Scared I will fail

[Jaelzion 1,123]

Thanks @catwoman7!

[STLoser 1,085]

Thank you for sharing. It is reassuring to know I can hide the loose skin. People criticize overweight people, then criticize their decision to do something about it! Then criticize their bodies afterwards. It is all so sad.

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Yeah, it makes me so mad that people criticize us for being overweight, then shame us for getting surgery! That's why I'm gonna wear any loose skin I have with pride until I decide to fix it or not. You can't win with some people!


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[STLoser 1,085]

I love seeing all of your pictures. You all look beautiful!

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[STLoser 1,085]

Oh. Cool. Somehow I got these pictures to post.. Now I took the first pic to see if I liked that color lip gloss on me lol. That's why I have no other makeup on. As you can see, I have some bags under my eyes (they run in my family), and they are more prominent since I lost weight. I can also see lines under my eyes that weren't there before, but overall, I don't think it's too bad considering I've lost almost 150 pounds. I don't know how it will look when I get to goal though..that's another 60 or so. It's hard to see my loose neck skin here, but it's there. The other 2 pics are from last month. I try to take a picture of my progress every month. With clothes on, it's not really obvious that I have loose skin on my thighs or stomach.   

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[Arabesque 6,452]

I was almost 54 when I had my surgery. Yes, I have some loose skin. And like @catwoman7, you can’t really see it when I’m dressed ... except for that wee pooch at my waist but I am slouching a little for effect in the pxt on the left below 😉. Like @STLoser I happily carry my loose skin: I worked hard to lose my weight & I continue to work at maintaining. The loose skin reminds me every day to stay my course.

When you first lose weight you could look drawn but I found my remaining fat seemed to resettle once in maintenance & I looked better. Increasing my calories & adding some whole/multi grain carbs to my diet helped. You won’t look as you did before. Then your features were likely distorted by the weight you carried. My face was a round blob. People said I looked younger because the fat filled out any wrinkles I had. When you lose weight you’ll see your cheekbones again, your neck will be thinner & look longer. You’ll have fewer chins. My eyelids aren’t as hooded & my face is oval with a strong jawline now. And people still say I look younger than my age.

If you need support to understand & battle your addiction, seek a therapist who has experience with bariatric patients. Many do seek help with success. Though you may find, that like @Jaelzion, your desire for sugar/sweet is muted after surgery & you can manage it without the support of therapy.

I made a conscious decision to avoid or restrict certain foods in my diet. They were my danger foods - not cravings but foods I enjoyed a lot & often that were calorie heavy. It was my choice to avoid them or restrict the frequency I eat them. Do I miss these foods - not really. Some people can eat their old favourites without issue but they do it in moderation. You’ll work out what works for you that’s sustainable.

Understanding what a recommended portion size is a big learning as is the difference between a portion & the size we get served. Most serving sizes are 2 & 3 times what we should be eating to maintain a healthy weight. I eat about the recommended portion size for most foods now or a little less. For example I can almost eat two eggs, about 100g of meat, a cup of vegetables, a small bunch of grapes, etc.

Some days will be harder than others. You’ll learn new things about yourself & your body. There’ll be days you’ll question your decision but the surgery is so worth it. If you’re willing & ready to make the changes to take full advantage of it, you’ll be successful & be able to enjoy your life to the fullest.

Good luck.

PS - You look fabulous @STLoser. Love the lip gloss colour too.

[aussiescot 26]

16 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

I agree with all the others. I wish I hadn't been so scared of the surgery and had it 10 or 20 years before I actually did. I felt like I was just existing rather than fully living for all those years. I would do this again in a heartbeat. In fact, I'd do it every year if I had to.

There are a lot of food restrictions early out, but after that first year, no. I can eat most of the same things I did before, I just eat a lot less of them now. And we're not talking a couple of tablespoons (although that's the case the first month or so after surgery) - now I eat like a lot of my never-been-obese women friends do. For example, when I go out, I'll have an appetizer - or I'll order an entree and take half of it home. Honestly, a lot of never-been-fat people eat that way, especially women. Watch some of them sometime.

you can always work with a therapist on your sugar addiction if you think that would help. A lot of WLS patients work with therapists on their food issues and have found it helpful.

finally, I lost over 200 lbs and had a TON of loose skin. However, it was very easy to hide in clothes. No one knew it was there except for me (well, and my husband and doctor, of course). I've since had it removed, but here is a picture of me BEFORE I had plastic surgery. See the loose skin? Trust me, it's there. Especially my gut. Like someone else said, I would take the loose skin any day over weighing 373 lbs again. ANY DAY!!

oh - and you're not too old at all for WLS. Lots of us have it in our 50s and 60s - and a few even in our 70s. I had it at 55. I'm probably 58 in this picture.

Wow! You look great! Reading your post has given me so much hope. I am 56 and have yo-yo dieted my whole adult life. My surgery is in 11 days and I too have been seriously doubting my ability to do this. I fear that my metabolism is too damaged for this to work. I think, what is the difference between this and the other VLCD diets I have tried lately that have done nothing to reduce my weight. If anything I have gained! Your post has definitely put me in a better headspace so thank you!

[aussiescot 26]

11 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

you look great!!!

I agree catwoman7 looks absolutely incredible. I am 56 and I'd LOVE to look as young as that!

[catwoman7 10,847]

19 minutes ago, aussiescot said:

I agree catwoman7 looks absolutely incredible. I am 56 and I'd LOVE to look as young as that!

you just made my day!!!

[aussiescot 26]

7 hours ago, Arabesque said:

I was almost 54 when I had my surgery. Yes, I have some loose skin. And like @catwoman7, you can’t really see it when I’m dressed ... except for that wee pooch at my waist but I am slouching a little for effect in the pxt on the left below 😉. Like @STLoser I happily carry my loose skin: I worked hard to lose my weight & I continue to work at maintaining. The loose skin reminds me every day to stay my course.

When you first lose weight you could look drawn but I found my remaining fat seemed to resettle once in maintenance & I looked better. Increasing my calories & adding some whole/multi grain carbs to my diet helped. You won’t look as you did before. Then your features were likely distorted by the weight you carried. My face was a round blob. People said I looked younger because the fat filled out any wrinkles I had. When you lose weight you’ll see your cheekbones again, your neck will be thinner & look longer. You’ll have fewer chins. My eyelids aren’t as hooded & my face is oval with a strong jawline now. And people still say I look younger than my age.

If you need support to understand & battle your addiction, seek a therapist who has experience with bariatric patients. Many do seek help with success. Though you may find, that like @Jaelzion, your desire for sugar/sweet is muted after surgery & you can manage it without the support of therapy.

I made a conscious decision to avoid or restrict certain foods in my diet. They were my danger foods - not cravings but foods I enjoyed a lot & often that were calorie heavy. It was my choice to avoid them or restrict the frequency I eat them. Do I miss these foods - not really. Some people can eat their old favourites without issue but they do it in moderation. You’ll work out what works for you that’s sustainable.

Understanding what a recommended portion size is a big learning as is the difference between a portion & the size we get served. Most serving sizes are 2 & 3 times what we should be eating to maintain a healthy weight. I eat about the recommended portion size for most foods now or a little less. For example I can almost eat two eggs, about 100g of meat, a cup of vegetables, a small bunch of grapes, etc.

Some days will be harder than others. You’ll learn new things about yourself & your body. There’ll be days you’ll question your decision but the surgery is so worth it. If you’re willing & ready to make the changes to take full advantage of it, you’ll be successful & be able to enjoy your life to the fullest.

Good luck.

PS - You look fabulous @STLoser. Love the lip gloss colour too.

You look absolutely amazing! So stylish too! I hope I am half as successful!

[LizzLosingIt 49]

When I was in 8th grade I had to start thinking about what high school classes I wanted to take. I was in band in middle school and the next logical step was marching band for high school. I was so nervous: could I actually memorize 18 minutes of music AND march around a field?? As a plus sized teen??? All while keeping up with my Advanced Placement classes? A thought came to me and it’s changed my life ever since: If 200+ other students (we had a large band) could do it, then why the hell couldn’t I too do it?? I’m smart, I’m capable, I can at least try. By senior year I was the band’s captain. That thinking has gotten me through my Masters degree and a great salaried job, because I realized “hell, I could do it too!”

listen, your fears are 100% valid. Most, if not all of us, have experienced the yo-yo dieting, the inability to stick to diets, the failing and trying and failing again. It’s not specific to you! and others’ success is not specific to THEM. I just got my surgery approved this morning and I’m nervous too, because it’s going to be HARD.

But I had to pick my hard. The diet is hard, surgery feels drastic and hard. Exercising SUCKS and is hard. The mourning period is super hard (going through it now, see my previous posts lol).

But you know what else is hard? Navigating life as a fat woman in America. Dating with confidence. Fitting into a booth. Dealing with medical anti-fat bias. Being compared to thinner friends colleagues or relatives. SHOPPING ugh. I have to pick what type of “hard” makes it all worth it. I could stay fat and that hard life won’t get easier. Or I could do this life-changing surgery and feel that “hard” get easier and easier as time goes on.

My stomach is quite large and my face looks fine and wrinkle free now but I’m also terrified of wrinkles and loose skin (I’m 34 and though I’m young to many, I’m not immune to aging especially now.) But it’s either deal with the skin or the fat for me. I choose skin.

best of luck to you!! Have courage. Don’t doom-scroll, looking for negative experiences (trust me, I’m a doom scroller and it delayed me for a few years, 50 lbs ago.) Instead read through all the great success stories on this forum. It’s what’s gotten me through! My surgery is July 9th.

[kellym1220 472]

@lizzlosingit...so true! Pick your hard! I will never forget my sister (who is also overweight) saying "Are you sure you want to do this? It will change your relationship to food FOREVER!" And I just looked at her and said "That's kind of the point!" Every weight loss plan needs to change your relationship with food, or it won't work long term!

[STLoser 1,085]

I was almost 54 when I had my surgery. Yes, I have some loose skin. And like [mention=257598]catwoman7[/mention], you can’t really see it when I’m dressed ... except for that wee pooch at my waist but I am slouching a little for effect in the pxt on the left below [emoji6]. Like [mention=385446]STLoser[/mention] I happily carry my loose skin: I worked hard to lose my weight & I continue to work at maintaining. The loose skin reminds me every day to stay my course.
When you first lose weight you could look drawn but I found my remaining fat seemed to resettle once in maintenance & I looked better. Increasing my calories & adding some whole/multi grain carbs to my diet helped. You won’t look as you did before. Then your features were likely distorted by the weight you carried. My face was a round blob. People said I looked younger because the fat filled out any wrinkles I had. When you lose weight you’ll see your cheekbones again, your neck will be thinner & look longer. You’ll have fewer chins. My eyelids aren’t as hooded & my face is oval with a strong jawline now. And people still say I look younger than my age.
If you need support to understand & battle your addiction, seek a therapist who has experience with bariatric patients. Many do seek help with success. Though you may find, that like [mention=360494]Jaelzion[/mention], your desire for sugar/sweet is muted after surgery & you can manage it without the support of therapy.
I made a conscious decision to avoid or restrict certain foods in my diet. They were my danger foods - not cravings but foods I enjoyed a lot & often that were calorie heavy. It was my choice to avoid them or restrict the frequency I eat them. Do I miss these foods - not really. Some people can eat their old favourites without issue but they do it in moderation. You’ll work out what works for you that’s sustainable.
Understanding what a recommended portion size is a big learning as is the difference between a portion & the size we get served. Most serving sizes are 2 & 3 times what we should be eating to maintain a healthy weight. I eat about the recommended portion size for most foods now or a little less. For example I can almost eat two eggs, about 100g of meat, a cup of vegetables, a small bunch of grapes, etc.
Some days will be harder than others. You’ll learn new things about yourself & your body. There’ll be days you’ll question your decision but the surgery is so worth it. If you’re willing & ready to make the changes to take full advantage of it, you’ll be successful & be able to enjoy your life to the fullest.
Good luck.

PS - You look fabulous [mention=385446]STLoser[/mention]. Love the lip gloss colour too.

Thanks Arabesque! You look fabulous too! Gorgeous!

Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

[Monique1123 28]

2 hours ago, LizzLosingIt said:

When I was in 8th grade I had to start thinking about what high school classes I wanted to take. I was in band in middle school and the next logical step was marching band for high school. I was so nervous: could I actually memorize 18 minutes of music AND march around a field?? As a plus sized teen??? All while keeping up with my Advanced Placement classes? A thought came to me and it’s changed my life ever since: If 200+ other students (we had a large band) could do it, then why the hell couldn’t I too do it?? I’m smart, I’m capable, I can at least try. By senior year I was the band’s captain. That thinking has gotten me through my Masters degree and a great salaried job, because I realized “hell, I could do it too!”

listen, your fears are 100% valid. Most, if not all of us, have experienced the yo-yo dieting, the inability to stick to diets, the failing and trying and failing again. It’s not specific to you! and others’ success is not specific to THEM. I just got my surgery approved this morning and I’m nervous too, because it’s going to be HARD.

But I had to pick my hard. The diet is hard, surgery feels drastic and hard. Exercising SUCKS and is hard. The mourning period is super hard (going through it now, see my previous posts lol).

But you know what else is hard? Navigating life as a fat woman in America. Dating with confidence. Fitting into a booth. Dealing with medical anti-fat bias. Being compared to thinner friends colleagues or relatives. SHOPPING ugh. I have to pick what type of “hard” makes it all worth it. I could stay fat and that hard life won’t get easier. Or I could do this life-changing surgery and feel that “hard” get easier and easier as time goes on.

My stomach is quite large and my face looks fine and wrinkle free now but I’m also terrified of wrinkles and loose skin (I’m 34 and though I’m young to many, I’m not immune to aging especially now.) But it’s either deal with the skin or the fat for me. I choose skin.

best of luck to you!! Have courage. Don’t doom-scroll, looking for negative experiences (trust me, I’m a doom scroller and it delayed me for a few years, 50 lbs ago.) Instead read through all the great success stories on this forum. It’s what’s gotten me through! My surgery is July 9th.

I love your post! You said exactly what I was trying to say but wayy better!!

Being on the plus size is extremely hard and there are certain things that skinnier people just cannot relate to. I'm so tired of not having enough clothes because not many places sell my size in the type of style I'm looking for. I've literally narrowed down my search to Target because they are always stocked in plus sizes! I always feel like the ugly duckling when it comes down to my friends because they're all skinny and gorgeous and get tons of attention when we're all out. I'm super nervous that my body will reject the surgery and that I'll fail but I'm also SUPER tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see! You're right, They're both hard... But I think that I'll choose the hard that will work towards me loving myself a little more every day! Congrats on your surgery, I can't wait to read about your experience and how it's going for you. Good luck!!

[Monique1123 28]

16 hours ago, Jaelzion said:

I can relate to most of your fears. I was 54 when I had my surgery. I also worried that the surgery would not work for me, that I'd fail, that it would end up just like every other attempt to lose weight. But my outcome was a happy surprise.

Regarding cravings, the surgery did not eliminate, but seriously dampened the intensity of my cravings. It's much easier to tell myself "no". Actually since I am in maintenance now, it's more like "not right now". Because I do indulge in a treat now and then, since I'm no longer actively trying to lose. I know the surgery doesn't have that effect on everyone, but it did for me.

Surgery also completely defanged my hunger. Yeah, I do get hungry if I go too long without eating, but it's not that raging, insatiable hunger I had before surgery. I'm just aware that I need to eat, but I can delay it if I have to. It's a really different experience.

When it comes to loose skin, I have a LOT. I'm scheduled for plastic surgery this summer to have a Tummy Tuck since that's where most of my extra skin is. Here's a recent picture of me - when clothed, the loose skin is not noticeable. But there's enough of it that I have to buy a whole size bigger to accommodate the stomach! Obviously, there's some stuff I don't wear, but any 56 year-old can say that, LOL.

Honestly, I do look a little older since losing all the weight (my neck especially) but I wouldn't go back to being 250 pounds for anything. Only you can decide if surgery is right for you, but hopefully, our experiences will help.

You look amazinggg!!!!

[sirprank 2]

yo im pre-op and im scared i will fail also