Why are YOU Fat?

[brandyII 9]

Serenity55,

my father was an alcoholic also and mom died when I was 14 of lung cancer and a brain tumor but was the one who didn't want a "fat" daughter and was made to feel like the black sheep of the family and when I look back at my pics, I wasn't that fat! Plus I was always on the go. I felt relief when she died because the nagging stopped!

I guess I kind of felt like responding to you because I was the only one out of the five kids who would move my dad into a safer place because he kept drinking and hitting his head and he was living in a 55+ apartment building at the time. I was the "good" daughter and the only "fat" kid out of 5. I guess I had a hard time dealing with him. But even though I kind of hated flying down and taking care of him and cleaning up his filth because we were trying to move him to an assisted living home I never resented my siblings because I knew he had been a "prick" to them and unless you lived in their shoes you can't judge them.

My dad didn't answer his phone one day from the assisted living place as they called every day to check up on him and he had died of a heart attack still clinging to the glass of scotch in his hand as he fell. They had to pry it out of his hand when they found him. I'm glad I wasn't there but was the first to get the phone call and was still in shock but there was also a relief that the pain was over! I actually had put off having the surgery to take care of him two years prior. I'm sure there are still emotional reasons why I still struggle with my lap band, I'm not an alcoholic but brownies and scotch aren't really that distant of a cousin! brandyII. (I was a great daughter huh?lol)

[Froggi 4]

Insurance is so frustrating. They make you jump and jump and jump through hoops then kick you when you're down. Everyone with insurance probs I wish you luck.

mstrina27 How are you feeling? :laugh:

[serenity55 15]

BrandyII,

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I am the ninth of thirteen children, and my second oldest sister was the caretaker. She was also the one I went to live with in twelfth grade. My father didn’t die with a glass in his hand, but he may as well have, because he had alcohol-related illnesses, and had both legs amputated just below the knee. And yes, you really were a good person to take care of him, even though he was a jerk.

<o:p> </o:p>

I have a sister who used to always talk about how big my legs were, but she’s no skinny mini herself. My family never talked about me losing weight, they just called me fat. <o:p></o:p>

[brandyII 9]

Debbi,

It sounds like you had a pretty sucky childhood. I hope there are some left out of the 12 that you maybe close to now. I found that because of the chaos my father created in our family the siblings tended to become much closer. He always played us against each other as we were growing up but we bonded anyway especially now that we're older. I'm not saying that we all are perfect or that we all are equally close but it's really helped us to talk about it and share. Maybe it's because I'm the eldest girl after 3 brothers but I wouldn't know what to do without them now. We also tend to hide a lot of our hurt through humor and sarcasm and that maybe the Irish side of the family.

I was able to forgive my father's faults because I knew he had a bad childhood and in his own way thought he was doing better than his own father had done. He had also been abused/molested as a boy in the scouts which he told me and no one else had ever believed him. So I guess I couldn't help but feel sorry for him even though I knew I didn't have the type of father a girl should have. I did end up marrying a man who I picked not only for me becaused I loved him but I could see he would make a good father and he has. I don't mean to sound like someone painting such a pretty picture because life is not perfect for me but I have to appreciate the good people in my life now and the good life I do have considering and I hope the same for you.

Anyway I wish you luck getting through the pain from your past and hope you can see a brighter light at the end of the tunnel. brandyII.

[brandyII 9]

Wow great thread!!! Why am I fat? Well I've always been a very thin child until I was around twelve. At that time... the abuse started. I think in my mind I thought that if I gained weight and I wasn't attractive it would stop. I was wrong. Then I just began to hate myself. Who wouldnt? When I finally opened up about my abuse I was pushed aside and called a liar by my family! :thumbup:

This started me on a slippery slope of self abuse which, even with lots of therapy and a fantastic supportive husband, continues to this day. I am more aware though and that makes a huge difference for me. I have educated myself a lot in this area and feel that I "understand" but will never really heal from the hurtful experience. At this point I have a very strained relationship with my family and I think it is because they don't really know how to deal with the trauma of it all... or even admit that the family has problems. They are definitly of the mindset that if it isn't talked about it didn't/doesn't happen. :laugh:

So... fat? Yes I have learned some awful skills like overeating, boredom eating and emotional eating. Emotional eating is really my demon that I fight with!

I wish you luck with the band, and hope that you will be very successful with it. You've been dealt a bad hand in the past and hopefully with the support you have now your future will be much brighter, take care brandyII.:biggrin:

[serenity55 15]

BrandyII,

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I have managed, with the help of therapy to work through a lot of the anger I felt toward my father, and some of the effects of his alcoholism as well. Yes, there are siblings I’m very close to, especially the sister I lived with. It seems that the older we’ve gotten, the closer we become. I think in our case, it has a lot to do with the fact that there is a lot of illness in my family, mostly cancer, and that has brought us close.

<o:p> </o:p>

I admire you for being able to forgive your father. I was never able to do that.

[brandyII 9]

I think the forgiveness was for me so that I did not carry around so much anger but the fact that he died two years ago has made my life much easier and his also. He was a tortured soul and unfortunately I was like a sponge. But he wasn't an evil man so maybe why it was easier for me to forgive. Everyone's situation is different, and everyone has to heal differently, it's a very unique and personal situation.

[Fdiljn 0]

Why am I fat now? I had a good childhood with a very close family, I had great career that required me to maintain physical fitness and stay under a certain weight and I did it. I retired and put on a lot of weight but decided that I did not want to buy (or wear) that size of clothes so I joined a health center followed a well rounded diet and lost all that weight and more. But then one night at dinner my DH said to me as we were eating dinner "should you be eating that much?" and I though how dare he ask me if I should eat something I am 50 years old I know what I can or cannot eat. And so I ate. I ate when I was happy, sad, bored, tired and any other time I could think of to eat. (Sounds like I have a real mental problem doesn't it.) With all of that said I have to admit the reason I am fat is because I eat too much and too often. I know that I have the ability to follow a program and lose the weight I just need something to assist me in keeping it off and that is what I hope to get with the band. I understand that the band is not going to STOP me from eating too much; I am hoping it will give me the incentive to STOP myself.

I really did not mean this post to turn into a rambling feel sorry for myself story but once I started writing it just came out and now I feel better and even more ready to get on with the next stage of my life

[SweetCrazySarah 1]

I have one reason for why I became so darn fat. MEXICAN food, and lots of it. I ate more mexican food than a mexican. I know my boyfriend is mexican. UGH, i love me some chili verde and nachos. YUM! But now I order one chicken soft taco NO cheese Dip, and then I eat the shredded chicken and lettuce. So Good. It fills me up. And now instead of eatng 50 chips with salsa before my meal. I eat 2 or 3.

[tchilambe 0]

I grew up with a lot of food - but it was in Africa and most of it was organic, home grown and fresh. Its a culture where food production is close to home, unlike in the USA where everything has got to be transported. And also, in Africa, if its not season, you dont eat it!!! So you could eat whatever was in season and it was healthier. I walked a lot and did lots of chores around the household.

But all that changed once I got in this country, I realized that to eat like I ate back home, I have to shop at expensive food stores like Whole Foods! My lifestyle became more sedetary - so the pounds kept pilling on. and also i went through some emotional trauma - and I dealt with it using food.

So here I am - before I knew it, i had tipped the scale to 296LBS.... then I got scared -- now that I have embarked on the reversal journey - I am glad the scale if finally going backwards. But with that comes the realization that i had really allowed myself to get that BIG! I am just coming to terms with it, i really did not know how big I was because inspite of my weight, I was still a very physically active person. I carried my weight like it was nothing --- but i know that it is all a factor of age, so I got to deal with it now before I reach the other side of 35!

[IntoLess 0]

Okay, I have hid in the corner for a while, lurking, reading, now it is my turn. Between the ages of 10 and 11, I lost everything I knew to be true in life. My parents divorced and my brother married when I was 10, at 11 both sisters got married within a few weeks of each other, and a few months later my dad stopped making house payments so my mom and I had to move out of the only house I ever knew. I went from an upper middle class lifestyle to a lower class lifestyle and didn't know how to cope with losing my family, my home, and my friends. Government cheese and rice became my friends. Cheap hot dogs, bologna, eggs, white bread, government cheese, and government powder milk became the staples of my life. Because not only did my dad stop house payments, he wasn't nearly consistent with child support as he could have been. Mom still loved him too much to take him to court.

Terrible sob story, we all cope, right? I have grown to not only forgive my dad and mom, the fight really was between them, I just happened to be an innocent bystander. I managed to stay just overweight not morbidly obese, when I graduated high school and finally started working(I had to concentrate on my grades because I HAD to go to college, right?), I would walk to work, about 3 miles each way. This didn't take the weight off as I had hoped, but did provide much needed exercise.

I met my wonderful husband and went to Germany(home is where the Army sends you). This is the first time I am out on my own, so to speak. I am cleaning, cooking, doing grocery shopping, but what do I know about grocery shopping? meat and potatoes, that is what he eats (all 6'1"--160lbs of him), he was skinny, this must be a good thing to eat, right? I did not know to get fresh fruits, veggies......I didn't have these things growing up, but I did make sure we had soda and cookies! Why not, I couldn't have them growing up because we couldn't afford them, surely my mom would have made sure I had the fruits and veggies if they were so good for me....

A couple months later I got pregnant. Beautiful little girl, now 11, name Karrington, light of our lives. But after she was born is when all the weight piled on. When she ate, I ate, when she slept, I slept, when she cried, I cried. Housework? Who has time? Exercise? You must be joking. I snapped out of the post-pardom depression when she was 7 months old, just after our trip back to the states for Christmas. But it was too late, I gained way too much weight, and my wonderful husband kept his mouth shut about it not wanting to hurt my feelings. Unfortunately, this hurt more than it helped, I thought he was okay with it, loved me the way I was, which he did/does, but he wasn't really "okay" with it.

A few months ago he came back from Iraq to a wife who had lost about 40 lbs since he had left. Of course I did, we went through this the last time he deployed, and guess what happened both times. BINGO! I gained it all back. My newly found PCM told me my weight loss could be attributed to stress, and referred me to a doctor in Austin.

I told my husband, he asked if I was sure if this is what I want, yes, I am sure, I need this tool. If I could do it on my own, it would have happened years ago. I just completed my psych eval, which I "passed" and am waiting for him to send it to my surgeon, from there it goes to insurance, then hopefully, my new life will begin.

[Angie911 0]

I have been using food as my medication,,,my addiction,,,my escape.

I started out writing about my history,,,my history sounds like a few of the other posts. Abuse,,,verbal, mental and sexual. Lack of food, ,,scared of not knowing where the next meal would come. Family members and their addictions. Im the only one with food addictions...

[brandyII 9]

Good luck to you Angie, sounds like you need a break!!!! brandyII

[Angie911 0]

Thanks Brandy...ya know I was just about to say if it wasn't such a health risk I would be happy the way I am...but I wouldn't be. I don't want to be fat. I wasn't always fat. I want to be healthier,,which would be about 100 lbs from here. Do I want to be prettier,,,ya my husband who is 170 lbs 5'10 didn't sign up for this,,,NOT that he has ever said anything about my weight. But if I was a decent weight,,,there are more things we can do,,,hiking,,scuba diving ( things we did in our early years,,,22 years later...the big hike is a lap around Walmart)

Ive had my mom make some pretty rude comments about my weight,,,even when I was a size 8,,,*you know, no one will ever love you if you are fat*

and if front of a room full of family and friends exclaiming,,*OMG you have gotten so big I thought you looked pregnant* and the usual *suck in your gut*

I gave up...I decided over a year ago having any relationship with her was unhealthy so I informed her I was done. I should feel guilty,,,or sad or something. But I feel relief,,,no having to be her whipping girl..sad yes, wished I had a better mom.

I have had (past tense) a rough life. As alot of people on here have. But as an adult no more will I subject myself to that kind of life. Does that mean I loose my family...the kind of family I have who needs enemies... so yes it means loosing my BLOOD relatives,,,and making my own family. Ive done well so far...surrounding myself with healthy supportive,,,and positive people.

[brandyII 9]

Angie,

It's funny because I just read a chapter in a new book I'm reading about family members and how they treat you when you're overweight and how to deal with them etc... Some people have to confront them, some people can sort of teach them and some just have to not be around them.

I'm pretty lucky as the ones that used to make me feel inferior because of my size are all dead, lol. Well it's really not funny but is in a way. But my siblings have always been really kind to me and I'm lucky that they've been very supportive but I still feel insecure. I'm in a place now where I want to build up my self esteem so that I feel strong no matter what size I'm at but it's really difficult, it's such a hard struggle and the weight loss after banding has not been easy for me, I maybe stuck in large land for the rest of my life!