Backsliding, but still determined!

[neatobandito 0]

(Note: I was just reading a thread from someone asking about the consumption of Cookies and other sweets, when I realized my response was turning into quite the essay. I decided, since I was going to post a little hello/re-introduction message anyway, that I'd just move my response over here.)

I absolutely agree that once you start eating the sweets, it's that much harder to stop. Vicious cycle. In fact, I'm just now coming off of a 3-4 MONTH stretch of eating sweets almost morning, noon and night. I was doing wonderfully for the first few months after being banded. I was eating healthier, diligently tracking almost everything that went into my mouth, drinking tons of Water, taking my Vitamins, doing more and more research, participating in forums, and watching the numbers of the scale steadily drop.

Then came time for a family vacation. I told myself I'd allow a little "wiggle room" to enjoy myself and indulge, but that'd I'd still play it safe. The vacation didn't quite go as planned, for a handful of reasons, and I found myself falling back into old habits. I allowed myself candy, ice cream, cookies, baked goods, etc. When I got home, because I was still eating LESS, I continued to allow myself these things every once in awhile. Only problem is that when stress reared its ugly head, or PMS, or getting sick (when certain foods were harder to consume), I was far too permissive and actually justified it with "I deserve to..." and "Just one more, and then I'll get back on track after the weekend..." We've all been there, eh? And then I found that I had this almost insatiable craving for the sweets. I'm ashamed to admit there were more than a few shopping trips where I looked down into the cart and everything I'd tossed in was carb/sugar-filled, barely resembling real food.< /p>

I completely slacked on vitamins, on drinking water (and when I did drink it was liquids with calories), on eating Protein, avoiding empty carbs, didn't follow-up with my surgeon's office, I stayed away from the forums because it was less painful to claim "blissful ignorance" rather than be forced to take a hard, realistic look at how far I'd backslid. I have two young children at home, and I'd been leaning on the fact that taking care of them was more important, rather than realizing I absolutely have to make the time to take care of myself as well. Thankfully, I didn't do much damage in the way of weight gain, and even managed to lose a couple of pounds in there. But I'm positive I could've lost a good 15-20 more by now had I snapped out of it sooner.

It's taken some time, and I'm certainly aware that this is something I will struggle with the rest of my life. But I've re-evaluated, started taking more of an interest in whole foods and cooking again (hooray for the local library's cookbooks!), and am just getting back on track, in general. Sure, I'm disappointed and bummed that I'd allowed myself to behave in such a way. But it happened. And I'm ready to move onward and upward. I never thought this would be a miracle cure, that I'd get banded, never think about food again, and just watch the weight melt off as I happily went about business as usual. But I've come to realize that I'm someone who needs the advice, support, input and accountability of others. I'm grateful to have a couple of friends who were also banded, and are at different stages in things, that I've started to turn to for advice and support. Now I'm just trying to find a way to start attending the support groups for my WLS clinic, because I think that will also help.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble and share a bit of where I'm at in my journey. Congratulations to those of you who are on the steady path to reaching your goal, to those of you at goal and maintaining, and to those of you taking the steps to living a longer and healthier life. And for those who are struggling, for one reason or another, hang in there!

[betrthnever 107]

Neadobandito, I, too, went through a situation where I was losing control of my eating. In the first months of being banded no matter what I did I wasn't losing much. I was hungry and never felt any restriction at all. And I was doing everything right. No matter how many "fills" I had I never felt restriction. I became depressed and began eating more & more out of control, leaving behind some of the rules of eating. And I, too, wouldn't visit the forum. After 8 months of being banded a wonderful NP decided to pull all of the Fluid out of my band and I found out that I wasn't getting proper maintance on my band and only had 3 cc in a 9cc band (and I was suppose to have 8cc). I was so upset!! I have a "real" fill now and feel better at 5.25cc; I need another one but have to wait until December. Truly can't help but to think that maybe I could have been 20 pounds down (and again the feelings of anger and sadness hit). As it is I lost 50 pounds w/little or no help! Something to be proud of

[Jachut 487]

I think you post is great! You have what it takes to control this for the rest of your life because you are sensible and realistic.

We wont beat it. Its because we struggle to control these behaviours that we needed to be banded in the first place - but we CAN control it. And I dont even know that the band makes that easier, it just makes it more *worthwhile* because we've lost weight, gotten healthier, look great so therefore we are more motivated to continue to battle these demons.

I've backslid like that a gazillion times during my journey and I'm completely accepting of the fact that I always will. Sweet stuff is my medicine, I like alcohol but have never had a problem with drinking sensibly, I dont smoke, I dont ahve any other *addictions*, this is my thing.

But you're right - carbs in general dont make me crave more carbs but sweet stuff does and it really just needs to be avoided completely.

But I think I'm living proof that you dont have to be PERFECT to be successful with a band, I've lost 120% of my excess weight and I still backslide at times. Just being consistent and keeping on at it is all it takes.

[jfc193 719]

First congratulations on the weight you did lose. I to have been away from the forums.

I went through a job transfer to a new position. Moved from Northern California to Southern California.

Hat gotten a fill but had it taken out. Plus slacked off on my exercise and started eating allot empty calories.

I rather did enjoy my time off but have gone back to my Dr and gotten a fill and am stating to lose weight again.

Soon I will be back to the weight that I was before I went on my eating spree.

So needless to say you are not alone.

[gentylwind 1]

A brave and wonderful post...thank you. Those of us just starting out can learn from what you have said as well as join in cheering you onward. You sound to be grounded in reality and ready to face your demons. Way to go!

[lapbandtalker 0]

Great post!

Backsliding happens and it's a time to embrace and learn from. I went thru a period where I tried to binge and eat too much, turned to sweets right after the funeral.

But luckily, the band prevented weightgain. And I craved Protein instead of the sweets.

As long as we don't beat ourselves up about going thru periods of making poor choices - we are still on the road to success!

[speck 1]

You obviously have a fighting spirit so you can do this.

Just a thought. Maybe return to post op eating. This would help to withdraw from the sweets and carbs. Lots of Protein shakes, Soup, etc. (mushie stage)

I remember once when I was trying to withdraw from sugar I decided everytime I wanted to pig out I would take a hot bubble bath and read magazines or go shopping.(nothing like spending your whole night in the bathtub!!!! Water gets cold, drain, run more hot Water, drain, run more hot water, you get the picture) You do what you have to do to get past it.

[julieh 1]

I absolutley love this post!!!

I had my lap band surgery almost a year ago on December 17, 2007. So far I have lost around 60 lbs. Sometimes I get so frustrated because I see other people who have lost more than me in that same period of time and wonder why mine is taking so long. However, I know that it is my fault because I am having such a hard time staying away from the sweets!! I did really good for the first 6 months, but started slacking a little, and can't seem to give up the sweets.

I am still in a better place this year than I was last year at this time. I can't believe what a differnce losing 60 lbs has made. I also have established a very good exercise habit and because of this I haven't gained any weight because of my sweet tooth. I just know I would have lost more weight if I could control my sweet tooth. I guess I thought the lap band would work miracles and make it so I wouln't or couldn't eat sweets anymore!!!!! So bottom line.....I know it is still up to me to change my eating habits. The band has and will continue to help me, it just isn't going to do it all by itself.

Hopefully this next year I can keep plugging away at it, and keep working on my bad habits to lose another 60 lbs next year!!!!! Slowly but surely I can get this excess weight off!!! Good luck to you all!!!!

Have a Happy Holiday Season!!!!!

[luigismama 0]

Thank you so much for your post. This was exactly what I needed to read tonight, and it inspired me to post for the first time in weeks. I've lost almost 50 pounds and 2.5 sizes, and now I'm struggling with a plateau. They're natural and everyone has them, but I had no idea that Cookies and brownies would go down so easily- I thought I only had to worry about ice cream! I don't have optimal fill yet- I get another one on Monday, so I can still eat 1-1.5 cups of food at a time.

This is the point in my former weight loss efforts (not that I ever lost this much before at once) when I would sabotage myself and gain it all back plus some. I'd feel good about my weight loss, relax my standards, and start the slippery chocolate-coated slope backward. Thankfully, with the band, I can't binge nearly as much as I used to be able to. I know I have to get support around how I use food to self-soothe beyond visiting these boards and going to the once-a-month support group at which I can never get a word in edgewise.

But, I've managed to stay the same weight give or take a couple of pounds, and now I have an exercise buddy. We've stepped up our workouts from 30 minutes 2x a week to 45 minutes 3x a week. I also go to an aqua aerobics class 2x a week, so I'm hoping the increased exercise and fill will help me get to 50+ pounds by the end of the year. I've also started thinking about what I want to do when I get to my goal weight.

This is a journey, and we'll all get there. Maybe I'll be sidetracked by sweets from time to time or get out of the rhythm with exercise, but I did this to succeed, not just to try. Instead of having the ice cream I want right now, I'll have a small glass of milk and go to bed...with a little more Protein in my body!