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Fill Paranoia!



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This may be a weird post, but I will put my thoughts out there anyway.

I started off at 191- and now at 130 (my goal weight). I have had some slight bumps along the road, but generally feel good. Obviously my life is different regarding my clothing etc, and I feel great about it. I don't want to lose any more weight, but on some days when I eat whatever I want, I tend to feel psychology that the weight is going back on, and it is time for a fill.

I go so far as to schedule for the adjustment and the morning of, the scale still says 130 lbs, and I have not gained anything, but I tend to become paranoid, in a "fear" that I don't want to gain anymore of the weight back.

I still have some restriction (not as much)- but a decent amount, and I just feel like I am afraid to gain, so maybe it is better to fill again JUST in CASE another 5 lbs might come on.

I think it is a PARANOIA, and not sure how I got here- but again I just wanted to share.

My husband doesn't want me to get any more fills, because he feels I am small enough, and to be honest, I am - but my mind is still in "fatty mode".

Has anyone ever experienced these paranoia's?

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I think gaining the weight back is a universal fear. I don;t know anyone that doesn;t go up and down a few pounds though.

Someone on the forum mentioned a book and it describes "adjustment addiction". Basically we start to believe that we constantly need a fill. We don't trust ourselves becasue we have failed so many times before so we start to believe the fill is the only answer.

Remember it's natural once you reach goal to eat a little more food than when you were in the losing phase. It's maintenance, enjoy it!

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Have no fear, the Lord is the light of your salvation, whom or what shall you fear. God is with you and you have done well. Fear nothing. I rejoice with you on your weight loss.

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I think about that a lot...once I reach my goal weight there is going to be that looming fear of re-gaining. It is definitely something to be considered. But I think you are taking a wise approach. Weigh yourself often and if you see it starting to creep up,then consider a tightening. That is why the band is adjustable. It is our tool to keep control. Just don't go overboard, wait til you see yourself gaining. Hope that makes sense. Congratulations on reaching your goal!

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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