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Mourning the loss of a friend



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Now that I'm finished grieving for the time being, I thought it may be a good time to post.

About a week post-op, I went through a serious mourning period, with all the doubts and questions. I finally realized that pre-band, food was my best friend. With the band, I just can't have that relationship anymore (which, after all, is the whole point of the band). For some reason, I didn't realize how much it was going to impact me post op. What did I do? Why did I make it so that I can't enjoy my main source of pleasure anymore?

About 24 hours later, I had to lay it all out for myself again. I did it because food was destroying me. My weight made my injured knee useless. I could barely walk. I hated the way I look, so I was always depressed.

I did this so that I can feel good again, so that I can take long walks again.. so that I can be HAPPY again.

It will be worth it, I just have to tell my old friend goodbye, especially since it was destroying me one mouthful at a time.:wink:

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Amen! I think we all feel you on that one. I am not banded yet and I already feel that way. Im sure Im going to go totally nutzo after I get it and have a time where I totally regret it. But even though youre sad now, you know you will be happier than ever when your tool starts working for you. Nothing tasts as good as thin feels!

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I didn't really go thru that, but I do think most of us do.......to me it has been a very xciting time. Now that Ive lost the weight I have replaced the food with other fun things I would have never done.

Mourning food, is completely normal..........but allow yourself to move on. Real life is just around the corner my friend.

And you know what..........for me, there are very few foods I miss......and if I want them, I eat them, but just a bite or 2......it works for me. It's all about Portion Control, exercise and staying healthy. Not deprivation.

Good luck!

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Thanks for the words of advice Mely. Hopefully I'll feel better after I'm off mushies. For now, it IS a time of necessary deprivation. One more week....

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After my surgery I went through a bit of a mourning period. I was mourning the loss of food because food was my friend. Food helped me feel better when I was lonely and it gave me something to look forward to, something to do with my time.

Now, I don’t obsess over food. I don’t count the hours until my next meal, or think of what I can eat. Instead, I think about what is going to give me the energy I need to live a fuller life. I used to live to eat, now I eat to live, way big difference. I think to idenitfy this is such a big advacement in the right direction. I can only hope with more time and focus, I succeed in my obesity being a thing of the past. Congrats to you and good luck on your journey.

Edited by Brockbabe82
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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