Backsliding, but still determined!
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(Note: I was just reading a thread from someone asking about the consumption of Cookies and other sweets, when I realized my response was turning into quite the essay. I decided, since I was going to post a little hello/re-introduction message anyway, that I'd just move my response over here.)
I absolutely agree that once you start eating the sweets, it's that much harder to stop. Vicious cycle. In fact, I'm just now coming off of a 3-4 MONTH stretch of eating sweets almost morning, noon and night. I was doing wonderfully for the first few months after being banded. I was eating healthier, diligently tracking almost everything that went into my mouth, drinking tons of Water, taking my Vitamins, doing more and more research, participating in forums, and watching the numbers of the scale steadily drop.
Then came time for a family vacation. I told myself I'd allow a little "wiggle room" to enjoy myself and indulge, but that'd I'd still play it safe. The vacation didn't quite go as planned, for a handful of reasons, and I found myself falling back into old habits. I allowed myself candy, ice cream, cookies, baked goods, etc. When I got home, because I was still eating LESS, I continued to allow myself these things every once in awhile. Only problem is that when stress reared its ugly head, or PMS, or getting sick (when certain foods were harder to consume), I was far too permissive and actually justified it with "I deserve to..." and "Just one more, and then I'll get back on track after the weekend..." We've all been there, eh? And then I found that I had this almost insatiable craving for the sweets. I'm ashamed to admit there were more than a few shopping trips where I looked down into the cart and everything I'd tossed in was carb/sugar-filled, barely resembling real food.
I completely slacked on vitamins, on drinking water (and when I did drink it was liquids with calories), on eating Protein, avoiding empty carbs, didn't follow-up with my surgeon's office, I stayed away from the forums because it was less painful to claim "blissful ignorance" rather than be forced to take a hard, realistic look at how far I'd backslid. I have two young children at home, and I'd been leaning on the fact that taking care of them was more important, rather than realizing I absolutely have to make the time to take care of myself as well. Thankfully, I didn't do much damage in the way of weight gain, and even managed to lose a couple of pounds in there. But I'm positive I could've lost a good 15-20 more by now had I snapped out of it sooner.
It's taken some time, and I'm certainly aware that this is something I will struggle with the rest of my life. But I've re-evaluated, started taking more of an interest in whole foods and cooking again (hooray for the local library's cookbooks!), and am just getting back on track, in general. Sure, I'm disappointed and bummed that I'd allowed myself to behave in such a way. But it happened. And I'm ready to move onward and upward. I never thought this would be a miracle cure, that I'd get banded, never think about food again, and just watch the weight melt off as I happily went about business as usual. But I've come to realize that I'm someone who needs the advice, support, input and accountability of others. I'm grateful to have a couple of friends who were also banded, and are at different stages in things, that I've started to turn to for advice and support. Now I'm just trying to find a way to start attending the support groups for my WLS clinic, because I think that will also help.
Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble and share a bit of where I'm at in my journey. Congratulations to those of you who are on the steady path to reaching your goal, to those of you at goal and maintaining, and to those of you taking the steps to living a longer and healthier life. And for those who are struggling, for one reason or another, hang in there!