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Surgery Scheduled and Telling No One



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Hi all! I am new to this board as a member although I have been reading for a few weeks. My VSG is scheduled for May 10th and I am excited, anxious, nervous, scared, excited, excited and excited!

I am going this alone. The only person I have told is my mother and that is because she is my emergency contact. I am not telling other family members, friends or coworkers. I will NEVER tell other family members (oh, the judgment) but I'll probably tell friends after the fact. I know my friends will be there at my side pre-op if I needed them to be but I just need to do this alone. Not sure why but I can't deal with having an audience or unsolicited advice.

Did anyone else decide not to tell anyone, except for a select few, before the procedure? Did you still keep it to yourself afterwards when the weight loss started to be noticeable?

A part of me feels guilty for not sharing beforehand but I know not sharing is what is best for me. :)

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I haven't told anyone about my VSG, though one person did know about my ESG (I am assuming my trust wasn't misplaced and she hasn't told anyone).

I certainly don't feel guilty about not sharing with all and sundry.

There will be some who should say why hide it, be an advocate for weight loss surgery etc but at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your own well being/mental health.

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17 minutes ago, ShanIAmVA said:

A part of me feels guilty for not sharing beforehand but I know not sharing is what is best for me. :)

you're having this surgery for yourself, not for others, so why feel guilty? Plus it's a medical/health issue and therefore as private as you want to make it. You wouldn't feel obligated to tell people all the details of your latest colonoscopy, so why feel that way about weight loss surgery?

I told my immediate family and some of my close friends. My boss also knew. I didn't tell anyone else. I didn't need negativity in my life. I still told very few people after the fact. When people asked me how i lost weight, I'd tell them I was working with a dietitian and living at the gym. Which was basically true - I just left out one detail - that I'd had surgery. Never-been-fat people tend to believe that. I was more open with other obese people, because of course they'd know that was a bunch of schlock.

I'm more open about it now that I'm normal-sized and a few years out - although then again, it rarely ever comes up at this point. Almost everyone has already seen me at a normal weight (so the shock is long gone), or else they never knew me when I was obese.

the decision to tell or not tell is totally up to you. If you're not comfortable telling, then don't. You don't owe anyone any explanation.

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ShanIamVA, I only told one person, a very close friend who lives in another state. Other than that, I told no one. I did tell a few people that I was having surgery, but was not specific. My sister kindly brought me to and from the hospital and stayed a few days with me, but she also did not know the specifics of my surgery. I am by nature a very private person, anyway, so it was not out of character to keep my surgery private. I realize everyone has a different journey, but you are not alone in your desire to keep your personal business to yourself. This forum has been invaluable, as well as some Youtube videos following the journeys of other VSG-ers.

For some reason, my loss has been very slow, not sure if it's my age, 60, and lower starting weight, but I haven't had a "shocking" transformation that requires explanation.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

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27 minutes ago, ShanIAmVA said:

Hi all! I am new to this board as a member although I have been reading for a few weeks. My VSG is scheduled for May 10th and I am excited, anxious, nervous, scared, excited, excited and excited!

I am going this alone. The only person I have told is my mother and that is because she is my emergency contact. I am not telling other family members, friends or coworkers. I will NEVER tell other family members (oh, the judgment) but I'll probably tell friends after the fact. I know my friends will be there at my side pre-op if I needed them to be but I just need to do this alone. Not sure why but I can't deal with having an audience or unsolicited advice.

Did anyone else decide not to tell anyone, except for a select few, before the procedure? Did you still keep it to yourself afterwards when the weight loss started to be noticeable?

A part of me feels guilty for not sharing beforehand but I know not sharing is what is best for me. :)

I have only told my husband...no one else. Completely understand not wanting the audience or unsolicited advice! Good luck to you!

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Thank you all so much for your responses so far. I feel so much better. And you are all right - I shouldn't feel guilty at all as this is a personal journey and it belongs only to me.

My sister is, for a lack of a more accurate (and worse) term, a snot. She is not overweight but she is the kind of person who needs to look better than everyone else. She enjoys being the 'thinner' sister. Yeah, like I said - a snot. So she would find any reason to diminish my weight loss and constantly remind me that I took "the easy way out" and didn't make a real effort. And so you all know - I DO NOT FEEL IT IS THE EASY WAY OUT AT ALL! In fact, this process so far has been harder than any diet program I have followed (or tried to follow) in the past. And there were many.

And if my sister knows, everyone in my family will know. Thankfully my mother knows what she is like so I trust she will keep it quiet. And my mom is being very supportive. :)

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Just completed all my requirements and waiting on insurance approval and a date, I guess, at this point and I have not told anyone but my husband, of course, and our son who lives with us. I didn't want to tell anyone for fear that I would get turned down or something would happen along the way that halts it and then I'd need to explain why. So I figured I just won't say anything until it's all over and done with. I don't foresee anyone talking sh*t about it since all my friends and family know how hard I've tried losing in the past and all my struggles with my underlying conditions. I imagine everyone will be happy for me. And if not, that's on them.

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32 minutes ago, SummerTimeGirl said:

Just completed all my requirements and waiting on insurance approval and a date, I guess, at this point and I have not told anyone but my husband, of course, and our son who lives with us. I didn't want to tell anyone for fear that I would get turned down or something would happen along the way that halts it and then I'd need to explain why. So I figured I just won't say anything until it's all over and done with. I don't foresee anyone talking sh*t about it since all my friends and family know how hard I've tried losing in the past and all my struggles with my underlying conditions. I imagine everyone will be happy for me. And if not, that's on them.

My fingers are crossed that your insurance approval comes in soon and you have a scheduled date!! Thank you for your response!

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1 hour ago, ShanIAmVA said:

My fingers are crossed that your insurance approval comes in soon and you have a scheduled date!! Thank you for your response!

Thanks so much! Just got off the phone with my surgeons office and they tentatively scheduled it for May 19th. They will now submit all the info and wait to hear back from the insurance and we will go from there. Eeek!

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5 hours ago, ShanIAmVA said:

Hi all! I am new to this board as a member although I have been reading for a few weeks. My VSG is scheduled for May 10th and I am excited, anxious, nervous, scared, excited, excited and excited!

I am going this alone. The only person I have told is my mother and that is because she is my emergency contact. I am not telling other family members, friends or coworkers. I will NEVER tell other family members (oh, the judgment) but I'll probably tell friends after the fact. I know my friends will be there at my side pre-op if I needed them to be but I just need to do this alone. Not sure why but I can't deal with having an audience or unsolicited advice.

Did anyone else decide not to tell anyone, except for a select few, before the procedure? Did you still keep it to yourself afterwards when the weight loss started to be noticeable?

A part of me feels guilty for not sharing beforehand but I know not sharing is what is best for me. :)

I've told no one other than my emergency contact and I've had some second thoughts about that decision 🙂 I feel zero guilt about not sharing. In fact, I feel good about deciding what's best for me and moving forward. This is personal. There's no obligation to share with anyone else. I'm right there with you on this one.

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17 minutes ago, LRJ said:

I've told no one other than my emergency contact and I've had some second thoughts about that decision 🙂 I feel zero guilt about not sharing. In fact, I feel good about deciding what's best for me and moving forward. This is personal. There's no obligation to share with anyone else. I'm right there with you on this one.

Thank you! And I hear you about the emergency contact. If I didn't have a conscience, I would have given the doctor's office a fake name and number but I didn't want to throw out bad karma by lying. LOL

I didn't check out your profile and it may be in there but do you have a surgery date set yet?

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I've only told 2 people - my husband and a coworker who was scheduled for surgery the same week as me. As far as everyone else...The few that have asked I say I'm working with a nutritionist to address my health. It's the truth, minus the parts that I've decided are my business.

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My VSG surgery is April 22nd and the only person I am telling is my husband. I will not be telling anyone else. It opens you up for too many questions and not all are supportive. Don't feel guilty, do what's best for you.

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.

You might lose the weight quickly and this may trigger questions.... I had the surgery last November. I am down from 210 and am now at 148. I had diabetes, but that is no more. It is a life changer, the surgery. LIFE CHANGER. The medications are a thing of the past. It is wonderful. It isn’t easy, it is not easy at all. It is hard, and you will need a support system. Sharing this with the right people (not everyone, but the right people) will be the best thing for you. I will not forget the week before the surgery, the surgeon asked me if i will be back for the surgery. I couldn’t believe he was asking me this. I had gone through so much to get the approval, the classes, talked with psych, spoke with my husband, my children, my support group, studies everything. He said 40% of the people don’t come back. They decide against it last minute.

It is a life long game changer. But, it will change your life.

I wish you the best in your choice. Share this news with those who will be supportive, will cheer you on, bring you broth, and hold your hand when you can’t sleep because you are exhausted and cranky and can’t fall asleep (you will have those nights in the beginning). And then you will start to really live, and see how wonderful your life will be.

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Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful response. I was sleeved a little over a week ago. The surgery went well, No pain from the surgery but the post-op gas and meds have been rough. I'm still on liquids, though I'll be transitioning to thicker liquids today. But, I keep very little down. Right now, I can't drink a glass of Water without the water hitting a couple of air bubbles, ricocheting all over, and then getting burped back up. It's been awful. I'm not hungry but my energy is low. I'm ready for this phase to be over. I'd give almost anything to be able to drink a glass of ice-cold water with no complications. Any ideas for relieving this would be appreciated.

I've sipped slowly. I've walked. I've chewed on the ice. I've used a heating pad. I've slept sitting up in a chair. I've still got random gas pockets lying in wait! My body is most comfortable when it senses nothing there. No liquids or anything to process. Then it's at peace. If I can cross this hurdle, I think I'll be okay. I randomly burp, belch, and spit up like a baby.

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