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Blog 64098

A blog by Arb

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Feeling Good Without Brownies

I'm back to work. In our building that means back to food! We have lots of good cooks, bakers. Today we had angel food cake and brownies in the office. I pinched off a real small bite of brownies and was satisfied. Doesn't mean i didn't want to bury my head in the container and eat every darn one of those yummy, moist brownies, but I didn't. I feel good about that. Tomorrow is a big lunch and there will be LOTS of good food and good desserts. I'm going to try to stay focused and taste things but not go overboard. I have found that at least I don't salivate everytime something good crosses my vision so I think that's progress. I need all the help I can get right now as the food starts rolling in and LBT is a great place for me to get refocused.   First postop appt Thursday and I'm thinking of not getting a fill. I'm really not hungry between meals (except for head hunger) and I want to take it slow. I lost another 2 lbs. last week after starting solids and I'm trying to be very content with 1-2 lbs a week. I guess when I hit that first week of no loss, or worse yet, a gain, I'll think more strongly about a fill. For now I'm going to take it one day at a time.
Arb

Arb

5
 

It's Been Too Long

since I last posted. My computer has been down and I have really been out of touch. To catch up....10 weeks post op. 2nd fill today. Total of 1cc in my band. I think I have been fortunate that I really have experience much TRUE hunger, even without fills. HEAD hunger is a different story and getting worse. I went ahead and got a fill today even though lost weight last week. I think I need the reminder that I have a band so I won't slip back into old habits, which I have been doing. Eating too fast, not chew, chew, chewing, eating bigger portions. I think the small fill will help the HEAD stay in the game.   Overall, I'm very satisfied. I've lost 45 lbs total and have averaged 1.5 lbs per week for the past 4 weeks. 1 week I gained a lb, 1 week I stayed the same, but then I lose 3 lbs so the average is good. I am trying VERY HARD to be satisfied with that 1.5 AVERAGE. So far, I am. I have 6 lbs to go to be at 269. I have not weighed under 270 for 20+ years. I feel so good already I can't imagine losing another 50 or 100 lbs. I just can't remember what that feels like!   My first goal is to be at 250 by my 50th birthday in May. I truly think that is going to happen and it would be such a wonderful birthday present!   Well, that's about it for catching up. It's great to be back on LBT!
Arb

Arb

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Not much Happening Here

Busy Busy at work. Makes not eating very easy. Tired tired when I get home. Makes not eating very easy.   Now the downside, I'm too tired and my back hurts so much I haven't been able to force myself to exercise. Only 1 time this week. And I'm only talking about 25 mins. Not an hour or two like some of the peeps I read about on here. I can't believe the workouts some of you do just weeks post op! Apparently I'm in even worse shape than I thought! Oh, well. I'm going to at least walk 15 mins. tomorrow after work even if my feet and back kill me. My goal is 15 mins. a day, 4 days this week. Seems like nothing but I guess I have to start somewhere. Just makes me very sad to think how far I have fallen in the past 25 years. I used to walk miles and never think a thing about it. I took it for granted. Never again!
Arb

Arb

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I'm a "Crunch" addict

I have realized I need to "crunch" when I eat. If I have cottage cheese and applesauce for breakfast I am full. I have gotten good nutrition. BUT...unless I have something that goes "crunch" I am not satisfied. So, what to do....I find, since being banded and changing my entire way of thinking, that I can actually "crunch" but in moderation. A half piece of multi-grain bread well toasted, a few crackers, a few pretzels w/lunch. Anything that goes "crunch" and I am satisfied. 30-50 additional calories is going a long way in keeping me from binging. A good self-discovery, I think.
Arb

Arb

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Exercise Motivation Needed

I think I'm doing ok eating, although I'm getting between 70o-900 calories a day on mushies and my dietician says 300-400. I don't feel like I'm eating anything and still getting too many calories! Maybe my measurements are very good. I don't know. I'm frustrated. But mostly with my lack of motivation to exercise. I've joined a gym but just got there one day last week. I can only do about 15 mins of hard exercise and it just doesn't seem worth it to change clothes, drive there, sweat like a pig, show, change clothes again. I know I have to start somewehre but DARN I can't get motivated. I like water aerobics but the only place in town won't start until Sept or Oct. I KNOW I have to do something before then! I'm really down about this whole exercise thing. Anyone out there who couldn't do more than 10-15 mins when they started that had made alot of progress I would love to hear from. I feel like I'm the only one that weights 300 lbs that can't do an hour in the gym!! Help!!
Arb

Arb

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First real food test

We had lunch provided by our wonderful PTA parents today. The problem was the only entree was fried chicken strips. I only had one small one, about 3 chips, a couple tsp. of dip and a very tiny piece of cake. I guess out of everything that was offered I felt pretty good about that. It took me 1.5 hrs. to nibble away at the chicken strip while I worked!!   Tonight I went to Happy Hour with my brother. I had 2 triangles of a chicken quesadilla and I was stuffed. First time out like that and I feel ok about it. First time I've really eaten bread or fried anything since banding and it all seems to have settled pretty well. I'm hoping my preband iron stomach stays with me. :thumbup: I know it was alot of carbs today but all in all I'm proud of myself. I would have consumed 3000-4000 calories in a day like today pre-band. This little addition to my insides certainly makes me view food and eating differently, I'll say that!   First postop dr appts tomorrow. The physical therapist is not going to be happy with me:mad: I hope the doc and the dietician are good.:ohmy:
Arb

Arb

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Salad Dressing/Dip Recipe

I forgot to bring salad dressing for lunch today. What to do? Ranch is the only thing offered on our salad bar. WAAAAY too many calories. I looked in the fridge and I had lowfat french vanilla yogurt, yellow mustard and honey. So....I put some of each in a cup, stirred it up and it was YUMMY! Not too many calories and the ones there are pretty healthy.   This would make a great dip too. A little thin for dip but it would work.   Just wanted to share :confused:
Arb

Arb

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Paying the Piper

Excuses, Excuses....I'm the queen of excuses! I worked 12 hour days last week and was wiped out at the end of the day, so.....I didn't exercise, I didn't track my food consumption, I didn't get in enough water every day, I did eat some comfort foods. Poor me!   The price....1.5 lbs gained!!   OK, enough of this CRAP!!! I don't care if I work 15 hr days this week, I am going to...   exercise at least 30 mins a day, track my food consumption, and get in 66 oz. of water EVERY DAY! I WILL NOT fall back into old habits and waste this opportunity I have been given!
Arb

Arb

1
 

Victory

Well, I was on a mission last week to drop the darned 2 lbs I kept losing and gaining. Last Monday I was 275. This morning the lovely scale said 272.5! YES!!   Although I don't have much restriction, just having the band keeps me much more focused on what I'm eating and how much I'm eating. Thank you, my band!   I do find as the days get shorter, the nights get longer, I am having a much harder time not snacking. Guess I'll spend more time on LBT :confused:
Arb

Arb

2
 

Stress and My Band

I can only say that this past week has been a week from hell. Major stress with my son. I went for a fill appt. on 9/2 and the fill nurse and I decided not to do a fill. I have had no appetite and have really just been eating because I know I need to. The nurse said they have found that sometimes, under extreme stress, the stomach swells and you get restriction with the band even when you don't have a fill. They don't know why. I guess maybe that's what's happening to me. I don't really feel restricted, I just don't feel hungry. I guess the good news is I lost almost 5 lbs last week. I'm glad about that but would rather be fat than have this stress. Anyway, things are a little better today and I feel a little hungry. Yesterday I could feel the old "comfort food" yearning coming back. Don't like that at all! Hopefully, this week will get back closer to normal and I can concentrate on my health and continue this banded path.   The good news is that I am 8 lbs away from being in the 260's. Haven't been there since my son was born 23 years ago. I'm hoping to be there by Thanksgiving. I'm starting to believe that I can be at 250 by my 50th birthday in May. I will have one heck of a party then:smile2:!
Arb

Arb

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Weigh In Went well

Today is my Monday weight in and I was nervous. I have been eating 700-900 calories per day and my dietician says 300-400. I was so scared to get on the scale! I was shocked when it said I have lost 4 lbs this past week! Very happy, but confused. Don't know if I'm overestimating on my calories or if my body just wants that many. Anyway, I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing and hope for another good Monday next week.   NSV -- I do know my pants fit better. I wore a pair of capris today that I haven't been able to keep buttoned because they were too tight around the waist. I wore them all day today and could still breath at the end of the day. Nice feeling!   Getting tired of my mushie routine and ready to go to solids. My plan says 8/13 but my dietician appt isn't until 8/20 and they can't get me in any earlier. I'm bummed about that. I just want to chew something crunchy. Just a cracker or something.   Anyway, things are going pretty well and I haven't had any regrets yet.
Arb

Arb

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Mad mad mad mad mad

I'm mad at myself for not paying enough attention to my diet instructions. I thought mushies I could have 2-3 oz protein and 1.5 oz other food. That's what I've been doing the last 3 days. I realized tonight it's only suppose to be 1.5 oz protein, 1.5 other. What a dope! I'm already paranoid I'll mess up my band and now this! Well, I'll pray for the best and tomorrow will be a new day and I will be back to 1.5 oz. protein.   Now, the following has nothing to do with food so feel free to stop here but I have to VENT!   I came home tonight and Amerun UE, our electric company, has totally, needlessly, destroyed 6 beautiful trees in my yard! They were suppose to "trim" them away from the electric lines. They frigging destroyed them!!! All young, healthy trees! I am so :smilielol5::cursing::hurray: ANGRY!! CAn't even call and yell at anyone because they're closed for the evening! Man, I can't wait until 8am in the morning!:yikes::cursing:   IDIOTS! IMBECILES! DUMBASSES!   Now please don't mistake me for a tree hugger because I am not. But I am definately a nature lover and to destroy not 1 but 6 perfectly healthy trees that only needed a bit of trimming should be criminal. I may consult an attorney to see if it is! I don't normally curse either but tonight is an exception.:yikes::cursing::party::cursing:   OK, I feel slightly better but not much. Guess I'll go clean the kitchen and try to use a little of this enraged energy!
Arb

Arb

3
 

One Week Bandiversary

Well, I have survived the first week postop. Gas pain, too tight band and liquid diet. All of it. I am pretty excited that I am under 1 week now of liquids only. I go back to work onthe 29th and am starting mushies then, I don't care if the darn book says the 30th!   Today is better. I was able to swallow my pill without it sitting in my throat for an hour and liquids are going through my band with very little pain. These are all good things. I still seem to have alot of bloating since my pants are tighter around the waist then they were preop and I've lost 10 lbs since then! I know this too will pass.   Patience, Patience.   I was in town at a convenience store for about 5 minutes and saw 3 women get out of separate cars and all were clearly obese or morbidly obese. I felt sad for them and I didn't even know them. I know they have felt the same pain I have. It also strengthened my resolve that I have done the right thing and will see the rewards soon enough. Slow and steady! I picked the turtle to be my ticker marker so it will remind me every time I look at it that this is a long war with many battles and I have to just keep trudging on.   Still having some port site pain, mostly from the unfill I had on Monday. That was pretty uncomfortable and I have some new bruising there. Incisions all seem to be healing well.   I'm feeling pretty good except for bending over is still a little painful. Mostly I'm bored. So much I want to do and I have so much energy. Now I can't really use it. I am signing up at the gym tomorrow and will start working out when I go back to work next week. I know I won't be able to do much at first but again, baby steps.   Overall, I'm feeling better and am hoping the worst of it is behind me and the next 6 days of liquids goes VERY FAST!!   Congrats to bashful1269 who was banded today. Welcome aboard!!:cursing:
Arb

Arb

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Day Three Tree Murder Saga and a NSV!

OK, met yesterday with a rep. from Ameran UE. He conceeded that MAYBE the trimmers could have left a few of the branches but overall they did what they had to do to accomplish their objective of keeping the power on and the lines up. He left off the part where they are trimming so brutally because they don't want to come back for another 6 years! I recommended they rethink their long range plan! Anyway, by the time he left he said he would talk with the engineers about burying a short section of line that goes through the middle of our trees. He said he couldn't promise anything. Really?? At least he said he would try. So for the next week, I will wait patiently and then go to my next plan of action. I'm not going down quietly on this one!   Now, for a NSV!!!! My husband and I are going to a bar tonight. I was fretting about having nothing to wear when I remembered some shirts I had stuck away in the closet that I haven't been able to wear for 2 years. I dug them out and, WHEEEEEEE, 2 of them fit! 2 others are still a little snug so I put them back for a few more weeks but, WHEEEEEE, I now have a nice shirt to wear tonight!!:biggrin: Feels so good!!:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

2
 

Fish for Supper

If anyone had told me I would actually enjoy fish (not fried catfish) for supper I would have laughed, 12 weeks ago. However, now I find I really do enjoy it. Made baked greek tilapia (breadcrumbs, greek seasoning, black olive, feta, tomatoe topping) tonight and it was yummy. I have been fighting the same 2 lbs over and over the past 4 weeks and am determined to beat it this week. I hit 275 last week but was 277 today. CRAP! Next Monday I want to see 274!!!   I know part of it is because I have almost no restriction with only 1 cc after 2 fills and I can eat pretty much what I want, when I want and however I want. Not good things for me. That's ok. We're going slow on the fills and I'm ok with that. Will get another fill next week and hope that will give me some restriction. At least enough that I have to stop and think about what and how I'm eating. Again, I want 274!   I also need to journal my eating. My computer has been down so couldn't do it and that's another bad thing for me. It's fixed now so no more goofing off.   As a matter of fact, I'm going to sign off, journal for today and get ready for bed.   I'm going to dream of 274 :thumbup:   Oh, before I go, a NSV .... put on a bra Saturday night that was WAY WAY too tight this summer. It was snug but fit!! 3 sizes smaller:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

1
 

You know it has been too long when...

You can't remember your passwork to LBT:smile: Yep, it's been too long. I really took a break in December and am now trying to lose the 5 lbs I gained. Don't let anyone tell you you can't gain weight when you are banded. Anyway, it's a new year, my 6 months bandiversary is on the 15th and I have lost 52.5. Will have lost 55 when this last 2.5 lb gain goes away I'm back to planning meals, staying away from snacks and will make another fill appt. if I don't stay on track. Bought myself a walking tape and have walked 4 or last 5 days. Great I know except my foot hurts like #@$#*&^:w00t: Anyway, I'm going to keep it up. My goal is to do a 5k walk by my 50th BD in May. My other goal is another 15 lbs gone by then.   I know staying in touch here will help me reach both of those.   Couple of NSV's to start the new year....   I can now take my blood pressure with a regular size cuff instead of stretching the BIG cuff to the max.   I can get up and down with my beautiful grandson all day long and not feel like I'm dying.   I can wear my winter clothes that would not fit last year.   I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year and wish 2010 to be a year of great health and happiness to all of you.
Arb

Arb

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Food Tracking Site

Tried to get on chat but wouldn't load. Can someone give me sites where you track your food consumption? The one I used has changed and I don't like it.   Thanks!
Arb

Arb

5
 

Banding Eve

Tomorrow is the big day and I suddenly feel a great sense of calm and excitement, if that makes sense.   I feel calm that this is the right time and the right decision for me. I just looked out my back window and saw a beautiful rainbow. I am taking that as a sign that I am making the right decision. I have been asking God to give me a clear sign if I should not do this and I have not gotten that. I think He is telling me to trust in Him and go forward.   I'm excited that surgery is finally here and I can move on. That little negative imp inside me is trying to tell me I should be scared/nervous/not wanting to go through with this, and maybe in the morning I will feel that way but as this moment all I feel is ready!   I am not ready to post a picture but I am going to (if I can figure out how) since this is how I want to remember me when I get the urge to slack off. After I lose 50 lbs maybe I'll post my head, too:rolleyes2:
Arb

Arb

2
 

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb!

Six days into this liquid diet and doing ok. Sun-Wed saw 450-550 cals. each. Doc said I could have a few bits of "real food" just keep cals VERY VERY LOW. So, Tues saw 2 oz. steak and 2 tbsp. mashed potatoes. 519 total cals. Wed. was 1 cup ham and beans 433 total cals. Well yesterday waas my first real test. Went to lunch with a friend. Ordered turkey and cheese sandwich, threw away the bread, no mayo. Tasty!!!! Ordered "SEASONED" broccoli instead of fries. Obviously, their idea of seasoned and mine are different. Tasted like plain ole' broccoli to me. So here's the rub....I ordered some ranch dressing to dip. Now, I only had what I estimated to be about 5 tbsp. dressing. Today, entering into Sparkpeople.com my food for yesterday I got a BIG UGLY WAKE UP CALL! Total cals yesterday WITHOUT ranch dressing, 503...with ranch dressing....873!!!! Dumb, dumb, dumb.   The up side to this....proof that food journaling is GOOD, proof that ranch dressing is BAD, motivation to do all liquids today GOOD.
Arb

Arb

2
 

I Laughed Out Loud

I was getting dressed this morning and put on a pair of comfy capris. I say comfy because until recently they were the only things I could wear and still breath at the end of the day. 8 weeks ago they were a little loose around the waist but still seemed snug by the end of the day.   Well.....this morning I put them on, buttoned them and went to zip them. They were already zipped!!! I put them on with the zipper already zipped!! I actually laughed out loud. They are just about to the point I am going to have to get rid of them. Even with my belt they feel big. I've only lost 35 lbs. but OMG what a difference!   Another startling revelation this evening...I sauteed zucchini, yellow squash, garlic, tomato and onion. Then seasoned a tilapia fillet and threw it in the skillet. Steamed for about 10 minutes. It was wonderful!! I had about 2 oz. of fish and about a 1/4 cup vegetables and I am completely satisfied. If someone had told me 8 weeks ago I would even like tilapia, much less really enjoy it I would have said they were crazy. Fried catfish is my kind of dish!!   This is indeed an incredible journey and one I am looking forward to.
Arb

Arb

4
 

Sanity vs. Risk

10 days postop and I'm losing my mind. I am not suppose to do mushies until 7/30. 5 more full days! I have decided to give myself a bit of a break. I am going to have a fried egg, over medium, tomorow for breakfast. I will then do liquids the rest of the day. I only made it though today because my kids were here and my husband took himself out to eat after they left. I am getting so edgy and crying at the slightest thing. I know I shouldn't rely on food but I'm am just feeling SO weak. Monday I will be busy all day so I will try my best to stay on liquids. Tuesday, also. Wednesday I am back to work and I am definately starting mushies that day. I just pray I don't mess something up with my band or my stomach but right now I feel I have to take the risk to maintain some sort of composure and gain my strength to go back to work. I have lost 12 lbs in the past 10 days. Normally I would be cheering but it's really starting to scare me. Can that really be good for your body? I don't know. I'll call the dietician on Monday but I have to get through tomorrow somehow. The egg will be soft and I think will just give me enough of a boost to make through another day without another huge crying jag. The thing is, I never cry. I feel totally out of control and I hate that. I did this to get control of my body, my health, my life and now I feel my head is spinning. I know it's short term but apparently not short enough. I feel like a loser tonight but I guess I need to be proud I have made it 20 full days on liquids. I'm still struggling with the "why couldn't I do this on my own" syndrome so adding the failure to complete the full 24 days of liquids is just kind of another failure but I'm going to forgive myself do what I feel I have to do and fight again tomorrow. I had no illusions this was going to be easy and it's not. But I still do not regret doing it and have so much hope for the future.
Arb

Arb

4
 

The Ups and Downs

Went to a restaurant in a little town where I live last night and didn't have much good choices in protein line. Pretty much everything was fried, or steak, or chicken breast. Since I'm still on mushies this was tough. Well I decided to get meatloaf thinking that at least that was ground beef and not solid chicken,beef,pork. Ate about 1.5 oz, maybe 2. Probably 1 oz. baked potatoe w/butter/sour cream and about .5 oz. applesauce. Later, at the bar, I could not get comfortable sitting. Stomach cramping and gas. Had to pretty much stand until 1:30 in the morning. This morning I hurt when I got up, knees swollen, felt bloated, yucky in general. This is all the down part.   Now, for the Up.....as I was fretting over not being able to eat exactly what I wanted another woman, maybe slightly older than me, got up to leave. She was obese and walking with a cane. All of the sudden I felt much better about the choice I had made. I DO NOT want to walk with a cane! I DO want to be healthy and active!   UP -- when I got up this morning and felt bad I knew it was from standing so much and being so fat. This reinforced my decision to have the band and to take this journey to get healthy. Today has been easy as for making good eating choices and continuing on the right path.   I got to my primary doc tomorrow and will weigh for the first time in a week and since starting mushies. I can't believe how nervous I am:scared2:   I'm thinking:   If I have lost 1-2 lbs I will consider that a success and be happy. Really? Not sure but will try hard:smile:   If I have lost more than 2 lbs I will be very happy:thumbup:   If I have lost nothing or gained I will be devastated. That's why I'm nervous!! I know the time will come when I will not have lost anything in a week but I just don't want it to happen yet. Not when I'm still on mushies!:biggrin:
Arb

Arb

2
 

Uneventful Day

Went to work for 4.5 hours. Tired. Tomorrow is a full day. Maybe have to take a nap at lunch. LOL   My son's court date was extended to 9/15 so we have a bit of a reprieve and time to find an attorney. I'll keep praying for God's strength and mercy for my son and for myself.   3 mushie meals today: egg salad for breakfast, chicken salad and cottage cheese for lunch, broiled fish and a very few baked beans for dinner, plus 1 protein shake. Working on my last 20 oz of water now. Probably be up tonight peeing:mad:   Feeling much better emotionally since starting mushies. The fish tonight was amazing. White fish broiled with a little bit of butter, fresh garlic, dill herb mix and parsley. YUMMY! Even hubby liked it and he doesn't like anything that's not steak or fried.   OK, off to bed. Another day in this journey at an end.
Arb

Arb

1
 

Day Two of the Tree Murder saga

Met with the tree trimmer supervisor (subcontractor for Ameren UE) and he said "We did exactly what we were told to do." Now there's a surprise!! Meeting with an Ameren representative tomorrow.   I've decided since I got my band and did 20 days of liquid torture I can do darn near anything and that might include fight a huge company like Ameren UE:thumbup:   Band wise, today was uneventful. Got in my 3 meals and 1 shake. Gotta do the other shake now and get ready for bed.
Arb

Arb

2
 

My last days of food worship

My 10 day liquid diet begins Sunday, sooooooooooooo......today I'm having pizza, and Red Lobster. Tomorrow a big juicy steak. I am really disgusted by how much I love to eat!!!!!! I am dreading the liquid diet but I am also excited about being able to quit thinking about what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat after that.......I'm not sure what I will occupy my mind with but anything will be a change from food!!!!! The overeating is exactly how I start every new diet. This feels different, though. I'm not sure how, but it just does. I have never been looking forward to a lifestyle change, eating habit changes, exercising (ok, honestly, I'm really not looking forward to exercising), but it feels RIGHT this time. It feels like this is the right tool for me at the right time. I'm scared, second-guessing, anxious, all the negative things that I think surely are normal. But I am also so READY to rid myself of these life-limiting pounds and pounds and pounds. I want to be active. I want to say goodbye to the aches and pains, the exhaustion, the emotional drag of looking in the mirror and hating myself. I truly believe, when all is said and done, I AM READY!!
Arb

Arb

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