at the same time so I felt like complete ****. It's been almost 2 weeks now and I'm stick hacking out stuff. I do feel so much better than I did, though. When I'm completely well, we're going to DDR to celebrate. Or more specifically, I am going to DDR until my legs give out! Oh how I love you DDR. For those of you who don't know what DDR is, it's the rhythm game Dance Dance Revolution. Most people know what I'm talking about when I say, "the game with the arrows you have to step on." I have it for PS2... er had. Apparently we sold the games, but we've still got the pads. Hopefully someday we can turn them into hard pads and get the games again. I would love to have my own DDR machine, but I don't have the extra 5K to buy one, nowhere to put it, and I hear the pads need constant maintenance, which I would have no clue how to do. I used to be really good at DDR. Well, good for me. Both of us were. My bf could do most of the songs on Heavy, and I could do most of the songs on Light and a few on Standard. The last time we played before this most recent time a couple weeks ago our general consensus was: I used to be able to do this. Having lost all this weight has made a big difference between then and now. I'm just below where I was at my DDR prime. It's always been a dream, goal, fantasy of mine to be able to do Cowgirl on heavy. Here is a great video showing a guy doing Cowgirl on heavy on doubles. My goal is to do it single player, but I feel that this particular video shows exactly how hard this song is to do with all the galloping and fast steps. Most of the other videos on youtube don't show the foot movement so well. I am nowhere near this yet. I just can't move fast enough yet. But some day, even if it kills me (!!!) I will do it! September I went though one of my totes of old clothes I had been saving to fit back into. Mid October I had the bf get down my next tote. I wasn't expecting to fit anything in it, but I'm so glad I had him get it down. A lot of the things fit and some were too big. I'm extra happy as well because if I had gotten to my red pants and had them be too big, I would have been disappointed. While going through my clothes, I separated everything into keep, clothing exchange / GoodWill, and eBay. If it wasn't for my credit card bill from being off work for a month, I would probably be too lazy to eBay anything. I'm the kind of person who never carries a credit card balance and now I have an outrageous (for me) one. I still need to take pictures of everything and post it all. I'm so bad at putting things off. I wonder if it would be ok to post a link to my listings here once they're up? The Red Pants OMFG my red and black pants fit OMFG!!! Now that was just f**king amazing! That's exactly what I said too, "O M F G!" The smile on my face could not get any bigger, it was so awesome! I got these pants back when Torrid made quality clothes that actually fit and didn't make plus sized women look like ugly clowns; about 8 years ago. I wore them on our first date. I still have the top I wore with them. One of the first thoughts through my head besides pure joy was, "ok, I'm done losing weight. It can just stop now and then when these pants wear out, then start again." lol. That is how much I love these pants! The fabric, the style, the cut, everything about them I absolutely love and they don't make pants like them anymore. I have my 3 month (12 week) follow up appointment on Monday. I have heard from others that it's a waste of time and that some people just make one on one appointments with their surgeon. I'm hoping that it's free. Last night the BF made butternut squash potage. It's fantastic! It was so yummy and filling and it made me regular if you know what I mean. Which is why I'm sharing this. It's probably not something we should eat, but it's delicious, easy to make, and as mentioned, has other helpful benefits as well. And if you're anything like us, not something we'll eat often anyway. He happened to see the recipe and we happened to have leftover squash. That's the link to the video. They make it with pumpkin. He doubled the recipe, caramelized the onion and squash instead of just browning, used chicken broth instead of water, no bullion, substituted the heavy cream with fat free half and half, and I'm pretty sure he cooked it longer so it would thicken up more. Cooking With Dog has a bunch of great recipes. One of our favorites is Mapo Tofu. I haven't had it since surgery, but I'd like to. As I mentioned in my other post, I'm doing a 5k on the 12th. I haven't been training for it. I've been so lazy. =/ We were really good about walking most days of the week after surgery but then it rained early October and I got lazy and have only exercised like twice since then. I know I can do the 5k, but I will be more sore than I would be otherwise, and that's not fun. Bestie and I did the same one last year together and I did the same thing, didn't train. Ugh, I wish I wasn't so lazy when it comes to exercise. I want to exercise but I can find every reason not to. Needless to say, I won't be beating my best time. My goal should be to finish. But my real goal is go finish and not be last. That's always my goal. And to beat my previous time, which isn't happening this time (repetitive much). After that 5k I'll decide if I want to do the one on Thanksgiving. I really want to, but it really depends on how I feel after. If I have enough money I'd like to do the one in the city north of me and the one in the city south of me. There's something about 5ks. I just want to do them! We want to do Bay to Breakers again next year. He wants to do it so he can pig out at our favorite Thai restaurant (like we did last year). That's not a motivating factor for me anymore. I want to do it to do it. And hopefully be more prepared and possibly beat this years time. Plus I want to get the pictures from it so I can have before and after pictures as well. Which is one of my motives for my next 5k as well. >.> I had this idea earlier today. I have no idea if it will even work. It's to do a 5k a month every month next year. Of course idk if there are that many 5ks near me. My current goal is to be able to walk 3 miles every day like it ain't no thang. And then to add a mile each Sunday (our designated long walk day) until we're up to 10+ miles. I would love to get up to at least 13 miles. I want to try the Nike Half again. But I want to really be prepared for it unlike last time. I've even made a training schedule, but haven't been sticking to it. I think a good goal for the end of the year is to have 3 miles be easy. Maybe be up to 4 miles on LWDs. Besides all the excuses I can come up with, the rain is a real detour. I know I can go to the gym and walk or use the treadmill at the parents house, but walking long distances on the treadmill kinda sucks. There's a 5k / 10k / half marathon happening a week before B2B that's put on by the same people who put on the 5k I'm doing on the 12th. I really want to sign up for the 10k. I'm confident that I can be up to that distance by then.... if I start training now like I want to but can't seem to. But idk if that's a good idea right before B2B. It's a mostly flat course. So it shouldn't be too hard. Unlike that wretched hill at mile 2.5 during B2B. If you want a challenge walk/run/whatever half a mile at 12% incline on a treadmill. It's brutal. We went monthly to the city to walk it to get ready and I practiced a few times on the treadmill. I really want to get one of those arm things that you put your phone/mp3 player in. I got a smartphone, so I have a bunch of good music on it now, but my workout clothes don't have any pockets. And while I could stick my phone in my bra, I don't want to do that because I don't want my sweat to mess it up. I usually don't wear sweaters when I workout because I get too hot. Any recommendations on good arm music things (idk what they're called)? I have Wii Fit Plus, Just Dance 2 & Summer Party, and Zumba for the Wii but I haven't been playing them. I do have one complaint about the Just Dance games. My right arm gets SO tired and my left arm is just fine. It's really annoying! I like exercising both sides equally. Those games don't allow this since it only picks up your movements in your controler hand. See, I have no excuse not to exercise. I have plenty I can do without even leaving my apartment. I'm probably just going to need to make a weekly excercise schedule based on when I work (I don't have a regular schedule, my company sucks in that way) and the weather. I should go to the gym after we go grocery shopping tomorrow after work. I feel like I'm rambling now. Time for bed.