Quick! Cover letter help!

[anonemouse 1]

Yes, I know this isn't the right forum to post this, but y'all know me best and hopefully I can get a quicker response here! :rolleyes2:

I found a posting for a job last night that I REALLY want. It pays crap, but it sounds like it would be SO MUCH FUN (if you like wildlife and the Everglades, anyway). I'm writing up a cover letter for my application right now, so hopefully you guys can critique it for me.

First, here's the job posting (with identifying information removed, of course):

Job Number: 15932 (Classification: Temporary/Seasonal Positions)

Title: SNAIL KITE RESEARCH TECHNICIAN

Agency: XXXX

Location: South-Central Florida

Job Description: The XXXX is based out of XXXX and oversees several ongoing wetland-related research projects. We are seeking a highly motivated field technician to assist with the long-term study of the endangered Snail Kite. We are monitoring the Snail Kite population via mark-recapture and radio telemetry methods as well as making behavioral observations and collecting data related to foraging ecology. Field work for this project is conducted throughout the wetland ecosystems of central and south Florida from the Kissimmee chain of lakes in the north (near Orlando) to the Everglades in the south (near Miami). The field work involves the extensive use of airboats. Applicants must be willing to work LONG, flexible hours in a HOT, humid environment. (Some days involve working from sunrise to sunset). All of the necessary training will be supplied, including airboat operation and maintenance. Duties include trapping and handling of snail kites, behavioral observations, radio telemetry, mark-recapture surveys, nest searching, data entry, snail trapping, vegetation sampling, and maintenance of field equipment and boats. Assistance on peripheral projects may also be required from time to time, including vegetation sampling in the Everglades and identification of plants in the lab. Housing will be provided at the XXXX south of St. Cloud, FL. Applicant should be comfortable living in a field house with only a few other coworkers.

Qualifications: Bachelor's degree in Ecology, Biology, Environmental Science, Wildlife, or a related field. Applicant must have a valid U.S. driver's license. Experience with engine repair/maintenance and boats is a major plus, but not necessary. Ability to comfortably handle wild raptors is also a plus. This position starts in late July and is a year long position. This field technician position can potentially be extended for several years, and may lead to an opportunity to enter a masters research program. Interested persons should send a resume with cover letter, three references, GPA, and GRE scores (if available) to XXXX by July, 15 2008. For questions see our website Florida Cooperative Fish and Wildife Research Unit or contact XXXX via email (preferred) or by phone XXX-XXX-XXXX

Salary: 1600/month +housing

Last Date to apply: July 15, 2008

Here's what I've got so far (again, identifying info removed):

Mr. XXXX,

I am writing to express my interest in the Snail Kite research technician position that was posted on the XXXX wildlife jobs board. I believe I could fully and satisfactorily perform the tasks required by the position, and I believe that I could be a benefit to the research program through my enthusiasm and through hard work. If hired for the research technician position, my objective is to gain additional field experience in my chosen field while furthering and ensuring the satisfaction of the goals of the research program.

I received a Bachelor of Science degree in Wildlife and Fisheries Science (Conservation Biology concentration) from XXXX University in 2005, graduating with a GPA of 3.0. After taking the GRE and receiving a score of 1230, I then entered a Master of Science program in Biology at XXXX University. My estimated graduation date is December 2008 (graduate GPA of 3.33), but I have fully completed my coursework and comprehensive exams and lack only a completed thesis. While at XXXX, I was supported with a graduate teaching assistantship for the first four semesters. Later, I worked as part-time faculty, teaching non-majors’ introductory biology labs and lectures.

Through various classes or my own research, I have training and/or experience with various methods of capture/release statistical analysis, radio telemetry, behavioral observation, and vegetative sampling/identification, and safe handling of wildlife. I also have fairly extensive experience with data entry and analysis, as a result of both my own research and field and statistical/experimental design classes. In addition, I have virtually grown up around boats. My family has owned various watercraft (including canoes, wave runners, and speedboats) and I am comfortable with their use.

If hired, I will be fully committed to the position, and resolve to guarantee a high level of professionalism and integrity towards the research underway.

Thank you,

XXXX

[anonemouse 1]

Okay, second draft, with a few slight changes made:

Dear Mr. XXXX,

I am writing to express my interest in the Snail Kite research technician position that was posted on the XXXX wildlife jobs board. I believe I could fully and satisfactorily perform the tasks required by the position, and I believe that I could be a benefit to the research program through my enthusiasm and through hard work. If hired for the research technician position, my objective is to gain additional field experience in my chosen field while furthering and ensuring the satisfaction of the goals of the research program.

I received a score of 1230 on the verbal/quantitative sections of the GRE exam and a score of 4.0 on the analytical writing section. I obtained a Bachelor of Science degree in Wildlife and Fisheries Science (Conservation Biology concentration) from XXXX University in 2005, graduating with a GPA of 3.0. I then entered a Master of Science program in Biology at XXXX University. My anticipated graduation date is December 2008 (GPA of 3.34), but I have fully completed my coursework and comprehensive exams and lack only a completed thesis. While at XXXX University, I was supported with a graduate teaching assistantship for the first four semesters and later worked as a part-time faculty member, teaching non-majors’ introductory biology labs and lectures.

Through various classes and my own thesis research, I have training and/or experience with various methods of mark/recapture statistical analysis, radio telemetry, behavioral observation, vegetative sampling and identification, and safe handling of wildlife, among other concepts. I also have fairly extensive experience with data entry and analysis, as a result of both my own research and field methods and statistical/experimental design classes. In addition, I have many years of personal experience with multiple types of watercraft and I am comfortable with their use.

If hired, I will be fully committed to the position, and resolve to guarantee a high level of professionalism and integrity towards the research underway.

Thank you for considering me for this position,

XXXX

[vegwannabe 1]

Not bad but a little wishy washy. Drop the "I believe" for "I will" and replace with "I do" or "I am". Swap "I recieved a BS" for "I earned...". Not "IF" you are hired "when" you are hired.

You've got to make it sound like YOU are the only qualified person for the job and hiring you is a no-brainer, a done-deal, without sounding arrogant.

Lastly, you might mention why you want the job, other than that you are qualified and it serves academic purposes. Say something that expresses your interest in the organization and its goals, mission, etc. Pull some information from their website or other sources that shows you have gone beyond reading the job description in deciding this is the perfect job for you and you are the perfect candidate.

Good luck. :redface:

[vegwannabe 1]

I just reread the job description...I didn't realize that the snail kite is a bird, duh! I love birds! I am always on the lookout for species I've never seen before.

The only raptors I've seen are bald eagles, red-tailed hawks and I think turkey vultures. The most "exotic" bird I've seen up here in the great cold north (New Hampshire) is flock of bohemian wax-wing. They were marvelous! What's the snail kite like?

If you do get the job, you have to promise that you will report back on what it's like and how the birds are doing.

Go get 'em!

Edited June 21, 2008 by vegwannabe
spelling

[Fanny Adams 7]

Excellent job! I like the way you have addressed their points, stated what benefits you can bring to their organisation and listed your qualifications in reference to their needs. I would agree with vegwannabe, in that you could make it a little stronger by changing the "I will"s to "I do". The only other suggestion I would add is changing the "I was supported with a graduate teaching assistantship" line to "I supported myself with a ...". The way you have it now, it sounds like the university supported you by giving you the job as some form of charity.

Good luck with your application - the job sounds like a real blast (lousy money, but VERY interesting and a lot of fun!)

[anonemouse 1]

I just reread the job description...I didn't realize that the snail kite is a bird, duh! I love birds! I am always on the lookout for species I've never seen before.

The only raptors I've seen are bald eagles, red-tailed hawks and I think turkey vultures. The most "exotic" bird I've seen up here in the great cold north (New Hampshire) is flock of bohemian wax-wing. They were marvelous! What's the snail kite like?

If you do get the job, you have to promise that you will report back on what it's like and how the birds are doing.

Go get 'em!

Thanks for the tips! I rephrased some of the stuff, like you suggested, and it sounds much better.

The snail kite is a very cool bird. I attached a picture, so that you can see what it looks like. I've never seen one in person, myself, but I've always wanted to. When I went to the Everglades on a 10-day class trip several years ago, the professor that went with us was OBSESSED with finding one, but we never did.

[anonemouse 1]

The only other suggestion I would add is changing the "I was supported with a graduate teaching assistantship" line to "I supported myself with a ...". The way you have it now, it sounds like the university supported you by giving you the job as some form of charity.

Good luck with your application - the job sounds like a real blast (lousy money, but VERY interesting and a lot of fun!)

It pretty much was charity, though, lol! It was basically just a scholarship that covered the out-of-state portion of my tuition and supplied a small stipend, in return for teaching labs for the university. Pretty much just a way for the university to get out of paying a professor to do it.

I'm REALLY hoping I get it. Of course, it means that I'd have to put off the plastic surgery I was wanting for at least a year, maybe more, but it'll be worth it. But hey, who knows, maybe I can save enough that I can pay for my surgery and not have to finance it. And I LOVE the Everglades. I'm weird. Love alligators, crocodiles, snakes, etc. Hate bugs, but that's what bug spray is for, I guess. :redface:

I'm really trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard.

[Fanny Adams 7]

I think you've got a great chance at the job - it looks like they wrote their criteria with you in mind!

I can relate to your love of crocs and snakes, etc. I work in the Kimberleys, which is the far northern part of Western Australia, and prior to that was working in the Northern Territory, in some of the most remote land on earth. I don't work with animals or birds at all, but I take every opportunity I can to see what's out here - salt Water crocodiles, snakes and lots of different eagles and kites. You might enjoy these pics I took of the Wedge-tailed Eagles in one of the National Parks in the NT a couple of years back:

And an Osprey:

Ooooh and some croc pics from NT too:

Edited June 21, 2008 by Fanny Adams

[anonemouse 1]

Oh, wow. Biiiig birdie! You might get a kick out of this: Whenever I'm driving with my mom in the car, she always lectures me not to birdwatch while I'm driving. Apparently, I steer in the direction I'm looking. But it's hard not to keep looking when I see a neat looking bird or if I'm trying to figure out what species it is.

[Fanny Adams 7]

Yeah, the wedge-tail is one of the biggest eagles in the world. That one is only young though, and hasn't gotten her full wingspan yet :redface: They get darker as they get older and lose that gorgeous colouring to become more uniform dark brown.

PS: Sorry about the pic size - I resized them in Photobucket but it doesn't seem to have taken effect. It could be just my cache, but I've tried clearing that and I'm still getting the ginormous pics :smile: