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Can I say that I relate as well, but wanted to add that one thing I have learnt being 5 years post banding is that I never changed. On the outside? Yes. How people treated me? Definitely. But the fundamental part of me, who I was, who I am, remains the same. That doesn't change with the what you weigh. The difference though between me and someone who was always thin is that I recognise that someone's weight doesn't define them. And it doesn't define me. Nor should it define you. Fat, thin, you will still be you.

Our stories are very similar! Like you, I have been "the fat girl" my entire life. I can remember being as young as 5th grade and obsessed with how huge my thighs were. I remember being teased for being big all through junior high. I remember going shopping with my girlfriends in high school and being so ashamed because I couldn't wear anything at the "normal sized" shops they went to. I did date as a teen but my self esteem was always awful. When I hit college, like you I decided to own being a fat girl. I had more self confidence and I decided I didn't give a rip if someone did like me for me- fat and all. ...but then I had my first child at 21 years old...and got bigger and bigger. Over the years I ballooned up to over 400 pounds. Any self esteem I ever had was long gone and my health was seriously tanking fast. My best advice is to let go of that "fat girl" mentality. Too often we wear it like a suit of armor not a badge of courage. We're teased and tormented so severely we try to muster up all this false bravado to shield ourselves from being hurt yet again. It is simply wonderful you're doing this for your health- but you have to be ok with the fact there's nothing wrong with doing this to look good, too. You're not letting society or anyone else "win" by getting the Lap Band and losing weight. YOU are winning for taking control of your health so you can live a long, happy, healthy life with your husband. Best wishes to you

They don't like your answer that's why. They are looking for your secret lose weight quick scheme. They don't want to hear do this, don't do that, but I do. Thanks for all your advice. You always give me hope and I appreciate all your efforts to help us. Their loss!

Steph, I am a geek. I have all the dates, first kiss, proposal, etc. recorded in my calendar.

I agree support is the brain tool. At first I thought I was missing so darn much when now I look back and I am not missing a darn thing except trash I was putting in my body every day.

I went through similar journey of starting out planning on lap band a couple of years ago, changing my mind, trying diet and exercise again for a year (unsuccessfully) not wanting to do bypass (for same reasons you stated) then deciding on sleeve. I do not have all of your health concerns other than a very lumpy bumpy thyroid with very little function, but so far it does not have to be removed. I did have several scares with chest pain (one that scared me enough to go to the emergency room) that turned out to be nothing, but it was enough to remind me that I want to live to see my children graduate college, get married, have grandchildren, travel etc....but if I kept on my current course, I was surely decreasing my chances of making it that far. Then my friend, who had the RNY operation four years ago, ran the NY Marathon. She looked great, she felt great and now she had accomplished something as incredible as that! Where was I, I was at my highest weight ever, 272 lbs feeling fat, tired, uncomfortable, embarrassed and miserable. I decided enough was enough and I got started on the journey to have the sleeve. It took 8 months of meetings with NUT, getting all the required work done etc, required by my insurance company. I had many moments of second thoughts, especially when I had to go for tests and things I would have otherwise never done in a million years. When my surgery was finally set, I almost cancelled about 100 times, I was so scared. BUT I went through with it on June 4th and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did! There were a few times in the hospital and during my first week home that I questioned what in the heck did I do to myself, but now I am getting used to the plan and I am down over 40 pounds since surgery and have never felt better! My point in telling you all of this is that it is human nature to cling to our old way of life because we are scared and it is what we know. It is really scary and hard to face the unknown of how things will be after surgery (and for me I had NEVER had surgery of any kind, so I was also really scared of the unknown of what that would be like). The tests and all the visits are a pain, but need to be soldiered through with your eye on the end goal...YOUR HEALTH! In the end, this surgery has helped so many people improve their health and their lives in unbelievable ways. I just read a post of someone who after 9 months is down 90 lbs and off of her 12 meds! With all of your health issues, imagine what life would be like for you if losing weight nullified or at least alleviated most of them! It is normal to be scared and uncertain, but in the end, don't let that get in the way of taking control of your life and your health. YOU ARE WORTH IT! Good luck to you. My prayers are with you that you can find peace and calm going through this process and that you have a safe and successful surgery.

There is a forum just for Mexico sleevers.. Everything you need is in that forum. Good luck with everything!

...and by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

One of my favorite sayings is "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I understand your fears and they are good to have now because if they are were you know them then they will always stay fears and never realty. I look forward to reading your blog and going through this with you.

Wow four months! Keep it up you are doing great keep asking for help. I remember when. I needed to slow down and put the Fork, Knife, Spoon down for a rest during every meal. I used to play games and see just how long I could let them be, before I picked them up again. I was always a (gulper) and a one bite (swallower). The band will keep you on your toes if you do not hold to those rules. Chew, chew, chew and chew some more to beat the band. Your mind thinks one thing, your taste buds another and with one swallow to fast or too large..... well we all know what happens then. No liquids we all know with meals RIGHT! I needed so much help back in the day and I still need to be reminded or my band will get the best of me. 100 pounds still off, June 29 will be my three year Bandversary and I am once a Newbie always a Newbie. Had the full nip and tuck upper and lower. Took my first Spinning Class at he YMCA last week and can't wait to go again. I enjoy being one of the small people. Eat small to be small! Easy does it and keep blogging, its the only thing that helped me work with my band as well as I have. I still keep learning new things. Going to FL at the end of the month and my biggest problem now is I have to many clothes and don't know what to bring. Go figure! Best wishes on your journey and keep blogging it helps. imaluckydog