female only Should I be mad at my husband for looking at dirty pictures?

[Carrie_C 9]

Earlier today I was loading some pictures up on ebay and all of a sudden this temporary folder pops up and I notice that there are files in it with girl's names. I open them up and they are all dirty pictures. My husband and I had a problem with this a few years ago (we have been together for almost 5 years). I know some women don't have a problem with their husbands/boyfriends looking at this stuff, but I do have a problem with it. And my husband knows it. He said he wouldn't do it anymore and I believed him. I never did check up on him, because I trusted him. But now I am pretty sure that this has been going on for years. I confronted him with it and he says that he is sorry and it won't happen again. I know that he won't stop. What bothers me most is that he is downloading this stuff to our computer. I wasn't even looking for it, it just popped up. Should I be this mad and hurt? Has anyone else had a problem with this? I would also like to hear from some of the guys.

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

Did you post this in the men's room? I am not sure how many men come in here and lurk about.

If it were me, I would be mad too. From what I have heard, it's an addiction and not able to be stopped without help. Good luck

:confused:

[valjay 0]

My husband and I watched a very good movie tonight. Emotional for me. Guess I needed a good cry. It's called Fireproof - the movie talks some on your very situation.

Hope it helps - Val

[smsmithart 4]

i dont have a problem with it as long as its put away and i dont have to see it ..i also do not want that crap on mycomputer...

but if you have a problem with it and have asked him to stop you are allowed to be mad ..i would ask him why he needs this stuff?

[Carrie_C 9]

I have asked him why he needs it. Our sex life is pretty good, especially since I have lost some weight. He says that he doesn't know why he looks at it. He says that he is happy with our marriage. I told him last night that this type of stuff is what ruins marriages. He seemed to think it was no big deal since it was just pictures. But it is a big deal to me! smsmithart, I do agree with you, I wouldn't mind it if it was put away and I didn't know about it. I mean, we all do things in private that we don't want others to know about. I don't see this any different. But I don't want it on our computer either. An occasional look at a dirty website or something is fine, but downloading it is going to far. It makes me wonder what else he is doing and I just wonder what else is on this computer that I don't know about.

[tapshoes 2]

You have every reason to be upset. You have talked about this before with him; he said he wouldn't do it; he did. In my opinion, he cannot be trusted. If he cannot be true to his word in this, what good is his word?

People are either honest or they are not. If he said he wouldn't do something, and yet he does (repeatedly too), then he is dishonest, and cannot be trusted.

Can you be in a relationship with someone you cannot trust?

[SuzanneG 1]

I agree with OregonDaisy, it is addictive and can be impossible to get away from.

I dated a guy once who was addicted to it. It is ultimatly what split us up. He would cry like a baby and tell me he didn't know why he couldn't quit. He said it was like being part of an occult.

We went to counseling and he sat there and lied through his teeth about his use of it. We split up and he moved out, then shortly after that, I got a $2,000 phone bill with 900 numbers on it. Phone company said the calls were made from inside the house. He had broken in the house and used my phone! We went to court over it and he had to pay restitution, but the whole thing was just so sad.

You won't believe me when I tell you this, but he was about one of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet. Treated me like a princess and we were engaged when I found out about the porn. I would have never believed how serious and how addictive it was if I hadn't met that guy.

Have a serious talk with your husband and watch him like a hawk, if he doesn't improve, don't ignore it as it can get out of control.

[Carrie_C 9]

I am going to have a serious talk with him tonight. I am not going to be the type of wife who has to watch her husband 24/7 just to know that he's not doing anything. If I can't trust him, it will be over. I refuse to put a leash on him.

[Daisalana 33]

Since you said you wouldn't mind it in private--but not downloaded..

Not sure how a temporary files folder just pops up--but temporary files store things that you just looked at.

For example, if you go to Sally's Porn site, just to look at it, your temporary internet files will fill up with Sally porn site stuff.. if you go to LBT, your temp. internet files will fill up with LBT logos, data, etc.

It's not that you downloaded it, temp. internet files just store themselves without you knowing. (Good way to spy on your kids).

So if your big qualm was that he 'downloaded' it, if it's in the temp files--he didn't download it, he just went and looked at it.

[Carrie_C 9]

No, it is downloaded. He admitted that he downloaded it. It was in a permanet folder. He just had it labeled temporary, I guess so I wouldn't be suspecious. So when I went to upload pictures onto ebay, that file popped up instead of the usual one with the ebay pictures.

[SuzanneG 1]

Carrie,

I agree with your thoughts completely. Good luck with your talk.

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

I think the two of you need marriage counseling. He definitely needs private counseling as well.

He can promise you he will never do it again, just like an alcoholic can promise they will never drink again. Addiction is an illness. People go into recovery, but they will always be recovering, not cured.

[SuzanneG 1]

Organdaisy, you are absolutely correct.

I noticed your band to sleve revision schedule in your signature. I'm ignorant about the sleeve. Can you tell me why you are having it done?

[SillyGoose 0]

My husband and I watched a very good movie tonight. Emotional for me. Guess I needed a good cry. It's called Fireproof - the movie talks some on your very situation.

Hope it helps - Val

I agree, excellent movie! Right now my marriage is struggling. Not because of the topic of this thread, but, as valjay said, this movie does touch on this topic a bit. Any addictions can be a parasite to a marriage.

[Jaffa 5]

I think if your really upset, and he is still doing it, then it is time for some marriage counseling.

I do and don't do things my wife say's all of the time, but if it was something that was upsetting her, I would stop. He either doesn't think it really upsets you, or he doesn't care, or he can't stop. You need to figure out which it is and fix it from there.