Help! In Terrible Need of Positive Vibes

[kc892020 42]

So I've really been struggling with staying positive lately. I know this may sound juvenile, but I feel like I'm losing my friends! It seems like in the beginning when I first decided to go through with this, the support and encouragement were overwhelming. But now that I'm so close to surgery, it appears people's attitudes have drastically shifted. I've pretty much lost all my fellow heavy friends, thinking I've somehow "abandoned" them just because my eating habits have changed and I'm going through this. My lighter friends are just weirded out by the whole process and can't believe I'm actually serious about going through this. Both groups have stated that WLS changes peoples personalities because they can't eat for pleasure anymore, they "become eternally cranky and mean," and my friends all claim I'm "too nice to go through this." These things are very hurtful to me, especially since I've known so many of my friends for years and years. Then I get scared and think...what if they're right? Will I become that person?

Anyways, I'm not feeling very happy lately. I need to stay positive, but dealing with all this has been hard as hell.

Edited November 6, 2019 by kc892020

[FluffyChix 16,913]

Remember your why. If your why isn't strong enough to you, then really look at motivation. If it is, then you must understand this is YOUR journey, no one else's. They don't have your education about the journey, nor do they share your motivation for health. You must do you, even at the cost of relationships.

I was very choosy about whom I shared my journey. I was choosy about how much I shared. There are whole groups of people who only know I've lost significant weight. Some only know me as thin Fluffy. Your life will change. You WILL change.

I'm happier now than I've been in years. Although I still struggle with BD and self-acceptance, I have more self esteem than I have had in my life. I can do so much more.

So far, my WHY, is intact and doing well. I've not lost it one jot.

[lvidacovich 360]

Kill em with kindness. Make sure they know their relationship with you isn't built around food.

[JRT Mom 557]

Man, I wish I had some good advice for you. I COULD say "well, what kind of friends are they if they don't support you in this" but that doesn't make it any less hurtful. But hopefully some of them are TRUE friends an will support you through thick and thin (😁) and your appearance or eating habits will not affect your friendship in any way.

Do you have bariatric support groups near you? That is a great place to meet lots of people who are going through what you are so they will understand the changes, and you may have some new best friends among them.

And I know we all can't go out for a (small) bite (byte?) over the computer, but don't forget you have friends here! Come visit often.😘

[Cherylmilla 149]

I went through an odd year, before I had my surgery on 10/28. I lost a lot of friends and when I started my journey, I realized that some of these people were very negative towards this idea. To my skinny, closest friend - me becoming thin was a threat to her. It was the one thing she could lord over me. I'm glad she doesn't know.

To the others, who were average weight or heavy - going out to eat and their constant drinking - I wouldn't be a part of it anymore.

In the end, I choose me and my health. I have a supportive husband and my son is on board (he was scared about the surgery, but I know he wants me to be healthy - even though he had one really negative comment recently). My coworkers have been amazing (most of them have; some have said some crappy things; some have had the surgery themselves). You have to do what's best for you. Nothing will change who you are, if you don't let it but yes, you'll change in some ways. Your confidence will grow and you will feel better about yourself. If someone equates that to you being "not nice" then that's their issues and, maybe, they're just not that nice.

All the best to you!!

[Melinaz 8]

Nothing can change who u are.. it attitude is based on what u receive from others.

I'm about to have my surgery too but I haven't told anyone excep from my family (only my mom and dad- not even my bro)

Because other's dont have the right to meddle, it is YOUR decision to make and no one have the right to judge you because they don't know our struggles in society... we know how good can a food tastes like, we know what they don't know.. but we also found out how to cherish our body and mind more.. our body before was screaming for help and now we're gonna help it. So don't let them scare you off . You're doing this for YOU! Not them.. cuz they dunno anything.. and if getting a healthy body and mind and losing some lbs changes you, I'm sure it's toward getting even more awesome! No worries my friend! Getting moody might happen in first few weeks but u must keep looking at it goal, good luck~♥♥♥

[apiane 158]

Look, I kept who I told to family and a couple close work friends (2 of whom have had the surgery). I've lost 54 lbs so far and I don't think many people have noticed. But if they do and say something I'll probably come out with it. If they're real friends they'll support you. I think your bigger friends may be jealous that you're taking control of your health and they aren't, and your smaller friends may feel threatened. From what I've observed in life, people like having their "fat" friend. But ultimately, you have to do this for you. Just trust yourself.

[kc892020 42]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my post. Your help and support means a lot to me!

I sincerely appreciate it @FluffyChix, @lvidacovich, @JRT Mom, @Cherylmilla, @Melinaz, and @apiane thank you! 🙂

[JRT Mom 557]

2 minutes ago, kc892020 said:

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my post. Your help and support means a lot to me!

I sincerely appreciate it @FluffyChix, @lvidacovich, @JRT Mom, @Cherylmilla, @Melinaz, and @apiane thank you! 🙂

Hopefully I get my RNY on Nov 20, and then I'll be contacting YOU for support!! 😁

[kc892020 42]

@JRT Mom I'm here if you need me! Good luck! I hope everything goes smoothly.

[Melinaz 8]

Aye hope it all goes well for all of us~♥

Imma stay in contact too.. mine is on December 1😁

Let's do this💪🎈

[Stella S 553]

As you change your relationships change. it is how anything and everything works I think after the disruption friendships even out. Yes some were unhealthy and are no longer and I have different friends some same friends i will say I am super happy after5 years. Not cranky Myth?

[kc892020 42]

On 11/8/2019 at 12:33 AM, Melinaz said:

Aye hope it all goes well for all of us~♥

Imma stay in contact too.. mine is on December 1😁

Let's do this💪🎈

We got this! :-)

[Dances with Carbs 166]

So I have been choosing things to do with my friends that dont revolve around food. Bowling, golf, movies, meeting for a coffee. Its been difficult but if I invite them to do things preemptively without involving food, it helps me not gather around the food table. As friends, we have to learn to bond over something else other than food. If you are as important to them as they are to you then they will eagerly meet you half way. I hope everything works out for you.

[Stella S 553]

Loving that you’re inviting friends to do a variety of activities. Trivia night, lectures, a coffee. Anything that changes the dialogue from food weight alcohol. One of my favorite things is to connect to look at all the holiday decorations as they go up! Previously I attended craft and art events, plays, festivals, outdoor concerts, kayaking and various 1 shot classes enjoy finding new events and letting the creative juices flow