Unwanted compliments

[Zury G 29]

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when someone talks about how much weight they've lost? Or am I the only weird one? 😜I haven't had surgery yet (4/8 is the day, yay!) but I've lost about 35lbs through the pre-op process. I personally don't like people focusing on my size even if it's to compliment me on losing weight. I especially hate when they say something about how I'm looking good now. It makes me feel like I wasn't good enough before? Did they think I looked terrible before? I mean, I'm still the same person and I feel a persons worth is tied up in so much more than their physical appearance. And while I am having the surgery to lose weight I'm doing it for myself, not to fullfill anyone's expectations of what I should or shouldn't look like. Maybe I'm just too sensitive about my weight, I don't know

Edited April 4, 2021 by Zury G

[ChubRub 1,696]

When there is a change, and it appears that you are doing it intentionally, people are going to compliment you! Just like if you get a new haircut, everyone will say "I love your hair" but it doesn't mean that they thought your old hair was ugly!

The only time I don't like a compliment is when it's followed by "how much have your lost?" b/c I don't want to tell them! LOL!! I don't want people doing the math and figuring how much I used to weight! I'm usually vague, play dun, or outright lie! LOL!!

Best of luck to you!!!

[XtinaDoesIt 196]

19 minutes ago, ChubRub said:

The only time I don't like a compliment is when it's followed by "how much have your lost?" b/c I don't want to tell them! LOL!! I don't want people doing the math and figuring how much I used to weight! I'm usually vague, play dun, or outright lie! LOL!!

HA HA!

Yeah, I cant wait for this to be my problem. lol. I do hate when people comment on my weight but for me it's usually my mom saying I've gained weight or to say I look smaller when I know its not true. I can't wait for it to be true! I'm losing now but I don't look much smaller than I did before.

2 hours ago, Zury G said:

Maybe I'm just too sensitive about my weight, I don't know

I will say that I do not believe you are "too sensitive." Feel how you feel! Women (including me) often dismiss our feelings with phrases like that. Instead, I find it helpful to examine why I feel that way.

[kristieshannon 1,545]

I’m ok with it in general, but not comfortable diving too deep. I’m a nurse in a mental health & addictions clinic and some of my patients have no filter. Some have made me uncomfortable with their comments, but I have no problem telling them so. As someone going through a divorce I’m actually really enjoying the looks I’m getting from men, it’s a novel thing for me.

[summerset 5,261]

12 hours ago, Zury G said:

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when someone talks about how much weight they've lost?

I almost always felt uncomfortable when people commented.

There were only a few ones that commented I didn't feel uncomfortable when they did so. I can't really pinpoint the difference though tbh. I just can say that there was/is one.

[Zury G 29]

11 hours ago, ChubRub said:

When there is a change, and it appears that you are doing it intentionally, people are going to compliment you! Just like if you get a new haircut, everyone will say "I love your hair" but it doesn't mean that they thought your old hair was ugly!

The only time I don't like a compliment is when it's followed by "how much have your lost?" b/c I don't want to tell them! LOL!! I don't want people doing the math and figuring how much I used to weight! I'm usually vague, play dun, or outright lie! LOL!!

Best of luck to you!!!

That's true, I guess I'm more offended because people have actually told me I'm looking good NOW or I'm looking good again. That comment was based on previous weight loss attempts, of course I ended up gaining it all back plus more.

I might tell people how much I've lost, but that's a big might. I definitely don't tell them how much I weight though. Don't want them doing the math either, lol.

[Zury G 29]

9 hours ago, kristieshannon said:

I’m ok with it in general, but not comfortable diving too deep. I’m a nurse in a mental health & addictions clinic and some of my patients have no filter. Some have made me uncomfortable with their comments, but I have no problem telling them so. As someone going through a divorce I’m actually really enjoying the looks I’m getting from men, it’s a novel thing for me.

Thats good that you stand up for yourself. Sorry about your divorce?? I put question marks because for some it's a good thing.

[Zury G 29]

47 minutes ago, summerset said:

I almost always felt uncomfortable when people commented.

There were only a few ones that commented I didn't feel uncomfortable when they did so. I can't really pinpoint the difference though tbh. I just can say that there was/is one.

One time I had a lady at work yell out across the room asking me how weight I had lost. You can imagine my mortification.

[Cherie04 47]

I'm fine giving people a number. I'm proud of that number!! But it makes me feel uncomfortable when they tell me "You look great". I appreciate it, but like you, It makes me wonder what I looked like before. I usually come back with, Thanks, the important thing is I feel great!

[ruthpets 77]

I'm kinda torn about it...I do feel the same as you Zury G, that kinda 'What? I wasn't good enough when I was heavier?' thing but I also know people comment with good intentions! And it is really nice to see that your hard work is being noticed.

That being said, there was a good article I read recently where it was suggested that we as a society should get into the habit of complimenting people in a non-weight based way. The author had actually enthused to an acquaintance she had not seen in quite a while that she looked so wonderful "Wow - you have dropped a lot of weight, you look terrific" and the acquaintance responded something like "Thanks, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few months ago and that's why I have lost weight".

I know..it's all hard to navigate, we are damned if you do, etc. As I said, I just try to remember the intention behind the comments and honestly, it is almost always meant with sincerity and admiration!

[summerset 5,261]

3 hours ago, Zury G said:

One time I had a lady at work yell out across the room asking me how weight I had lost.

The most f*cked up situation I can remember is me being in the CT-scanning room in the middle of the usual turmoil that occurs when a patient when an acute stroke is on the table and someone asking me how much weight I've lost.

I was like "WTF??? Lady, I'm placing a bigger needle into the hand of this patient now for CTP and I'm also preparing mentally for shoving a catheter into the middle brain artery of a woman in her 80s to suck out a clot and that is what you're wondering about now??! Get the f*ck out of my CT room!!"

Up to this day I can't wrap my brain around this absurd situation, the most absurd about this being, that I had to tell her twice that I'm busy with something else right now (no, I wasn't being exactly friendly when I did that).

Edited April 5, 2021 by summerset