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Good news! Today I finally braved the pool at the gym. It was fine. All my fears were assuaged. There were older ladies, younger swimmers, big people, little people. I ordered a new lap swimsuit, goggles and swim cap to use at the pool. Bad news! The lap suit was shipped separately and will not arrive until Monday. Good news! I have a Lands' End swimsuit that has been sitting in my closet since my honeymoon in 2011. Bad news! It is way too big now. It is a 26W It's baggy in the ass and way huge in the boobs. Every time I made it to the end of the pool I had to do a well being check on the girls to make sure they were not waving hi to the boys in the whirlpool. The new Speedo lap suit I ordered is a 22W (I'm an 18/20 up top and would say I'm between 22 and 24 on the bottom now, so I split the difference thinking that going a bit smaller than my hips - my biggest part - would last me a bit longer) Good news! The goggles and swim cap are great. The swim cap is lyrca instead of silicon, so it doesn't snag on my hair. Good news! This has reaffirmed that I love to be in the pool and love to swim. Bad news! I suck. All that cardio I do did not prepare me for how physically difficult swimming is. Good news! Every day I do it, I will get better. Now, no more good news bad news.. Just news. I've decided I am ready to bump it up to 5 days a week at the gym. Two of those days will be an hour in the pool. The other three will be my regular two hours of cardio/weights. So now, instead of Sunday Tuesday Thursday Saturday, I will add in Friday, since the gym is dead on Fridays. I do not need to watch Say Yes to the Dress (It's a guilty pleasure. I love weddings! LOL and wedding dresses and read bridal magazines even though I'm already married. Ha ha ha!). I'm thinking that Sunday and Friday will be swimming, Tuesday Thursday and Saturday will be cardio/weights. I will start this tomorrow. So even though I went swimming today, this was more of a test run than anything. I've decided to work on some Labor Day goals. My current weight is 255. I want to be 235 by labor day. That's ambitious, I know. My fitness goal is to be able to swim an entire lap doing the freestyle without stopping in the middle of the pool. It might not be fast, but in high school I could swim a lap without stopping. And I was roughly the same size back then. Yes, it was almost 20 years ago though. LOL.

I am 12 days post op, but it feels like it was a month ago or more. I've been very tough on myself and my progress so far. The doc says I'm right on track, but I feel defeated and anxious about the future. The Duodenal Switch is hardcore, it requires lots of attention and diligence. Learn from my mistake and realize all these special substances you will need at first, the chewable vitamins to the protein shakes, add up quickly in the cost department. I can only say I am totally looking forward to next Tuesday when I get to have pureed/soft foods. All liquids gets old and I feel for those who have to do that for long periods of time. I've had some shortness of breath, but all tests came back normal, so most likely associated with anxiety. I'm so good at ignoring things that are really bothering me. This whole process is enough to make someone nervous, but I had a death on Monday of a dear friend and mentor that I can only deal with in small moments. Although she had battled Ovarian Cancer for many years, and had fought the good fight, it's still not an easy thing to accept. I'm sure there will be many more things that I encounter along the way. The important thing is to remain moving forward, deal with what I can and take my time with the rest. I'm living my life, my life isn't living me. It feels like ages ago, but just 12 days ago I woke up from major surgery. I wish I could give myself a cookie!

Day 6 was the return to work. Which was good and bad. Good because I have an office that I can't readily see everyone so when they're chowing down out there I'm oblivious. Bad because I work in entertainment and entertainment people are ALWAYS. EATING. So there's always yummy food just around the corner. Of course on the day I return there's a meet and greet with an artist and they catered it with the most delectable smelling soul food. But... I sipped my water. I went to Hale and Hearty to get soup for lunch because I figured if I try to incorporate normality in this not completely normal way of doing things it won't feel like so much of a restriction. So yes, go out at lunch and purchase a lunch (even if it IS broth) and then come back and eat it at lunch time just like it's an actual meal. I asked them to give me just the broth from the chicken noodle soup but I forget that their soups are mass made and stew for a while in those vats so the ingredients tend to melt and fall apart... making it very difficult to get a spoonful of just broth. But I worked at it long and hard and got my broth out. I was proud of myself. Day 7 was my follow up at the doctor. Traffic made me late (I was pissed) but when I called and asked if I could still come in they assured me that they'd see me at whatever time I showed up. That put me at ease, so I enjoyed the rest of the ride there. I got there and they saw me almost immediately. Firstly for the weigh in. They have this huge plate that you step on and the read out for the scale is off to your left (you the weigh-ee are facing a wall)... so you kind of have an option of NOT looking at the number. Which I kind of didn't want to see. I stepped on and clinched my eyes closed ... What if I hadn't lost? What if it didn't budge? What if i GAINED...? *gasp* I mean... my TOM is looming... maybe I'm retaining water... all these thoughts poofed like a little cloud when I heard the nurse say, "Well, look at you?!?" I turned to my left and there it was. 226. Quick calculations in my head (because I'm soooo bad at math). 14 lbs... in 7 days. Really? REALLY? Okay okay - don't get TOO excited... just calm down because ... cause .... WOW 14 LBS????? Man! Then a chat with my surgeon who explained why I had 3 incisions instead of the afore promised 1. "Your liver was a little enlarged. So we needed an additional trocar to hold it up better so we could see." Sure didn't love hearing that. But hey... they made it happen. He took a quick look at my incisions, asked me if I'd had any vomiting or nausea, gave me the clean bill of health and then whisked me off to the nutritionist. She marveled at the number and kept stopping short of saying "you got through this all with flying colors!" She'd say "You got through this all with... you did really well." And I'm wondering if that's like a jinx thing for her... or maybe she forgot the phrase. Whatevvs. She went over what my next 3 weeks should look like. Talked about 2 protein shakes a day to supplement my 48 ounces of liquid. Just that for 1 week. Then in week two introduce thinned liquid foods - mashed potatoes, cream of wheat, farina, oatmeal, lowfat yogurt, pureed vegetable only soups (with NO "beans" in them -- too fibrous she said). Then by week three, I can start to experiment with the same foods but thicker. She broke it down by saying "do you have kids?" I replied yes... and she said - so you would give a newborn an apple to eat. You'd graduate them to the apple. So you start with formula, then a little rice cereal in the formula, then a little rice cereal alone... etc... I nodded with understanding. She gave me some more accolades and pats on the back and then walked me out to the reception area where I waited to settle up my bill. Then she exclaimed... "WAIT... you had the lap band??" and I said kind of suspiciously, "Yeeeaaaah.....?" And she replied quickly, "Oh noo... come back in here... I gave you the wrong plan. I thought you were a Sleeve patient by the amount of weight you lost!" The little cheerleader inside of me did a backflip. She called me back in and quickened the plan. NOT over 3 weeks. Actually I can start experimenting with foods THIS week, etc... then the following week for pureed foods, then to solids adding one a day. I finished by asking her if I could stick to the Sleeve plan and before I could finish the question she said "Absolutely!!" Things are going well. NOW... i gotta manage my expectations and reactions for the slow down which may or may not happen... so I don't get discouraged. But for now? I'm walkin' on sunshine! #lovethelapband

So I'm half way there...lol. I did call my folks last night...but my mom was already sleeping so I just talked to my dad. He was very supportive and told me he thought I was making a good decision and that I will be heading off lots of problems in 20 years. I felt so bad. Here I am doing something that if he had done 20 years ago would have made such a difference in his current state of health/happiness. I almost feel guilty....how messed up is that? I've now identified another "opportunity for growth". I'll call back to talk to mom tomorrow.