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Hi! I have decided to get banded and I have discussed it with my husband in length. Since our discussion, we have coincidently seen several TV shows depicting women that have had some sort of bariatric surgery and went on a new found Quest to seek attraction from men outside of their marriage. Now my husband is afraid that this will happen to me and our marriage will be ruined. I have tried to reassure him on several occasions that this will not happen to me, but he is not convinced. I have never had any self esteem issues due to my weight, and have always thought very highly of myself, so I do not forsee any issues, yet I am beginning to see this phenomena happening with alot of women that have had weight loss surgery. Needless to say, his fears are increasing. Any advice about what I should do? When the physical transformation happens, do you go through a mental transformation also? Just looking for your thoughts. Thanks for listening!

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I think you will definitely go through a mental transition as well, but i think you will still be yourself, just a better happier you. and i think that a lot of woman that have marriage problems afterwards are women that had marriage problems to start with. a lot of women get "stuck" in relationships with men because they dont feel they are good enough for a good man. and i think this is the main reason why you here of so many women who leave their husbands when they find confidence. But like me, My fiance and i have a great relationship and i think that our relationship will be stronger afterwards because i will know that he stood by me in the worst of my conditions. and I dont think i could ever leave somebody that is so wonderful to me and stood by me through so much.

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Trust is the biggest component of any relationship. Of course, what he's concerned about does happen, but why is he suddenly afraid it will affect you? I would suggest a counseling visit together so that an impartial third party could discuss it.

Of course we change when we make physical changes. You'll dress different, probably walk a little different (head higher, whatever), you'll have more energy, want to do things you haven't done in ages. Maybe he's concerned that you'll be leaving him behind on other things and the fidelity thing is just an outlet for his emotions?

Personally, I believe the adage "once a cheater, always a cheater"....and just perhaps those women would have strayed sooner had they had the self-confidence to seek out a partner for these activities, irregardless of the weight.

It's a very complicated issue, which is why I suggest counseling...pastors often counsel couples and that, too is a possibility, though you might not want your pastor to know of the insecurities OR that you're getting a band.

Love should conquer all. Good luck.

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YES!!! You do change, however who you are doesn't. Therefore, IMO you won't do anything at say 140 that you didn't WANT to do at 240. I am down about 39lbs. since I made the decision to do lapband back in Nov. I have gone from a size 22 jean to a 14, I am so happy with me I can barely stand it. I was just talking to my husband last week about how some of the women seem to morf into wild women and that I didn't understand where it came from. He said that I didn't because I have always been so sure of myself and because I made this choice for health reasons. I have been married for 31 years and don't have plans to go anywhere, I love him, he knows. I will slide into the 100's soon and have made him some big promises, hopefully I really do have the energy to carry them out. As I have moved through this I have talked with my husband, keeping him a part of what is going on.

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Hi! I have decided to get banded and I have discussed it with my husband in length. Since our discussion, we have coincidently seen several TV shows depicting women that have had some sort of bariatric surgery and went on a new found Quest to seek attraction from men outside of their marriage. Now my husband is afraid that this will happen to me and our marriage will be ruined. I have tried to reassure him on several occasions that this will not happen to me, but he is not convinced. I have never had any self esteem issues due to my weight, and have always thought very highly of myself, so I do not forsee any issues, yet I am beginning to see this phenomena happening with alot of women that have had weight loss surgery. Needless to say, his fears are increasing. Any advice about what I should do? When the physical transformation happens, do you go through a mental transformation also? Just looking for your thoughts. Thanks for listening!

When I went through my psych eval the doc and i talked about this. She wanted me to know that the divorce rate is significantly higher for WLS patients. Clearly, several things can happen. Either the person loses weight and realizes they have been settling for a person or lifestyle just bc they are fat...and they want something more...

or...

the WLS patients partner cannot handle the added attention the patient is now getting...and this leads to fights, and so on.

I work at a hospital facility where loads of people are having surgery...bc our insurance covers it 100%. I have seen my divorced coworker go from a homebody to a drinking "sexual" person (saying it nice). She has replaced one addiction when several unhealthy ones.

the point of all my blabbering is yes...it can change a person. It is life changing surgery. But, it doesnt have to change a person. I, like you, have always thought pretty highly of myself, considered myself kinda sexy at times :thumbup: etc. My boyfriend and I talked pretty openly about his fear that I may "get hotter" and leave him. I explained that I am with him bc I love him...(I will spare you all the details). But, I just try to let him know that I am not with him bc I am fat...hahah...that doesnt even really make sense. So just talk to him. Reassure him. Put it in perspective for him. Ask him "would you leave me if you were fat and lost weight"? His answer will be no. And then you can say..."then why would I leave you"?

Just some thoughts!

Good luck with everything!

Amy

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You know I have been wondering the same thing. My husband and I have been together for the last 9 years. I have been heavy 8 1/2 of those 9 years with him. LOL I actually have always, even being as heavy as I am, had guys look my way. I don't think the added attention will effect us as a couple. Like some have said in other posts, I think it really helps to have a trust worthy and respectful marriage in the beginning. We do, so I am very confident in our marriage afterwards.

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    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 1 reply
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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