Mother: You’re too thin.

Me: I’ve been this weight before & it wasn’t an issue then.

Mother: You need to stop losing weight.

Me: I weigh more than you did when you were in your 20s & I’m 3inches shorter. And I’m in maintenance.

Mother: You don’t look like you any more.

Me: I look like me just not as fat.

Mother: I don’t know what to cook for you when you visit anymore.

Me: Cook the same meals you always did. I just don’t eat as much.

Mother: I don’t know who you look like anymore.

Me: I still look like me just not as fat.

And so it goes on.

My mother has been supportive through out the process but this last month these conversations have been on a loop. Am I being overly sensitive that they are bothering me so much or am I justified to be fed up.
Anyone else facing these sorts of comments from their loved ones?

Yes, very similar comments from my sister and a close friend. Both of them are obese, and my take is that they both feel threatened by the fact that I made the decision to control my eating and get healthy. Both relationships are now very strained as a result.

I can understand the frustration. See if you can stop the conversation loops by changing the subject of conversation.

Yea ppl get threatened easily especially obese ppl they always change the subject whenever I talk about my achievements

Also, people get used to the obese image of you. They often as much dysmorphia about you as we have about ourselves. Also quick weight loss can often make us look haggard in the face for a while till we kinda re-apportion. So she may be talking about that. But, it is A-OK, to maintain and appoint boundaries! Things that are off limits. You just need to lovingly work with her to understand those new boundaries. Hang in there. The phase will pass but yeah, it is frustrating!!!

Fluffychick, I am so happy to hear that this haggard look might go away. I had a neighbor tell me I needed to go home and rest that I looked so tired! ?

15 minutes ago, Lynda486 said:

Fluffychick, I am so happy to hear that this haggard look might go away. I had a neighbor tell me I needed to go home and rest that I looked so tired! ?

I've seen it many times! It has to do with how quickly we're losing weight! Just look at some of the vets photos. Do they look haggard? Nope. Once you get to the bottom of your window and maintenance and are taking in plenty of fluids and your normal maintenance nutrition, your "look" does change.

(I am still haggard however cuz you know...I'm old. :D)

this is good convo i have been told i look a lot older and you look so tired you really are showing your age since you lost weight that **** makes you feel good (not so much) haggared i have been told as well i just say its me today tomorrow i will look different again so how will i look when you see me next time

54 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

(I am still haggard however cuz you know...I'm old. :D)

Ha, me too! (54)

Damn, I think about the incidents in this thread and I'm still pre-op. Am I going to keep my baby face? Are these breast going to be pancakes? Will my friends be able to accept me not morbidly obese and not hate on me? Are ppl going to think I'm sick? My surgery is a private matter and not an open discussion, just like my obesity isn't the subject of the hour either. At least not with me as a willing participant or in my spectrum of hearing you.

8 hours ago, Krimsonbutterflies said:

Damn, I think about the incidents in this thread and I'm still pre-op. Am I going to keep my baby face? Are these breast going to be pancakes? Will my friends be able to accept me not morbidly obese and not hate on me? Are ppl going to think I'm sick? My surgery is a private matter and not an open discussion, just like my obesity isn't the subject of the hour either. At least not with me as a willing participant or in my spectrum of hearing you.

Well....I'll be candid. When I was fat, I was always taken for about ten years younger than I was, but now people guess my true age (60). It has a lot to do with the "haggard" look caused by sagging skin after the weight loss.

I told almost nobody about my surgery. When I met friends whom I hadn't seen in a long time, some of them didn't talk about my weight loss because they thought I was sick. (I did survive cancer a few years ago, so I think some people were afraid it had come back.) I now proactively tell friends that my weight loss was intentional--and it was the result of lots of hard work on my part (which is definitely true).

I'll let the women on the forum address the pancake boob issue. I can say that my former man-boobs sag down to the bottom of my rib cage.

So glad I’m not the only one hearing these types of comments. Today she told me I walk differently. What the ... I’ve always walked with purpose - I’ve never been a stroller. But then soles of my feet don’t ache as much either when I wear heels now.
I’m just about passed the haggard face look. Six weeks ago my chicky babe girlfriends asked if I was really ok & if I was getting in all my nutrients because I looked so drawn but they think I’m looking much better now. Plus I think all the collagen, silica & RF treatments are starting to show results. Whoo hoo.

I too was always told I look years younger than my 54 yrs & while I think I look more my age I still look like the youngest in my family & not the eldest. Recently a 20yr old asked how was I going through menopause. I said well because I’m in my fifties. She gasped & said she thought I was in my early 40s. Yay! Still winning!

Yeah saggy, deflated boobies are not attractive but good supportive underwear get them back up to where theY should be.

1 hour ago, Recidivist said:

Well....I'll be candid. When I was fat, I was always taken for about ten years younger than I was, but now people guess my true age (60). It has a lot to do with the "haggard" look caused by sagging skin after the weight loss.

I told almost nobody about my surgery. When I met friends whom I hadn't seen in a long time, some of them didn't talk about my weight loss because they thought I was sick. (I did survive cancer a few years ago, so I think some people were afraid it had come back.) I now proactively tell friends that my weight loss was intentional--and it was the result of lots of hard work on my part (which is definitely true).

I'll let the women on the forum address the pancake boob issue. I can say that my former man-boobs sag down to the bottom of my rib cage.

Thank you for your candid response. I've always looked younger than my age, even when I was skinny. Hopefully I can maintain my youthful appearance, while getting healthy. I will get a breast lift or something if needed. I'm going to look into the collagen and etc. Thank you.

31 minutes ago, Arabesque said:

So glad I’m not the only one hearing these types of comments. Today she told me I walk differently. What the ... I’ve always walked with purpose - I’ve never been a stroller. But then soles of my feet don’t ache as much either when I wear heels now.
I’m just about passed the haggard face look. Six weeks ago my chicky babe girlfriends asked if I was really ok & if I was getting in all my nutrients because I looked so drawn but they think I’m looking much better now. Plus I think all the collagen, silica & RF treatments are starting to show results. Whoo hoo.

I too was always told I look years younger than my 54 yrs & while I think I look more my age I still look like the youngest in my family & not the eldest. Recently a 20yr old asked how was I going through menopause. I said well because I’m in my fifties. She gasped & said she thought I was in my early 40s. Yay! Still winning!

Yeah saggy, deflated boobies are not attractive but good supportive underwear get them back up to where theY should be.

Still winning!!!! I love your approach and yes deflated breast are like dry roadkill in my mind. Going to get a lot of supportive bras, but during the rapid transition process, would good sports bras be okay? A great bra is expensive, any ideas?

Even during transition, get a supportive, well fitting bra. Sports bras will work but get fitted. You don’t want to add to the saggy baggy boobs by wearing loose bras too. Only buy a couple (one you’re wearing & one in the wash) and look out for sales & special deals. After suffering back pain from my too large & non supportive bras, I splurged on some new (though pricey) much prettier underwear. Made me feel & look better & no more back pain. Just had to buy another lot of new underwear in a smaller size. I’ve gone from 18F to 14F to 10 FF/G. Hopefully that should be it now. Donated my too big bras to St Vinnies.

On 12/4/2019 at 9:51 PM, Arabesque said:

Mother: You’re too thin.

Me: I’ve been this weight before & it wasn’t an issue then.

Mother: You need to stop losing weight.

Me: I weigh more than you did when you were in your 20s & I’m 3inches shorter. And I’m in maintenance.

Mother: You don’t look like you any more.

Me: I look like me just not as fat.

Mother: I don’t know what to cook for you when you visit anymore.

Me: Cook the same meals you always did. I just don’t eat as much.

Mother: I don’t know who you look like anymore.

Me: I still look like me just not as fat.

And so it goes on.

My mother has been supportive through out the process but this last month these conversations have been on a loop. Am I being overly sensitive that they are bothering me so much or am I justified to be fed up.
Anyone else facing these sorts of comments from their loved ones?

Some people don’t realize how much these comments mess with our heads. You are adjusting to a smaller size/appearacnce. Most mean well, they are adjusting to our rapid change. Over time people will get used to your weight loss. Comments and compliments stop. life becomes normal.

I look at before and after photos. All of them look younger to me.