To tell or not to tell

[Michael2428 24]

I am newly retired and was a single dad. My kids have graduated from college and the last one moved out in March. I then realized that my weight is preventing me from enjoying the empty nest. I have not told a soul about the surgery, family or friends. I am not sure if I want to share with them yet. I was wondering how y'all approached that decision. Did anyone do the same as me so far. I kind of think I want to keep this mine and my own achievement.

[Guest]

I told no one. I just told coworkers I had a hernia operation,

[Michael2428 24]

That actually is a great idea. Thank you

[Hop_Scotch 1,634]

One person knows of my first weight loss procedure (assuming that is they didn't tell anyone else), no one knows I had second one and as far as they are concerned I had gall bladder surgery. In hindsight I should have said hernia operation in case my gall bladder does play up and I need it removed.

Do what feels comfortable and is best for you, be ready if you are asked about your weight loss, particularly if it is fast weight loss.

[Michael2428 24]

I think if asked initially, I will say hernia. I have been alone since getting custody of my kids. Haven’t seen my family in years so when I do, I will just say diet. Now when I visit my kids, then I might have to talk about it. Keep smiling.

[Heather13 16]

I totally understand not wanting to tell anyone. When I spoke to the psychologist in my surgeon's office she said not telling people gave it a sense of shame and instead I should feel proud of what I was doing. She understood not telling people who would not be supportive, but encouraged telling those who would be. I still only told four people that I really trust and who are supper supportive. If you have anyone in your life like that that you can count on, I would tell them. There are so many things you feel or experience that it's really nice to be able to talk about it with someone post surgery. And if you don't feel that way, then keep using the forum so you have people to talk to. And hopefully you're proud of yourself for making this big, positive change in your life. You should be! You deserve this!

[Michael2428 24]

Thanks, that makes sense, I will have to decide when I am ready. I still am very proud of myself for making the commitment. Keep smiling, I surely do thinking of the future.

[New&Improved 1,780]

Told everyone and now they see it was the best decision ever

[BriarRose 440]

I told only a couple closest friends. My adult daughter who lived with me at the time knew. I took time off work for some surgery. HIPPA NO one needs to know at work.

I am a therapist. I do not think you need to declare - if you are normally a private person why would you decide to "tell" people - It is a medical procedure. And you ARE ALREADY dieting, and you are making life-style changes In no way was I or am I, 10 years later embarrassed about it or anything else. It is a decision my doctors and I made. I continue to live that same lifestyle - I eat healthfully. I eat intentionally. When I see people who knew me 130 pounds ago, and they say something, I tell them that I made some drastic lifestyle changes. And I have. I don't lie. If someone asks me directly, I will tell them. (well, most the time - there are just some humans who do not need that information or any personal information !)

I completely OWN the decision I made. the surgery was a one day thing. It gave me an important tool. Tell who you want to. Or don't. Everyone at work assumed I had a hysterectomy - I had that a few years before and didn't announce that either. Your body. Your life. Take control of all of it.

[JRT Mom 920]

I didn't tell many people when I initially got the surgery, but now I have everyone asking me how I lost so much weight and I proudly tell them. WLS is NOT a cop-out--it doesn't show lack of will power or laziness. It's still a lot of work and will power. What it DOES show is your commitment to better your life and health! It shows what means you are willing to go through to obtain it.

Good luck!

[lisafrommassachusetts 320]

I realized early in the process that I felt shame over "having" to have surgery, rather than doing it "on my own". I owned the shame, and I chose to be open about the decision. The first few times I told someone other than close family and friends I felt myself flushing with how nakedly vulnerable I felt. Other than one sister in law, and 1 colleague, everyone has either not deemed fazed at all, or been supportive. People also aren't speculating on why I've lost so much weight in 4 months. When people who don't know see me and mention my weight loss I tell them I had weight loss surgery. If they have questions I answer them. This works for me. I also totally respect people's decision to keep it private.

Sent from my SM-G965U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Heather13 16]

7 hours ago, BriarRose said:

If someone asks me directly, I will tell them. (well, most the time - there are just some humans who do not need that information or any personal information !)

I totally agree that it's no one's business and that you don't have to tell anyone. There are people in my life who I would never tell because I know them and I suspect that their response would not be supportive, even if it was jabs cloaked in supportive statements. But, I am lucky enough that there were a few people I could tell. One was extremely supportive from the minute I said "I'm thinking of getting sleeve surgery." The others were surprised, but not judgmental - just curious and wanted to make sure it was all safe and I'd done my homework. In the month since the surgery, having those people to talk to, even joke with, has made things easier. And they are excited about the weight I've lost already. They are impressed with how I've adapted and the commitment that is required to do this. I do believe this has made the process easier, better, and less lonely. So, if you have anyone in your life like that, I would encourage you to tell that one person or couple of people because it will be a benefit IMO.

[Michael2428 24]

Thank you, your post was fantastic, so I did it. I told one person I have known for 30 years, she has seen me through my divorce, offering to babysit many times and always listened when I needed to vent. Well the first thing she said was “good for you, is there anything you need”. If felt like such a weight lifted. Thank you for your post. Keep smiling.

[Heather13 16]

Oh! I'm so happy!!

I look forward to finding out how it all goes for you. I'm only a month out myself and very happy I did it.

[nt0309 2]

I told everyone and also had my parents tell my immediate family (I don't live in the same state as then but I visit often). I wanted everyone to know because I'm a very open type of person, but I also know how my family is and they can be very gossipy and/or start assuming things (like I'm sick hence the weight loss), so I decided from the beginning that I wanted everyone to know. It hasn't been a secret to family and friends that I've been overweight my whole life, and I knew having this surgery would make the difference, in the sense that I finally got the weight off, so I knew I'd eventually get asked what made the difference this time, and I didn't want to make it seem like I was hiding something.

Good luck!