Losing weight.......and friends

Done · January 14, 2008

I was just thinking, relationships are like teeter-totters. In the beginning we were the fatter ones, sitting at the ground like some sort of bottom-feeder, while the other basked up high in the spotlight. Now the tables have turned. They don't want to be on the bottom! There is a transfer of power. Such a drastic change in the dynamics of the relationship.

When somebody states something negative, I call them on it right away, asking them something similar to "why on earth would you say something like that?" and offer them the chance to apologise as they *may* have not intended it to be offensive (except the saggy boobs statement, that is really uncalled for!). I like doing it when around others as it will most likely embarrass them!

readytolive · February 11, 2008

i have not had to lap band just yet, but i plan to in a month or two. i'm worried that my mom might get jealous of me if i do the surgery. i already told her i was thinking about the surgery and she said "i'm going to lose weight too and see who loses the most weight faster." she said it in a joking manner but i could sense a bit of jealousy. i don't think she should be jealous because she is so much smaller than me, she is a little overweight but i don't think she is overweight enough for WLS.

i want to surgery badly because i am very worried about my health at only 24. i just don't want her to be jealous because she doesn't have to be.

Kat817 · February 11, 2008

Maybe since your Mom has a smaller amount of weight to lose, she will be able to learn better eating habits with you, and be able to do some exercising with you, and benefit you both.

I am sure if you drop all your weight, and she does nothing, there will be a certain amount of "jealousy" if that is what you choose to call it. It would be the same with anyone---we see them doing it and want it for ourselves too. But I bet far and above that is your Mom wanting what is best for you, and for you to have good health!

I know when I see my kids doing something that is not healthy for them (son smokes....) it hurts my heart! And yet I know deep down I did it til I was older than he is...we really do want the best for our kids!

Ask her for her help, helping you learn to eat right after this surgery, ask if she would consider taking a healthy cooking class, or would she join a gym with you to start working out---that you really want to get healthy and you want her with you.

It is just a guess, but maybe now, you guys spend a lot of time together---dining out maybe? Perhaps she is concerned you won't have as much time for her. Get her involved in helping you BOTH get healthy!

Good Luck--and welcome to LBT!

Kat

readytolive · February 11, 2008

we actually did go on a diet together and lost weight together. of course we both gained the weight back.

but i told her that i will take my treadmill out of my room and put it in the guest room so she can access it too.

thanks for the advice. i do think if she saw me eating right she would do the same.

Paulax · February 11, 2008

i have not had to lap band just yet, but i plan to in a month or two. i'm worried that my mom might get jealous of me if i do the surgery. i already told her i was thinking about the surgery and she said "i'm going to lose weight too and see who loses the most weight faster." she said it in a joking manner but i could sense a bit of jealousy. i don't think she should be jealous because she is so much smaller than me, she is a little overweight but i don't think she is overweight enough for WLS.
i want to surgery badly because i am very worried about my health at only 24. i just don't want her to be jealous because she doesn't have to be.

Wow, I just want to hug and encourage you to do what you need to do to make your life happy and healthy.

Your post struck me as I too had a jealous mom. It seemed to boost her confidence when when she had something on me. Like weight. Instead of encouraging me to lose, she actually laughed at me.

Now, I have 2 daughters and I want nothing but the best for them. I learned from my experience that it is all about them now. I pray they don't have a weight problem, but if they do, I will be the ultimate supporter in their efforts to get and stay healthy.

Hugs my dear, this is your life and life is short.

Make every decision and every moment matter.

readytolive · February 11, 2008

thanks for the reply paulax.

my mom and i actually have a very close relationship and her jealously rarely comes up, but when it does it kind of makes me sad.

but if i do go through with surgery i want to try very hard to not let it get to me. i don't want to go another year unhealthy. i hope that my weight loss will motivate her so she can be happy as well.

Kristin1031 · February 11, 2008

Did anyone see Rachael Ray yesterday? There was a woman on there that lost over 200lbs with Gastric Bypass Surgery. As she lost weight, she lost all of her friends and family, she had no idea why. Long story short, they asked her mom why and she told that as her daughter lost weight, she became too proud of her weight loss and made some comments that hurt her feelings (the mom was overweight too). This girl had no idea that when she shared her success with her friends and family that they were offended by it, and she didn't realize that some of her comments were hurtful.
It made me really appreciate this website. It's great to come here and share our successes together. I have friends and family that are overweight and I would hate it if I lost any of them. I'll admit that I have been keeping my friends and family up to date on my progress, but I never considered it to be bragging and I hope that they don't see it that way.

I guess it goes to show that losing weight doesn't necessarily mean that life will be perfect.

This reminds me of the friends I lost when my son died......YES even then friends can't handle the situation and they leave......probably were not real friends anyway RIGHT?.......I think everyone who has done this successfuly has the right to scream it from a mountaintop if they like.....and if that hurts or causes pain then they must be reminded softly.........That no one can make you feel anything.......we do it to ourselves.

She should be proud of her success and if her family could not stand by her then how sad that they don't love themselves enough to not blame her for their situations.

I personally talk about my weightloss only to those who ask me. If they want to know. My freinds and family are constantly asking me, so if they ask they will get the GREAT news!!

Some folks need to grow up and learn how to deal with others success and not transfer it so some sick guilt on their part....:cursing: