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Struggling with family



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I just had the worst conversation with my sister. I had called her to tell her I came from the endodontist who told me I have to have a root canal. I told her that as I was leaving he was like “good luck with your surgery, but you already look great.” And I was annoyed. So I was telling her I was annoyed and she said why? And I said “I guess I’m not comfortable with people commenting on my body” and she said “well you better get used to it and you’re going to lose weight so quickly that your mind won’t be able to keep up.” And I said “and also how does he know I’m having surgery to look good? What if I want to feel good?” And she said “I feel like most people have surgery to look good” and I said “well you can feel whatever you want but the science says otherwise. People have this surgery to resolve a ton of other medical problems. Skinny people who have uncontrolled diabetes have it in order to help their diabetes” and she’s like “well you’re having it to look good.” And she knows why I’m having it. It’s because my feet hurt, my knees hurt, I can’t be active anymore. I’m ashamed to leave the house sometimes. BTW my surgery is on Wednesday. I am single and wish she could be supportive but I just don’t think it’s in her. She is taking me to the hospital though. my mom passed away in March, and I really wish she was here right now.

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Sorry about the loss of your mom! ((hugs))

Doesn't matter why someone chooses to have this surgery. They are all equally important and nobody's motivation or fight is more important than another. They are all valid reasons. If someone is MO, do we care? Let em get the surgery and experience the benefits all around. I guarantee no one will miss understanding how much better they feel. The proof will be in the pudding. :) You can't miss it. IT hits you upside the head how much better you feel. :)

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Tell her insurance doesn't pay for anything just to make you feel good. They don't even pay for something you'd really LIKE. If it's not medically necessary, they don't pay - period. I don't know about you, personally, but most people on here had insurance pay for their surgeries.

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On 08/12/2019 at 14:30, Orchids&Dragons said:



Tell her insurance doesn't pay for anything just to make you feel good. They don't even pay for something you'd really LIKE. If it's not medically necessary, they don't pay - period. I don't know about you, personally, but most people on here had insurance pay for their surgeries.


This is a really amazing point. Thanks

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Posted (edited)

Well I perhaps think the doctor just wanted to wish you well and add encouragement in a socially accepted way (he couldn't very well say good luck but you already feel great) Maybe he should have just said good luck.

Your sister may be right however about the amount of people who will believe they can comment on your looks.

A lot of people have surgery to feel better. I can only speak from my perspective: Mine was medically necessary but along the way i noticed there was no denying that I looked better too. And enjoying that aspect did not invalidate my original reason.

Edited by GreenTealael

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Tell her insurance doesn't pay for anything just to make you feel good. They don't even pay for something you'd really LIKE. If it's not medically necessary, they don't pay - period. I don't know about you, personally, but most people on here had insurance pay for their surgeries.
And, many of have to fight for these procedures. It's not easy and very humbling! [emoji29]

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

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It's really not her business why you're choosing to have this surgery. Each person's motivation is different and none of them are wrong. Just hang in there and good luck with your surgery.

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1 hour ago, GreenTealael said:

A lot of people have surgery to feel better. I can only speak from my perspective: Mine was medically necessary but along the way i noticed there was no denying that I looked better too. And enjoying that aspect did not invalidate my original reason.

Completely agree! It's one hell of a side effect!

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I mentioned to 2 of my childhood friends that I was thinking about surgery and I go the you don’t need it. That was about 2 years ago. I have several health problems and when my sugar was up and was about to be diagnosed with diabetes I decided on surgery. I was diagnosed with diabetes after my a1c came back high again the 3rd time, right before surgery. I still only told my husband. I even got comments and dirty looks from nurses at some of the dr. Appointments I had to go to. I am 52 and married. I certainly am not doing this for looks. Yes that will be nice but not why I did this surgery. She will see as your health improves, you are able to do more, you feel better, look better, are more motivated and happier. I was taken off my blood pressure medicine one week after the sleeve surgery. I am hoping my sugar is controlled on my next bloodwork. I think sometimes people we love don’t want you to Chang for fear of losing you. Just hang in and she will see.

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I literally just got the hospital preop nurse that calls you to go over preop questions and give you information about what to expect on day of surgery say to me VERBATIM "then why are you having the surgery"!!!!!!!!! because my answers were "no" to a lot of her questions except being prediabetic [emoji15][emoji15][emoji849][emoji849][emoji849][emoji849][emoji849][emoji849]. It fell off her mouth before she could control it!! I was so taken aback and laughed at the hilarity of the Stupid question!!!
I'm generally not in the business of caring at ALL about what others think about my decision but it's crazyyyyyy how other people think they should have opinions about WLS!

I'd say to you Annie, don't worry about what others think, just look forward to how wonderful the next phase of your life would be, whether physically, emotionally, health wise, psychologically etc!!!

Good luck with your surgery! I'm right behind you on Friday [emoji119][emoji119][emoji119][emoji119][emoji106][emoji106][emoji106][emoji176][emoji176][emoji176]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

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54 minutes ago, Deedee12 said:

I literally just got the hospital preop nurse that calls you to go over preop questions and give you information about what to expect on day of surgery say to me VERBATIM "then why are you having the surgery"!!!!!!!!! because my answers were "no" to a lot of her questions except being prediabetic . It fell off her mouth before she could control it!! I was so taken aback and laughed at the hilarity of the Stupid question!!!
I'm generally not in the business of caring at ALL about what others think about my decision but it's crazyyyyyy how other people think they should have opinions about WLS!

I'd say to you Annie, don't worry about what others think, just look forward to how wonderful the next phase of your life would be, whether physically, emotionally, health wise, psychologically etc!!!

Good luck with your surgery! I'm right behind you on Friday

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

Yeah IDK why but people seem to think you need to DESERVE wls.

Like no nosey nurse Nancy. I just want to be sexy while jogging, that ok with you? 😂

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On 08/12/2019 at 19:19, GreenTealael said:





Yeah IDK why but people seem to think you need to DESERVE wls.




Like no nosey nurse Nancy. I just want to be sexy while jogging, that ok with you? 😂


This made me LOL. 😂😂🤣

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Yeah IDK why but people seem to think you need to DESERVE wls.

Like no nosey nurse Nancy. I just want to be sexy while jogging, that ok with you? [emoji23]

Okay???!!!![emoji1][emoji1][emoji1][emoji1]

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

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I had comments about why I needed surgery or it didn’t look like I needed it. I think it was the pre op endoscopy and they said this and I said well I’m only 5’ I am over 200lb a BMI of 40, with metabolic disorders and can’t exercise due to disability ... it took that for them to get it.

Im very uncomfortable when anyone makes the comment of oh but you look good. I didn’t do it for looks. And not for anyone else. I’m in a different position though from most, my chronic illnesses won’t go away. But my body can’t carry the burden of excess weight.

For me- I feel like people saying, but you look good, is like saying well who cares if you’re sick, you look good.

I don’t like that being the first thing people say. How you look. But I hate the how are you question just as much. Sometimes I just say. I’m breathing. Or something like that since they don’t want to really know.

my sister doesn’t know I had surgery. She thinks my lifelong chronic illness isn’t even real. She has always hated me. I haven’t seen her or talked to her in years.

I get that you just want your sister to understand the reasons why you are having surgery, and understand them too. It’s more than just superficial things but how you feel in your body.

I have a hard time since I’ve got no support. My mom can’t understand, we ate nearly the same food and I gained weight while she stays around 100lb or less.

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Ppl need to realize you can be 100lbs and still be unhealthy! But yes I agree we are mostly looking to have a better life. Stop the harm we are doing to our organs and our heart!

Sure if We're able to look and feel better that's just a bonus but there are people that make the choice to have surgery even if it means living with loose skin..

Not every one is vane

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