When the honeymoon is over

[Possum220 230]

I had heard about the honeymoon period at the start of it all. Didnt really think much about it at the time. But this has smacked me hard.The honey moon period is well and truly over. Reality is kicking back in. I had the RNY back in May 22. Since then I have lost 60 kg or 132 pounds. I had Covid for Christmas. I have managed depression and anxiety for decades now. In the last month my anxiety and depression have flared up something chronic and I am stuffing food into me as if I had never had the bypass.

I am loathe to weigh myself and I can feel my body change again. Food addiction is real and I am terrified that I am going to regain all the weight I had lost. I dont want to be trapped in my own body again. I want my muscles to be strong. I dont want the panic attacks to dominate me again. Right now I feel distended and hopeless.

Has anybody else tackled this point. I dont want to be overtaken by a Tsunami of food and shame and guilt. Who eats food off the floor? Who eats food out of a bin? I want the control back. Is it too late now that the honeymoon is over. Has anybody else tackled this time and won? Anybody? Anywhere?

[summerseeker 2,398]

I wish I could hug you. I have no answers, I just want you to know that I am here.

[catwoman7 11,280]

Nine years out, and I fight the beast every day. I know people who've worked with therapists who specialize in eating disorders who've found it helpful, so maybe looking into that if you're feeling like you're losing the struggle (?). Or does your bariatric clinic have a health psychologist on staff, or can they refer you to one?

P.S. I also know a few people who are struggling and have had some significant weight gain who are on appetite suppressants like phentermine - or some of the newer drugs that people are using for weight loss, such as Ozempic. I don't know if you want to go down that route, but some have had success with those. If you're interested in that, check with either your bariatric clinic or your regular physician.

Edited January 30, 2024 by catwoman7

[BigZ 102]

Sorry you are going through this. At this point it is mind over matter. If you are struggling it might be worth looking into a therapist. 10 day pouch reset - day 1 Clear Liquids, day 2-3 full liquids, day 4-6 puree, day 7-9 soft foods, day 10 small healthy meals, continuing forward.

[NickelChip 1,358]

I know how easy it is to avoid the scale when you know it's going to be bad news. I do it too. But I'm going to urge you to make yourself face it. If you face it, you can beat it. I think the good news is, no matter how much you've eaten, there is no way you could regain 130+ pounds in a month. Maybe you've gained 5lbs. Maybe 10. But you know what? You've still lost over 100lbs. So, go get on the scale, acknowledge the number, and then look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself, "Self, I love you, and you're f*ing awesome. You're doing a great job, and I know you're going to keep doing it."

No negative talk, no guilt. After that, look into getting a therapist to help you with the emotional crap that's making this hard for you, because food addiction is real, and you deserve for it to be easier. The biggest thing I've learned about shame and guilt over the years is the way I talk to myself sometimes, I would punch someone in the face if they ever said those things to someone I love. Try to treat yourself the way you would treat the person you love the most.

[BigSue 1,428]

Oh yeah. I'm 3.5 years out and the honeymoon has long been over. If I weren't extremely careful about what I eat, it would be terrifyingly easy to fall off the wagon and jump on the regain train. The surgery still helps, for sure; even when I eat too much, I think back to how much I would have eaten before the surgery and realize that my overindulgence now pales in comparison. But it still takes a lot of effort and attention to maintain my weight.

My first recommendation for you is to get back on the scale and see exactly where you stand. No matter how much you've regained, stepping on the scale isn't going to change it. Believe me, I understand not wanting to know (take it from someone who did not own a scale for over a decade before my surgery), but staying in denial will only make things worse.

I found a fantastic podcast called "We Only Look Thin," hosted by a husband and wife who each lost over 100 pounds. They did NOT have WLS, but they have so much insight and advice. They address a lot of the things that you worry about, so if you are open to listening to podcasts, I highly recommend this one.

[ChunkCat 737]

You are not a failure. The fact that you posted here looking for help means you are open to reaching out for help and that will lead to success!! Many people are too scared to even put the words out there.

I urge you strongly to reach out to your bariatric team and get their recommendations for a few therapists that specialize in eating disorders. Try a session with a few of them to find one you like. They will help you navigate the emotional components and anxiety and depression. The surgeon operated on your stomach and intestines, not your brain. Surgery can't fix the inner narratives we have that keep us in cycles we don't want to be in.

And Catwoman7 is right, some bariatric patients do end up using appetite suppressing medications to help with those voices, often in conjunction with therapy. There is no escaping the head work, it HAS to be done or it will undermine you at every turn. In time you'll learn how to companion with it and live along side it. It may always be there in some form, but that doesn't mean it gets to be in the driver's seat 24/7.

[Jeanniebug 476]

I worked with a therapist beginning about a month and a half before surgery, until I was over a year out. I just recently stopped seeing him. I'm still struggling with this.

At my initial consultation, my surgeon told me that obesity likes to come back. That a lot of patients end up needing to go on medications, after the surgery, due to weight regain.

For some of us, this is going to be a lifelong struggle, I'm afraid.

[Arabesque 7,601]

I echo the advice to seek help from a therapist to support you while you are experiencing emotional distress, anxiety, depression & support you to find strategies to manage your desire to turn to food during these times.

The battle not to eat/ make the best choices is eternal. My brain whispering to me. It will be all right if you eat that. A small bite won’t hurt. It will make you feel better. You deserve it. Etc. It isn’t easy to fight your head/thinking though. And if there are odd times you just can’t argue your way out of it, forgive yourself. You are arguing against an intelligent person - you!

[Possum220 230]

Thanks for the hug @summerseeker I very much appreciate the hug. Hugs are so much better than food.

@catwoman7 I have tried Trulicity (same as Ozempic) some time ago. I had serious side effects and couldnt continue on it. But that doesnt mean that I cant ask my doctor about any other options.

@BigZ- I do believe I need to see a psychologist/therapist. i have an appointment with a dietician tomorrow. Maybe they can point me in the right direction to the right person.

@NickelChip I took your advice and weighed myself this morning. I will face 2.7 kg. So much easier to face this gain than trying to ignore a much bigger gain. I went for a walk for 30 minutes. @BigSueI will check out the podcast.

I really appreciate ALL the responses. There are some really wise words in all this. @ChunkCat @Arabesque @Jeanniebug This is a journey that really doesnt end hey? I need to take care of myself in a good way. The self talk is something that I have always struggled with too. The honeymoon might be over but I determine where this marriage is headed.

If it has to be a lifelong struggle then I would rather do it without all that extra padding. I am not giving up without a fight. I will be coming back to this page to pick more gems. Thankyou.

[SomeBigGuy 110]

I agree with the others stating the importance of having a therapist or coach to walk through this with you. Dieticians and nutritionists are very helpful with making a tailored diet plan for your needs, but don't always address the issues in our head, since that's not in their job description. See if you can get your insurance to cover sessions in therapy or counseling, if nothing else, just to have someone to vent to that is obligated to not judge you . If insurance pushes back, check with local therapists that offer "coaching" sessions at a lower rate. I had to do that until my insurance rolled over at the first of the year.

I'm only 10 weeks post op, but I'm dealing with constant head hunger and cravings. I'm learning now that I used the act of eating, and not the feeling of fullness, as a way to deflect stress. At least now, if I overdo it, my stomach will rebel, which is its own problem, because I don't want to put stress on the staples. My therapist is helping me practice ways to listen to my stomach, and not listen to my mouth, if that makes any sense. When those two are fighting, the stress and feelings of being a failure appear to me. I have to remind myself that despite hitting a stall and dealing with the cravings, I'm already much healthier for having decided to have surgery!