So Sad & Disheartened Today

HeatherO · October 15, 2008

I have talked about pregnancy previously with my fill nurse. She pretty much said that we could be by with a small defill or even keep it filled throughout most of the pregnancy if you are not suffering from morning sickness and you are not overly restricted.

I needed a slight unfill (thinking maybe -.25 or -.5) and had an appointment yesterday afternoon. My usual fill nurse was not there, I had someone else who I have seen before . . . but not for a long time. Anyway, this is my first post-pregnancy appointment, I am 7 weeks plus and I spilled the Beans.

The nurse just gave me a look, asked how far along, and told me she was going to empty the band. I pleaded and argued my case that I do NOT want an empty band, only a slight unfill and I have no morning sickness now and never had it for my first pregnancy either.

After all that, and she even said it was against her better judgement (and the doctors would not feel good about this decision), she left me with 4 cc's. So what is 4 cc's, well for me it is absolutely no restriction. I probably could eat a horse now if I tried. It also means that I can eat absolutely anything, because at 6 cc's I could eat bread, rice, you name it with out a single hiccup. :0(

I talked to her about fills later and she said if I have a rough time, she would consider giving me additional fills after a month but only in increments of .25. .25!!!!, My baby would be walking before I get any restriction again.

For the first time in my life, I wish I could have kept my medical status to myself even though I know this is wrong. I was so sad and disheartened. She could see that I was really distressed and she said not to worry. 1 in 3 bandsters eventually ends up in my position, and she was the same. She said she only gained 56 pounds during her banded pregnancy but she had no will power and she ate anything and everything she wanted with gusto.

Only 56 pounds???? So I left, and before I ever got out of the office and into my car I was sobbing, in public, like a crazy person. I can not remember ever sobbing in public before. I called my husband in the car to tell him the news and he said I was so upset he couldn't understand me at first. He said his first thoughts were that something happened to the baby and he said he had goosebumps and his hair was standing up on end. He has not seen or heard me sob like this since my mother passed away . . . it is not usual for me.

So I expected different. I know other people have been forced to empty their bands, and 4cc's is essentially like empty for me.

How can I make it through this pregnancy without becoming as big as a house? I am scared to death. I gained 67 pounds with my son.

I feel so depressed and disheartened today . . . why it makes me want to eat away my feelings, surprise, surprise. It is just an unpleasant reminder of why I became obese in the first place, stuff my feelings with food and insulate my body from the rest of the world. Ugghhhh!!!!

TracyinKS · October 15, 2008

Take heart! Call your doc and discuss your needs! They don't want you gaining like crazy, and explain with your particular situation you have NO restriction so you feel like you need more fill than 4 cc's.

Mimilou2004 · October 15, 2008

Heather, I am so sorry for your pain. I always enjoy your posts and was sad to see you in such distress. I agree with Tracy about talking directly to the doctor who can override the nurse's decision. Please keep posting about how you are doing.

Mimi

losingjusme · October 16, 2008

OMG Heather, i am so sorry you had a bad experience.

my suggestion, talk to your surgeon. tell him you dont WANT to 'eat with gusto' like the nurse did. your band is a tool and you know your body... remember your doc works for YOU..

all else fails, maybe try to find a fill center USA ???

eejaydiva · October 17, 2008

Heather I'm sorry for your distress my dear! Keep in mind a couple of things, ok?

1. YOU are the boss of your body. I was a med student and unless there is imminent risk to you or the fetus, a doctor cannot refuse treatment or to discuss options with you. Get a fill if you need a fill.

2. The nurse should have been more understanding, especially given she's been there. But she probably was trying to save you alot of discomfort and stress...The road to Hell is paved with Good intentions, ya know? :smile:

3. Alot of banded preggos suddenly find themselves very tight. Even right now with your bambino the size of a Cheerio, that may be hard to imagine, but if you get bigger, you may find that 4 cc's is plenty of restriction, try to see this as a progression that may worsen, it won't always be this way.

Most of all, know that we are here for you and we all care about one another! Keep us posted on your decision, ok? :frown:

HeatherO · October 24, 2008

Amazingly I am finding that I still have some restriction at 4 cc's although I never would have thought it possible. It must be pregnancy making me tight. I never had tightness problems before pregnancy, but around the time of conception my band has become very fickle and difficult to work with.

I have been traveling in Turkey for more than a week now and have had nothing but foreign cuisine daily. I can not tell you how good it has been not to pb most meals like I was doing right before the unfills. I have been trying to eat carefully, but I miss my kitchen and banding favorites. I have been eating a lot of red lentil Soup lately, it really seems to go down well and tastes great . . . and it is healthy too.

Everyone is trying soo hard to feed me here. I don't really have morning sickness other than the occasional twinge . . . but I kind of pretend I do. I just can't eat much and people keep trying to fill my plate to the ceiling. It also seems to be the land of 10 course meals, lol.

It is also funny what people keep giving me to eat. There is some fruit that tastes kind of like a really sour apple but is big like a grapefruit. People swear that this will give my baby a pretty face - and actually it tastes pretty good since I like sour so that is going well. Everyone is also giving me nuts as well, especially walnuts since that is supposed to give the baby a strong head and good brain development, lol. I seem to always be walking around with walnut bulges in my pockets. If I try to refuse anything I keep getting "oh your baby just needs a small taste" lol.

Middle eastern bathrooms are also not very accomodating to pb episodes, or to the needs of pregnant women who feel queasy when bending as their are no seats and the toilets are not much more than sinks imbedded in the floor. I think if I had to do this at 9 months out, I would probably fall in and have to yell for rescue, lol.

Two nights ago I had a dream. I stepped on the scale, which is in the front hall of my friends house here in Turkey, and I didn't know what it would say. I don't really know how many kilograms I am, only pounds. So I step on it . . . . and I weighed 400 kilograms, lol. It was such a strange dream and just goes to show how out of touch with kilo's vs pounds that I am. I told my husband and he said that is about the same weight as a cow, lol.

Anyway, it will be easier once I get home again I think. I am going to ask for another fill if I get ultra hungry.