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Not really a rant but just frustrating



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On 12/4/2019 at 9:51 PM, Arabesque said:

Mother: You’re too thin.

Me: I’ve been this weight before & it wasn’t an issue then.

Mother: You need to stop losing weight.

Me: I weigh more than you did when you were in your 20s & I’m 3inches shorter. And I’m in maintenance.

Mother: You don’t look like you any more.

Me: I look like me just not as fat.

Mother: I don’t know what to cook for you when you visit anymore.

Me: Cook the same meals you always did. I just don’t eat as much.

Mother: I don’t know who you look like anymore.

Me: I still look like me just not as fat.

And so it goes on.

My mother has been supportive through out the process but this last month these conversations have been on a loop. Am I being overly sensitive that they are bothering me so much or am I justified to be fed up.
Anyone else facing these sorts of comments from their loved ones?

Some people don’t realize how much these comments mess with our heads. You are adjusting to a smaller size/appearacnce. Most mean well, they are adjusting to our rapid change. Over time people will get used to your weight loss. Comments and compliments stop. life becomes normal.

I look at before and after photos. All of them look younger to me.

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On 12/4/2019 at 9:51 PM, Arabesque said:

Mother: You’re too thin.

Me: I’ve been this weight before & it wasn’t an issue then.

Mother: You need to stop losing weight.

Me: I weigh more than you did when you were in your 20s & I’m 3inches shorter. And I’m in maintenance.

Mother: You don’t look like you any more.

Me: I look like me just not as fat.

Mother: I don’t know what to cook for you when you visit anymore.

Me: Cook the same meals you always did. I just don’t eat as much.

Mother: I don’t know who you look like anymore.

Me: I still look like me just not as fat.

And so it goes on.

My mother has been supportive through out the process but this last month these conversations have been on a loop. Am I being overly sensitive that they are bothering me so much or am I justified to be fed up.
Anyone else facing these sorts of comments from their loved ones?

Some people don’t realize how much these comments mess with our heads. You are adjusting to a smaller size/appearacnce. Most mean well, they are adjusting to our rapid change. Over time they will get used to your weight loss. Comments and compliments stop. life becomes normal.

I look at before and after photos. All of them look younger to me.

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On 12/4/2019 at 9:51 PM, Arabesque said:

Mother: You’re too thin.

Me: I’ve been this weight before & it wasn’t an issue then.

Mother: You need to stop losing weight.

Me: I weigh more than you did when you were in your 20s & I’m 3inches shorter. And I’m in maintenance.

Mother: You don’t look like you any more.

Me: I look like me just not as fat.

Mother: I don’t know what to cook for you when you visit anymore.

Me: Cook the same meals you always did. I just don’t eat as much.

Mother: I don’t know who you look like anymore.

Me: I still look like me just not as fat.

And so it goes on.

My mother has been supportive through out the process but this last month these conversations have been on a loop. Am I being overly sensitive that they are bothering me so much or am I justified to be fed up.
Anyone else facing these sorts of comments from their loved ones?

edit repost

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On 12/6/2019 at 2:03 AM, Krimsonbutterflies said:

Thank you for your candid response. I've always looked younger than my age, even when I was skinny. Hopefully I can maintain my youthful appearance, while getting healthy. I will get a breast lift or something if needed. I'm going to look into the collagen and etc. Thank you.

It’s also important for you to know that not everyone ends up looking haggard at all. I still look many years younger than my age. Even when I achieved below my goal weight, there was no haggardness. As a matter of fact, I started getting compliments that I looked even more years younger than my age. It also depends on how you lose the weight. Getting more than 86 oz of fluids (mostly water) and 90 grams of Protein daily will help your body to heal correctly. It can be a struggle but it is also possible. I’m a living witness. I also worked out 5 to 6 days a week, cardio and weight training (when I was released to start working out). I lost over 160 lbs in 10 months. You can do it!!

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For five years I tried to get my surgery through my insurance at work and my mother suffered through the ups and downs and frustration with me.
Finally, last August through Medicare I had my surgery. Unfortunately, I lost my mother to cancer three years ago. One of our last conversations, she made me promise not to give up.
I know it can be frustrating what you and your mother are going through but how I envy you that your mother is there to share it with you.
As a mother, I can see that she might be frightened that you are going too far with your weight loss. Reassure her that you are striving to be the healthiest you can be and reassure her that s your weight loss efforts are to be healthier.

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I get comments every single time I see a family member and a few particular coworkers that "I better not lose anymore weight" or jokes about how they wish they could donate some of their fat to me. Or worrying questions like "you're not going to lose any MORE weight, are you?". And the parent in my life who spurred on my eating disorder which made me obese to begin with now expresses concern that I "better not lose more weight". Everyone just needs to stfu and mind their own business. You can't please anybody.

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At almost 9 months (and post xmas family time) post op, I am ready for everyone to STFU about my body. Fortunately, my cousin had it done the week before I did, so that helped diffuse the attention from the extended family.

I got to hear it all though...I look great, more attractive, older, tired, too skinny, etc. Then the questions/judgements about saggy skin, exercise plans, and my eating habits.... I don't eat right. I need to exercise more. I don't eat the right things. And everybody knows somebody that had it done and gained it all back.

People (friends and family included) need to stop projecting their issues/insecurities on me. I'm not sorry that you have to run miles everyday and I don't (yet)...you don't know my struggle so stop trying to tell me what I should be doing.

It was refreshing to have a little extra attention in the first few months and actually have people interested in the process and what I was going through. But now... I'm over it!

I just want to return to being the introvert that I am and get on with my life...

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@jg7979 hang in there. I am 16 months post op, maintaining my weight loss and the comments have slowed to a trickle. No one said anything at my family Christmas get-together, which was fine by me!

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I'm 60 and my 83 year old mother has been absolutely horrible with me about how she perceives me post-surgery. She says I now have a wrinkled face (she spends a fortune on special facial treatments and creams so she gets constant comments about how great she looks) and if I don't "do something about my skin" I will really regret it.

My face *is* more wrinkled as is my neck but I just intend to accept the aging process. I don't have the expendable funds to do all sorts of dermatological calisthenics that she does. I'll use a cream and hope people just accept me for who I am. When I was obese, I looked much younger than my age. Now I guess it has caught up with me.

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Lol, I think there’s a lot of us rowing that same boat. At the beginning of my journey my highest weight was 315 pounds and due to financial and other challenges, I spent over two years losing weight on my own and lost 35 pounds on my own . Since my surgery on August 21, 2019; I have lost another 66 pounds for a total of 101 pounds.
I’ve lost my double chin and discovered my clavicle but because of my age (67) and the length of time I was obese, I have loose skin everywhere. I am retired and have enough money saved to live comfortably and frugally but there’s no way plastic surgery is in my future unless I hit the lottery.

I see the pictures posted here and think that there’s no way that’s in my future. But I began this adventure for my health not to try to be sexy at seventy so I will leave it to the power above and attempt to age gracefully (if there is such a thing). I am more excited that exercise has developed into a nearly daily habit and for the first time in my life, I believe that I can overcome what I considered my greatest failure; unable to keep the weight off.

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