What to say to friends who think that surgery is “cheating” or lazy

[GmaBecks 9]

I am now in my second week out of gastric bypass surgery, can’t wait to get to puréed stage. I have immediate family and close friends who basically told me that I am taking the “easy way” out or flat out say that I have not shown enough discipline in the past to be successful at weight loss. I haven’t shared that I’ve had this surgery with anyone else, friends, neighbors, colleagues because of this. I am feeling good about the surgery, I feel competent to succeed all by myself if necessary, but I was wondering if others have run to this barrier in support and if so, what they’ve said or done.

[Mspretty86 462]

I didn't tell any family members or friends as you know they can be the most negative and there is also that hint of envy and jealousy. As far as being the easy way out please dealing with a lifelong battle of obesity. This surgery is the best thing that you could've done for yourself to combat this horrible disease! congratulations! I am one year postop VSG so any questions any concerns we are always around.

when people say it's the easy way out they really don't understand the complexity of the disease of obesity. The disease of obesity is complex, its metabolic, chronic and systemic and it gives no fucks. It's also a very smart disease. When you try to lose weight on you own without the tool of surgery, your body always fights you and then we play this game of lose gain lose lose gain. Obesity hates to see you win.

Enjoy this new life its very hard yet very rewarding . Every day is hard.

And No one deserves to know to hell with them lol

Edited April 22 by Mspretty86

[The Greater Fool 2,071]

"Easy Way? No thank you. I'll stick with the way which fails for 98% of us."

Good luck,

Tek

[learn2cook 626]

I ask the real haters if they know anyone who has lost 150lbs or more AND maintained that loss 3+ years without surgery or medication? Crickets …

[BigSue 1,428]

Almost 5 years out and I haven't told anyone other than medical professionals that I had surgery. Haven't told any family, friends, or coworkers. I didn't want the judgment or the fear or the skepticism, and didn't want to have to justify or explain myself.

I think it's absurd that people criticize WLS or medications (Ozempic et. al.) as the "easy way out." First of all, fat people are ridiculed and criticized, and then when we find a way to lose the weight and have bodies that are socially acceptable, well now we've done it the wrong way and get criticized for THAT. Second, anyone who thinks WLS is easy obviously hasn't researched what we have to go through just to qualify for the surgery, and then the miserable pre-op diet, and the long and difficult recovery and diet progression. Finally, have you ever heard anyone criticize a cancer survivor for taking the easy way out by getting chemo? Of course not -- when it comes to just about any other medical condition, we obviously all want to use the most effective treatment available. We have to take the risks and benefits into account, but for most of us who get WLS, the benefits far outweigh the risks, so of course it makes sense to do it.

People who have never struggled with their weight want to believe that they're thin because they're superior to fat people. They're resentful of anything that can level the playing field because they feel like it takes away from their superiority.

[NeonRaven8919 584]

Yes, this is the easy way compared to all the failed dieting. Because it works. If dieting worked, it would be easy. You have a medical problem that requires treatment. This is one of the most successful treatments for that medical problem. Simple.

[summerseeker 2,373]

Its not easy, even I thought it would be easier than it was. I thought I was in the know too. Maintenance isn't easy. So they are not friends if they dont back you.

I told my husband and son and my two besties from our ancient school days. I was backed by them. I told no one else until weight loss began to show. I only told three people who asked how I had done it and they were very obese too. The rest got the ' oh I have been walking a lot lately' or I stopped eating carbs. Judgers will always judge, its human nature.

12 hours ago, BigSue said:

People who have never struggled with their weight want to believe that they're thin because they're superior to fat people. They're resentful of anything that can level the playing field because they feel like it takes away from their superiority.

Wise words

[Mspretty86 462]

@summerseeker I hollered laughing 🤣😂😂. I thought I was the only one who lied to some people I tell them "oh yea I get up and walk 5 miles everyday" that's how I done it 😂😂😂. Please get out of my face nosy judgy people

[GmaBecks 9]

Thank you to everyone who has responded! I wrote down all of these wise words. I think the hardest person for me to face is my son who BEGGED me to not do the surgery. He swore if I came and lived with he and his wife for a few months and ate what they ate and worked out like they do, he could have me in shape and down 100 lbs without the surgery. (I think he wanted free childcare as well). I’m pretty sure he hasn’t paid attention to my weight loss struggles for the 40+ years of his life. I love these responses and intend to use them with family and friends the next time one of those passively aggressive snarks are made. Thank you thank you. It only matters that I know that this is hard work butI’m doing it for ME!

[SpartanMaker 1,308]

I think it's a sad state of affairs when we feel like we have to hide our decisions from others because of how we know others will react. I'm not judging anyone that makes that choice since I did it too. I told my family, but specifically decided not to tell my co-workers since I was expecting people to say dumb things like this.

The cheating comment I find specifically odd, personally. To me this was life or death, and I chose life. It definitely wasn't some game where the concept of cheating might be meaningful. I feel like it would be no different than if someone were to say to me that I "cheated" when I had open heart surgery. How could you even think that? My choices were either have the surgery, or die.

As to weight loss surgery being "the easy way", as all of us here know there is nothing easy about this. Those of us that have reached our goal weights know that the surgery was just a tool, but the important change is what had to happen between my ears. Nothing about that was or is easy. It's still hard work every. single. day.

I also wanted to comment on this:

1 hour ago, GmaBecks said:

He swore if I came and lived with he and his wife for a few months and ate what they ate and worked out like they do, he could have me in shape and down 100 lbs without the surgery.

I can virtually guarantee you I eat better and workout harder than your son. I NEVER would have been able to workout as hard while I was still obese. It took losing almost 100 pounds before I could even really walk much. Now I run 40+ miles a week. It's hard for people that are not obese to understand just how hard even simple movement can be. Weight loss surgery was the catalyst that allowed me to be where I'm at today.

[BigSue 1,428]

2 hours ago, GmaBecks said:

I think the hardest person for me to face is my son who BEGGED me to not do the surgery. He swore if I came and lived with he and his wife for a few months and ate what they ate and worked out like they do, he could have me in shape and down 100 lbs without the surgery.

I first looked into WLS about 15 years earlier. I went to an information session and a consultation with a surgeon, and my mom came with me. My mom cried and begged me not to get the surgery. Thought it was too dangerous and I should do it "naturally." Obviously, that didn't work and I ended up getting the surgery anyway, after 15 more years living with obesity. That was a big part of why I didn't tell anyone -- I made an informed decision and didn't want to give anyone else the chance to talk me out of it.

1 hour ago, SpartanMaker said:

As to weight loss surgery being "the easy way", as all of us here know there is nothing easy about this. Those of us that have reached our goal weights know that the surgery was just a tool, but the important change is what had to happen between my ears. Nothing about that was or is easy. It's still hard work every. single. day.

Exactly... When people get nosey about how I lost weight, my go-to answer is, "I made a lot of lifestyle changes." Even though I did get the surgery as a tool, it is 100% true that I made a lot of lifestyle changes. I worked hard to get to my current weight, and I work hard to maintain it. Every single day, I have to prioritize my diet and fitness. I got up early this morning to do a 5:00 am Orange Theory workout before work. I've logged my food every day for over 5 years. The surgery didn't do that for me.

[BlondePatriotInCDA 593]

On 4/22/2025 at 7:31 AM, GmaBecks said:

I am now in my second week out of gastric bypass surgery, can’t wait to get to puréed stage. I have immediate family and close friends who basically told me that I am taking the “easy way” out or flat out say that I have not shown enough discipline in the past to be successful at weight loss. I haven’t shared that I’ve had this surgery with anyone else, friends, neighbors, colleagues because of this. I am feeling good about the surgery, I feel competent to succeed all by myself if necessary, but I was wondering if others have run to this barrier in support and if so, what they’ve said or done.

I would say based on your responses you hope that they never have to go to the doctor for colds, pain, broken bones...etc...after all those are all medical interventions for things you/your body can handle overtime and with enough brain power over it! After all, you wouldn't want them to take "the easy way out."

I'd go on to say doctors don't prescribe surgical procedures for the easy way out, nor do insurance companies approve and pay for surgeries for the same reason. Lastly, I'd add if they don't have anything nice to say you don't want to hear it - you're doing what you feel is right for you and you don't need negative comments on your journey to better health.

[Lilia_90 612]

My whole life I used to think that. Through my adulthood (age 19-29) I was in great shape, worked out regularly, ate well and maintained a great physique. I always had the propensity to gain weight if I wasn't careful with how I ate and my activity level. I lost over 45 lbs and kept them off through staying active and eating well and my belief was, if I could maintain being in shape doing that, anyone can. It worked for me through 2 pregnancies and a whole decade.

Fast forward when my hormones got out of control, I gained 10 kilos in 1.5 months, my weight kept going up, had a bad sports injury and in 5 years I was 30 kilos overweight. I still ate well and worked out 5 times a week but NOTHING WORKED and by nothing, I mean NOTHING not even injectables, not one pound lost, NADA, Zilch. I counted calories, walked 10k steps ...etc. the whole shebang.

I was sad, depressed, so uncomfortable and I finally got how sometimes, you try your hardest but it just doesn't happen for you. It was so ironic because I was seen as the health guru who lectured people on how they should work harder and not create excuses (hard pill to swallow, I admit).

I finally decided to give in the fact that my weight isn't going to budge dieting and working out like it did in the past. I bit the bullet and got the surgery. I lost a lot of weight fast, but went back to working out regularly and staying consistent and disciplined, I wouldn't have been this successful (not with just the weight lost, but my actual physique, being lean and fit and all) had I just gotten the surgery and depended on it to achieve what I had in mind, I had (and continue) to put in the work, choose to prioritize eating well, etc.

Yes the surgery is a tool to HELP you lose weight and BUILD good habits. It doesn't do the work for you in the long run ,that is on you and how you utilize this tool that will determine your success.

I would however (very general advise), suggest that before resorting to surgery, that one does try to see how far they can get naturally, and if they can't maintain/fall off the wagon/don't get to their goal weight or physique that they do utilize WLS, but it has to come with a mindset shift. I had that mindset, I just needed the kickstart. Evaluate where your body and MIND is because that is as important.

Edited April 24 by Lilia_90

[NickelChip 1,358]

"Surgery is cheating? Oh no! I didn't know there were rules. Have I forfeited my eligibility to be awarded a weight loss trophy? I guess I'll just have to take looking good in my clothing and not dying prematurely as a consolation prize."

"You can either be supportive of my decision or you can stop talking because I didn't ask for your opinion and am not seeking advice at this time."

"Oh, is today the day we're sharing what we disagree with about each other's life decisions? Hold on, let me go get my list. I've got a few things for you that I'm sure you'll want to hear."

The bottom line is, you have the right to live your life the way you see fit. The people making comments like this are not trying to be helpful. They are trying, even if they don't realize it themselves, to control you and take away your right to do what you feel is best for you. When you try to explain and convince them, you play into the idea that they have a right to tell you what to do or that you need their permission. What they don't expect is for you to have the confidence to laugh in their face at their audacity and tell them point blank to get back in their own f*ing lane. And they will not like it one bit when you do, but it'll feel pretty fantastic on your end.

[GmaBecks 9]

You all are inspirations