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Surgery Scheduled and Telling No One



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I’m so happy with my decision to not tell people. I just took a two week “vacation” from work, nobody knew what I was doing. I told a good friend who lives far away about 4 months post op, that’s it.

This is my life and I don’t owe anybody anything. I’m sure some people suspect, considering I’ve lost almost 130 lbs in less than a year. But I don’t need comments or judgement, or even support or encouragement. I just needed 85% of my stomach removed. :)

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6 minutes ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

I’m so happy with my decision to not tell people. I just took a two week “vacation” from work, nobody knew what I was doing. I told a good friend who lives far away about 4 months post op, that’s it.

This is my life and I don’t owe anybody anything. I’m sure some people suspect, considering I’ve lost almost 130 lbs in less than a year. But I don’t need comments or judgement, or even support or encouragement. I just needed 85% of my stomach removed. :)

Absolutely! Congratulations!!!!

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Posted (edited)

I totally agree !!!! and I am doing the same. But for my husband, daughter, and surgeon, no one knows. I usually tell no one anything because I come from a BIG, loving, judgemental with loving intentions family, and I didn't want to hear it. I had lap band and I lost 30 lbs. I had to work hard to keep it off as it was no easy ride for me. 10 to 15 miles of biking daily, yoga, weights everything. And then, due to some health issues and COVID, all of the exercising had to stop, and I literally gained 45 lbs on top of the already 15 lbs I had to lose. I looked like another person. and my family was polite but people were shocked and I could tell in their faces. I did this with no hesitation when I realized I could not control what was happening.

Today, 6 days post-op and I felt like a million dollars. the swelling in my belly has gone down significantly, I was able to walk everywhere with my husband in the beautiful Florida sunshine. I am so happy today. Still on liquids but I am okay. No pain, discomfort, just itchy incisions that I purchased Vitamin e for, and it stopped. Tomorrow I will weigh myself as it will officially be one week.

Edited by TSH1222
correct text

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Work it, this is your best life yet. There is nothing like being thin and being able to move freely, wear clothes and look great in everything. You will knock them right out of their seats !!!!!!😂

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Thank you so much everyone for your responses. The closer I get to surgery (May 10th), the happier I am that I didn't make the decision to tell anyone -- except for my mom as she is my emergency contact. And OMG, she is driving me nuts with the phone calls and texts.

Yes mom, I'm sure.

Yes mom, I'm still getting it done.

No mom, you stay home.

Yes mom, I know that I am not just going to wake up after surgery and be skinny!

Thank you Mom but No, I don't need your mother's sister-in-law's recipe for broth.

:)

This time next week I'll be 3 days post op. Crazy to finally say that!

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I can completely relate to this!! I just had surgery on Monday the 3rd (sleeve) and only told my boyfriend since we live together and obviously I need his help. I tried talking to my best friend about it and she came across judgmental saying why not just do it on my own and how I don't need it and basically implying its the easy way out - which it definitely isn't. The moment she started talking I knew right then and there that my "skinny" friends just wouldn't understand. So its my secret and my decision to keep it to myself. Its your journey to share with as many or as little people as you want.

I just found this group today and am excited to have others to relate to!! Thanks for sharing your experience.

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9 minutes ago, Shannon In MN said:

I can completely relate to this!! I just had surgery on Monday the 3rd (sleeve) and only told my boyfriend since we live together and obviously I need his help. I tried talking to my best friend about it and she came across judgmental saying why not just do it on my own and how I don't need it and basically implying its the easy way out - which it definitely isn't. The moment she started talking I knew right then and there that my "skinny" friends just wouldn't understand. So its my secret and my decision to keep it to myself. Its your journey to share with as many or as little people as you want.

I just found this group today and am excited to have others to relate to!! Thanks for sharing your experience.

I have lost weight on my own before in the past. It can be done but putting it back on is just too easy. But what I learned then is that my skinny friends wanted me to stay fat, because they wanted to be the skinny friend, and my fat friends wanted me to stay fat. You may have that issue too when your weight loss is more noticeable but yeah, I don't need to hear judgement before surgery! As long as your boyfriend was supportive and you are happy with YOUR decision, that's all that matters. Everyone else can suck it. :D

Congrats on your decision and hope you are recovering well!

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So true- I was joking with my husband last night that everyone wants a fat person to lose weight until they actually do it, then they’re angry because we upset the status quo. I’ve noticed that when I’d lost 75 lbs the comments were all generally positive, but as I am now 130+ down some of those same people are still commenting but the comments are clearing becoming more defensive and less cheerful. I know, it’s terrible that I can’t fill the place in your life of “fat person I can judge and compare myself favorably to”.

This is a main reason I’m keeping the surgery quiet, because trust me as people become more defensive of your weight loss they would love to have “ammunition” to judge and ridicule you in order to bolster their own ego.

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Thank you for this post. I am so happy finally someone has the guts to say what so many wishes were not true. People do become uncomfortable when you start losing weight for real. A little background. I had a lap band until serious complications caused me to have surgery during COVID. I put on 45 lbs on top of the already 15 I needed to lose. I went to graduation where I had family and friends shockingly stare at me. Now I am losing again and the 12 lbs since 4/26/21 have made a difference, you can see it. Not enough but something is something. I guess they were always used to seeing me so put together that the moment they saw me fall off the bandwagon they felt more comfortable. It was sad but I ignored it and went into surgery two days later. I cannot wait for them to see me in 3 months when, I hope, a little more has come off and after a year, when I hope to be where I want to be. I had one guy say to me, " well, you were always on the heavier side anyways." Can you imagine, what a ......

Only us here in this post understand the judgement of others.

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On 4/6/2021 at 8:21 AM, ShanIAmVA said:

Hi all! I am new to this board as a member although I have been reading for a few weeks. My VSG is scheduled for May 10th and I am excited, anxious, nervous, scared, excited, excited and excited!

I am going this alone. The only person I have told is my mother and that is because she is my emergency contact. I am not telling other family members, friends or coworkers. I will NEVER tell other family members (oh, the judgment) but I'll probably tell friends after the fact. I know my friends will be there at my side pre-op if I needed them to be but I just need to do this alone. Not sure why but I can't deal with having an audience or unsolicited advice.

Did anyone else decide not to tell anyone, except for a select few, before the procedure? Did you still keep it to yourself afterwards when the weight loss started to be noticeable?

A part of me feels guilty for not sharing beforehand but I know not sharing is what is best for me. :)

Shan.... as much as I want to tell you that all your friends will be at your side.... The ugly truth is, they won't. It is a great thing that you have not told anyone. Is your mom a good "secret keeper"? I hope so. I learned the hard way the first time around with the band. I only told select people I thought I could trust... turned out no one was. It got out and that when the unsolicited advice started and questions... and the judgmental looks....The, you took the easy way out snickers. I regretted telling anyone, that's for sure.
This time with the sleeve, only my husband knows...... 100000% better. Everyone knew I was doing crossfit to try to lose weight before my wedding, so I started laying the groundwork..... told everyone that i had a hernia (which was true Hiatel) and I needed to get it fixed. They also knew I was dieting for the wedding, so when the weight started to come off, no one gave it a second thought. After about 5ish months out when the weight loss was more noticeable, I got a few.... "how much weight you lost".... and "how are you losing"....... So I told them.. Not enough... hehe... and dieting. It's now been 1 year and about 8-9 months (8/28/19) and no one says anything.
I went from 173lbs to 120-125lbs.....

My advice............. DON'T TELL ANYONE EVER........... even after it's done.

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On 4/6/2021 at 9:47 AM, Whitetank&denim said:

ShanIamVA, I only told one person, a very close friend who lives in another state. Other than that, I told no one. I did tell a few people that I was having surgery, but was not specific. My sister kindly brought me to and from the hospital and stayed a few days with me, but she also did not know the specifics of my surgery. I am by nature a very private person, anyway, so it was not out of character to keep my surgery private. I realize everyone has a different journey, but you are not alone in your desire to keep your personal business to yourself. This forum has been invaluable, as well as some Youtube videos following the journeys of other VSG-ers.

For some reason, my loss has been very slow, not sure if it's my age, 60, and lower starting weight, but I haven't had a "shocking" transformation that requires explanation.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

I feel like you. I am 52 and I hope the weight will come off although I know I will have to work hard. It is definitely the age. I wish I would have done it 20 lbs earlier when the weight was just piling on and I knew steroids, perimenopause, etc... would hinder that weight loss. I purchased the Street Rider that can be left in place and is a great workout, google. I hope and pray that at the 2-week mark I can start and not hurt myself. It is very safe and if money is a concern they have a payment plan. Just an FYI. might help.

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1 minute ago, BayougirlMrsS said:

Shan.... as much as I want to tell you that all your friends will be at your side.... The ugly truth is, they won't. It is a great thing that you have not told anyone. Is your mom a good "secret keeper"? I hope so. I learned the hard way the first time around with the band. I only told select people I thought I could trust... turned out no one was. It got out and that when the unsolicited advice started and questions... and the judgmental looks....The, you took the easy way out snickers. I regretted telling anyone, that's for sure.
This time with the sleeve, only my husband knows...... 100000% better. Everyone knew I was doing crossfit to try to lose weight before my wedding, so I started laying the groundwork..... told everyone that i had a hernia (which was true Hiatel) and I needed to get it fixed. They also knew I was dieting for the wedding, so when the weight started to come off, no one gave it a second thought. After about 5ish months out when the weight loss was more noticeable, I got a few.... "how much weight you lost".... and "how are you losing"....... So I told them.. Not enough... hehe... and dieting. It's now been 1 year and about 8-9 months (8/28/19) and no one says anything.
I went from 173lbs to 120-125lbs.....

My advice............. DON'T TELL ANYONE EVER........... even after it's done.

Even though this wasn't directed at me- I still apperciate your input!! I told no one (except my boyfriend) and am glad I made that decision- im only 3 days post op but feel like certain friends would judge me and I don't have time for that bs.

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3 minutes ago, Shannon In MN said:

Even though this wasn't directed at me- I still apperciate your input!! I told no one (except my boyfriend) and am glad I made that decision- im only 3 days post op but feel like certain friends would judge me and I don't have time for that bs.

Not a word to anyone, only your closest and dearest that need to know

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49 minutes ago, ShanIAmVA said:

I have lost weight on my own before in the past. It can be done but putting it back on is just too easy. But what I learned then is that my skinny friends wanted me to stay fat, because they wanted to be the skinny friend, and my fat friends wanted me to stay fat. You may have that issue too when your weight loss is more noticeable but yeah, I don't need to hear judgement before surgery! As long as your boyfriend was supportive and you are happy with YOUR decision, that's all that matters. Everyone else can suck it. :D

Congrats on your decision and hope you are recovering well!

Thank you for your kind and supporting words!!! Im glad I made the choice to keep it to myself. I feel like there is so much stigma to having surgery from people who dont understand. When I went to my first in person meeting with my doctor it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when he said you have weight to loss but its okay to need help and thats what we are here for, you never have to do this on your own. When I got home I cried and cried because Ive always been told my weight is my issue....one that I need to deal with and now I have a team helping me. Its life changing and motivating.... although scary too!!!

Reading everyone elses story is really helpful and of courser I will tell strangers but its different when we are all on the same path.

Thanks!!

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