I need some opinions on this. My husband of many years and I had started seeing a counselor because of his depression and because we haven't had sex in a very long time. He has a viagra prescription and because he has been interested in sex, it has sat pretty well unused in his sock drawer for a long time. Just yesterday I saw it there when I put away his laundry. Today when I was helping him pack, I noticed it was missing and when he left the room looked in his suitcase. There it was!! I asked him why he was taking it and he said he took had been in there a long time. I told him I knew for a fact that wasn't true and he said well he put it in there to take on the way in town so we could have a "party" when he came home. Since it only takes about an hour to work, why would he need to haul it out of town. He is mad I won't take him at his word, and I WANT to believe him, but I can't seem to. I feel sick to my stomach. Am I crazy??:thumbup:

You are NOT crazy; the word is naive. BTW: My DH concurs.

I need some opinions on this. My husband of many years and I had started seeing a counselor because of his depression and because we haven't had sex in a very long time. He has a viagra prescription and because he has been interested in sex, it has sat pretty well unused in his sock drawer for a long time. Just yesterday I saw it there when I put away his laundry. Today when I was helping him pack, I noticed it was missing and when he left the room looked in his suitcase. There it was!! I asked him why he was taking it and he said he took had been in there a long time. I told him I knew for a fact that wasn't true and he said well he put it in there to take on the way in town so we could have a "party" when he came home. Since it only takes about an hour to work, why would he need to haul it out of town. He is mad I won't take him at his word, and I WANT to believe him, but I can't seem to. I feel sick to my stomach. Am I crazy??:thumbup:

I am very sorry that you are going through this, but I agree. You are not crazy. If things were so innocent, he would not need to lie about it.:thumbup: That's just my own opinion. I am somewhat jaded though.

Edited September 7, 200817 yr by *slim*

I'm so very sorry, but I do NOT think you are crazy. It is POSSIBLE he is telling the truth, but highly unlikely; otherwise he wouldn't have lied by saying it was in the suitcase already. Had you not seen it the day before, you wouldn't have been any wiser and he would have gotten away with the lie (probable). Aw, geez, this sucks bad. I am so sorry. :thumbup:

So sorry, I can't imagine how that would make you feel.

In my veiw he is full us shit! Sorry you are having to deal with this.

Nothing worse then not being able to trust your partner. Sounds like you both have some serious thinking to do about your future as husband and wife.

Best of luck to ya!!

I am so sorry.

You are not crazy and he lis lying!

Sounds like you both need some counseling and if you want to save this marriage, he has a lot of work to do.

Again, I'm so sorry.

I don't think you're crazy either.

Go with your gut. You know better. There is more to it. I'd be pissed and would not listen to his bullshit. I'm very sorry you are dealing with this!

hugs

He's called several times since he left town but I've not taken the calls. He basically says "he'd never do anything like that" on the message machine, why would he go to counseling, etc.. But the more I think about it, it makes me think this is the reason he hasn't wanted sex. I am crushed, really crushed because I don't know how I can go back to where I was before I found the pills in his suitcase.

He's called several times since he left town but I've not taken the calls. He basically says "he'd never do anything like that" on the message machine, why would he go to counseling, etc.. But the more I think about it, it makes me think this is the reason he hasn't wanted sex. I am crushed, really crushed because I don't know how I can go back to where I was before I found the pills in his suitcase.

You will never be able to go back. You will only be able to move forward. Whether that is with him or without him, only you will be able to decide. I say take this time that he is gone to re-evaluate your relationship with him. That will give you some idea about whether or not you are willing to stay and work on this, or let it go.

I wish you the best. I pray for your strength to do whatever will make YOU happy.

Did you let him take the viagra with him? I would've flushed it right down the toilet.

I think it is a great time to reevaluate everything, get your head on straight without having him in the house. You have some hard thinking to do and it is easier to do when you are alone. I am sorry you had to go through this, but at least it is better to know than to go about life being unaware.

First things first, if this relationship is ever going to be back on solid ground, he needs to provide a little honesty. Your trust is gone and he will have to rebuild it if you can ever have a future together. Only honesty and being upfront will help to get you there.

I had been cheated on, so I am a bit jaded and always think the worst. But I would go with my gut. My ex went with me to counselling and was still cheating. When it all came out, I called the counselor like a crazy woman.

Anyway, do you know how many pills were in the bottle? That might help you make a decision if you did.

There were two pills in the bottle. About 6 weeks ago I looked in the bottle (yes, I've been trying to keep track because I have been so insecure since we haven't been having sex) and there were the two. At the time I hadn't checked for awhile and could have sworn there should have been 3 but I wasn't 100% positive. I didn't want to confront him if I wasn't sure, and honestly I didn't want to believe it was possible. Since then, I have kept a close eye on the pills. I took the bottle from him before he left.

Since we have kids, it's impossible for me to just show up at this conference he's at or I would do that. I SO agree I need honesty from him at this point before I can even consider moving forward. If he can't come clean about why he was taking the pills, I'm left in limbo. I keep thinking about how he tried to tell me first that the pills were always in the suitcase. That was a lie for SURE. Tonight he left me a message on my phone saying that was merely him "misspeaking". He's traveled for years and with his job it is almost impossible to be able to maintain any keeping tabs on him. Frankly, I don't want to have to do that anyway. Who wants to keep looking over their shoulder? It makes me think there is no hope.:thumbup:

I am glad you are already in counseling. Maybe you need to see the therapist on your own to learn how to deal with this, as well as the two of you seeing him/her. I am a firm believer in counseling as during my 10 year marriage, we were always in and out of counseling. (My husband died at a very young age, but that is not the point. )

There is no way he would have packed the pills for the reason he stated. Like you said, they don't take that long to work, and if that were true, he could have told you when he was about to take one.

Good luck. this really sucks. I am glad you have your lap band talk friends.