I'M TERRIFIED AND NEED GUIDANCE

[Vanessa Correal 11]

HI!!! First, i wish you all a happy new year

I had my first appointment with my surgeon a few days ago, i have some blood tests coming up in 2 weeks. So my surgery should be in 3 months. I'm 26 years old, height 5'9 and weight 260 lbs. My surgeon said i should be getting the sleeve. Okay, that being said...... I'm terrified.

I'm scared about the Hair loss because my hair is part of my identity and my self-love..... I can't stop thinking about it. Second, I'm scared of losing too much weight? I don't know if i'm over-reating.... but I've always been overweight so I don't know how I would react to my new body. People around me have always said that my weight looks good on me... Third, I'm wondering if I had tried enough before getting it ? I don't know if I should try to exercise and diet again one last time before getting it since I have to change my lifestyle anyway if I do this surgery.? I never really tried any diet and exercise program consistently in my life. Everytime I tried to do something, i would give up shortly after starting it.

I'm a nurse and a university student, so my life is kind of crazy. My sleep schedule is crazy, my work schedule is crazy...

Honestly, i'm just writing down all my thoughts because I feel like no one around me can understand what i'm going through.... and I'm looking for some advice or some guidance... Only my parents & brother know...

[catwoman7 11,284]

1). there are a lot more people who don't reach goal than there are who lose too much weight. Plus if you feel like you're losing too much weight, you can always increase your calories to put the brakes on it - or to start gaining. So I wouldn't worry about this one AT ALL.

2). fewer than 5% of people are able to lose weight and keep it off. You may be one of the lucky ones who can do that - and if so, and you're afraid of the surgery, it's not too late to pull out and try it on your own. I wasn't one of the lucky ones. I spent my first 55 years as overweight or obese. I gained and lost weight a million times and could never keep it off until I had weight loss surgery.

3). Hair loss, if you experience it (and not everyone does), is temporary. I lost hair during months 5-8 post-surgery (so...for three months). It wasn't much, though. I could tell because there were more hairs in my combs and brushes, but I really didn't notice it at all when looking in the mirror, so I'm sure no one else noticed it. Plus hair loss after surgery is more like shedding - not huge clumps of loss like one might have after chemo. For a lot of people, they're the only ones who notice it. It's usually more loss of volume than noticeable "bald spots" - and it does grow back.

to me, the risk of losing some hair temporarily vs. being morbidly obese for the rest of my life was a no-brainer. But you may think and decide differently for yourself - and there's nothing wrong with that. If you're not mentally ready for this yet, or want to try on your own to lose weight, then there's nothing wrong with canceling or postponing your surgery. You wouldn't be the first..or last.

[summerseeker 2,407]

You sound as if you have a great deal going on in your life. You need to take a moment out of your busy life to just breathe. Three months is still a long time to decide which way you want to go, either with surgery or not. You can cancel right up to the minute you walk into the hospital. A few have. This may not be your time.

So lets take the things that you are most worried about, Your hair. You will not go bald. You probably will loose some of your thickness. You are young, you have masses of hair. When you are as old as I am you would have already have lost lots of hair due to menopause, so I started off with a deficit. It did get a little scary and I needed to get my hair cut really short but I do love the freedom that it gives me. I felt it was worth it. This surgery was my last chance at a normal life.

You will not loose too much weight, you will stop a right place for you. You need to up your calories until you get to a balance. I am ok on 1500 calories a day. I have a slow life, I dont work anymore. I go out with friends, I eat and drink as before. The only thing I do not do is overeat. I don't miss doing that, my friends might do. Especially if they liked to overeat with me.

How do you see yourself ? Not how others see you. They may want a fat friend to bolster their own negative ego's. Do you put weight on every year and keep it on ? We all did. We did diets after diets and put it all back on again with added weight. Lots of us ended up with weight related illnesses like diabetes and blood pressure. If you think you can loose weight yourself and keep it off then you need to try. Give yourself 6 to 12 months to do it. Bariatric surgery is not an easy option but if you stick with it, it is a solution. If you do not follow the guide lines then like a diet, it will fail.

You should go back and chat with your surgeon. You need to be totally happy with your decision. Give yourself the time you need.

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,682]

First, I'm wondering, why are you having the surgery? It doesn't sound like you're unhappy with how you look, you didn't mention if you have any comorbidities like joint pain, decreased mobility, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc, and you don't have stats (bmi) that would cause a lot of concern.

Second, I've only seen 2 or 3 people on this entire site that have trouble with losing too much weight. Increase your calorie intake, maybe cut the workouts to half, and that shouldn't be an issue. But it's exceedingly rare.

Third, you will likely have some regain. It's just par for the course. Not everyone does, but most people do to an extent. If you stick to the plan and move your body, it should be minimal, but it's unfortunately a reality.

Lastly, you will shed hair. A lot of it. Most people do. There are a lucky few that don't, but it's a reality the majority of us can't escape. It happened with my first surgery and with my revision. I used volumizing and thickening shampoos and conditioners, cut my hair shorter (it was down to my butt when I had my surgery and I cut it to just touching my shoulders), and styled it a bit differently. And it was fine. Not one person could tell (except me) and once the shedding stopped, it started to regrow fairly quickly. It didn't come out in clumps, it was basically excessive shedding that I mostly saw when I was washing my hair in the shower. It's not like I was losing hair throughout the day and it was all over my clothes or anything.

[NickelChip 1,358]

I am turning 50 in a few months, and I've struggled with my weight most of my life. At 26, my BMI was probably around 30, but I didn't have the health issues so it was just a nuisance to me. I tried dieting and healthy eating for years, but my weight increased steadily in typical yo-yo fashion. Post-pregnancies, I spent my late 30s and early 40s in the 35-39 BMI range and started getting co-morbidities. By the time my BMI hit 40 this past year, I was aching in my feet and joints, had high blood pressure and cholesterol, and was prediabetic. So it's not about weight or appearance at this point but getting control of my health now, while my body can still bounce back and hopefully age more gracefully. I feel like I'm at that tipping point where if I don't act, the next decade will not end well and I will not have a good time of my senior years.

This is despite all my best intentions and 7 years of actively going to a weight management doctor. All of that is to say that trying hard and knowing the right things to do rarely leads to success if you are prone to obesity. It's a disease, not a moral failing, no matter what people tell you. Unlike dieting, weight loss surgery provides lasting metabolic changes, as close to a cure as you can get. And you still will have to make all the lifestyle changes you would need to do anyway to lose weight, but they will actually work (instead of spending the next 24 years getting bigger and less healthy like I did).

I have posted frequently about what a huge fan I am of Dr. Matthew Weiner's books, YouTube videos, and new podcast. Honestly, his books were life changing for me in terms of my perspective. I highly recommend starting there. He has 3 books, one is called Pound of Cure and gives great, scientifically sound information on what a healthy, set-point lowering way of eating looks like and how to get there. The second is a book that explains exactly how gastric bypass and sleeve surgeries change your metabolism and why they work (it's not just a smaller stomach and eating less!). The third is a cookbook with bariatric friendly recipes and serving sizes for different stages. These books are super fast reads. You can probably get through all three in a week (minus making all the recipes, of course!).

With three months to go, my suggestion is get these books and start implementing the diet changes in a deliberate way. Start exercising in a sustainable way, working up to it little by little. See how you feel. Don't do crash diets. Don't start anything, whether food or exercise, you don't think you can basically do 90% of the time for the rest of your life, because there's no such thing as doing it for long enough to lose weight and then getting to "go back to normal." This has to become your new normal, with or without surgery.

In three months, if you really aren't sure about the surgery, don't do it. It'll always be there. But know that it's an additional tool that will make the hard work you have to do either way in order to keep your health for the rest of your life more likely to stick. Without it, there's a very high (but not impossible) chance you will not be able to keep your weight in a healthy range.

[Vanessa Correal 11]

4 hours ago, SleeveToBypass2023 said:

First, I'm wondering, why are you having the surgery? It doesn't sound like you're unhappy with how you look, you didn't mention if you have any comorbidities like joint pain, decreased mobility, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc, and you don't have stats (bmi) that would cause a lot of concern.

Second, I've only seen 2 or 3 people on this entire site that have trouble with losing too much weight. Increase your calorie intake, maybe cut the workouts to half, and that shouldn't be an issue. But it's exceedingly rare.

Third, you will likely have some regain. It's just par for the course. Not everyone does, but most people do to an extent. If you stick to the plan and move your body, it should be minimal, but it's unfortunately a reality.

Lastly, you will shed hair. A lot of it. Most people do. There are a lucky few that don't, but it's a reality the majority of us can't escape. It happened with my first surgery and with my revision. I used volumizing and thickening shampoos and conditioners, cut my hair shorter (it was down to my butt when I had my surgery and I cut it to just touching my shoulders), and styled it a bit differently. And it was fine. Not one person could tell (except me) and once the shedding stopped, it started to regrow fairly quickly. It didn't come out in clumps, it was basically excessive shedding that I mostly saw when I was washing my hair in the shower. It's not like I was losing hair throughout the day and it was all over my clothes or anything.

Hellow, thank you for your answer. I'm not unhappy with myself; let's say my self-love is at 75%, sometimes I feel a little down but I have never hated my body or my looks. The lowest my weight has been is 200 pounds and I looked like I was weighing 180 at the time (it was 7-8 years ago). I'm lucky enough to say I dont have any health problems at all, and I dont have difficulties moving around. I can run easily at work for any code happening.

I think i'm going the surgery firstly for my health. I know it is a good option. I'm just confused about if it the best for me. I'm also doing it because I know I will be gaining weight throughout the years of life. I'm young and I might not feel it now, but with time, I will have more and more health problems.

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,682]

4 minutes ago, Vanessa Correal said:

Hellow, thank you for your answer. I'm not unhappy with myself; let's say my self-love is at 75%, sometimes I feel a little down but I have never hated my body or my looks. The lowest my weight has been is 200 pounds and I looked like I was weighing 180 at the time (it was 7-8 years ago). I'm lucky enough to say I dont have any health problems at all, and I dont have difficulties moving around. I can run easily at work for any code happening.

I think i'm going the surgery firstly for my health. I know it is a good option. I'm just confused about if it the best for me. I'm also doing it because I know I will be gaining weight throughout the years of life. I'm young and I might not feel it now, but with time, I will have more and more health problems.

If you like how you look, feel good, have good mobility, and have no health issues then there's no reason to get this kind of surgery. Doing it because you know you'll gain weight i the future isn't the right reason to do it. Maybe see a nutritionist about getting on a healthy eating plan, and move your body more. Walk, workout, go hiking, swim, do things that move your body. That will help. Pay attention to what you're eating and drinking. Consume 1800 - 2000 calories per day, prioritize Protein first, then veggies, then carbs. Reduce sugar and salt. Limit alcoholic drinks. These are all things that will help you to be healthier, drop a little weight, and ensure health as the years go on. Surgery is a last resort for those who have serious weight and health issues and have failed at everything else.

[Bypass2Freedom 1,037]

14 hours ago, Vanessa Correal said:

Hellow, thank you for your answer. I'm not unhappy with myself; let's say my self-love is at 75%, sometimes I feel a little down but I have never hated my body or my looks. The lowest my weight has been is 200 pounds and I looked like I was weighing 180 at the time (it was 7-8 years ago). I'm lucky enough to say I dont have any health problems at all, and I dont have difficulties moving around. I can run easily at work for any code happening.

I think i'm going the surgery firstly for my health. I know it is a good option. I'm just confused about if it the best for me. I'm also doing it because I know I will be gaining weight throughout the years of life. I'm young and I might not feel it now, but with time, I will have more and more health problems.

Hello

Just on this here - surgery is a very personal decision for each person, and my reasons for surgery may not match yours, and that is okay! Surgery would not be recommended or even proceeded with by a surgeon unless it were something that would benefit your health, regardless as to whether or not you're happy with yourself (and it is amazing that you are, we should all love ourselves regardless of our weight!).

I'd say that you are better off talking to your GP/surgeon again, be open and honest about your concerns and get some professional advice.

Surgery is a big step and it is a life-changing decision, so you need to be sure that it is what you want to do.

I am due to have my surgery in May this year, and it is something I used to be so against 2 years ago! But, I know that this is what I need to do for my health and my wellbeing.

[AmberFL 1,095]

Girl! I could've written this myself!!!! My life is insane, I work full time, am in school full time, and have 3 children.

I am 266lbs and 5'9 now. When I started my journey I was 297 and my highest weight was 325 at one point in my life. I have always been told the same, that I look good, I don't need to lose the weight or I can do it myself. I do not have any health issues but you know who does? My mom, brother who is only 27, my grandma. All high blood pressure, diabetes, unable to have the surgeries they need because they need to lose weight. I refuse to allow myself get to that point. I have been doing Weight Watchers on and off since I was 12yrs old, I have gotten down to 210 and I looked and felt amazing.

All of your fears are the ones I fear as well, but the outcome? being a HEALTHIER me for myself, children and husband. We deserve the best version of me! I have thought about how I will most likely get treated differently being thinner, I even confessed to my psych that I know being smaller will help me find a job easier once I graduate. He actually agreed. Its so unfortunate in our society but life is just easier for those who are thinner. I hate saying that out loud but its true.

So choose your hard- WLS and losing the weight once and for all? OR stay on the path of yo yo dieting, and just hope you don't get those health issues?

I chose my hard- WLS and lose my weight so I can be healthier and active for me and my family!

I am having surgery on Jan 24th! Day after my birthday!

[ms.sss 15,837]

k...im gonna go out on a limb here and assert that the decision to have surgery is yours and yours alone.

if you want to have surgery for health reasons, cool, go for it. if u want to have it for vanity reasons, cool go for it. if you want to have it for job opportunities, cool go for it,

surgery is not reserved for those that "deserve it", nor only to those that "really need it". if you have the means and desire and the mental stability, then by all means, have it done.

its your body, you decide what you get to do with it. dont let anyone guilt or shame you one way or the other.

with that said, you sound/read like you still have some thinking to do about which way to go? nothing wrong with that. it took me an extra year and 2 back-outs from scheduled surgery dates for me to eventually decide to get mine done.

you are ready when you're ready (or maybe you may decide its not for u at all). there doesn't seem to be any extenuating circumstances that requires an immediate decision in your post. take ur time, there is no rush.

good luck! ❤️

[ms.sss 15,837]

dupe

Edited January 9, 2024 by ms.sss

[Arabesque 7,605]

I echo it is your decision & your reasons are your own too. But if you go into it, still questioning your decision & aren’t completely ready to make the changes you have to make, it is highly likely the surgery won’t be successful for you in the long term.

I hazard to say that 80% of our weight loss & then 99% of our maintenance is all down to our commitment & willingness to do the head work & make the permanent changes to our eating & relationship with food. The truth,& it’s a hard truth, is some people do regain a significant amount of weight again if you’re not 100% in, you’ll more likely experience this.

I didn’t have any comorbidities but I knew they were in my future. I was almost 54 & menopause had done a number on me & my weight. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to be the size I was emotionally, psychologically, physically & yes aesthetically too. I woke up day & said enough. Made an appointment with my doctor that day & about 5 weeks later I was being wheeled into surgery. Best decision. Haven’t looked back. Happily maintaining at 4.6yrs.

But you have time to make your decision & you can only do what’s best for you at this time. Maybe ask your surgeon for a referral to a therapist & talk through your thoughts & feelings with them. And if you decide no now, it doesn’t mean you can’t do it in the future, All the best what ever you decide to do.

PS - The Hair loss is nothing in the big picture. Yes, it can be frustrating & depressing but it only lasts for about 3 months +/- . The hair your’re shedding is hair you would have lost anyway. It’s just your natural hair loss cycle is accelerated for a while. Your new hair is still growing as usual at its normal rate. It’s the stress of the surgery, dietary changes, hormonal flushes, anaesthetic. So don’t stress yourself more by overly worrying about the loss - you may make it worse. Many experience hair loss after pregnancy and other surgeries too. I lost a lot with a stressful time at work. So it could happen with many things. The only person who noticed my hair was a little thinner was me & my hairdresser. A year later it was pretty much back to how it was.

[Vanessa Correal 11]

On 1/8/2024 at 10:52 AM, AmberFL said:

Girl! I could've written this myself!!!! My life is insane, I work full time, am in school full time, and have 3 children.

I am 266lbs and 5'9 now. When I started my journey I was 297 and my highest weight was 325 at one point in my life. I have always been told the same, that I look good, I don't need to lose the weight or I can do it myself. I do not have any health issues but you know who does? My mom, brother who is only 27, my grandma. All high blood pressure, diabetes, unable to have the surgeries they need because they need to lose weight. I refuse to allow myself get to that point. I have been doing Weight Watchers on and off since I was 12yrs old, I have gotten down to 210 and I looked and felt amazing.

All of your fears are the ones I fear as well, but the outcome? being a HEALTHIER me for myself, children and husband. We deserve the best version of me! I have thought about how I will most likely get treated differently being thinner, I even confessed to my psych that I know being smaller will help me find a job easier once I graduate. He actually agreed. Its so unfortunate in our society but life is just easier for those who are thinner. I hate saying that out loud but its true.

So choose your hard- WLS and losing the weight once and for all? OR stay on the path of yo yo dieting, and just hope you don't get those health issues?

I chose my hard- WLS and lose my weight so I can be healthier and active for me and my family!

I am having surgery on Jan 24th! Day after my birthday!

Youre the main reason of my post, i was looking for people who have similar thoughts to mine and I wanted to know if I was overreacting since i'm sooooo anxious about everything. Reading you made my choice of the surgery a little easier and it helped me to believe that maybe it is actually what I need. The way I see it is that if I decide to change my lifestyle without the surgery, I'll have to make sacrifices but with the risks of falling back in my old habits. On the other hand, the surgery is my way to force myself to change my lifestyle because I know that my journey will make me not wanna go back to the past. Sometimes I need to put myself in situations to make me do things.. I don't know if that makes sense. But either way, i'll have to change my habits so I just have to decide if i want to do it with the surgery and have kind of a purpose of not making it worthless or without the surgery... Thank you so much for sharing your story..

[AmberFL 1,095]

19 minutes ago, Vanessa Correal said:

Youre the main reason of my post, i was looking for people who have similar thoughts to mine and I wanted to know if I was overreacting since i'm sooooo anxious about everything. Reading you made my choice of the surgery a little easier and it helped me to believe that maybe it is actually what I need. The way I see it is that if I decide to change my lifestyle without the surgery, I'll have to make sacrifices but with the risks of falling back in my old habits. On the other hand, the surgery is my way to force myself to change my lifestyle because I know that my journey will make me not wanna go back to the past. Sometimes I need to put myself in situations to make me do things.. I don't know if that makes sense. But either way, i'll have to change my habits so I just have to decide if i want to do it with the surgery and have kind of a purpose of not making it worthless or without the surgery... Thank you so much for sharing your story..

Absolutely!! my inbox is always open! Surgery is scary, I am nervous and I overthink EVERYTHING in my life. Changing the habits is so hard- don't listen to people who say you don't need it or your doing it for the wrong reasons. You know your reasons and you stick to those! ❤️

[Vanessa Correal 11]

On 1/8/2024 at 10:57 PM, Arabesque said:

I echo it is your decision & your reasons are your own too. But if you go into it, still questioning your decision & aren’t completely ready to make the changes you have to make, it is highly likely the surgery won’t be successful for you in the long term.

I hazard to say that 80% of our weight loss & then 99% of our maintenance is all down to our commitment & willingness to do the head work & make the permanent changes to our eating & relationship with food. The truth,& it’s a hard truth, is some people do regain a significant amount of weight again if you’re not 100% in, you’ll more likely experience this.

I didn’t have any comorbidities but I knew they were in my future. I was almost 54 & menopause had done a number on me & my weight. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to be the size I was emotionally, psychologically, physically & yes aesthetically too. I woke up day & said enough. Made an appointment with my doctor that day & about 5 weeks later I was being wheeled into surgery. Best decision. Haven’t looked back. Happily maintaining at 4.6yrs.

But you have time to make your decision & you can only do what’s best for you at this time. Maybe ask your surgeon for a referral to a therapist & talk through your thoughts & feelings with them. And if you decide no now, it doesn’t mean you can’t do it in the future, All the best what ever you decide to do.

PS - The Hair loss is nothing in the big picture. Yes, it can be frustrating & depressing but it only lasts for about 3 months +/- . The hair your’re shedding is hair you would have lost anyway. It’s just your natural Hair loss cycle is accelerated for a while. Your new hair is still growing as usual at its normal rate. It’s the stress of the surgery, dietary changes, hormonal flushes, anaesthetic. So don’t stress yourself more by overly worrying about the loss - you may make it worse. Many experience hair loss after pregnancy and other surgeries too. I lost a lot with a stressful time at work. So it could happen with many things. The only person who noticed my hair was a little thinner was me & my hairdresser. A year later it was pretty much back to how it was.

Thank you so much for your guidance and for sharing your story... I think that either way, I'll have to change my habits with or without de surgery. But I really do think that the surgery will be one of my reasons to keep going because I don't want to go through all this journey for nothing... I'll think about it, it's just a big decision, most likely the biggest one I've made so far in my life.. So I don't know why but I put a lot of pressure on myself..