BBW Romance

[Angelica 1]

BBW Romance.

I saw a banner ad for this type of service today whist visiting my favorite low carb support forum, lowcarb.ca.

Before I start, I will say that I have a wicked hair up my ass today, and I am having a bad day, so forgive this blathering.

BBW…

The ‘Big Beautiful Woman’ thing makes my SKIN CRAWL. Hey, here’s an idea, fuck you. Don’t call me a BBW, I am not a BBW, I am a WOMAN. Don’t tell me that I am ‘Big, and Beautiful’. Tell me that I am beautiful without qualifying the fact that I am overweight.

It makes me want to SCREAM when a man who is not overweight feels like he gets to pat himself on the shoulder for dating a woman who IS overweight. Like they’ve earned brownie points or something. I’ve heard men say all sorts of hideous things like ‘She’s fat, but I’m taking one for the team’, or the infamous ‘She’s got such a pretty face’ line.

Please, stop fucking condescending me, for the love of God.

Stop trying to segregate me from the rest of the world because I have a weight issue. Stop trying to compartmentalize me and tell me that I should only date a man who would traditionally want to be with an overweight woman. If you love a woman her circumstances should disappear, including her weight.

-A

[mica 0]

YEAH Angelica!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree wholeheartedly! Couldn't have said it better myself.

Comments of that sort are akin to the "He treats me good!

Have a good one!

[three sixty six 1]

now that post deserves rep power, haha!

i agree!!

[Manatee 3]

Ok, I know this is going to catch flak, but so be it...

Y'ALL created the BBW label. That's a female thing to somehow minimize the impact of being obese. You will never see a guy calling himself a BBM.

Fact are, for the majority of folks out there, size does indeed matter. One can either rage against the machine, or just deal with it and move on. In both cases the world will remain the same, so it's only your time and effort you're wasting.

And yes, fat guys get rejected for our body size too. You think the ladies aren't visual?

[Daisalana 33]

Ok, I know this is going to catch flak, but so be it...

Y'ALL created the BBW label. That's a female thing to somehow minimize the impact of being obese. You will never see a guy calling himself a BBM.

Fact are, for the majority of folks out there, size does indeed matter. One can either rage against the machine, or just deal with it and move on. In both cases the world will remain the same, so it's only your time and effort you're wasting.

And yes, fat guys get rejected for our body size too. You think the ladies aren't visual?

He's right, check it out - Big Beautiful Woman - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I never considered myself BBW, and I don't know why but I always associated that term with black women.

The terms "Big Beautiful Women" and "BBW" were coined by Carole Shaw in 1979, when she launched BBW Magazine, a fashion and lifestyle magazine for plus-size women

And he's right again, I've never been attracted to a man that had more then 40lbs of extra weight. To each his own. :smile2: Kind of like saying, I have blue eyes, and you guys who prefer brown eyes.. are being unfair to me, I have blue eyes and you should like me for who I am. People like what they like, and that's.. the facts of life!

Edited May 27, 2008 by FairyFacade

[Angelica 1]

For me, regardless of who coined the term, its still reminds me of cavemen.

Its like saying, you are beautiful, but I HAVE to qualify the fact that you’re overweight, just to let you know I didn’t miss it, just to let you know that you’re beautiful, but not quite beautiful enough, its a farce.

If a man is not attacted to someone who is overweight, he should look elsewhere. I for one, am not attracted to the types of men that I generally seem to attract.

Listen, men and women both get rejected for their looks, if its weight or otherwise, but my point was that its offensive to me when a man openly admits that he is NOT attracted to a woman’s outsides, but loves her on the inside. Should a man that I date ever tell me that, he'll be out on his ass faster than you could imagine.

Love all of me, lumps and all, or none of me. Its a subtle way to manipulate people, by saying, I love you for your INSIDES but I will remind you that your OUTSIDES are too big for me to pin you into a corner where you don’t expect too much from me because I am already making a HUGE sacrifice for you, because you’re a BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. PFFT, fuck that.

I am a beautiful woman; I don’t have to qualify myself. Just like I don’t run around saying, 'Hi, I'm Angelica, I'm a beautiful woman with a Graduate degree', I will NOT qualify myself saying 'Hi, I'm Angelica, and I am a big beautiful woman'.

In my opinion, obesity is something that should be faced head on, we don't walk around saying things like 'Shes a beautiful woman and the cancer, it just makes her more beautiful'. No, we dont, because cancer is a disease, just like obesity.

Far be it from me to tell a woman who is overweight that she is not beautiful, because 9 times out of 10, I'd be wrong, however, being obese doesnt DEFINE my life, and I dont understand why other women would let it DEFINE theirs.

Just typing the words sort of makes me shudder.

Edited May 27, 2008 by Angelica
Just because

[georgia girl 35]

Manatee, I actually agree with you. I think people who say "looks don't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts" are LYING. Sure, the inside does count, but that's not the only factor. Granted, there may be some that actually feel that way, but for the most part, we are visual people and I don't think it will change.

The "BBW" thing doesn't really bother me. Things that used to really bother me about obesity, don't as much now. I'm not sure if it has to do with the "weight loss process" I'm going through or what, but I don't feel the same way as I used to about these issues.

I've had people tell me "You have such a pretty face" all my life and it did used to bother me a little. But when I really think about it, it should be taken as a compliment. I was 330 lbs, in all honesty, my body wasn't pretty and I knew it. I would rather someone say I have a pretty face than not say anything at all. It's just not realistic to think people shouldn't see obesity or "looks" as an issue.

I can understand how a person could be attracted to someones' personality and not be physically attracted to the person. Just as a person could be physically attracted to someone and hate their personality. Makes sense to me?

[Gone4Now 4]

I can see a little of both sides here. To say you're Big and Beautiful is like saying, "You're cute - for a fat chick."

However, I do understand that you can love the inside but not the outside. As a person who is very intimate, I'd hate to be with someone who thought that way about me. I used to date (briefly) a guy who was attracted to thin blond girls. Why the hell he was with me was beyond me. But, during our dating time, it came out more and more and by the end, I was too intimidated to be with him. I'm normally confident, but after some time with this guy not really liking my outsides, it got to me and I became very embarassed about myself.

But, I think the BBW - coming from women - is meant to be empowering. After being put down for our weight, it can be like saying, "Yeah, I'm fat - but I'm pretty too." The two are not exclusive, but can be the same.

I've never heard a man say he's taking one for the team, but in the movie "A Beautiful Mind" that's one of the ideas that came up. Each one of the group of guys go for the "pretty one" and that leaves her friends upset so the pretty girl gets upset and ignores the guys. But, if each of them all go after the "ugly friends" then they all will go home with a lady. (Big time paraphrasing there, sorry). But, the point is the same - take one for the team. And, yeah - that would PISS ME OFF if I heard/witnessed that.

[Bea1128 1]

I read this post much earlier today and I've given it a lot of thought. I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd put in my two cents.

I see both sides as well. While I never want to be called "big" in any way, shape or form, I can see how some women think it's a statement the exudes pride and confidence. My mom used to have a T-shirt in the 70's that said "Big and Beautiful". She wasn't big then (except her boobs :frown:) so I never really thought of it as a negative thing. I think it was probably a women's lib thing anyway. I don't care how independent I am or how confident, I still would never tolerate anyone using that statement to describe me.

Bottom line, it's a label. I don't like labels and in my opinion it's negative. My youngest daughter is extremely tall and lean. She's been called "skinny minnie", etc her whole life. That is also a negative label; although those of us who have a weight problem would probably love that label. Still, it's a negative thing because it makes her feel different.

I also agree that we are visual creatures. We like what we like and vice versa. I have the craziest school-girl crush on a friend of ours. And while I think he's handsome now, I didn't when I first met him. Physically, he's so not the type I'm usually attracted to; nevertheless, I find myself stammering when around him. I just pray that it's not obvious to him that I think he's hot! :sad: My point is that after I got to know him, I found him attractive. He smart, funny, and kind. Most of the time, when shopping for a mate, we don't take the time to get to know someone if we're not immediately physically attracted to that person. We like to say things like "don't judge a book by its cover", but we all do it all the time. That's just the nature of the beast, so to speak.

I've known several women who say they don't care that they are overweight because they feel sexy and beautiful. I think that's great, but that's not the way I feel. Being overweight feels ugly to me. That's one of the biggest reasons (besides health reasons) that I decided to go ahead with the band. I want my outside to reflect the confident, fun, outgoing, outspoken, probably too forward, beautiful person I am on the inside. I'm tired of people taking one look at me and labeling me because of my weight. The hell with that! And like Angelica said, "I'm beautiful" period. No need for more labels. But if it makes some women feel empowered by being "big and beautiful", more power to ya. Anyway, that's my two cents.

[Fanny Adams 7]

If you advertise at all on dating sites, it's best to be honest about yourself and believe me, ticking BBW feels a lot better than ticking FAT! Sure, people should love you for who you are on the inside, but the outsides have a lot (not all but a lot) to do with who is attracted to you. On those sites, you have two choices - truth or lies...guess which one works best?

LOL - ironically, the banner ad as I am posting this is for the BBW Romance site :sad:

[anonemouse 1]

Manatee, I actually agree with you. I think people who say "looks don't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts" are LYING. Sure, the inside does count, but that's not the only factor. Granted, there may be some that actually feel that way, but for the most part, we are visual people and I don't think it will change.

The "BBW" thing doesn't really bother me. Things that used to really bother me about obesity, don't as much now. I'm not sure if it has to do with the "weight loss process" I'm going through or what, but I don't feel the same way as I used to about these issues.

I've had people tell me "You have such a pretty face" all my life and it did used to bother me a little. But when I really think about it, it should be taken as a compliment. I was 330 lbs, in all honesty, my body wasn't pretty and I knew it. I would rather someone say I have a pretty face than not say anything at all. It's just not realistic to think people shouldn't see obesity or "looks" as an issue.

I can understand how a person could be attracted to someones' personality and not be physically attracted to the person. Just as a person could be physically attracted to someone and hate their personality. Makes sense to me?

Yep, I agree with this completely.

[Wheetsin 714]

To me BBW is either 1) a term used to indicate physical size in description, no different from describing any other physical term such as TDH (tall dark handsome), but usually geared toward obese women who want to find a man who appreciates their obesity, vice versa or 2)a term used by obese women to lessen the psychological blow of their obesity and the impact it can have on their romantic lives. Kind of like the women who are "proud" to be obese -- give me a break.

To me, seeing "I love BBW" is no different than seeing "I love blondes." Both are phsycial characteristics that someone may be attracted to or turned off by.

I saw a banner ad for this type of service today whist visiting my favorite low carb support forum, lowcarb.ca

I don't really get this rant, which is ok, but "BBW" services, especially when you're talking about dating services, are for people who find obese people attractive, not the other way around. It's intended to draw a very particular audience, and if dating someone who is not part of that audience is your goal, then you just avoid it right? Otherwise, it's what they collectively call themselves, not something someone called you, or did you take it being on the site you viewed as being personally directed at you?

Tell me that I am beautiful without qualifying the fact that I am overweight.

So it's ok for someone to comment on your physical characteristic of being beautiful, but it's not ok for someone to comment on your physical characteristic of being fat? To people who endear the term "BBW" the two are synonymous, not mutually exclusive. "Tell me I'm beautiful, but don't mention that I'm fat" doesn't make much sense to me.

[Wheetsin 714]

I think people who say "looks don't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts" are LYING.

I do agree with this, much in the same way that anyone who says, "I only see one color" when referring to people is lying. Unless you're blind, you're going to see that my skin is a different color than his, or hers, or theirs. It's the impact you let that difference have to you that matters, more so than whether or not the physical difference in color is there, no?

[Gone4Now 4]

I was thinking more about this on the way home, and started laughing at myself. When I did online dating, on my personals page I would put BBW. Because I am. I also wanted the person replying to know that he wasn't getting "chubby" or someone with "a few extra pounds", but I really didn't want spell out "Hey, here's 300 pounds of fun, buddy, c'mon in!"

I think tone matters a lot when using descriptions. If an a$$hat says that I'm BBW in snide, sarcastic way, then I'll probably take it as an insult. But, if it's BBW as in, "Hey, baby...what's up?" then I'll take it as a compliment.

Ramble much? - Sorry.

[susansilver 0]

When I was using online dating I also used the term BBW. For me, as it was for Gloucester it was a way of describing my body size without using the word fat. Fat has such a negative connotation that I felt like it would imply I was a negative person. I also would not want any potential date to feel that I was deceptive by using words to describe myself that were not true.

Many years ago I worked worked for a company where I was ono the telephone with suppliers quite a bit. I had always been told that I have a "sexy" voice and there was one man in particular that was very keen to meet me. I told him many times that I was not the fantasy girl that he was envisioning (this was before PCs and digital photography) but he was very insistent. I finally gave him my home phone number and we had a number of very long telephone conversations whcih we both really enjoyed. We also discovered that we had a lot in common.

Well, one day he announced that he was coming to the city one business where I was living at the time. He asked me out to dinner and I said yes. When he came to pick me up ....well if it wasn't so sad and so devastating to me - it would have been comical to see the way his face fell when he saw me! Needless to say it was a horrible, horrible evening. He barely spoke, answered my questions with as afew words as possible and belittled some of the subjects we had previously talked about. As soon as dinner was over he said he had to go somewhere else and left me to make my way home by myself. It was such a humiliating experience. Now, I look back and recognize him to be rude, ill mannered and a complete jerk, but then I just blamed myself and hated myself. It took me years to even date again and I actually conciously worked on raising the pitch of my voice!

Soo back to 5 years ago. As I said, I described myself in my online ad just as I was. I started dating a wonderful man who told me that he was attracted to the words in my ad describing my personality and my interests. 5 years later, we are living happily together and he is very supportive of me. When I had doubts about losing the weight he told me "I fell in love with you when you were bigger than you are now and I will love you no matter your size". So, for me, honesty was the best way to go and using BBW was a gentle but honest description of myself.