Fat Day

It's a week before my TOM, so maybe that is why I am feeling this way, but ugghhh!

I got up this morning like any other, weighed after potting, 190.8! Geez, how, I am following the rules. I want my 189 back or lower!!

Moving on with the morning routine, I put my clothes on and go to fix my hair. I had on a sleeveless top (I had a shirt to go over top that I would put on before leaving), as I am doing my hair. I lift my arms up to begin curling- OMG!!!!! My arms, OMG- they are huge, that is what a thigh should look like not my arm and the hubs says my arms are smaller- OMG!!! How big were they? Then my eye drop down- I fail to see any of the postives that have come with losing 50+- I only see the remaining fat rolls! I see how my tummy still pouches, my back fat- UGH- I am a huge fat hippo!! I feel like having surgery did nothing for me- ok I realize that isn't true, but I am in full pitty party mode. I have only lost 54 lbs in 10 months- I am a failure - others have lost so much more. Why didn't I have bypass, then maybe I would be smaller now. I am sick of getting stuck at meals! My pitty party was in full swing.

I wasn't just thinking all this the hubs was sleepily listening. Finally, when I turned and said if I am this freaking huge now, just how big was I really before I lost the weight. At that point the hubs just said I love you and you are beautiful to me and turn and walked out!! He knew there was no talking to me at that point, I was firmly in the mode. As most men can relate, when a woman is in this mode there is nothing a man can say and not get in trouble for, so it is best to be quiet- my husband know this all to well.

Now a few hours later I am at work, still down, but not total pity party. I am just in the mode of ok, this sucks I want to lose more, I am tired of this being so slow, so what do I do now.

As much as I do not want to add a more rigourous exercise routine to my plan, I think that is the next step I need to do. Also, trimming carbs even more- I dont' like this, but if it helps and get me to where I want/need to be then I gotta get with it.

So tonight after work- I do have the push mow the lawn (I actually do enjoy this- gives me time to think while doing something productive that has a postive result I can see when I am done). I am also going to have a talk with the hubs, I am going to need support from him to kick it into the next level. He has always been supportive and loving and I know he will be this time to.

So how many of you have pity party days, where you still feel like a beached whale?