I "snuck" having WLS

[chiquitatummy 339]

Pre-op one of my big angsts was talking to family about my surgery. I know that, for most of them, they would not be on board. I have a loving and highly opinionated family of people that view themselves as wellness and health experts and I swear if there was a family motto it would be "you know what you should do". All of this contributed to me feeling like telling them about my WLS would open a can of worms. Not telling didn't seem like an option until I realized that, because of Covid social distancing and other distractions in my family right now I could probably pull off a secret surgery. Which is exactly what I did. Only my husband and one person at work know I had WLS. And right now I am so happy about this. It has been a delight to not have to respond to a million questions about how I'm doing or field all the worry and misinformation I feel sure my well-meaning family would bring my way. I feel like I gave myself the gift of healing in peace.

Right now I don't have plans to tell anyone else about my WLS unless they ask directly. I'll see how things go when it comes to handling food related get-togethers in the near future. I'm toying with just giving an explanation that includes the partial truth, that I am working with a nutritionist in a medically supervised dietary program. I am not ashamed of having WLS, I just don't want every person I know to feel free to be all up in my business regarding my weight, dietary habits, personal health, and medical decisions. Getting my mom and sisters to not take every opportunity to talk to/interrogate me about my weight and try to create dieting regimes for me was a hard won battle many years ago. Does anyone else relate to otherwise loving and well-meaning family members having no boundaries when it comes to wanting to "fix" your fatness? I feel like letting them in on my WLS would be a step back and they would revert to their old ways. I don't need or want that in my life. I just want my family to be my family and prefer not to give them any opening to try and act as my nutritionist or Dr. again.

[Ready_4_Change🐝 13]

My surgery is not until April 15, but compIetely understand the “you know what you should do” dynamic. I have a few in my circle like that also. My mom and BFF are the only ones I’ve told for the same reasons as you. You gotta do what’s best for you. I have no intentions of telling anyone else. It’s need to know. I’ll just tell them I’m having a hernia repair if pressed for an answer.

[mswillis5 127]

My wife and I have been upfront with everyone so far. I have only told a few coworkers and my manager but they have almost all been fairly receptive. I know that my wife has had a few coworkers who she didn't even know had the surgery and were able to relate with her and give her advice.

[SummerTimeGirl 582]

Initially I am NOT telling anyone. My reason has more to do with me not wanting to tell anyone for fear that, once I do, something will happen that will prevent me from being able to get it and then I'll need to explain why. SOoooo, until it's actually done and over with, I will keep it to myself. But of course my husband and our son (he lives with us) know.

[DoodlesMom 98]

I can relate. I'd be fine to go the rest of my life without another well-meaning, judgemental, rude, and naive comment. I've told my mom, mother-in-law, husband, and two friends. All have been incredibly supportive except for one of my friends. A year ago when I mentioned I was thinking about surgery she said I was "Just bored" and looking for something to do. That really hurt and I haven't talked with her about it since. I don't plan to tell anyone else. There can be some negative reactions. We just have to choose wisely if we do tell, and not let bummer opinions slow our momentum.

[HealthyLifeStyle 351]

You will find that people react differently when you tell them. My parents, and husband were in full support of my decision, and have been my biggest cheerleaders during this whole thing. I am now just over 6 months out. I just saw my parents yesterday, and they were full of compliments. I generally see them once a month.

Hubby was very supportive in the beginning, but now he is a little weary of my loss. He keeps asking if I am going to lose more. He has said that I am starting to look to skinny, and sickly. At first I was pissed off, then I realized that he is right. I don't want to keep losing, but it is just happening without me trying.

My sister on the other hand has been nothing but a b***h during this whole thing. She has said very rude things to me around Christmas time. We have not spoken since.

The way I look at it is this, I did this for myself, and no one else. I did it for my health, and the weight loss is just a bonus. I only told those that were close to me because I felt it was nobody's business what I do with my body.

Easter is coming, and that means I will see cousins, aunts, uncles, who I haven't seen since my surgery. I am sure they will ask questions. I honestly don't know if I will tell them about the WLS, or just say I was dieting, going to the gym, etc.

[keesh_n87 19]

I knew beforehand that I wasn’t going to tell anyone about my surgery. I only told my mother and my husband and a friend who had the same surgery done years prior. I don’t think I’ll tell anyone in the future either. I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business...

[keesh_n87 19]

4 hours ago, DoodlesMom said:

I can relate. I'd be fine to go the rest of my life without another well-meaning, judgemental, rude, and naive comment. I've told my mom, mother-in-law, husband, and two friends. All have been incredibly supportive except for one of my friends. A year ago when I mentioned I was thinking about surgery she said I was "Just bored" and looking for something to do. That really hurt and I haven't talked with her about it since. I don't plan to tell anyone else. There can be some negative reactions. We just have to choose wisely if we do tell, and not let bummer opinions slow our momentum.

That’s such a nasty thing to say! This is why I limited telling people too. You never know how people are gonna react..

[Jnfinney 527]

Before my boyfriend was supportive of my decision, he told me that I had been watching too much My 600 LB Life.....

[chiquitatummy 339]

19 hours ago, OAGBPal said:

Imagine not telling people you were having your appendix removed due to social shaming. That'd be crazy, right?

Funny thing about that...I had my gallbladder removed about 7 years ago after a horrific few weeks of the worst pain of my life from passing one stone and my bile duct becoming plugged by another. I have well meaning "wellness expert" family members that still fuss over me doing something so extreme instead of treating it with milk thistle supplements and whatnot. 🙄 They have some pretty extreme views on medical intervention that doesn't fall into the realm of "natural".

[chiquitatummy 339]

13 hours ago, keesh_n87 said:

I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business...

I agree! My healthcare decisions = my business.

[Orinskye 165]

My surgery is next week. I have told my family (who are all supportive) and my best friend (also supportive) but no one else.
the only one who isn’t really supportive is my husband. He told me over the weekend that as of next week I will officially be “cheating” to lose weight. I was livid. he has seen me at my worst where I couldn’t even WALK because the weight on my knees was too much (My BMI is about 38, but my joints are super bad). He refused to back down and insisted it was cheating. He is super insecure and is against the surgery. I’m against being held back anymore . 🤷🏼‍♀️

[ChubRub 1,709]

I didn't tell anyone other than my husband. I just didn't want to deal with judgment, gossip, etc, and I definitely didn't need people giving me advice.

I haven't been in my office in over a year due to Covid, and look forward to surprising everyone someday! I contemplated cutting and coloring my hair to really freak them out! LOL!!

I did tell my mom about my PS, which was more of a test than anything, to see if she tells anyone. She's horrible with keeping secrets! I don't care if word of my PS gets out, b/c it's pretty obvious to anyone that sees me in a bikini anyway. I'll be curious to see how long it takes her to tell my secret though! LOL!!

[NiceAnkles 147]

6 hours ago, Orinskye said:

My surgery is next week. I have told my family (who are all supportive) and my best friend (also supportive) but no one else.
the only one who isn’t really supportive is my husband. He told me over the weekend that as of next week I will officially be “cheating” to lose weight. I was livid. he has seen me at my worst where I couldn’t even WALK because the weight on my knees was too much (My BMI is about 38, but my joints are super bad). He refused to back down and insisted it was cheating. He is super insecure and is against the surgery. I’m against being held back anymore . 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tell him he’s been”cheating” when he uses the microwave instead of cooking over a fire, taking medicine for a headache instead of picking and brewing herbs, or driving a car instead of walking. 🙄 why is it cheating to take advantage of medical advancements which allow us to live healthier, happier lives?

Best of luck to you, Orinskye!

[Orinskye 165]

4 minutes ago, NiceAnkles said:

Tell him he’s been”cheating” when he uses the microwave instead of cooking over a fire, taking medicine for a headache instead of picking and brewing herbs, or driving a car instead of walking. 🙄 why is it cheating to take advantage of medical advancements which allow us to live healthier, happier lives?

Best of luck to you, Orinskye!

Ha! I’m so going to use this if he ever mentions it again. He prefers his dinner not burnt so I’m thinking he will keep his mouth shut from now on 😂