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Kime-lou's Blog

A blog by Kime-lou

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Lapband Journey

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Fear Of Shopping

I don't know if any of you have had this, but I just realized I am scared to go out shopping for new clothes. I had surgery in June and have lost 41 lbs, I feel good and many of my clothes are way to big, but some fit really great now. I have gotten to the point I only have 1 pair of jean that don't fall off and I need to go shopping, but I am scared. I have never had a problem going out in public or shopping before- I love to go out and about. What scares me is trying on clothes. I know some of my clothes I have had to take to good will, but others still fit well. I am scared I will go pick up a pair of jeans and go try them on and they won't fit. I haven't purchased jeans in 2 years. I am scared the ones I had stretched and I will find I am not down as many sizes as I would like to be and that it will discourage me. When I had surgery I had gotten to the point that all the clothes in my closet were getting snug and I refused to go up a size. It's such a mental thing. I want some new things, but I HATE trying on clothes. I know I am smaller, my husband tells me everyday that I am doing great and he is loving my new hour glass shape minus the bumps and lumps. But I still have a long ways to go. 41 lbs down, but 60 plus to go to be at goal. It's not that I am afraid I'm not going to get there, it's just that I don't want to shop yet and see myself in those 360 mirrors. I know I have to, it's getting cold and I must get some long pants that don't sag. Hopefully, I will get the courage this weekend to make the trek.

October 30, 2012

4

Just Do It..... MOVE

I have touched on this before but I want to talk about it more. I got a fitbit a few weeks ago and realized how lazy I was. Since then I have tried to increase my steps and general movement daily to burn more calories and here is what I have done: @ work I walk to other offices when I need to talk to someone rather than calling. I take the long way to the bathroom and break room to get my snacks or lunch. Instead of rolling my chair I get up and walk to get things in my office. I fidget- shake my legs, stand when on the phone @ a store I park further away (ok unless it's raining- I don't like being wet) Walk as fast as I can between sections I need to go to or take the long way around the store. @ home Again take the long way to the potty or kitchen We have our master on the first floor, but I go upstairs everyday to check it (I have pets) I work out when I have time (busy time of year- have gifts to wrap) When I sit down to watch a fav show (like NCIS) I pick up my hand weights and use them while I watch or during commercials. Dance around the kitchen while cooking (the hubs just loves this- I find him watching from the door laughing) Dance in the shower while washing my hair Pace when on the phone I park my car in the garage and walk back to the mail box rather than stopping at the mail box. Play with my dog (tug of war kills my arms - she is STRONG) All these things add up to more calories burned and they put me in a better mood. I mean who won't laugh at themselves when they are dancing in the kitchen to Christmas carols or dancing in the shower. I feel better and am happier on the days I do these things. We all can increase our movement in some way even if we can't workout. As you do more movement the easier it gets to move and the more you can do and it turns into a wonderful cycle. So do it - MOVE!

December 7, 2012

2

Mommy Why.........

If you have ever been around a kid for more than 5 min I am sure you have heard them say why at least twice. I was always the kid who ask why, it just does never worked on me, drove my mom nuts! Well I am still like that, I always want to know why. Since having surgery I am reading about nutrition and fitness all the time, to find out how and why my body works with food. One article I read said a calorie is a calorie and should be counted, while yes that is true, it isn't the whole picture. We all have heard and been told 200 calories from chicken is better than 200 calories of ice cream. But why is that if a calorie is a calorie? Well here is what I have figured out..... We need our protein and fiber- it helps us stay full longer. Some say hey ice cream has protein- I'll eat that, but that is where we need to know more. One of the best things I have learned is I can make my food work for me!! How awesome is that! When we eat foods high in protein, fiber and complex carbs our bodies must work harder to digest them, therefore, our bodies will will burn more calories digesting them. While I guess I knew this, it never really dinged until I read an article about that. When I did WW years ago things like fruit and veggies were hardly any points, yet they do have calories. However, your body must work harder to digest them therefore their calorie counts are almost null and in the case of veggies like Celery it is null. So now what do I do with this information..... Well, I am all about what I eat working for me rather than sticking to my hips. I am upping my fiber, making sure the carbs I take in are complex, and making sure I get my recommended protein in. I can still eat yummy food and things I love and lose weight. Yes, I will have to adjust. I highly recommend going to your favorite resturants website and looking at the nutrition part. Some like Wendy's and Burger King you can adjust the meal to see what calorie counts would be. It is amazing what just leaving off cheese or mayo can do for lowering the calories. Now I AM NOT saying eat fast food daily, but what I am saying is if you are craving that whopper - go get it, but adjust it- leave off the mayo, cheese and pickle and the calorie count will come down nicely. We (I) got to be obese by eating what I wanted and not paying attention to what I was putting in my body, but with a little nutrition knowlege we and ADJUST ourselves and our food to work for us. Holding up my water bottle..... Here's to Success!

November 29, 2012

2

Learning To The Lapband Way

7 wks post op tomorrow and down 24lbs. I know that 24 lbs is good especially since I am not at my sweet spot, but I still feel like it is coming off slowly. I am doing well keeping to 900-1100 calories a day. I have given up soda, coffee, fried food and haven't missed the one bit. I no longer drink during meal, which I thought would be horrible. I am counting my calories on myfitnesspal and I am working out 4 days a week on our elliptical and lifting weight a couple of days. I opted to park further away from the door at stores. The way I eat, cook, heck live have all changed in the matter of 7 weeks and I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. For the first time in my life I have will power. Today I went to a work meeting and they had coffee and donuts. I turned them down and was happy with my propel and my fiber one 90 calorie cookie for my mid morning snack. While the donut looked great, I knew I didn't need and and wasn't hungry for it. The only thing that makes me say hmmmmm...... is I seem to lose a half pound a day Saturday thur Monday and then the rest of the week I don't lose an ounce. What in the world causes that? My water consumption doesn't change. My calorie count stays in line. Yet each week it's the same pattern. I am loving my new healthier life, but still learning the ropes of living the life.

August 9, 2012

2

Judgement

Judgment sucks!! I think we all have felt we are always judged reguarding out weight. My issues started when my doctor as a kid was a health nut and was always telling me I was a fatty. I would go in with step throat and he would spend the entire time harping on my weight. Bottom line is - we feel judged at work, in stores and at resturants for out weight. Sometimes I think we are judged, but sometimes I think it's just our own negitive feelings toward ourselves. Today I was reading some blogs and post that talked about WLS. In some of them I felt judged because of how hard core people are. However, are they really talking to me or are they just talking about themselves? All of choose WLS for a particular reason and we are either being successful or not. Here is the kicker - success doesn't come the same for everyone!! Some people preach a certain way- no carb, low carb, certain exercises, calorie counting, weighing daily, not weighing at home at all, ect. I have found success in counting calories and doing cardio with light weight training. I still eat carbs and foods I love just less of them. I have lost 43 lbs in a little over 4 months. I think that is successful considering I started at 244. My percentage of weight loss is better, according to my doctor, than many at my same place. This is what has worked for me, will it work for you, I have no idea, maybe, maybe not. I refuse to judge people- whatever way you find success I say AWESOME- keep it up. Also, share what made you a success- some will find your way works for them, some will find my way works. We are all different and if we reap different success ideas from people we can build our own success plan. Also, if you are having a bad day and need to whine or b#@$#, or complain do it. I am willing to listen because unless you are lying to yourself or unless you are on drugs you occasionally have a bad day and need to vent to someone. While I am being successful there are days when I get down in the dumps and worry or stress and I NEED people to be understanding instead of saying shut the h@@@ up and either do what your suppose to or not. While yes, I need to stick to my success plan I also need compassion and not judgement. Now if you are complaining every day that the band is not working and you are downing milkshakes like water then you don't have anyone to blame, but yourself. And you need to be told that. This site has been both positive and negitive in my life- I have found support and also found judgement. Sometimes I seek advise or hope that some will comment to something I have said and I get nothing and yes I feel ignored when there are others out there with their band buddies who get lots of comments and support. However, is that just me feeling due to my self impression that people are excluding me. I must learn to be my judge and advocate and cheerleader. I need to look at myself realistically and kick myself in the butt when I need it and also give myself a pat on the back when I deserve it. Today I am choosing to not look to others for affirmation or pats on the back, but look to myself. I must learn to find joy in my success and find answers in my failures.

November 6, 2012

2

190's

Last Friday was my 9 month anniversary with my band. My journey began last year about this time with the seminar and me trying to figure out if I was ready to make this step. I quickly decided that the band was best for me and began jumping through all the hoops to make it happen. June 22,2012 was surgery day at 244 lbs!! The surgery went great and the following months were great. It seemed I was loosing between 5-7 lbs a month. In Dec. 2012 I was finally below the 200lb mark, my first big goal hit in 6 months. 3 months later and I am still sitting in the 190's and getting frustrated. I have toned some, which has gotten me in a size 14 summer clothes, which feels nice. Yet, I still keep jumping around in the 190's. Two weeks ago I saw the 190's for the first time, then it bounced right back up to 194. I saw it again last weekend, then boom back up to 193's where I was last week, yesterday 191, today back up 192.5. My doctor says all this is normal. Plateaus are expected and we just have to keep moving to break them, it will just take time. The only health issue that had begun to creep up on me before surgery was my blood pressure. Which has nicely come down and is now perfect. All other labs are perfect. I wear a size 14. Yet, I still want more. I slide on my 14 shorts and my large T-shirt and I still see the big girl in the mirror. I know I am smaller, but I want more. My BMI still has me well into the obese range. I have to lose 30 more lbs to be in "just" the over weight zone. While the 1st 50 lbs came off realively easy, apparently the next 50 are going to come only by a tooth and nail fight. I have spend the weekend being introspective, looking at myself and what I do and don't do. I must find a balance in my life that will get me to my goal and keep me there. I am not a lover of exercise, I'm just not. But, I do need to find more ways in my life to move more, which I have, but now I need to step it up even more. I had been pretty much eating much of the same things as pre surgery (I was never as much an unhealthy eater as I was a big eater). Now, I think I must start looking at things that I can cut from my diet, such as cutting, at least, back on carbs. I do try and stick with healthy carbs, but hopefully my triming even those down I can get these next few lbs off. This coming week will be a big test for me. The hubs and I are headed of to Disney for a week vacation. We both need a break from our jobs and in general life. While I am looking forward to the experience I know there will be a lot of food challenges. My doctor told me to try and not stress to much about it, that I would be burning a lot of calories moving around the parks and I would need more calories than normal. She said to remember to keep portion sizes low, make good choices and have fun. I am hoping that the extra movement, the destressing and the trying to eat healthy will help slide me out of the 190's. I've spend 3 month's here and I am ready to leave.

March 25, 2013

1

Needs vs. Wants

As kids our parents try to teach us need vs want, especially when it comes to things we want them to buy us. But, I think that this applies to every aspect of our life. When it comes to food, preband I was always about what I wanted to eat, not what I needed. Think about it- how often do you say "hey, what do you need to eat" when are are getting ready to cook dinner- you don't, instead you ask "what do you want to eat". I have come to the point where I must ask myself what do I need, not what do I want. Yesterday I wanted a donut, but it wasn't what I needed. I am 32 years old, it's time I grow up and become more about what I need instead of what I want. So what do I need when it comes to intake: Water (my body needs hydration to stay healthy and in balance) Protein (this is food for my muscles, my heart is a muscle and it needs this) Veggies and Fruit (balance baby- our digestive system will be the better for these) Good Carbs (again, balance carbs are energy food, but we need the good ones, not bad) Good Fats (yes, we do need fat, but the good ones not the artery clogging ones) Like we were taught in school we need a balance. A balanced intake is a healthy one. I am finding that the longer I am on the journey my needs and wants are coming together. I crave the healthy protein, I want the fruit, I would fight you for my water. I have become a spinich aholic- it gets added to much of what I eat- so healthy yet sooo good. The other day I ate some fast food chicken strips- one- it KILLLED my tummy. My body is adjusting to the healthy life and doesn't like the bad stuff anymore- how great is that. I am just 9 months into this journey, I am only 54 lbs down and wish I was more; but boy do I look forward to continuing this journey. It's not the diets of the past, this one is evolving and making me better as I go. It's not one I want to jump off of and go back to old ways. So, I am now looking at what my body needs and I will endulge my wants in my sexy new clothes my healthy body needs!!

March 27, 2013

1

Fat Day

It's a week before my TOM, so maybe that is why I am feeling this way, but ugghhh! I got up this morning like any other, weighed after potting, 190.8! Geez, how, I am following the rules. I want my 189 back or lower!! Moving on with the morning routine, I put my clothes on and go to fix my hair. I had on a sleeveless top (I had a shirt to go over top that I would put on before leaving), as I am doing my hair. I lift my arms up to begin curling- OMG!!!!! My arms, OMG- they are huge, that is what a thigh should look like not my arm and the hubs says my arms are smaller- OMG!!! How big were they? Then my eye drop down- I fail to see any of the postives that have come with losing 50+- I only see the remaining fat rolls! I see how my tummy still pouches, my back fat- UGH- I am a huge fat hippo!! I feel like having surgery did nothing for me- ok I realize that isn't true, but I am in full pitty party mode. I have only lost 54 lbs in 10 months- I am a failure - others have lost so much more. Why didn't I have bypass, then maybe I would be smaller now. I am sick of getting stuck at meals! My pitty party was in full swing. I wasn't just thinking all this the hubs was sleepily listening. Finally, when I turned and said if I am this freaking huge now, just how big was I really before I lost the weight. At that point the hubs just said I love you and you are beautiful to me and turn and walked out!! He knew there was no talking to me at that point, I was firmly in the mode. As most men can relate, when a woman is in this mode there is nothing a man can say and not get in trouble for, so it is best to be quiet- my husband know this all to well. Now a few hours later I am at work, still down, but not total pity party. I am just in the mode of ok, this sucks I want to lose more, I am tired of this being so slow, so what do I do now. As much as I do not want to add a more rigourous exercise routine to my plan, I think that is the next step I need to do. Also, trimming carbs even more- I dont' like this, but if it helps and get me to where I want/need to be then I gotta get with it. So tonight after work- I do have the push mow the lawn (I actually do enjoy this- gives me time to think while doing something productive that has a postive result I can see when I am done). I am also going to have a talk with the hubs, I am going to need support from him to kick it into the next level. He has always been supportive and loving and I know he will be this time to. So how many of you have pity party days, where you still feel like a beached whale?

April 26, 2013

3

UP, Down, All Around

I wonder when the mind games end, boy I hope they do end. I know that we all have a problem when figuring out portion sizes, which is why measuring and weighing is so helpful. But, what about our body. My weight has bounced for months now. Up 2 lbs, down three, up 2, down 1, up 2, down 4- you get the picture. I slowly dropped from 199 in Dec. to the lowest I have seen 188 in May. I am currently doing the bounce thing still. I haven't had a fill since Feb and have an appointment for one next week. My meals are no longer holding me 4 hours. Any way with all the up down of the scale, what does that say for how I look? I look in the mirror and I see that my face is smaller, as is my body, but I still feel HUGE! I slide on one pair of 14 shorts and they fit perfect, then slide on another pair and they are loose. Last night I went out for a Walk/Run with the hubs and 2 dogs. As I slipped on my 12/14 gym shorts that fit perfectly (last year they were like a 2nd skin), my sports bra and my old outer banks t-shirt. I realized that my boobs stick out further than my tummy now. I clearly see my feet. All this is great, but I still feel like a walking Shamoo Show. I am just getting so frustrated with all of it. It is like this process has become all consuming. Everything is about my band and my weight loss. The doc said last time I have been successful, but I am still so big. I mean 188 is a lot less than 244, but still it's a long ways from the 125 the charts say I should be. I by no means believe I will ever hit 125, but I would like to see the upper 130's- and low 140's. But, that is still 40+ pounds away. I begin to wonder will I ever make it. I am still very fatigued, which my OB/GYN attributes to my extremely low Vit D level, my mildly down B levels and my mildly low iron levels. I am currently work toward getting these up with insane regiment of pills. Maybe, once my level get back in the homeostatic range with weight loss will continue. Any one else feel like this sometimes?

May 29, 2013

3

Now it makes sense.........

March 22nd it will be 9 months since I was banded. I have lost right at 52 lbs, which puts me half way to goal. I have learned so much in these 9 months. I use to say, gee I don't know why I am so fat, I don't eat that much. Well, I have learned better. In 9 months I have made meals at home, had the major holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas, traveled for work, and eaten out. What did I learn- I WAS lazy. I DID eat a lot! So what has changed.... My MIL purchased me a fitbit for my birthday in November. This counts my steps, flights of stairs taken and calculated my calories burned based on my age and weight. When I started with the fitbit I was taking about 4500 steps a day, this shocked me, I really thought it was more. Now during the week I take between 7-8000 steps on weekends 10-12000. So I have increase my activity. I am busy like most of you out there who work full time and have a house and hubs and 4 creatures in my house. So how did I increase my steps: At work instead of calling a co-worker in the same building on the phone, I walk to their office. Instead of calling kids down to my office, I walk to their classroom and pull them out (we have a HUGE campus with 3 floors so I get stairs and steps). I park further from the door at the grocery store or mall (except when it rains, because I really don't like being wet). I play with my dogs- walk them, run around the house with them, play fetch. When I cook dinner I dance around the kitchen (my husband I come to this of this as entertainment). Of course my food intake has changed, because if I want to lose weight it has to! While I use to believe I ate healthy and didn't eat much, I found out differently. Now I read labels, look for less processed foods, lower sodium and lower calorie. I do choose to eat carbs, but I look for complex carbs (whole wheats, couscous, whole grain, sweet potato) that burns energy just to process. I choose lean meats (chicken, fish, lean hamburger, turkey). For snacks I choose healthy ones, rather than processed- apples and PB, nuts (almonds), banana, greek yogurt. Portion sizes have also changed (duh). Just the nature of having my band has forced the portions to be smaller because I just can't eat more. More than that the doctor said stick to a cup or less at a time. So what does this mean.... for instance when I use to eat a taco, it was taco's like 4, now one and maybe the inside of a second, but no more. When I would eat chicken it would be 2 chicken breast, now it's hard to eat one whole one, if it's large it will likely be half. I love talipia fillets and use to eat two, now it is about 3/4 of one. Eating out.... before surgery I would go out any where and order anything that sounded good, plus and appitizer and sometimes dessert. Boy, that has changed. I plan where I will go out, google their menu and see what the healthy options are. I choose healthy items, I don't get an appitizer, I don't get dessert. Many times I will not get all the items on the entree (like I will say no rice, I don't want 2 sides). I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by cutting back. I feel good. With the increase movement I have more energy and feel better and move better. Eating less makes my tummy feel better. I don't get that horrible stuffed turkey feeling after meals. I feel like my mind is clearer, I breath better, in general feel better. So all in all, honestly now I am suprised that I wasn't bigger than I was. I am thankful that I went ahead a took the step to get my band at 31 rather than waiting till I was older and my health had declined.

March 8, 2013

4

Where'd My Second Chin Go?

I just looked at myself in the mirror- really looked at myself. I realized my face is much smaller as is my neck and my double chin has disappeared. My husband keeps telling me I am looking great, but I just fail to see it. I know I am smaller because the scales and my clothes show it, but when I look in the mirror I still feel large. Will I ever be able to let go of being the fat gir? Will I ever feel like I am small enough? I am 5'2 and to start with I want to be around 170, but now I have changed that to 135 ish. But, will that be enough once I reach it. I am not sure how I will feel at that point and I know I should worry about, but it's a thought in my head. I love the fact that I am 38 lbs smaller than when I began- even though it's taken 4 months to get there. It feels slow, but my average is 8 lbs a month which isn't bad. I wish I had a magic mirror that could show me what I will look like in a year. But would that motivate me to continue or would it allow me to become complacent and stop being so tight with myself. I don't think any of us have the answers to all these questions, we are all just living our own banded life each day- which varies from person to person. For today I am happy to look at my smiling face in the mirror and now see a second chin or my eye lids dropping down - my face is tighter and cuter and for today that is going to be my joy. Onward and downward in our case! LOL!!

October 16, 2012

3

Committed Relationship

I met my wonderful amazing husband 5 years ago and married him 3.5 years ago. He is my biggest fan and support. Once he went to the seminar on WLS he was fully supportive of me having the band. Over the next couple of months I hemed and hawed about would I be, could I be successful on this journey. He kept telling me that ofcourse I would, I just needed to commit to him as I did him. Soooo....... I am in a committed relationship with my band. My band is 100% behind me losing weight. While my band can't prevent me from eating more than I should or eating things that are unhealthy for me; it can help me stay satisfied longer on less, that is if I allow it to. When I think about my band from this perspective- I think about I would never cheat on my husband why would I want to cheat on my band. Ruining my marriage would be painful, but ruining my band and having to have another surgery wouldn't be a walk in the park either. Just like with a marriage you have to work at it, I have to work at my band life. Some days it will be easy and other days it won't, but I don't give up on my marriage just because of one road bump and I won't give up on my band either. Just like I want my marriage to last forever, I want my band life to last to. So with this being said.... ( I am calling my band George) I promise to love, honor, and cherish George forever!! Are you in a committed relationship with your band?

January 23, 2013

4

Goals

From the get go I have set goals for myself. The first few months I was knocking them out in what seemed like a week or so, now things have slowed; dramatically. To begin with I was just wanted to get to the lower 10 lb zone. So starting at the 244 mark, 230's came and went quick, then the 220's bam shattered that, 210 slow but got it, below 200 slower but reached it. Now in the 190's and have been in this zone since early Dec. Yesterday I was at 192.8, so it is moving, but sssslllloooowwwllllyyy!!! While I am not giving up, I do get frustrated and worried. Yes, I know I have a calorie deficit each day, yes I am walking more, yes I am only eating my alotted amount, yes I am getting in my protein, yes I am getting in my water; but my weight just isn't moving like before. To begin with my goals were weight based, now I am having to change my goals as realated to other things in order to make myself feel like I am moving forward. These are goals like- walk at the least 6000 steps a day on the weekends 8000. These goals I can reach and it makes me feel good when I reach one. However, I still wish that I could reach my weight loss goals in a more timely fashion. 52 lbs in 8 months - 52 lbs is a lot, but over 8 months that is only 6.5 lbs a month. While I know that it is normal to lose only 1-2 lbs a week so the average is more like 4-8 lbs a month so I am in the middle. My final goal is 140, I use to think oh, I will hit that in a year- now I am not sure when I will hit it- maybe 3 years. I have just had to stop looking long term and start looking at the day- what mountain can I tackle today?

February 20, 2013

2

Sweet Success!!

I had my 9 month post op yesterday (one week before my actual 9th month - 22nd). My doc was very happy. We determined I did not need a fill at this time and I am in the elusive sweet spot. However, she did tell me that as I contiue to lose I may need a tweak here and there. I questioned the fact that I feel like my weight loss as almost come to a stop. I was at one point losing 7 lbs a month, from Dec. until now I have only lost 7. This makes me feel like I am failing. I was told that this is totally common. Almost every bander in the 1st year will hit a 3-4 month spell were the weight loss is almost at a stand still, but just keep doing what we are suppose to and the weight loss will start again. The next bit of encouragement came when I told her I felt like I wasn't doing as well as other banders. I was told that at 9 months post op I have lost 50% of my excess body weight. Doctor consider patients successful if at 1 year they have lost 40% so I am above the curve and they consider me an exordiary success. This made me feel great. Then the discussion turned to continue loss. I told her I was burning around 2100-2300 calories a day, according to my fitbit and walking around 7000-10000 steps a day. She said this was awesome. But, I needed to keep in mind that at this point my daily calorie deficit should only be 500 calories. If I was at a deficit of more than 500 the body would store. I told her that in a couple weeks I was flying to Florida for a week Disney Vacay and I ask about flying effects on the band. I was told that a small percent of patient experience tightness when flying, but most of the time it is only mild and they can still get liquid down and it disapates within 12 hours. To my surprise she said while at Disney not to refuse to enjoy eating. To stick to my alloted amounts, but to enjoy. The fact that I will be burning a lot of calories walking around Disney, I will need the increased calorie intake. So enjoy within reason. I totally love my medical team!! They continue to encourage me. The best thing she told me was that I was the type patient that makes her want to come to work each day. She has patient who refuse to do what they are told from the get go they will have to do and they aren't successful and blame the team. But, the fact that I am doing great and have taken the time to understand my band and body makes what she does worth it. This was a nice compliment. I am so glad I went through with being banded and I am very thankful for the wonderful medical team I have. Biggest advice- Chose a medical team who you feel comfortable with and who is experienced with bands.

March 15, 2013

2

Confusion

There is much confusion surround WLS surgery and WL in general. Some people think- oh WLS is easy, now you can eat what you want and not have to worry about it. That is soooo wrong. Actually, I worry about what I put in me more. Rather think about, I have to make sure what I am eating has protien, is healthy, and won't get stuck. Some, and I have even been guilty of this, think the scale is the only sign of success. What gets me and I have had this confersation with the doc, is that doctors look at BMI only. You get on the scale and they say oh you are over weight- shame, shame, you must diet. They don't look at everything- your over all health. While we know being morbidly obese is not good and leads to many healthy problems, being slightly over weight is another ball game. I weight 187 lbs, I have been in a 14 for months and now I am starting to move to 12's. While my weight isn't going down, apparently I am toning and my waist is smaller. My wedding rings are falling off my hand. My glasses slide down my nose. Heck, even my socks are big on my feet. So while I see the scale number not moving, something has to be happening because of my clothes. Some seem to think that WLS is a magic bullett and it will cure all that ails you. No way, I wish my mental fatness was cured. I still feel the part of the fat girl. I am amazed when smaller clothes fit, I still feel huge. I still crave the unhealthy. I still have to fight the demons that make me want to eat when I am not really hungry. The triggers are still there, I just have to recognize them and fight them. It's funny many people I work say nothing about my weight loss, ignore it. No one says hey you look good or gee you've lost a lot of weight. I know I must look smaller after loosing 60 lbs, but I wish people would notice. I actually like it when people ask, I like educating people on WLS. Some think it's a good thing, other think I was crazy. But, it is my decision, I made it and I believe in it. My band may mess up some day, I may have to have a revision, but for now it's working just fine and I am happy with it. My brother who is a medic, freaked when I told him. He said I was making a mistake. He worked with some one who thew up everything he eats and he hurts all the time. The band has made his life miserable. I told my brother, that isn't how the band is suppose to work, likely the dude is to tight or is trying to eat to fast and or to much. Now my brother sees what the band can do if worked properly. So, if people as- yes I had the band and this is how it works for me.

June 27, 2013

0

The Amazing Pita Pocket

I recently purchase a pack of whole wheat pita pockets, they are round and if you slice them in half they make a little pocket. Once half is less calories than a slice of whole what toast and taste great. I have been making myself and my hubs sandwiches with these. My hubs like to put laughing cow chipolte cheese and ham in one and heat heat for a hot ham and cheese - low cal and high protein. I had an peanut butter and banana pita - got my protein and my fruit in. The pitas are so thin, it gives you just enough bread to feel like it's a sandwich, but not so much it gets stuck. These pita's are great for stuffing with deli slices and cheese, chicken or tuna salad, PB and banana or even a scrabled egg and cheese for morning breakfast. We are loving these things- if you have tried them but like a sandwhich or need an easy holder for chicken or tuna salad while you are on the go you gotta try them. What lapband friendly items have you found that are awesome?

September 14, 2012

1

Working on it......

My attitude the last few weeks has been less than great. I have been down for a number of reasons and it has take a toll on me and my weight loss. My life is still beyond busy, but I hope I am getting some control over my attitude. By the end of last week I was in the mode of screw it, I don't care I am going to eat what I want and do what I want. However, I noticed that my band does prevent me from going to far over board and I suppose that is a great thing. Saturday my parent drove down from Southern VA to help the hubs and I set up our awesome new deck. We finally built the deck of our dreams. Even though we live in Raleigh, NC's capital, we have a house in a subdivision that backs a river, so I have a big feild and a river behind my house. This helps me feel like I am some what in the country. We now have a 25 x 14 deck. My parents helped assemble a gazebo on our deck, complete with curtains. We have beautiful new deck furniture. So Saturday from the time my feet hit the floor until my butt hit the bed I was hauling butt. Eating wise, I am not sure how to feel about the weekend. Saturday and Sunday morning, I had what the hubs refers to as the hearty breakfast bowl. This bowl consist of 1 pack of cinnamon oatmal, half of a small apple chopped up in it and a sprinkle of granola on top. It is very good. I don't think that was a horrible breakfast. For lunch, for time sake, we order a pizza. I ate two slices of a medium veggie pizza. When dinner finally rolled around, I felt like a truck had hit me since I had been working out in the sun since 8 am. The hubs wanted to go to Moe's Southwest Grill. I ordered a Quesodilla with chicken, onions and peppers. I pulled off the execess shell, but I did eat most all of it. Funny thing is I never had one stuck spell or felt over full. This worries me a bit. Sunday, I had to make the trip up to Southern VA for a family reunion. I was worried about this, since it would be outside and I would have no where to go hide and PB if I got stuck. I ended up helping my plate with to much, however it was about a 3rd of what I would have normally had on there. Yet, I still didn't eat it all. I ended up giving a peice of chicken that was way to big to my newphew who is 16 and is as skinny as a rail, yet eats like a horse. I didn't have dessert a spoon of strawberry cobbler and 1 thin slice of pound cake. Luckly I never got stuck, but still know I ate to much. When I finally arrived home the hubs wanted breakfast supper. I made sausage and egg sandwiches. I toast mine so the bread doesn't gum. I ate the entire thing- normally I would only eat half. I worry now that I may have stretched my band. I know I need to get back on track and stop this insanity before it gets totally out of control. I had hoped to get up early today and go for a run, but it's is raining cats, dogs and a few horses here in NC and will all day . This afternoon I need to go get my mom's B-day gift, since I finally know what she wants. Then I need to come home and clean the house, which got neglected this weekend with everything else I have to do. So I know I will not stop moving until my head hits the pillow again. This constant being busy is likely what has prevented my weight from going insane, I am up to 190.8 this morning. My lowest seen has been 187. I must get back on track one step at a time, I believe it is time to go back to journaling, if I can find time to do that.

May 20, 2013

1

Why?

I went on a road trip last weekend and did pretty good, even having to eat out. I turned down apple pie and icecream when every one else was eating it. Back at work this week, I turned down a awesome looking chocolate cake and donuts. I am eating what I am suppose to, drinking water even exercising, but am I losing weight, NO!. I know everyone hit plateaus, but this is ridiculas. Last week my weight got down to 216.4 on Wed, this Tuesday I was 218. Tuesday night I worked in the yard, push mowed the lawn and the raked the yard- out there 3 hours sweating. Wed morning I was down to 216.2 then this morning I was back up to 217.2. WTH?? I went through surgery and all the test, and I still can't seem to lose. The first few weeks things went great, but now it seems like I am losing less than a pound a week and sometimes not even that. Why am I eating like a bird just to stay fat? Ok, before I get a beat down. I know it's worth it, I am just frustrated and afraid. There are people out there that the band doesn't work for, what if I am one of those people. What if I went through all of this for nothing. I realize that the weight didn't come on me over night so it won't fall off over night, but geez. I was so hopeful and excited to begin with, but now I am losing hope and just feeling fearful. I am not stopping the band why, I am still eating healthy, because I have learned to like it. I just want to see results on the scales for all my efforts.

August 30, 2012

2

One Month Post Op

Yesterday was my one month post-op anniversary. I am 20 lbs down and really feeling good. I am still struggling to get the 64 oz of water my nutritionist wants me to get, but I am getting close. I have only had one fill and that was interesting. My doctor does fill with floroscopy so they can see and hopefully make sure they don't over fill. My 10cc band currently has 2.5 cc's. While my fill did not hurt a bit, I passed out. Apparently I have a sensitive vagus nerve, when the fluid was pushed into my band quickly I got dizzy and went out for second. It passed quickly and the doctor said that from now on they would have to push fluid slower as to not agrivate the nerve. I go back in one month and hopefully will be down another 20, but know that is unlikely. The first couple of weeks I was dropping lbs like no bodies business, but now it has slowed to the 2-3 lbs a week. I am just happy it is headed in the right direction. I am so looking forward to being in onederland. I am enjoying the lower grocery bill each week. I find I eat so little it take fewers groceries for me and my hubby. Don't get me wrong I am still eating, but I am just eating so much less than I did before surgery. Of course the extra eating and eating the wrong things got me to 244, so now I am turning that around. I am so thankful to have had a good experience thus far. I am so scared of getting stuck or throwing up that I am VERY careful when eating. So far I think the best part of finally having had the surgery is the feeling like food no longer controls my life, I control it. My days aren't about what and when the next meal is, it is about the here and now. I do wish I would have done this 5 years ago when I first looked into it.

July 23, 2012

1

Living In A Lapband State Of Mind

I have heard people call lapband life numerous things - diet, life style change, easy, hard, ect. I think most people who have had lapband would say lapband is not easy, but is it horrible NO! For me this isn't a diet and not exactly a life style change it is a change in state of mind. Before I never really thought about what I was putting in my mouth. My only thought was this is going to taste good or I want it. Now I think about how good or bad what I am eating is for me and am I hungry. Before it was never really about being hungry, I didn't realize that until now, it was about avalibility and desire. As a kid I grew up on a farm when we went in for lunch we were told to clean our plate because we wouldn't have food avalible later so you ate it no matter if you were hungry or not. Maybe that was where my food issues began, maybe not, regardless the issue began. Now I must change my state of mind. I am the worlds best at excuses and justification. I can argue forever on why I can't exercise tonight or justify why I deserve a cupcake. However, I must switch that up. I need to justify why I need to exercise and make excuses why I can't eat that cupcake. Thank the Lord, I have an amazing support system in my husband. When I want to make excuses to not exercise he kicks my butt in gear because he loves me and wants me to be successful, for me. I am changing my state of mind where food and excercise come in. While I am 31 I am an old fashion southern girl and life always revolved around food and sweet tea. I have to change that state of mind - no more fried chicken, no more sugar sweet tea. That doesn't mean I won't ever have it again, but it will not be on the regular rotation that is was at one time. For years I have worked where you eat quick or you may not eat. I learned to eat quickly. Now my band has taught me to eat slow, if I don't it hurts. I chew, chew, chew instead of swollowing whole. My state of mind has changed. Since June 22nd when I received my band my whole state of mind has changed. I always wanted to be sucessful with this, but worried I wouldn't be because of my old state of mind. Now that my state of mind has changed and continues to evolve the more I become sure that I will be successful, not because my weight is going down, not because I opted to diet, not because I work out but because of my state of mind. I am proud of my weightloss yes, but I am more proud of the change of my state of mind because I developed my old ways over 31 years, but now I am evolving and my state of mind changing for the healthier. I completely feel better, not just physcially, but mentally and emotionally to. It's not just the confindence that I have now, but the the clear head, the lower stress, the comfort. I feel better because I am not over eating and miserable after a meal. The Lapband State of Mind is pretty darn good!! Hope you will join me in the Lapband State of Mind

September 17, 2012

1

There is help out there....

It's been 6 months since my lapband surgery and my life has chaged. I have lost 49 pounds (244 to 195), I feel better, my asthma is better, my blood pressure is perfect, I have gone down 2 sizes (20/22 to a 14/16). I feel more aware of my life, I am more aware of what goes into my body. I eat better less processed foods, I don't have the GI issues I use to have because of it. When I walk into the mall, a resturant, a store, even work I don't feel as huge as I use to. Friday I went to the grocery store and then today the hubs and I went out to Best Buy. I see women and men walking around looking like they are in pain being so large, riding the carts and I so want to be like an evangelist and tell them there is help. You can lose that weight that is holding you back. Most people would take offense to that though, but it's true. I so wish I would have taken step years ago to do this and get control of my life. I as so thankful that I had the surgery now rather than waiting until I hit 300 or 400 or more pounds because that is were I was headed. I am 5'2 and at 244 I was already looking as big around as I was tall any more weight would have been horrid on me. I realized last spring that if I didn't do something then that my Christmas I would likely be seeing 300 on the scales, it was time to take control. While I haven't been the perfect patient I haven't been the worst either. I still eat carbs, I still eat some processed stuff, I still eat pizza- I just eat much less. The hubs and I use to order a large pizza and an order of breadsticks and eat it all in one sitting. Now we order 1 small pizza and on occassion have left overs. When I use to cook rice I'd cook 2 cups now I cook 1/2 cup and still have some left. Food last a lot longer in our house. The thing a lot of people who fail at any weight loss surgery fail to realize is that the surgery it's self will not make you lose weight. If you want to you can eat around the band (slidders) or stretch your stomach back with the other surgeries. A commitment must be made to make a change in eating habits and follow through it. Just last weekend I saw a lady who had gastric bypass 3 years ago, to begin with she lost 100 lbs, now she has gain that back plus some. She said the surgery was useless and that it doesn't help. But, the large plate of food and the half of a 2 liter I saw her consume that night showed me why she failed. She refused to commit to the process. She either wasn't ready or didn't understand her what her part was in the process. I am ready, I am committed to the process. While I may not be perfect, I will eat less and move more forever more. I want to succeed. I am proud of the 49 lbs I have said goodbye to and I will not see them again. I am committed, I want this. Weight loss surgery isn't for everyone, it's only for the committed!!

January 6, 2013

2

Grocery Bill Before And After

I thought with me eating much less my grocery bill would go down, but it hasn't, but it hasn't gone up either. Instead of buying crap (little debbie / french fries) I buy healthy things - fruit and veggies. I no longer buy any soft drinks, just crystal light flavor packs for water. I am married so I do have to buy for the hubs, but while he isn't banded he opted to adopted the banded life. He eats the same healthy foods I do just in a large quantity, but hey that is a step. We have opted to oust junk foods all together. So I no longer go down the junk isles. I use to buy a lb of sugar monthly, I have purchased one in 4 months now - don't use it any more. I use to buy hamburger, chicken and pork. Now I still buy chicken, but opt for ground turkey instead of beef and still do a little pork sometimes and a lot more fish. We also use eggs instead of meat - I made an awesome veggie quiche last night and it gave us dinner last night and breaksfast for today and tomorrow- that is the way to stretch a buck. I have learned that Mrs. Dash makes fish better grilled and broiled than it was when we ate it fried. So while my bill hasn't gone down, I feel like the quality of food I purchase is better and I like that. Fresh veggies and fruit are great. My hubs has given up high cal yogurt for apple slices and likes it better. So I don't mind that the bill hasn't gone down quality means more than quantity so that is the aim these days. What has being banded done for your grocery bill?

September 12, 2012

2

Adventure Banding

This WLS thing is a true adventure. Just like any adventure, you have times where it is awesome and you feel amazing, then there are time when you just wish you could turn around to the comfort of home, and then there are times when you are scared pooh less. 9 months post op and I can say it has been a roller coaster. The first few months was the big exciting hill, where the weight is coming off and I am screaming hell yeah. Now I am in the boring slow moving time that makes me wonder if this ride will get better. With being a woman in childbearing years I still have the wonderful monthly cycle to throw some excitement in- water retention, cravings, ect. I am currently greatly stressed at work, which doesn't really help, apparently my band doesn't like stress- it tenses up. Last week while on vacation, eating each bite was ad adventure in it's self. One morning I wouldn't be able to get anything down but Vitamin Water Zero. Then Lunch would do great, but dinner wouldn't budge. Next day breakfast wondeful, lunch no go, dinner no go. Even though I was chewing well and chosing things that shouldn't have been an issue (baked fish- really should go down). I was also burning between 2400 and 3000 calories a day due to walking close to 8-10 miles daily (Gotta love Disney). Yet, my weight is up 4 lbs when I returned. The last two days my weight has dropped a half pound a day. Who knows what it will be tomorrow. WLS really does appear to be an adventure that you must do what the tour guide says ( the doc and NUT) and hold on for dear life. We must look forward to those days when we are feeling the sun on our face and screaming hell yeah with our hands in the air and the days when we are in dark cave and creeping slowly remember that there must be light coming. Heres to our health adventure!!

April 8, 2013

1

Head vs Mouth vs Stomach

I have figured out that a lot of the reason I use to eat had nothing to do with hunger. see something- eat it. Smell something- eat it. Board- eat Worried- eat Meal time - eat I ate my way to almost 250 and I knew it had to stop. Now I am much more selective about what and when I eat. I now eat 3 meals a day and sometime one snack. I still eat things I love, but I eat less or them. Today I walked into the breakroom at work, there was a smorgasborg or treats: grapes, cheese, crackers, pimento cheese, rolls, celery. While these foods aren't bad foods, I didn't eat them, I wasn't hungry. In times past I would have fixed a nice rounded plate and gone back to my corner office and ate up. While my mouth and mind were saying yummy, just one bite, my tummy was saying, but hey yo I don't want any, not hungry please don't. My eyes, mouth and mind get me in a lot of trouble when it comes to food. My husband in blind, but very strong resourcful, brillant wonderful man; but he can't see the foods laying around. He never picks and taste at things, he doesn't graze. He eats his 3 meals and about 2 snacks a day and that is it. He isn't tempted by the stuff laying around because he can't see it. Now at meals he eats well, but that is a different story. But, I think I need to become more like him; blind to the food just laying around. When I make a concious effort not to indulge I am fine, but when I uncounsiously peck I will pay with weight gain. In my wieght loss journey I need to get my mind, mouth and tummy all on the same page.

January 24, 2013

1

Ever Evolving Process......

Thanksgiving day will be my 5 month band anniversary. As of today I have lost 43 lbs. I feel good and feel that I have been pretty successful. This hasn't been the easiest journey, but hasn't been as difficult as I once imagined. I struggle with hunger at times and am in an ever evolving mode of searching for new healthy food options. I love finding tasty new ideas that are healthy. I have found a tasty stir-fry that both the hubs and I love that uses chicken breast, onions, 2 cloves of garlic and a bag of bird eye steam fresh asian medley veggies- so yummy with just a touch of low sodium soy sauce, a sprinkle of ginger, and a dash of red pepper flakes for heat. Breakfast has become a struggle since I don't do mornings and can't drink protein shakes (makes me sick- I am odd I know). Some bandsters on here said to try a boiled egg or oatmeal- which I will be trying over the next couple of days. Gotta come up with something that will feel me up and not let me get so hungry before lunch. Each time I go in for a feel and as I lose more weight things change and evolve regarding what works and doesn't work. At the start bread was no issue for me, however now, bread gets stuck, I guess that is because of the band being tighter. Whole wheat thin toast works ok. All meat use to be ok, but now if it is the slightest bit tough and I mean slightest I can't do it- just as well spit it out (I know gross). I have had to learn to brush a touch of olive oil over my chicken breast prior to baking so they are tender and juicy and that works great. I am learning not to be so picky. As time goes on, I can eat so little at one time that I have gotten over being picky about what I have for a meal. If I have some left over veggies and can sprinkle some WW cheese on it heat them up and call it a meal. Before I would have had to have a full course. I suppose everything is an evolution, I evolved into a fat person over years of over eating, not I am going the other way. I guess a slow steady evololution is the best way to go, which is what the band is helping with. As this journey continues, I wonder what else will change? I wonder what I will learn to eat and what I will learn I don't want any part of?

November 14, 2012

2

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