So, I saw my very best friend last Saturday after not having seen her in a few weeks. While we were talking about my weight loss, and I mentioned I was in a bit of a stall, she very firmly told me not to lose too much weight, and that I shouldn't get smaller than a clothes size medium!

Background on her. She used to be obese and lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. She is still an "apple " shape with a bigger tummy, but basically looks good.

I'm still obese at 5'3" and 174 pounds, but will soon be just overweight. I have not been overweight my whole life, but she has only seen me obese. Most of my adult life I weighed 125 or lower, which looked good, and was healthy. I did wear small sizes.

Do you think she is somehow feeling unsettled by my weight loss? Does she want to keep me the heavier one?

I love her dearly but am wondering what is going on!

Yeah hon. Competition and jealousy do strange things to peeps. She's also looking at your through her obese filter of you. So any loss looks "small" to her on you. Go for where you WANT to be in your heart of hearts. I think 125 is a great place for you.

I don't know if it's a jealously thing but I think people meet you at a certain size, hair a certain color or length, married or single etc and if then don't see you for a long time or you had a sudden change it seems "wrong". I have felt that way seeing a once married friend and the next time I saw her she was dating a new person, lost weight, had a hair cut. It was a shock to her as someone different than I was used to.

People get used to seeing you at a certain weight and look and are often frazzled when you change.

When I visited a friend I hadn't seen in awhile she gasped and asked what happened, then went on to exclaim "I want the old (rs) back!" Her comment totally caught me off guard. I spent the evening proving to her that I was the same person as before. Things are fine between us. I hadn't told her beforehand that I'd lost weight so her reaction was understandably from pure shock.

As we change our friendships and relationships change. It is a great time for growth but change is scary. Be positive be yourself be real - your friendship will adjust and possibly get even better

Yeah hon. Competition and jealousy do strange things to peeps. She's also looking at your through her obese filter of you. So any loss looks "small" to her on you. Go for where you WANT to be in your heart of hearts. I think 125 is a great place for you.

Thanks, FluffyChix! I do appreciate your affirmation! I saw a comment in another post that said something like..."I appreciate your concern, but my doctor says I'm healthy. " i will be using that line!! 125 here I come!!

I don't know if it's a jealously thing but I think people meet you at a certain size, hair a certain color or length, married or single etc and if then don't see you for a long time or you had a sudden change it seems "wrong". I have felt that way seeing a once married friend and the next time I saw her she was dating a new person, lost weight, had a hair cut. It was a shock to her as someone different than I was used to.

Thank you! It's goid to have the perspective of seeing it through her eyes.

As we change our friendships and relationships change. It is a great time for growth but change is scary. Be positive be yourself be real - your friendship will adjust and possibly get even better

Thanks! I like your positive advice. I'm never gonna mention to her that I think she's acting a little off, so, great advice to just be myself. I probably won't tell her how much I lose, or what I weigh, though[emoji4]

Thanks, all!! I do appreciate all your advice.

On 08/01/2019 at 12:33, Briswife15 said:

So, I saw my very best friend last Saturday after not having seen her in a few weeks. While we were talking about my weight loss, and I mentioned I was in a bit of a stall, she very firmly told me not to lose too much weight, and that I shouldn't get smaller than a clothes size medium!

Background on her. She used to be obese and lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. She is still an "apple " shape with a bigger tummy, but basically looks good.

I'm still obese at 5'3" and 174 pounds, but will soon be just overweight. I have not been overweight my whole life, but she has only seen me obese. Most of my adult life I weighed 125 or lower, which looked good, and was healthy. I did wear small sizes.

Do you think she is somehow feeling unsettled by my weight loss? Does she want to keep me the heavier one?

I love her dearly but am wondering what is going on!

I’m going through a different twist on this. My bff & I are both obese. When we started our friendship over 25 years ago we were both a little overweight but we’d walk together every morning, went for massages together & of course out to eat often. We didn’t see each other for 2 years during my divorce. When we reconnected she had put on 100 lbs. she’s been obese for many years & for whatever reason never does anything about it. I’ve been in WW for years. I’ve lost a lot of weight back & forth. I’ve never been happy or content being over weight & im always working on doing better. I’m the one who’s changing & moving away from her. It hurts. I love her soo much but I’m feeling like I want some space from her constantly talking about all her physical ailments for years now. It’s overwhelming. I feel as though I’m always working toward becoming the best I can be. She doesn’t really have an interest in that. For myself, personally, I want to be healthy in mind, body & soul. I don’t want to talk about her sicknesses all the time & her drs appointments. Again.... I feel terrible that I feel this way but I’m struggling every day to be positive & proactive with my health etc. We love each other & will always be there for each other . Im just feeling a need to be around people that are like minded. It’s soo difficult when we change & grow because it does affect our relationships. Makes me sad

It's interesting how are weight loss affects others. Some of my friends are very happy for me. They know how I've struggled for years. Unfortunately, other family members and friends have not been very supportive.

Last weeks comment was, "eat something, are you sick?" As one of my relatives put a big bowl of macaroni and cheese in front of me. When I turned it down she got offended. She told me you used to eat it. Then told me I sure have changed. Really!?

It truly is a strange world. I had breakfast with my mom today and she told me my boobs had gotten too small and I should do something to lift them up! Really?????? Hers sink to her waist! I told her I was 63 years old and I could wear my boobs anywhere I wanted. (With a smile, of course.) (My boobs are just fine with a new, well fitting bra. I really don't know what she is talking about!) I also told her it was getting tiresome to be asked about my weight loss all the time. and that how strange it is that no one talked about my weight when I was heavy, but now my personal weight loss seems to be everyone else's business! ( I am also getting the comments and advice to not keep losing and "you are too skinny.")

What a strange, nervy world!

Yeah you will get people who change their attitude. Maybe even find new friends because they continue to live unhealthy and can't stand your new approach to life and you may offer your thoughts on their diet lol

People do not like to be told or shown how unhealthy they really are and despite saying they are happy for you may end up resenting you...

On 08/02/2019 at 13:05, Mikeyy said:

Yeah you will get people who change their attitude. Maybe even find new friends because they continue to live unhealthy and can't stand your new approach to life and you may offer your thoughts on their diet lol

People do not like to be told or shown how unhealthy they really are and despite saying they are happy for you may end up resenting you...

Very true. We are going through a life changing/life altering process. It’s bound to have a ripple effect in different areas of our lives

On 8/1/2019 at 4:02 PM, Chiptress said:

On 8/1/2019 at 11:33 AM, Briswife15 said:

.... I feel terrible that I feel this way but I’m struggling every day to be positive & proactive with my health etc. We love each other & will always be there for each other . Im just feeling a need to be around people that are like minded. It’s soo difficult when we change & grow because it does affect our relationships. Makes me sad

I can really relate to this. One of my very best friends discourages me from losing weight. She has so, so many very serious health issues that are related to smoking, diabetes , high blood pressure, peripheral arterial disease etc. All of her friends have come to help her when she is hospitalized. She is one reason I am so driven to get my weight down to a normal, healthy BMI. She almost lost her feet last year. Still, she started smoking again, does not follow a diabetic diet, just does not take care of herself. She is beautiful, inside and out. Very caring and kind. I just have to distance myself a bit, because I need to spend more time developing relationships with friends who are on the same, healthy, journey. I will always be her friend, but I can not derail my plan in order to help her with her chronic illness. Not when she refuses to change. I can't watch her self destruct.