I canNOT believe this... I had the most beautiful, touching, wonderful 1st post to this new thread and "POOF!" -- it's gone!

Maybe it's the cyber-world telling me it's time to get to bed... good night, my lovelies!!

I think my fills will be $250 when I have to start paying for them. I have 2 more free fills.. holding off till Carson is here, getting the .5cc put back in and hopefully that will tide me over till I get into onederland!!

People at work are always bringing cakes & cookies, today someone brought in a big mix of cut up fruit. MMMM. I had a strawberry, some grapes and a piece of cantelope.. and I brought a banana from home for b'fast. I woke up early today so I did make a hot chocolate while I got ready for work, but I used my lower calorie one (doesn't taste as good). They're both Nestle, one is Rich Chocolate and one is Chocolate Meltdown.. meltdown has almost double the calories some reason, but it tastes num num.

I ended up gorging last night, I do it every night, when I go to bed suddenly I want all kinds of crap and the band lets it through. I had 2 thin pork chops & cabbage for dinner, then an hour later in bed I had a bowl of Cap'N'Crunch and then 30 minutes later I had a PB&J sandwhich. I was wanting more, so I made myself go to sleep!! I need to get my late night eating under control, but it's so overwhelming :wub:

Carson is kicking higher, he's normally always kicking right below my belly button, and yesterday he was kicking my upper right side, just below my ribs. Guess he got flipped upside down! I miss my energy pills, I notice what a difference they made.. didn't care about eating much, was always on the go, and the days passed so quickly. Now I'm dragging and the days take forever.

Good job ladies on the pouch test so far!!

Jenn- As for your new beau, I can kind of relate, I don't like a guy that is too maliable (trying to think of the best way to say it). I don't want a push over, or someone who drops everything for me. I guess that's what is suppose to be good, but anytime I've had that I get really bored with them. On the flip side, I would not stand for a guy like Kev either!! I think there's a happy medium, and you sound like me.. won't be happy with the guy who will smother you. Definitely tell him to back off in a nice way, and see how he reacts. If he says ok, but can't back off.. I'd move along.

Mornin' Ladies~

WOW...it is hard to workout, wash the hair and get to work by 7ish. Next week I have bus duty in the morning, may need to adjust working out a bit. I am just getting in to work, and will have kids in 11 min!

What I really liked about Oprah was her honesty with her anger and her feelings. I, too, have felt from time to time she is fake and "putting on", but yesterday's show was raw and honest. Why am I fat? I said yesterday that I honestly don't know, but think I had an ah-ha in a dream last night. I woke up perplexed and changed somehow and I said a sentence this morning that I never thought I would say outloud. I am an adult child of TWO alcholics. One was high functioning, one was not. Now I've said it on the damn internet. This is something I need to deal with. We have had the discussion about WHY we allowed ourselves to be fat before. I think many of us disagreed w/ that there is a reason. I maintain that there is a reason for all of us. Why do (did for my shrinkin' violets) we use food to comfort us? What are we really hungry for? I DON'T KNOW...but I think I may be on to something from my dream. And yes, Oprah was in the dream too. But I went to bed thinking about WHY I self sabotage.

Anywhoo...gotta boogey...just some, um...food for thought!

xoxoxooxxo

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I'm a completely ashamed failure. I am also the worlds worst person at this band thing.

I can't believe after doing 4 days on the pouch test that I didn't even come close to doing as well at the weight loss as you guys did. I did really good on the diet, infact I was so proud of myself for how well I was doing.

Than BAM. I get on the scale at the Doc's office and it was not pretty. We had another good long talk and he is such a nice guy. I hate dissappointing him. I ended up not getting a fill. I am very comfortable with were I'm at, I just still have this need to eat like I did pre-band. Going back to my old habits. This is why I'm seeing the Psyhc next week. Too see what is going on in my head. Why I'm doing this. But I did learn with the pouch test that my band is good. There's nothing wrong with it, just me not treating it the way we are supposed to.

I did watch Oprah last night and agree with all of you. However she did have Carney Wilson on and she had the gastric by-pass. Maybe that's Oprah's suttle way of saying she's ok with people doing that. That it is an option. Just wish she would have some banded people on her show.

So today I am starting my 5 day pouch test over again. I need to start somewhere and I think this is a good place. If it wasn't 28 degrees right now I would go for a mile and a half walk. I work tonight so I guess I'll workout there.

I got from my SS a book on dreams, a book on secret santas. A 2009 calendar that you add sequins too and than hang up. A bathroom set that included a bath pillow, eye cover and a head band to hold you hair up. A cool coffe cup the I use everyday. Tea. Bath salts, A wishing star and tha most beautiful letter. Made me tear up. I was so lucky to have had Kat as my SS.

Everyone have a great day. I'm going to work on getting over my exterme dissapointment and get my BUTT back on track.

Love you guys and thanks for being there for me.

See I see how people like Pam would use food as a source of comfort. I get that. With me, I have no clue. I had a nice childhood. Parents fought sometimes but who's parents didn't? I have no clue why I ate and ate and ate myself to 300 lbs. I still don't. I eat when I'm not hungry. And as I'm eating I realize that I'm not hungry and I ask myself why I'm eating and I don't have an explanation but do I stop? No.

I should mention that I am in NO WAY blaming my parents for my eating. I am not one of those, "it is xxx's fault". It is all me. I am just trying to figure out why. I too had a great childhood...wouldn't change a thing. But my parents used "something" to self medicate, and I use food. There is the cycle. I have no time to figure their issues...but need to look inward at me. Especially about the sabotaging. Why don't I think/feel/believe that I am worth the effort. I am finishing a damn doctorate degree, and that speaks to my determination...but w/ weight, it is a completely different story.

Again...it is all me. Both parents are long gone...why do I STILL sabbotage myself?

Suzanne you are not a failure!!!!!!!!!!!!

My pouch test loss was mainly the water I'd retained from drinking and eating crap! I don't think we are supposed to really lose weight..... we are supposed to REMEMBER how we ate when first banded and reignite the fire.

Last night Charles waved food in front of me again... and last week I would of ate with him....... instead I had the resolve to tell him he is being an ass again and to stop, then I turned around and posted....... I was hungry too.. and instead of eating the pepper jelly/cream cheese crackers that I LOVE........ I had another bowl of the sausage soup....

I can feel the power coming back... and the pouch test has given me a guideline to stick with .. for instance.. today is supposed to be solid protein, but I had a bowl of the soup for breakfast...... pouch diet NO, on Track YES.

OK.. I gotta get off her..........

LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Kat: HUGS!!!!!!

That is where I'm at also. I had a great childhood and wouldn't change it for the world. I just for some reason can't figure out WHy I feel this need to eat, eat anything and as much as I want. It's not a void I'm trying to fill or a deep dark secret I'm trying to cover up. I just have this need to eat. Hopefully this new Doc will point me in the right direction.

Good morning again, Violets..

Where's TracyK????? She's usually the first to post in the morning.

Doing well on the eating this morning. I had a scrambled egg and cheese with Ethan and am now drinking my first liter of water. No snacking in between. I agree, the pouch test isn't to lose weight.. it's to get you back on track and back on following the rules. I was at the point where I had something in my mouth just about all day and most of it was sugary. I tossed all that stuff out, even my very favorite thin ribbon candy. I know why I got fat. I did NOT have a good childhood. I swore I would not be the parent my parents were. I'm still dealing with inferiority issues, but the Bobster has made a big difference. I know that food is a comfort to me. I love the way it tastes, the texture, the smell. If I could taste it and then spit it out, it would be fine, but we all know that ain't happening. So I got the band and just as with every diet I was picture perfect in the beginning. Then one little slip led to another and another after I got my big weight loss. That stopped the loss and even though I'm feeling great and I know I look so much better, I really want to get to goal. This pouch test has got me back on eating the band way. I haven't had sugar for 5 days and have done the lo-carb as well. I'm so happy to see the scale finally moving the right way. That is a great motivator for me.

Leaning on everyone here has helped a lot too. I feel bad when someone says they slipped and wish I could be there to smack 'em upside the head as I know you would do to me!! Suzie.. hope you get some answers at the doc.

We all need to remember that we have a disease just like an alcoholic does. The only difference is an alcoholic can and must cut out alcohol completely. We just can't do that with food. That's what makes it so hard.

Well, I'm waiting for the Bobster to get home so I can have lunch with him. We're finishing up the ham and cheese soup today. I'll have to try the pumpkin sausage soup soon. TracyinKS.. what kind of sausage did you get??

BBL...

Hi guys

quick check in... i don't know what to do.... i'm not allwoed out of the trailer and now i'm being asked how i am going to the train station if i can't drive... I asked if they called my DR?????

I have my post op visit on the 13th so hopefully will get a clear to be free except for lifting. They are killing me! I feel like just staying home tomorrow because they won't let me breathe....

although they did let me walk across the parking lot to use my port o pot, which i am shocked they didn't bring closer!

how frustrating, and if i didn't work, i wouldn't get any pay, I can't do that either

and as of right now i'm only going to have 16-20 hrs this week

right back to the beginning

Judy: I just bought the mild country sausage... if Terry makes it she will want the SPICY!

Is it june yet?????

Judy: I just bought the mild country sausage... if Terry makes it she will want the SPICY!

Yep, I bought the stuff to make the pumpkin soup too....and you know me so well....I bought the spicy version of Jimmy Dean Country Sausage! My DH still puts a butt-load of Tobasco in just about everything I cook!!

Jenn -- Are they serious about not allowing you to work and/or drive???

I don't know if i'm quite ready for pumpkin soup but i'm interested

I'm making another pot of ham and cheese because i know i can deal with that

Terry - yes I'm very serious, i'm getting house happy. They are letting me pick them up in an ice storm tomorrow, how nice

but i wanted to leave from home, so i'm hanging out waiting for Chris to come back to see what his plan is for the car, i'd rather take it home and go right to train station but at this point, i'm getting paid so who cares!

Judy, I meant to tell you Thank You for the links to the crock pot recipes. I'm gonna try the meatloaf someday.

Report-

2 lowfat hot chocolates 35 calories each

1/2 cup of cottage cheese and half a pear

I will take in a Slim Fast to work with me for my dinner.

Oh, and lots of water.

I unlike where you are coming from Pamela can pinpoint almost to the minute when my eating issues started, and led to my weight issues.

Most of you know my story----I'll shorten it as much as possible! Married at 17, he cheated from early on, had my DD Manda, divorced, married again 4 years later, and he was abusive, seriously so, and had lied to me from day one, he was still married, was an ex con---all kinds of things naive me had never encountered before! Well one day well into the abuse, we were in the store, and we past a woman who was overweight, but not morbidly so, and he said to me that if I ever looked like that he would leave my ass. HELLO FOOD!

Food had never been a big deal to me. I ate and went on with life. I had a normal reaction to food---like "normal" people do. There IS a difference! I have lived on both sides of this road and there IS a difference. From that day, I cooked different, adding butter, and cream, and ate tons more than I ever had or ever had wanted to. I even bought weight gain from GNC and drank it. In the end I know the weight helped me get him away from here, and allowed things to end the way they did.

Then, I did not trust myself, my own judgement, I did not trust men-------so the weight was not a hindrence in that respect. I was scared of everything!

So I stayed home, was an amazing Mom! And I ate. One day I woke up and realized I did not want Manda to be fat---and tried to change. And it come to light---I am addicted! I have altered the way I look at food, and how my body reacts to food. I have given my body wrong signals for so long, it no longer reacts the way it used to....period!

When I was at my sweet spot with my fill, I felt like the old me again---food was not the be all end all.

My brother is an alcoholic---------8 years sober, but he cannot drink, at all. He cannot have a small glass 3 times a day....and a shot for a snack twice a day. He has overcome (within reason) his addiction by total avoidance. I cannot do that with food. And where I cannot see him with his drinking issues, stopping after a civil glass of wine with dinner----he would binge.....I find myself doing that with food. And total avoidance is not an option.

When Rick come back into the picture---he was already safe, and he already had my heart, so when he accepted me as I was --- it sealed my fate! And I have been trying in all the years since reuniting with him, to get this weight off, be the person I know I was---and the band was the only thing I found to do that......now I need filled back to that spot!

I really think once you do whatever to your "eating center" and gain weight, it is changed permanently! It is different. Whether that change come about hiding food in a closet to eat after lights out when someone is 8 years old, or whether it is when you are in your 20's or 30's--------when you change....it alters how your body metabolizes things, and it is a battle from then on!

Few people do as I did, and set out to be fat. I had no idea I was setting myself up for a lifetime battle! I ended up with a good life, and don't regret the moves I made, but wish I could do as I thought and just go back to being the old me, and eating and thinking of food the way I did then.

Fever is gone, wish the hacking cough and stuffy head would go too!!!

I had quit using my sinus spray----maybe a month ago and wham! Gonna go buy me another bottle of saline and Dr. it!

BBL----gonna go eat some chicken salad.

Kat