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I have a serious problem with wanting instant gradification. I think I've always been this way. My mom says patience was never my strong suit. I guess this is way gaining weight was so easy for me. You eat, it taste good, instant grad. Where the calories don't build up to pounds quickly so I don't see the negive consequence so fast. I went into this surgery knowing that the loss would not be instant, however I did believe I would have lost more by this point (only 55 lbs in 10 months). I did well the first little bit, but then it has taken me 4 months to lose 10 lbs. I worry that I've lost all I will lose, a co-worker has told me over and over that with lapband you only lose 50 to 60 % of your excess body weight, and I am right there. With exercise I also find it hard to keep on schedule. Due to my desire for instant gradification I find it difficult to say walk, do the elliptical, lift weights for x length of time because I see no result afterwards. Now, I love cutting my grass (I push mow my .28 acre), working in my flowers, even cleaning my kitchen and house because when I am done I can see a difference- instant grad. I know I need a regular exerecise plan, but I am having a really hard time sticking to one. I can go a month maybe two then I slack off due to other obligations that get in the way. Once I don't do it one day it makes it hard to get back at it. The hubs fusses at me for this, but he does the same thing. At one point we were walking the dogs on the trail behind the house every night, but long hours at work rain, we don't do that now. My eating I think I am doing well with. I am making good choices, eating small portions, and drinking water. I know that limiting my carbs more than I have already done may help me get it down even more, but I worry I wouldn't be able to keep that up long term. I am a meat and potatos girl, always have been. I think basically I need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, stop wining and do something!!! I find it easier to cut carbs than I think, I had a much easier time letting go of soda than I thought I would. The exercise may still be an issue, but maybe I will be more apt to do it if I get a gym membership- I don't like to waste money. I am in contemplative mode right now, the pity party is over, I am planning now to get over this hump. I want to kick my want power into high geer!! Please any one who want to kick me in the seat of the pants, bring it on. I want to move forward!

I don't expect anyone to read this blog. I'm mainly writing it to myself to read at a future date. My digital time capsale. I really want to remember the old me (pre-surgery). Being weight conscious started when I was in sixth grade. I went to the doctor to get a sports physical and the doctor told me I was a chubby little girl and needed to lose ten pounds. I didn't really know how to process that, so I just stopped eating (it made sense at the time). I lost the ten pounds but didn't know how to handle food after that. So I was on a constant diet for the next fifteen years. So when I got pregnant, I thought, finally I can eat anything I want and not feel guilty about it!!!! Oh, happy days. I was going to nurse so the extra weight was just going to fall off. Boy was I wrong - so naieve- so blissfully naieve. As if pregnancy weight is some how different from the regular stuff. I was 245 when I delivered my bouncing baby boy. I got down to 192 in about six months but couldn't move the scale after that. Repeat the same story two more times. Except after pregnancy number three I can not move the scale more than five pounds. I still weigh 245 two years later. I am in such a rut and I can not climb out on my own. I've really tried everything I can think of. In the spring of 2012 I begain considering weight loss surgery and settled on the sleeve after a lot of reasearch. Monday 05/0613 @12:00p.m. is my surgery. I'm a little scared of the procedure and complications from the procedure, but's it's a risk I'm willing to take because I can not continue on my current path any longer. My husband is supportive, but nervous for me. He's nervous about something going wrong and altering my body for the rest of my life. Which I appreciate and love him for, but I'm ready for this. I'll just have to keep praying - What shall be, will be. So future self: I can't wait to check in with you in six months and to see how well you've done. I am so ready for a different type of life.

We sound so similar as far as the instant gratification. I am also wondering if the honeymoon phase is over. I am now 1 year out and yes I have lost a substantial amount of weight but I still am no where near close to goal. My goal I feel is realistic and if I were to hit I would still be considered obese. A little frustrated these last few days. Only positive thing is I have not gained ever since Surgery aside from the water weight fluctuation.

So today I have my 4th appointment which is my second Bariatric class. I'm excited as this only leaves me with two more sessions before my paperwork is submitted to the board for approval. This process has gone quicker than I thought it would. Oh, and I've also decided to start attending an over eaters anonymous meeting. I never really thought of myself as an over-eater, however, I do eat when I'm bored so I guess that could be considered over-eating. I hope to get to the root of the problem and find some tools that I can use now and after surgery. I don't want to get the surgery and have the same issues that I started with. I have been doing a lot of life planning over the last couple of months and I'm just ready to get everything in order. Although I haven't gotten the surgery yet, just knowing that I'm going to get it has given me a second wind to get things going in the right direction. I'll write another blog to let you know how my class went. I'm not sure what she will cover, but I think it has something to do with the things you can and cannot eat after surgery.

Welcome! I'm pre-op, having surgery on Thursday. I've been in "the process" of getting this surgery approved since July of last year, so I've also had a lot of time to think about what it will be like on the other side... The best I can tell you is that when you choose the sleeve, you're choosing an "as normal as possible" life post-op. Yes, you'll be tender and have a hard time bending over for a few weeks, and the stages of diet post-op are probably going to be a challenge, but ultimately, we will be able to eat the things we want, just much, much less of it. Some people do develop food sensitivities after surgery, but it's not as common as it is with gastric bypass. I've been dieting since July and honestly, my tastes have already changed. I went through major carb withdrawal, but now a giant bowl of pasta doesn't even sound good to me - and I used to eat pasta nearly everyday! But even if my taste for pasta was still there, post-op I simply wouldn't not be capable of eating as much, so even if I do "indulge" in it, it won't be in the amount I was doing before! I'm looking forward to being able to have a small portion of anything and being satisfied. I've lived too long as the person who can EAT THE WHOLE THING (whatever 'thing' that may be). The combo of being excited and scared is interesting, isn't it?? From what I've seen around this forum, it's totally natural! Welcome to the board, I hope you get a response from Medicaid soon so you can schedule your surgery!!! Good luck!

It's a new life. The shadows of the past will linger, but I'm finding they are slowly fading. This surgery truly is life changing. You will naturally adapt your behavior to conform to what your body needs. And, you will be able to hear your body talking to you more clearly than it ever did before. You are going to do great! Just cut yourself some slack during the healing process. Tell yourself, 'This, too, shall pass.'

That sucks - I hope you feel better soon! And good luck on your surgery with a fast recovery.

I cheated today. Puréed is still a week away. But I wanted to feel texture in my mouth. Scrambled eggs are on my puréed list. I mixed an egg with a little of my double milk, whipped it, then scrambled it, until it was fully cooked, but not dry. I ate tiny bites... Mincing it up good. Within 30 minutes, I ate 1/2 of that egg! Yeah, it felt funky going down, but I swallowed a tiny sip of water with each bite, and it seemed to work. AND, I satisfied my urge to chew something. And, since it was only 1/2 of an egg, I don't feel ashamed.

OK, So this is my very first " public" blog. Let me start off by saying I am a 36 year old single mom of 4, live in Florida and currently I am waiting for my surgeon to turn in all my info into the insurance company to see if they will approve me for RNY gastric bypass. I was told everything would be sent off on Thursday 3/28/13 so it's safe to say that anytime after then I will be a mess of nerves and jumping up every time the phone rings! I have researched just about every aspect of this surgery I could think of to try and prepare myself and my family. At this point even my kids know what I will most likely be able to eat at any given week after surgery. I have gotten myself into the habit of taking my vitamins every morning so that it is easier to remember for me. I have even done what a year ago I thought would be impossible, I STOPPED SMOKING!!!!!!!!!!. I am truly trying as hard as I can to start making better decisions when it comes to the food that my family and I eat. I am determined to be approved for this life saving tool! I want to be here for my children, as well as for their children (which better be quite a ways off still), I want to be able to take the kids and their friends to the beach, or to the springs without thinking that I'm an embarrassment to them. I want to walk along the beach without getting out of breath within the first 5 min, or to go to an amusement park and not rent a scooter. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY!!! I know this journey is not going to be simple, I understand this fully, I'm not wanting this simply to fit into a bikini, or into any size in particular, I just want to be healthy. I know I am one of the lucky ones as I have an amazing support group including family and friends that will support, help, listen to, push me, and make sure I don't get too big in the head. WOW, kinda long winded for a first blog...lol..ohh well. I hope to be able to follow other peoples journeys to ask questions or to help if I am able to. I would appreciate any help or suggestions from any of you reading this blog also as my journey continues.