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Dealing with Sabotage



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Thanks everyone for all your understanding and input, it makes me feel a little less crazy.
My Husband has been throwing out any junk food she leaves on the kitchen counter like whole cakes, donuts, Cookies and chips and she's started annoying him by picking all the meat out of dishes and eating it leaving just Pasta etc. So he's started saying once shes gone, he wont talk to her anymore as he's done, it would be nice for action though.
We've also had a few chats with her, she just acts clueless, denies everything, hums random songs over us talking, acts like she's got dementia or says she must (she jokes about it) or laughs it off. Her daughter has been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and thinks her mum has it to but there's no way she'd get help, she enjoys messing with lives, hence why her daughter cut all ties with her.
I think I'll do what many of you have suggested and buy a small fridge with a lock. My husband and I are renting this place but we're looking at buying and he's said once we move, she can stay in this rental by herself and pay her own bills or find elsewhere as she's not moving with us. Hopefully this is sooner rather than later. Thanks again everyone for all your support.

That was my first thought too. Lock your food down so she doesn't get into it. Also, you and your husband lay down those firm boundaries, and hold firm. Let her freak out, and just ignore her when she acts up. Treat her like a 3 year old having a temper tantrum.

I get it about not throwing her out. I have helped many in a situation who needed a place, especially relatives. It gets annoying fast. She is over the top so that's why locking your food down and other drastic measures are needed so you can stay on track. Good luck. We're rooting for you.

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That is just awful. She sounds horrid. I hope you get away from her as soon as possible. I would also start documenting everything she does and says with date and time and take pics too (all the things about leaving stuff out, throwing things away, etc.) - she's trying to gaslight you. The documentation could help should you ever have to commit her.

Put key locks on all cabinets (leave her one) and fridge. And definitely put one on your bedroom/bathroom.

It's your house. She may have 'nowhere' to go, but you absolutely do not have to be near her or engage with her.

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On 11/17/2022 at 3:14 PM, Jeanniebug said:

Wow... Just, wow... I agree with others about locking the fridge and cabinets - and throwing away all the junk she brings into the home.

Ask her if she wants to go into a lockdown dementia facility. Because the way she's acting, that's where she belongs. You might want to have an intake nurse come evaluate her, just to prove the point that you mean business. If she doesn't straighten up and fly right, she's being sent to a home. Clearly she's incapable of feeding herself proper food and she's losing her memory - proven by her eating your special food and saying she didn't.

^ All of this. If she wants to f*ck around, let her find out.

Toxic manipulators really don't deserve any chances, especially when they are clearly in the process of gleefully causing damage.

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Omg and I think I have it hard just dealing with temptation when I go out with friends and family. I can’t imagine dealing with this in my own house everyday. Do NOT let her win. Every pound you lose In spite or her trying to sabotage you is a little victory over her. And every argument you and your husband do not have is another one. She clearly thrives on causing drama and if you refuse to give it to her she probably still won’t change but it will steel all her thunder at least. I have a family member who is mentally ill and refuses to get help and she likes to create drama too. I had to practically cut her out of my life and keep her at a distance because I struggle with my own mental health issues that I do try to get help with but, if you are strong enough you can have her around and let her THiNK she doesn’t phase you. She surely will get to you at least from time to time but try to hide it if you and your husband do argue agree to do it outside of the house where she can’t see it and she will try even harder for a short while to create issues but ideally it will lose its novelty if she see that you are losing weight as you want to and your husband and you are a united front. No matter what do not let her sabotage this for you. You deserve this.

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