"Hard on yourself"/unrealistic expectations

[Manatee 3]

From an earlier post:

Doc and his assistant warned me about unrealistic expectations, and that "people who have cosmetic surgery are the type to be the toughest on themselves." I've never thought of myself as a perfectionist, but maybe in this aspect I am becoming one. I must think on that.

For those of you who are post-plastics and those considering, do you think they have a point? Do we go from basically not noticing our bodies to becoming hypercritical of ourselves during this WLS and cosmetic surgery process?

[Jachut 487]

I can only speak from my own experience with losing weight and my own feelings about PS for MYSELF. I'm not pushing any of my issues onto anyone or saying they apply to anyone else.

But yes, I had lapband surgery mainly for cosmetic reasons, so I am a perfectionist and I am hard on myself.

When I got to goal, I floundered a bit. I didnt really call it goal because I didnt want to finish. I've been trying to improve and change my body since I was 12 years old, how do I now face "this is it". This is the body I have, I really MUST look at it now, accept it, live in it.

At first I was desperate for all the PS I *needed* but couldnt afford to have. I definitely need some breast work, definitely and DH supports me in that. However, I simply agonised over it thinking but my stomach, my love handles, my thighs, my backside...... I need that belt lipectomy operation AND boobs and how much will that all cost and and and .... I saw several surgeons, all of whom were more than happy to take my money.

But thankfully, I didnt have it, so I've had to work through it and I realise that I just simply didnt want to finish the journey. PS would prolong it, schedule out six or seven procedures, yes, we've got years more of angst, body obsession, that goal of PERFECTION is still there, still possible, just after this is done, or that is nipped and tucked. I can see now I would never have gotten there, I would have moved onto my face etc.

Its taken almost 2 years at goal, but I'm quite happy and comfortable with ME now. PS is on the cards when I can afford it, I will get my boobs fixed. But that's it. The slightly loose tummy, the cellulite I still have, that's just me. I'm a normal, healthy 41 year old woman who's had 3 babies, is very athletic and fitter than most women half her age, who has great shoulders but a fat bum. I'd rather spend my money on other things.

Just me. Not meant to imply others have these same issues or anything, just that my thought processes and my journey through this might provide one perspective of it. Its really hard to call "good enough" and find something else to aim for.

[kareyquilts 1]

Jachut: You are very wise! Even with plastic surgery it's good but perfection is never there. I have had to realize that I'm never going to have the body of a firm, supple young women. I can only be the best that I can be where I am now. I'm really not happy with the scars on my underarms and I still have numbness on my right thigh and now I have lymphedema (pitting edema) in my thighs down to below my knees. I'm very happy with my flat stomach and perky girls, but I probably should have stopped there. I'm still not at peace with my body, but I'm working on it. I've come to realize that there are very few perfect bodies. Excess skin can ruin the body hiding underneath, but once that is removed, you need to make friends with your new body and be thankful for all that you are! That is a very hard earned concept!

[loridee11 510]

I'm not sure exactly how to reply to this, because my initial instinct is that I am a perfectionist because for so long I was a the opposite end of the spectrum. I was always the fattest person in the room and now I am average... I'm still about 25 lbs from my ultimate goal but I did have a Tummy Tuck and breast lift six months ago, and I'm going to have the rest of the lower body lift and some revisions in December. While the decision to have cosmetic surgery was cosmetic, for me it really did make sense. I am 30 and I had rolls across my stomach that would never go away without surgery. Likewise, my breasts pretty much touched my belly button.

However, I also think the other poster is right. At some point I'm going to have to really accept that this is me and I am okay. I'm struggling through that right now. I don't look bad, in fact I probably look damn good, I just need to realize that and accept myself.

~lori

[kareyquilts 1]

Lori: Is Dr. Saltz doing the revision? I'm sure he'll do a great job. You're young and you have a long time to inhabit your body. You should be comfortable in it and enjoy it. It's okay to want to improve. I'm just saying that people can go to extreme. I would like to have Lipo of every little part of me that needs it, and that is the type of thing, I'm talking about. Getting all your excess skin removed and becoming the beautiful you that you are is just wonderful. It's just obsessing about everything that's probably not healthy. Hope that makes sense!

[loridee11 510]

Hey Karey,

Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, Dr. Saltz is doing the revisions and I am confident he will do a fantastic job. I really am very happy with my previous results, this is just a small fix :crying:

How are you doing? Last I read you were dealing with a slip - did that resolve itself?

~Lori

[Jachut 487]

Dont get me wrong, I'm all *FOR* PS! I dont think everyone that chooses it has issues, not by a long shot. Its just that eventually, you have to come to a place where you are "good enough" and accept yourself for what you are. And realise that NOBODY but you sees those small imperfections.

I look at myself and see droppy boobs, saggy stomach, dimply backside, fluffy thighs, grey hairs, dark undereye circles, freckly caucasion skin, ragged cuticles, growing off toenail polish....... the list goes on. DH looks at me and sees HOT!

Its a great skill to be able to step back and really see yourself the way others do, not many people can do it.

[kareyquilts 1]

Jacqui: Well said!

Lori: Thanks for asking about my band. The band slippage has resolved for the time being. I had a small fill put in this week. I'm experiencing a little nausea since then, but hopefully this will take care of itself. I just feel such relief that I don't need another surgery!

[lellow 1,713]

I think it's easy to get into the mindset, esp after having ps, of thinking that you can keep going until you get perfection. Esp when you get a dramatic result like with a BA or a body lift.

I saw my PS yesterday and mentioned that I thought that I needed more Lipo on my mons area, and he started to point out other areas I could do with some lipo. My immediate instinct was to think 'yes, that would make me look better!' knowing that if I went ahead, it would be almost immediate gratification - those niggly bits get sorted, and you look almost immediately improved.

But I walked away and now after some thought have decided that I don't necessarily want perfection after all. TBH, if I thought about it, I never in my wildest dreams would imagine looking like I do today when I started this whole thing in August last year. So at some point, I've got to decide I'm happy with me, and have realised that that's a concious decision I have to make for myself.

So I've decided to make that decision. I intend to me happy with me now. So no, no more PS for me.

[maryrose 2]

I think if I were in my 20's or 30's I would be a heck of a lot fussier about my body, but at 54 I have to be realistic about what I want to spend my money on at this stage in my life and whether I would be doing this for "myself" or whether I wanted to look better for others.

I am thrilled with my breast PS and may consider Tummy Tuck in the future for the loose skin, because it really freaks me out to see my belly hanging and just does not look good to me.

I feel thrilled for the young women here that have lost a lot of weight. You all look terrific and I think you should definitely go for the extra skin removal. You have many, many years to live in this new body as another poster mentioned.