Eating out with strangers

[2Bsmaller18 435]

I am close to the 3 year mark post bypass. At times I am able to eat 1.5-2 cups of soft food like a smoothie or Soup in 15-20 minutes. However a typical meal of 2 oz meat and half cup of veggies so 1 cup of solid food is all I can eat. I can eat either 2 eggs or 1 egg and 1 piece of toast or a pouch of high Protein oatmeal.

Only my spouse knows about surgery and others have made comments about not eating much but I say I just had a meal or snack etc and I guess it looks ok.

I am planning on attending meals with unknown coworkers. It will probably be lunches and dinners for multiple days in a row.

So what tips do you have so I can explain why I eat so little? I don't want people to think I have an eating disorder. Do you have tips like moving the food around to make it look like you ate more? If you order a meal at a restaurant the portions are huge and it looks like I took 2 bites (when I may have only taken 8 anyway).

How do I handle it?

Edited December 29, 2021 by 2Bsmaller18
left out word

[ChubRub 1,695]

My guess is that nobody will really notice what you eat or don't eat. I think we tend to be more self-conscious about it, thinking people are watching or judging us, when they are just focused on their own meal. I had lunch with a friend today, and I have no idea whether or not she finished her meal. I had an ahi tuna appetizer, ate all the tuna, and left the greens and slaw on the plate. No biggie if I hadn't been able to finish the tuna.

In the beginning, I would order salads, b/c it's easy to eat the Protein, leave a bunch of lettuce behind, and if anyone noticed, I would just joke that they gave me way too much lettuce. Nobody ever noticed though! So now, I just get what I want, and don't worry about it! Good luck, and please report back on how you made out!

[Arabesque 5,647]

The thing is you’re actually eating what is a recommended portion size now. Those massive meals that are served at some eating places are two, three or more times what you should eat in a serving. A steak should only be a maximum of 4ozs not those half a cow size steaks that hang off your plate.

Look to the appetisers, Soups or salads & as @ChubRub said most likely won’t notice. Someone my want to share a meal or ask if venue will do a half serve. (I’ve had cafes scramble a single egg without an issue.) If someone does comment (pretty rude if they do) simply say I’ve had plenty thank you. Or I’m not a big eater (remember hearing people say that in the past & not understanding how could they eat so ‘little’ - we’re through the looking glass Alice).

It used to be the polite thing to do to leave a little of your meal on your plate. It let the chef know the food was tasty & the serve was enough to eat.

[catwoman7 10,333]

I'll usually order an appetizer or else order a (safe) entree and eat half of it - and have them box up the rest to take home. Honestly, that's what a lot of my never-been-obese women friends do, too, so no one ever says anything. On the rare occasion that someone does, I just say I'm not very hungry.

it's pretty obvious the first couple of months after surgery that something is "up", but at three years out (or even one year out), it's just not obvious. People will just assume you're a light eater - if they even notice at all.

[Guest]

In addition to the above:

WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK?

If anything, they're wishing they made the same healthy choices they see you make. If they think about it at all. Which they probably won't. It's your life, your choices. If you start making excuses for your eating (which is healthy and normal), they might start wondering. So don't.

I'd go for the veggie options, but my configuration is obviously different than yours. For me, it's heavy fats / heavy sugar that stops my eating, not quantity per se.

[GradyCat 3,690]

I don't generally care what people say but if they say, "You didn't eat much" or something, I'll make a joke out of it and say, "Well, I don't eat much, but I eat often!" 😀

[SleeverSk 604]

Who cares what they think and really its a bit rude if they do comment on the amount you eat I mean we don't say to normal/big eaters "oh gee you eat a lot" do we ? if they do comment just say you have a small tummy and you dont over eat to stretch it like they have done with theirs lol. 🤣.

[ms.sss 14,189]

I’m at the 3 year mark as well (just a little over).

I order whatever I feel for (always more that I can actually eat every time, btw) and eat whatever I feel like I can eat. Those that knew me before the weight loss long ago stopped commenting on my eating habits (it’s old news now). People that don’t know me very well, or not at all (of whom are rare meal companions, especially since COVID) have yet to comment, so I don’t really have a go-to response. But I suppose if they did, I’d likely respond with something along the lines of “I’m good, thanks”.

[Pete-TheTimeIsNow 48]

If they say anything.. you should just say: "You are eating ALL OF THAT?! Wow, good for you! that lot's of unhealthy calories!"

[Stella S 610]

I agree most do not notice. But all said shrug and say eating out for all these days does not agree with me so I n staying ahead of stomach ache. I time in conferences and only a few people have ever commented.

[Tomo 1,059]

The original post is thought-provoking to me. I was brought up that it was impolite to not accept or taste something if someone offered food to me, to eat something if we were all out to dinner at a party or event, to feel guilty for not finishing my food... Etc. As an overweight adult, I remember many times I sat across co-workers who were thin who would order for example, a rack of ribs and eat one or two and then say throw it away or pack it up, they didn't want it anymore. Many times, a thin friend would say let's go out to eat and then not even order anything but a cup of coffee lol. It was baffling since my world literally revolved around food.

It isn't so much I care about what others think but am aware at how ingrained these teachings are in my mind due to family and upbringing. Up to now, I am still working with these issues. For example, my husband loves to cook, he will cook something, and it has taken me a long time in life to get to the simple statement of "Thanks, but I am not hungry but save me some for later". A statement so simple that most people would reply sure and not take it as a rejection and not give it any thought.

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[Amidoingit 6]

Thanks for all the well thought out responses! I will use this going forward [emoji2]

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