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no one cared when i was fat



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So, most of you have read that I wasn't always heavy. I didn't gain weight until 10 years ago when I was 20. When I was a healthy weight, 140, my doctors would constantly tell me I was "bordering" on overweight and "at-risk". My family member who told me I was chubby since I was age 8 continued on berating me for my size. I was a completely healthy size my whole childhood and teenage years. Anyways, I developed body dysmorphia and truly believed I was gigantic. So, I gave up and ate. And ate. Until I actually was large. And then no one cared. That family member stopped making comments. Not a single doctor commented on my size. No doctor ever brought up any risks from obesity. It all stopped. It was like I had so much pressure when I was thin to stay thin, but then when I was fat I was a lost cause and no one cared anymore. But I look at my picture from the day before my surgery and it actually disgusts me. I am clearly uncomfortable. I am miserable in my skin. I do not look attractive or happy. But no one said a word. I find this to be really infuriating because when I was heavy I needed the encouragement the most and the discussions with the doctors... NOT when I was actually healthy and fit and "1 pound away from being considered overweight on the BMI". I sometimes feel really angry that all the people around me saw me looking how I did and didn't say a word of concern. When I expressed my discomfort of being heavy to my ex he just said "screw it. let's just get fat together, who cares". I wish people "cared" when I was actually gaining weight as much as they "cared" when I was fit. I probably wouldn't have had such severe emotional eating issues, although probably still some dysmorphia from the childhood comments from the family member. Everytime I do a before and after photo now I am just appalled because I am *almost* the weight now when everyone was telling me I was fat. But when I was ACTUALLY fat no one said a word. But suddenly now I look great? Um. 10 years ago you were calling me fat at this size.

TLDR; I look at my "fat" pic and feel so gross and angry that no one cared that I was fat that should have cared, except me. Screenshot_20190822-201926_Gallery.jpeg

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😢 I’m sorry for all you’ve gone through. For all the years I’ve spent overweight I wondered the same things about why no one voiced a caring opinion. Maybe they thought it was none of their business? I’ve been to my doctor and have left in tears when I was warned about health risks resulting from being overweight. I left and said some terrible things to myself and then ate to feel better thinking I was too far gone. That being said..I literally just woke up one day and decided that I needed to fix this for me. You know as well as I do that this journey isn’t easy and relying on others to assist sometimes doesn’t work the way we think it should. But you have the strength within you to overcome obstacles of your past and present to live your best life. Some days will be tougher than others..when that happens reach out. Loving the “old” us as a step to the “new” us is hard.

Best wishes.

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I know what you mean. I tell people all the time "the last time I weighed what I weigh now, I was considered fat because I was on the way up!" I had weighed 112 lbs so when I hit 124 I was fat! The other day when a friend whispered into my ear, "don't lose any more weight, you will be too thin," I asked her, "how come you didn't tell me not to gain any more weight?" Rude is rude, no matter which side of the scale you are on! Do your own thing and be happy with it! Don't worry about what anyone else says!

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Posted (edited)

Consider that perhaps:

+The people who really cared likely didn't want to kick you while you were down

+Those that were neutral/ambivalent just saw you for you (the best)

+Those who were highly critical likely used you as a mirror reflecting their own fears of imperfection (nothing to do with you at all)

+And some may have simply discussed your weight in passing/behind your back.

All past tense (you can never be 10 or 20 yrs old again) Your present & future truths are so much more important.

Good Luck with the struggle 💜

Edited by GreenTealael

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This sounds so very hard for you! I hope you are feeling a bit better now. Focus on you and your journey and your overall health and don't worry about what other say ( incredibly hard ) Be true to yourself, give yourself positive reinforcements about how great you are doing! Try some mindful meditation too.

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That's a tough one. I have plenty of people I love who are obese. They have been obese as far back as I remember. I love them for who they are. They are not their waist sizes; they are not ranked by importance on the weigh scale; they are not loved for what they put in their mouth. I love them for who they are and being fat is something they wear no different than the clothes they put on. I've been big my whole life. I had to change me for me and only me. If anybody would have tried to intervene and told me I needed to lose weight, I wouldn't have taken it well. It's a difficult subject to talk about with people. And most of us were taught we come in all shapes, colors, and sizes and to be accepting of those differences. Be cautious always looking back because it's hard to enjoy what's in front of you.

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Happened to me too and still happens but I learnt to not give a f**k and live my life.. scale is just a number, people always judge and comment stuff like it's their business to say something (but it's not!) "You're Too thin, you're too fat.. oh your weight is good but u got a belly.. try to loss that." They say these everyday.. they make unnecessary comments..

I understood this just a minute before my surgery.. bc I happened to understand how my life matters to "me". I only live once.. so why bother..

Baby go to the mirror and make peace with yourself again, dysmorphia is normal after gaining & losing weight and god has made surgeons if you're not happy with extra skin or anything.. No worries just try to start eating healthy again and get to love yourself again. [emoji173][emoji847]

Sent from my SM-G935F using BariatricPal mobile app

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