sabotaging visitor

[SoulGardener 100]

I was sleeved in March and have lost 60. But now I have someone staying with me, my ex. He has become homeless in the last 6 months. He bought a bunch of junkfood even though I told him no (two kinds of Cookies, cheese-covered popcorn, ice cream, high cal fruit bars, chocolate cake) then he ended up in the hospital. I broke down two days out of a week and my old eating disorder kicked in, causing me to gain 5 pounds! Now he is calling saying don’t eat my food! I told him already he could not bring that into my house.

He will get out in two days. I will be taking him elsewhere because even though he is contributing financially he is wrecking my weight loss. Btw, he is also smoking cigarettes.
Guess I am looking for support in my decision to not let him live here any more. It is sad he may be homeless but he apparently cares nothing about my health. I know I will not be able to continue my program with him around.

[SoulGardener 100]

PS. I haven’t thrown his food out but am about to.

[Smanky 743]

He not only doesn't care about your health, but he also has zero respect for your home and your boundaries. If that's how he treats you when you offer help, he's done this to himself. Not bring home junk food and not smoking in exchange for a roof is hardly a big ask. He made his choice.

[Danpaul 42]

Six months post WLS and you've been put in a position to fail. Not by your doing but by an inconsiderate person. You have only ONE CHANCE to do it right. Only one. You need to give it your best shot and not have an inconsiderate person sabotage your path to better health. I once again bring up the comparison to being an alcoholic . Would you allow anyone to hinder your recovery from alcohol by letting them bring it into your home? NO, so why allow him to sabotage your recovery from poor health and obesity by allowing him to bring in junk food? The choice here is very simple, for you to succeed with weight loss and getting back to good health he cannot be a part of your every day lifestyle. Get rid of the food or pack it up and drop it off to the place he is going to but you need to get it out of your home.

Remember you are only six months out and you've already gained weight. I'm out four years and I will tell you it gets harder NOT easier to lose and maintain the weight loss. Your in the best position of your life to lose the weight. Don't let Mr. inconsiderate ruin it for you. Despite what you might hear, insurance companies will not pay for a do over. Make the best of this golden opportunity.

[catwoman7 10,846]

I would have given him the boot as well. He's being very inconsiderate. Not your problem that he'll be homeless.

[FutureSkyDiver 76]

I would have tossed his butt the moment he returned from the store with that sh!t--not because of what he chooses to eat, but my house, my rules. If I ask you not to do something in my house, you better not do it, or you'll be out of my house. Plain and simple. Toss him and the food and don't feel bad about either for one second.

[Sleeve_Me_Alone 654]

Throw it all out (including him!), and move on with your life. Boundaries are important and if you allow them to be violated after clearly communicating them, then you need to take action. You know what you need for your health, and if he can't respect that he should not be welcome in your home. I would add, he's probably an ex for a reason. I know you want to help and I'm sure you hate to see him suffer, but that relationship was probably never healthy and it certainly isn't going to change now. You're doing the right thing!

[ShoppGirl 3,341]

Look at the title for your post. You said it yourself. One, he is a visitor, not someone in your care (he is your ex-not your responsibility) or someone you have taken in long term. Two he is sabotaging you. That’s not what someone does who is appreciative of you for giving him a place to live. It tells me he has a backup plan anyways. Provably one of where there are more rules that he will actually feel the need to follow.

[dal101 62]

Dude is just an ex, not family or anything. You are not obligated to help him. And even then, if anything compromises ur weight loss then cut it out of your life.

[JaysWife 22]

I know I'm late, but I just wanted to add... You are worth standing up for!!! You are worth your time and the time of others! Most of all you deserve respect! It's obvious that you have a big heart to allow them to be in your home when they are in need, that ALONE means they should be following your requests and then some! I hope you have kicked your ex completely to the curb and that you have been able to get back on track. It is so hard for a lot of us who have struggled with weight to not feel like we are deserving of good things, for me it is anyhow, but someone as kind as you deserves only the best things in life!!!!

[pintsizedmallrat 470]

Kick him out before he's been there long enough to have to be evicted. Even if you have to call his mommy to get him an uber and a plane ticket.

[SoulGardener 100]

I finally got him out but it was fraught with legal issues. He was transported by his father 150 miles away so he cannot bother me again. I have barely managed to keep my weight stable. But I am back on the WL path. Thanks everyone for your support and your truth.

HW 287. SW 277. CW 215

Edited November 13, 2021 by SoulGardener

[ShoppGirl 3,341]

Good for you. Keep it up.

[huskymama 149]

I’d tell him no more junk brought in or you’ll be homeless again! You have to take care of you not him! I am having surgery in December and trying to get my husband, our sons 19 and 17 to start making their own food. Today I made them a huge Breakfast and 3 hours later my husband wanted a huge dinner - I kinda lost my s*** and told them all they have to start taking care of themselves because I’m not cooking for 2 months. They all three just stood in the kitchen and stared at me. I seriously thought they were all going to cry. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do - you know! He needs to respect you - period.