That in between time...

lins12 · July 2, 2005

So... I was banded on June 7. I have hovered at a loss of 13-14 lbs. It has been almost a month. I will not lie to you, I wanted more than 14 lbs to be gone by now. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

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I started real food on Tuesday and my restriction is mild. I really want to get kick started. I want to succeed. I want to do this for me. What I don't want is to fall back in my old habits. I have already gained some great new habits but I fear losing them and reverting back to the old me. The me that wanted to take a nap when I got home because I was tired, the old me who ate out of a need for comfort, a feeling of loneliness, and boredom. I can already tell that I am feeling emotions I am not used to because I don't have food to run to anymore and it creates such a draw to revert. <o:p></o:p>

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I have a hard time forgiving myself, mainly for not being perfect. I can feel the need to do this lapband thing perfect and I know I will want to punish myself when I veer off course. I went and got my Protein and veggies last night (chili and salad) then I had some peanut butter--more than I would have liked to have. I feel like I could beat myself up for the Peanut Butter. Why did I do that? You are such a failure...etc. I was hungry and emotions were strong. <o:p></o:p>

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So, basically my questions are (1) any ideas for succeeding in the in between time? and (2) thoughts on how to deal with the fear of failure and punishment?<o:p></o:p>

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BTW, I do see a counselor...Just thought I would throw it out there for those that truly understand and can relate. <o:p></o:p>

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Thanks so much for letting me spew my thoughts and feelings.

the best me · July 2, 2005

As for perfection...LET IT GO! Not gonna happen. When's the last time you actually did something perfectly? something that took longer than 15 minutes? What happened when you didn't do it perfectyl? Did the world fall apart? Did you allow yourself to use it as an excuse to quit? Do a search on self-sabotage, or someone post a link if you happen across it?...

Perfectionism is actually a very selfish trait. It's very self-centered and self-important. How come all the rest of us are allowed to have bad days and not do it exactly perfectly every moment, and you have to be perfect? Are you better than us? Are your standards higher because you are more special? I say these things in love as I say them to myself because I struggle with the same issues. I have to remind myself, "I'm just a girl, a woman, getting by like everyone else. God made me like I am, quirks and all, and this journey is about how I handle what I am given. It's not about being perfect." And I let it go. Let it go.

I know for me, I am 12 weeks post-op. I have barely moved the scale since day 12 post-op. I really think I needed a minute to get used to the idea of being banded. Call it rebellion against my band, but I had been determined to live the life I loved pre-band, eating and all, and just wanted to get back to "normal" for a bit. Now I'm ready for a fill and some increased restriction. Me and my band get along just fine, and I have managed to come to terms with it. I'll give him (Fred, the Band) some control now in the restriction area with a fill. We'll be okay.

It's a little dance; you, your mind, your band. Find a way to work with your uptight little excuse-creating brain and work around it. You WILL figure it out. Baby-step by baby-step.

By the way, a little extra Peanut Butter one day just to play whatever mind game you are playing with yourself will not send the whole band thing down the toilet. Let it go. It's not as big as you want it to seem. (((((((hugs))))))))

Thanks for posting this...it's been very therapeutic for me to reply!!!

July 2, 2005

I'd get rid of your scale. Wish I would have done that sooner. I weighed myself every morning for the first 4 months, watching it go down, stay the same, go up a little. Then I started weighing myself 2-4 times a day for about a month. Drived me mentally crazy! Finally gave my scale to my sister, whom I see once a week and weigh in there. So much more healthy.

Concentrate on the things you can control: what you eat, how much you exercise, how much you eat and drink. You can't control how fast your body will drop the weight - so don't drive yourself nuts. Save your sanity.

jayme

DippyDora · July 3, 2005

I am in the in between time , too. I was banded JUNE 9, 2005. At the beginning I was dropping lbs so fast. Now..the scale just sits there. I have been told this is normal till a fill. It is just so hard. I keep thinking..ONCE again..im failing. I know this is messed up thinking..but I do know your fear. I am fearing the same things.

I still have a few weeks till I get a fill. I am trying to keep my chin up!! I hope you do the same.

giveyouthemoon · July 3, 2005

Ah who needs perfect?? It's boring anyway......:-)

Be EASY on yourself! This world is a tough place, you don't need that voice in your head being hard on you too!

{{{hugs}}} This will get easier....I promise.

vinesqueen · July 3, 2005

Not a easy place to live, Perfectville. Be kind to yourself, if you aren't kind to yourself, no one else will be.

2bthin · July 4, 2005

Terri,

You and I were banded around the same time. I know what you mean about the weight just falling off, but remember: during that time you were on liquids. I don't care if they were full liquids or what. They were liquids, so of course, we lost weight fast. Have you ever started a new diet and the first 10 pounds just melted off? I've done that so many times, I just can't even remember how many.

We don't live in a perfect world, so why on earth are you trying so hard to be perfect? As for the Peanut Butter. I was told that I could have a little bit. True, it does have some fat, but it also has a lot of Protein.

Now... how about being my buddy? We can both keep our chins up (all of them!) and support each other!

Persimmon · July 5, 2005

13-14 lbs in a month is way ahead of the curve. Remember, target rate of loss with the band is 1-2 lbs/week on average. And you're prefill, so ANY loss is a bonus. If you were expecting more/faster, then your expectations weren't properly set prior to your surgery.

Don't expect perfection...the human organism isn't capable of it, so that's setting yourself up for failure.

Nancy

394/270/180

lins12 · July 5, 2005

Thanks for the great thoughts. I am actually down 16.5 pounds today and it is my month date! YIPPEE. Loved the thoughts of 80/20 or 90/10. It makes sense. AND about the 3500 pound. That really puts things in perspective. I felt like this weekend was going to be difficult for several different reasons but it was a great weekend. I really am thankful for this board and all of you who responded. THANKS BUNCHES.

I think I will take it easy on myself...for a little while at least.

Thanks again!

Lindsay