Hey everyone going through Kaiser Richmond!!

Where are you in the process?

John - Congratulations!!! You are so close to being a happy man again!

Ashley, I'm so sorry you're getting this grief from the billing department. Keep trying and don't give up. Maybe you should get a loan to pay for the surgery so you can get it done with and get that day care center bringing in money.

Tamra and Canolie, you two must be flying! I can't wait to hear what date you get Tamra.

Candra.... Holy Moly, you've got one HOT man! You two look terrific together.

I just got in from meditation group. Need to go do a few things so I can go to sleep. I have an early meeting in Sacramento tomorrow.

Sweet dreams everyone!

Tamra and Nicollie, congratulations.

Pam did u say 5 p.m. for sat? I may not be able to make it, I thought it was earlier, I will let u know by thursday if I can or not or else I will see u guys at the meeting on 23rd.

John congratulations, u are almost there.

Candra if you are coming sat maybe I can meet u earlier I miss u guys and would like to catch up.

Morning everyone!!! Sitting here waiting for Liz I am early. I weighed in at 250.1 yay!!! So I'm down .3 from monday. I was soooo nervous waiting for it to say my weight my heart was pounding out my chest lol. Here goes nothing!!

YAY, John!! YAY, Tamra! Hello, good morning all my beautiful people :-)

And now for something really special! This is a blog from SparkPeople, the gal's name is SPOTLIGHTANGEL. I'm going to share this with Robin's class when I go talk to them on the 20th:

I am writing this to truly express my feelings towards weight loss. I think it is important for anyone on this journey to read, as I feel it could have saved me a lot of heartache and struggle. I hope you enjoy and take something away that might help you.

Everyone has a reason for wanting to lose weight. Some say it is to fit in their old "skinny jeans" or to look great at a reunion. There are many reasons. For me, it started because I wanted to have a better chance at getting my dream role in theater. Then it switched to vanity, then necessity. It was an obsession. And an unhealthy one. I never binged or starved myself, but I hated who I was...even with 40 pounds gone.

I think if we take the time to really get down to the issue, you'll find MOST of us, have the same reason for losing weight. Let me give an example.

"I should workout today."

Why?

"Because if I don't, I might not lose weight or even worse, I might gain weight."

So?

"Well, I want to be skinny."

Why?

"Because that is what looks good."

Says who?

"_________________." YOU CAN FILL IN THE BLANK OF THIS ONE. For me, it is SOCIETY.

And what if you don't get skinny, then what?

"Then I won't be a good, pretty, or as desirable as ____________."

in other words...I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH THE WAY THAT I AM RIGHT NOW.

Did I hit a heart string yet? If I really, REALLY look at why I started, it was because I didn't think I was good enough the way that I was. No body wanted a "fat" girl on stage. I wasn't AS GOOD as the skinny girls. But it wasn't the truth. It ISN'T the truth. It never will be.

Everyone has a reason for believing this about themselves. And in my experience in working with friends and students and parents, everyone feels this way. Maybe not with their weight, but with their grades, or their success in work, or anything. "I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH." For me, I was raised by a woman who never, even till this day, felt GOOD ENOUGH. And because of that, I learned the behavior...I believed it about myself.

You are just the way you are supposed to be. And I will sit here and tell you till I am blue in the face that NO AMOUNT OF WEIGHT you lose will make you "good enough" if you don't believe the person inside of you is "good enough." But I will tell you this and I ask you to believe me: You are. You ARE good enough. Your soul is beautiful--no matter how many mistakes you have made, no matter how much you weigh, how much money you make, how you live your life...you are loved as you were created. And THAT, that in itself, makes you good enough.

If I had realized this 2 years ago when I started, I wouldn't have "lost" a year (2009) to depression, marital issues, and work problems. But then again, I wouldn't have been able to learn about myself and how strong I am and how to fix everything I had thought I ruined. It was a learning experience and if you are like me, you'll have to learn it for yourself by traveling down that path. But if you aren't, if you can take this time to really sit down and look at yourself and realize how GREAT you truly are, what a miracle you are, then I ask that you do it.

Realize why you've never felt good enough and fix it. Believe in the amazing-ness of you. And realize...that you aren't here, on Sparkpeople, because you're NOT good enough and want to lose weight to become "good enough"...you are really here because YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT THE OUTSIDE SHOULD FINALLY MEET ALL THE WONDERFUL GOODNESS ON THE INSIDE.

Read it, know it, believe it, LIVE IT!

I wish you ALL the best of luck on your journeys...

PS. This is a blog that I wrote myself, but you are more than welcome to copy and paste it if you like it. Please just put my sp name on it so people can come check out my page! I love visitors!

Good luck Tamra! Get that date!!!!

The potluck is Saturday at 5 pm at my house. I still have no clue what I am making. Nicole doesn't get off work until 4 pm so I had it start at 5.

I picked up my generic Wellbutrin and started it yesterday afternoon. I have to remember to take the second dose before 4 pm each day so it doesn't affect my sleep.

I'm off to a training class -

Riley - That is a great blog - thanks for sharing - it is really the truth.

Reggie - I'd love to meet with you earlier - let me figure out if I can change a couple of things around and I'll let you know what's what!

Jes - we went to a "holiday" party in the City put on by costco - Bridezilla's fiance' is the manager and put the whole thing together - since he had to "work" the party she had us come to keep her company. We got a free hotel room for the night too - lots-a-fun for us. The party was on the 9th and they had a huge buffet - I had some veggies & salmon - I scraped all the Pasta shells & sauce off of it as best I could. The also had a dessert buffet table with my favorite Tiramisu - But I used Heathers trick and called on my resistance muscle - it worked! I did have coffee though - you know the tiny little cups they give you - and it wasn't decaf.

Heeeeeeeyyyyyy! Tamra, are you still there????? Update us!!! I'm gettting anxious. LOL

Nicolie - you check for your lab results yet?

Mo - I txt Tamra, she is still there. She promised to post as soon as she can

Candra-ok, thanks. I was about to say!!! Wth is going on, lol! I guess I'm a little excited... Ya think?

Yep Riley good stuff. One reason I am trying to step back and not focus so much on the darn scale it becomes an unhealthy obsession for me. I want to lose still but not by worrying so much about how fast.

I had a good talk with Robin this week. And told her EVERYTHING and she agreed with me some of my weight gain is the band is to loose. But they don't want me in the ER again so I told her they have to be ok with me going slow.. Cause when I am hungry I am gonna eat. Something good but I am gonna eat. I didn't do this to be miserable all the time. I told her I am thinking the band was not a good choice for me and about the sleeve. They still want me to try which I knew they would. LOL. I just told her I won't eat meat even if that means I fail and she understands and I told her I was frustrated. Anyway same stuff I tell you guys......

I told her some about the whole journaling with feelings and she liked that. I gave you alot of credit Riley Jane~~Or course she won't admit she knows you :-)

Anyway she said I was doing everything right and she will talke to Dr. Baggs about what they can do.........ya no fill but like WHEN and how fast can I get fills............so I am going to see Dr. Baggs so we can figure out what to do from here.

But ya I guess my appointments weren't cancelled I guess they wanted to check in with me before they cancelled which I didn't know and probably won't have agreed to.

I am not one to hide things though. I say the truth the good, bad and ugly. Once they get me on the phone I put it all out there.

First words of my mouth were I am fed up with the whole thing and not sure I wanna schedule fills until I can think about what is the utlimate goal here for us as a team.......

Ok, ok.......probably way to much of my mouth but that is me. I probably didn't need to be on the phone with anyone that day!!!

Tamra whats yor date???

But it turned out ok cause I got to vent some and yep I admitted the bread. Robin knows I can't eat bread with a good fill so she said problem with taking the Fluid out is that people go back to being able to eat everything again and that is dangerous. Yep it is......................I told her wheat bread and toasted but the band is suppose to prevent the breads I guess and right now I have to resist.

One good thing still 5 up today and the band is slowing tightening. SO.............that probably means if I were to gain anything more I would tighten up and that is a good thing. Cause that means the band will only let me gain a small amount before it kicks in. Sorta a safety net. I am doing liguids the rest of the week I want the 5 gone and if I could another 5.............I know, I know.......but at least be the same weight as 6 weeks ago..............down .9 this morning

NOt sure how much the band would let me gain before I got good restriction but I am thinking 10-15 pounds and instant restriction. So hopefully that is good for when we get to goal that we won't be able to go up much in weight without the band reminding us to slow it down..........

Oh heck yes I am checkin all day long lol.... Nothing yet just 2 blood tests came back>..

Tina, sound like you are thinking! Good for you on being honest! In the long run, it will pay off.

Nicolie-glad the results are rolling in. Be patient! It won't be long. Haven't looked up our class yet. I will tonight. Ttyl